Reasons my family is driving me crazy 6/20

penelope4612 · June 2016

Lets hear it

Mamax2 · June 2016

My in-laws are Atkins plan lovers and have had success following the plan. I had planned to get all the stuff and start it right before I found out I was pregnant. I asked my OB if Atkins was ok for me to do while pregnant, and he said no. However, he did give me other options to try. I decided to go with the weight watcjers plan, which was approved by him. Now, my in-laws can't understand why I chose weight watchers, and are constantly pushing me to start Atkins. I have told them repeatedly that my OB didn't approve it, but they tell me to just go againest what he said. Um, no thanks. I think I'll listen to my doc and follow his advice. They have gone so far with this to call and start harassing my mom about getting me to switch, and told my mom that if she wants to get healthy, she needs to do it as well. They are constantly sending me meal plans for Atkins diet, and telling me what I need to eat and what I can't eat. I just want to scream "take your Atkins, and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

revelatory7 · June 2016

sometimes it feels like my in-laws think i'm the vessel for their grandchildren. also: tired of dealing with microaggressions.

slartybartfast · June 2016

The short version - my brother is a drug addict and has been a total deceitful scumbag to us all of his adult life. My parents feel completely responsible for his outcome because they were, well, super shitty parents and severe alcoholics all our childhood. The feel like they need to reparent him and that my DH, son, and I should all be involved. Too little too late guys. He's 26. Showering him with love as he's using in the garage and then coming at us with scary violent threats isn't getting anyone anywhere. So DH and I have communicated we're out. We're done here. My parents are now accusing us of being the ones causing damage to our family. Causing damage to three adult children (I have an older sister who is functioning as an adult while being propped up by my parents in a number of places) who have never really been close and have gathered only for depressing family holidays devoid of any warmth or joy where everyone (but me and DH) reverts to childhood behaviors and sometimes I end up on the phone with the crisis center.

Well we've had email frenzy over fathers day because my parents, again, are attacking us for not bbqing at their house with my brother. It's just exhausting. I think they have the potential to be really wonderful grandparents if they can just drop their parent identities and move on from the mess they've created and are sustaining. In any case, I don't see us doing holidays with them this year. So I can actually look forward to the holidays for a change!!!

...yea short version alright.

juliehollz13 · June 2016

Mamax2 said:

My in-laws are Atkins plan lovers and have had success following the plan. I had planned to get all the stuff and start it right before I found out I was pregnant. I asked my OB if Atkins was ok for me to do while pregnant, and he said no. However, he did give me other options to try. I decided to go with the weight watcjers plan, which was approved by him. Now, my in-laws can't understand why I chose weight watchers, and are constantly pushing me to start Atkins. I have told them repeatedly that my OB didn't approve it, but they tell me to just go againest what he said. Um, no thanks. I think I'll listen to my doc and follow his advice. They have gone so far with this to call and start harassing my mom about getting me to switch, and told my mom that if she wants to get healthy, she needs to do it as well. They are constantly sending me meal plans for Atkins diet, and telling me what I need to eat and what I can't eat. I just want to scream "take your Atkins, and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

@Mamax2 - your OB is completely right. Atkins is not a good diet for pregnant women because it is too limiting of carbohydrates. I'm following the Trim Healthy Mama plan, which does encourage eating more sweet potatoes, beans and apples instead of always turning to rice, pasta and bananas for a carb source. They consider themselves "low glycemic" but are not excluding of any food group, and the plan encourages lots of healthy fat and carb consumption. If you're interested, there's a FB group where people post encouragement, questions and recipes called "Trim Healthy Mama Pregnant and Nursing Group". There is no calorie counting and the focus is on whole foods.

kbduke · June 2016

We moved to a new house recently (about 4 months ago) and my MIL keeps bringing us boxes of stuff. It's all trash. Like happy meal toys, cups that were meant to be single use and then thrown away, outdated magazines, etc. It's crazy annoying to just get boxes and boxes of crap and yet she brings over more every time we see her.

She just tried to give us an old chair that DH's son used. It is for a 4-5 year old, SS is 8. She doesn't understand why we don't want it (also, it's broken).

slartybartfast · June 2016

kbduke said:

We moved to a new house recently (about 4 months ago) and my MIL keeps bringing us boxes of stuff. It's all trash. Like happy meal toys, cups that were meant to be single use and then thrown away, outdated magazines, etc. It's crazy annoying to just get boxes and boxes of crap and yet she brings over more every time we see her.

She just tried to give us an old chair that DH's son used. It is for a 4-5 year old, SS is 8. She doesn't understand why we don't want it (also, it's broken).

My MIL and mom are always dumping crap on us too. My mom it's "special" stuff she found while doing her only hobby - shopping. It just reminds me of the lady at the end of the labyrinth that keeps loading Sarah up with all the junk on her back.

tinattt23 · June 2016

FI called FIL yesterday for Father's Day. They let us know they'll be visiting us the week for 4th of July. They're great people and I have no issues with them coming, but I would have liked a little more than a week and half a notice. And we even only got that when we called them. Lord knows when they would have told us. So now I have to put together the guest room/bathroom that is already started packing up for our move in August. And see if I can get time off work last minute. And figure out what we're going to do to entertain them for a week. And MIL's birthday will be while they are here so I need to plan that too.

Mamax2 · June 2016

juliehollz13 said:

Mamax2 said:

My in-laws are Atkins plan lovers and have had success following the plan. I had planned to get all the stuff and start it right before I found out I was pregnant. I asked my OB if Atkins was ok for me to do while pregnant, and he said no. However, he did give me other options to try. I decided to go with the weight watcjers plan, which was approved by him. Now, my in-laws can't understand why I chose weight watchers, and are constantly pushing me to start Atkins. I have told them repeatedly that my OB didn't approve it, but they tell me to just go againest what he said. Um, no thanks. I think I'll listen to my doc and follow his advice. They have gone so far with this to call and start harassing my mom about getting me to switch, and told my mom that if she wants to get healthy, she needs to do it as well. They are constantly sending me meal plans for Atkins diet, and telling me what I need to eat and what I can't eat. I just want to scream "take your Atkins, and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

@Mamax2 - your OB is completely right. Atkins is not a good diet for pregnant women because it is too limiting of carbohydrates. I'm following the Trim Healthy Mama plan, which does encourage eating more sweet potatoes, beans and apples instead of always turning to rice, pasta and bananas for a carb source. They consider themselves "low glycemic" but are not excluding of any food group, and the plan encourages lots of healthy fat and carb consumption. If you're interested, there's a FB group where people post encouragement, questions and recipes called "Trim Healthy Mama Pregnant and Nursing Group". There is no calorie counting and the focus is on whole foods.

Oh, thanks! I'll definitely pull up the group.

cjt121413 · June 2016

slartybartfast said:

The short version - my brother is a drug addict and has been a total deceitful scumbag to us all of his adult life. My parents feel completely responsible for his outcome because they were, well, super shitty parents and severe alcoholics all our childhood. The feel like they need to reparent him and that my DH, son, and I should all be involved. Too little too late guys. He's 26. Showering him with love as he's using in the garage and then coming at us with scary violent threats isn't getting anyone anywhere. So DH and I have communicated we're out. We're done here. My parents are now accusing us of being the ones causing damage to our family. Causing damage to three adult children (I have an older sister who is functioning as an adult while being propped up by my parents in a number of places) who have never really been close and have gathered only for depressing family holidays devoid of any warmth or joy where everyone (but me and DH) reverts to childhood behaviors and sometimes I end up on the phone with the crisis center.

Well we've had email frenzy over fathers day because my parents, again, are attacking us for not bbqing at their house with my brother. It's just exhausting. I think they have the potential to be really wonderful grandparents if they can just drop their parent identities and move on from the mess they've created and are sustaining. In any case, I don't see us doing holidays with them this year. So I can actually look forward to the holidays for a change!!!

...yea short version alright.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can relate. My older brother is an ex-drug addict (turned functioning alcoholic) and my little brother has a severe mental illness and is an alcoholic. My parents sound a lot like yours, although they are better now about enabling than they used to be. Chaos abounds from time to time. It's difficult to draw boundaries but it sounds like you and your H are making good decisions to bring peace to your own family.

There are some great books on dealing with alcoholism and drug addiction in the family that helped me in the past.

HairBossMama · June 2016

Mamax2 said:

juliehollz13 said:

Mamax2 said:

My in-laws are Atkins plan lovers and have had success following the plan. I had planned to get all the stuff and start it right before I found out I was pregnant. I asked my OB if Atkins was ok for me to do while pregnant, and he said no. However, he did give me other options to try. I decided to go with the weight watcjers plan, which was approved by him. Now, my in-laws can't understand why I chose weight watchers, and are constantly pushing me to start Atkins. I have told them repeatedly that my OB didn't approve it, but they tell me to just go againest what he said. Um, no thanks. I think I'll listen to my doc and follow his advice. They have gone so far with this to call and start harassing my mom about getting me to switch, and told my mom that if she wants to get healthy, she needs to do it as well. They are constantly sending me meal plans for Atkins diet, and telling me what I need to eat and what I can't eat. I just want to scream "take your Atkins, and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

@Mamax2 - your OB is completely right. Atkins is not a good diet for pregnant women because it is too limiting of carbohydrates. I'm following the Trim Healthy Mama plan, which does encourage eating more sweet potatoes, beans and apples instead of always turning to rice, pasta and bananas for a carb source. They consider themselves "low glycemic" but are not excluding of any food group, and the plan encourages lots of healthy fat and carb consumption. If you're interested, there's a FB group where people post encouragement, questions and recipes called "Trim Healthy Mama Pregnant and Nursing Group". There is no calorie counting and the focus is on whole foods.

Oh, thanks! I'll definitely pull up the group.

I really like the trim healthy mama plan. I'm really enjoying crossover meals because I'm preggo:) I like how they focus on whole foods but you dont have to always do that depending on your budget. It's really good to follow too if someone develops gestational diabetes.

ETA: not trying to push a diet on you, like the Atkins fanatics lol but I do really like this one❤️

slartybartfast · June 2016

cjt121413 - I'm always open to book recs! I've also been engaged with nar-anon to varying degrees for years now. It helped me lift myself out of all of this and gives me so much strength and ability to handle situations like these without letting them set me back.

aevan011 · June 2016

@slartybartfast Sorry that's how the weekend went, but good for you for putting your foot down about continuing the routine. Sounds like we had similar experiences recently.

My continuing saga of narcissistic mother being emotionally abusive all my life and flaring up again just prior to my visit....my little sister graduated high school last friday and I went to VA for it. Well a few days before, mom cursed me out again, called me names, but this time on speakerphone so DH heard it.

She promptly hung up on me after screaming unintelligibly for a half hour, threatened suicide, then physically assaulted both of my siblings (18 & 28)....when the police arrived she denied anything ever happened. My siblings both left the home and scrambled to find living arrangements, and a number of ridiculous things happened during my visit....basically a repeat of everything she did to me years ago.

But I did not give in to her pity party after all (my siblings are choosing to still associate with her). I did not see her once during my visit, she has no idea I'm pregnant (I told everyone else), and is coming up with new lies and accusations daily.

Needless to say, I've washed my hands of her. It was the most exhausting visit....I can't have this happening around my child later.

slartybartfast · June 2016

aevan011 - well that sounds completely horrible. But good on you for not giving in. I am grappling with the concept that family dynamics can be just plain unhealthy. The guilt of hurting a family member by pulling away is not necessarily a good reason to stay tied. There are circumstances where cutting loose is absolutely the right thing. I'm currently struggling with knowing if that's going to be our situation or not...

dmontgo · June 2016

@slartybartfast Holidays, no matter how small, always set off our narc parents. Yesterday my dad was sending me messages about how sick he is of my brother, that he's lazy and a loser, going nowhere in life, etc. He said he jusr grounded him, too. He just "doesn't understand" Why my brother shuts down and does poorly in school (he'll be 19 next month). But it's like...helloo...maybe if you treated him like an adult and didn't talk down to him all the time, maybe he would want to take what you say seriously. My dad keeps my brother financially dependent on him, and so he can't escape. Just one of the many ways he manipulates. I have told him that he needs to change the way he talks to my brother and me, and he always brushes it off that we're "too sensitive." No...you're an asshole.

I'm sorry you're dealing with such a difficult family dynamic.

em01092 · June 2016

My dad has been out of work for 3 years and my grandma (age 85, retired) has been giving him $1000-$5000 a month ever since. My grandma is well off because my grandpa sold his business in 2001, had a bunch of money saved up to retire (they were going to travel), and then died in a car wreck in 2003. My grandma also got a lot of money from the wrongful death settlement because it was a commercial insurance policy. So needless to say my dad treats her like an ATM. My stepmom works but she doesn't make much and is part time. They have two kids (my half siblings) and live with my stepmom's parents, so they don't pay rent or mortgage, but they do pay some utilities.

My grandma lost it the other day when we were on the phone, saying how she can't take it anymore, because apparently my brother who is 15 said something about my dad's "job", which was a failed business endeavor with an old friend that went belly up about 7 months ago, but yet he is getting up and "going to work" every day. Even my stepmom believes he is employed. My grandma couldn't believe how deceitful he is being to his own family. I guess he is ashamed. She also fears he was using some of that money she gave him to invest in this business venture.

I want to throat punch my dad right now. My dad has no idea that she tells me all about what she does for him, and I've known for a while, but this facade he's putting on pushes it up a notch for me. He is stressing my grandma out so much and he doesn't seem to have any incentive to try and find his own way. I told her she should cut him off, but she says "Well, what about the kids? Your brother and sister (she's 8) would suffer." I suggested she quit giving him a check and have him actually bring her the bills that need paid, besides maybe a small amount for gas and groceries.

What do y'all think I should do? Stay silent as my grandma wishes or confront my dad? I'm afraid he will not take it well if I do, and my biggest fear is him not letting me see my siblings.

aevan011 · June 2016

@slartybartfast It's a really tough decision to make. I've been out of mom's house 15 years and kept the relationship based on lies to appease her for my siblings' sake. I finally had enough.
Now I'm struggling with the thought that my siblings will have to choose now as well - and may not go the same route that I did....which will create much more complicated family dynamics but I have to accept it - I just know I did what was right for me.

@dmontgo EVERY holiday/big event!!!!! WHYYYYY!?

cjt121413 · June 2016

slartybartfast said:

cjt121413 - I'm always open to book recs! I've also been engaged with nar-anon to varying degrees for years now. It helped me lift myself out of all of this and gives me so much strength and ability to handle situations like these without letting them set me back.

If you've been involved in nar-anon, you're probably read the books I'd recommend. The ones that have helped me were Al-Anon.

Sounds like you're on the right track. So hard though.

slartybartfast · June 2016

dmontgo - do we have the same dad?! Mine does that too. I broke free of financial help from him as soon as I could. Even though I was completely broke and working three jobs, life got so much less stressful!

em01092 - that is SUCH a messed up situation for you to have to be in! I don't know what you should do but I can tell you if it were me I would not be able to keep from confronting my dad on it. Spelling out for him what I know and how it makes me feel. In the end, it's your grandma who needs to decide how she will handle it and move forward and your dad that needs to be a respectable person... you can't force either... but you shouldn't feel like you have to play dumb either or keep things a secret for him. If he's going to choose to use his mom like that, he should feel comfortable with that decision and everyone knowing it!

emisi · June 2016

@em01092 Honestly, I wouldn't confront your dad. Your grandma is a grown woman, and SHE needs to be the one to decide to cut your dad off. Instead, I'd start encouraging her to encourage HIM to start acting like an adult. First, I like the suggestion that she pay his bills - that way she knows where the money's going, and he can't waste it. That might also be humiliating enough that he goes out and finds a job. She's enabling him to be lazy - who knows what he's doing when he's gone all day pretending to work!

dmontgo · June 2016

@slartybartfast Unfortunately I had to get married to get out from under the financial bondage of my parents. I didn't get married for money, but you get what I'm saying. I feel at a loss of what to do about my brother. He is flunking college, and I know it's because he's miserable at home. Because he has knee injuries, he can't join the military, which was his dream. I feel so bad, but I also don't want to get involved and sucked back in. I'm not sure how I could even help him. It's a hard situation.

jennbaylor12 · June 2016

I'm so sorry for those of you dealing with all the drama!! A book recommendation that is Wonderful for some of these situations, certainly not saying it's for everyone, is Stop Walking on Eggshells. Just throwing it out there, may be helpful

beff12 · June 2016

This seems totally petty after reading everyone's real problems. I'm sorry for everyone with such bad family problems

That said, we ate lunch with my ILs for Father's Day yesterday. Because of this, we couldn't eat a meal with my family - it's a 1.5 hour drive to where our parents live (they're about 7 or 8 minutes away from each other) and DD can't quite hang long enough for two big, long family meals. I came to grips with that and was fine because we still had a nice visit with my family. However, DH's family ALLLLLLL chew with their mouths open. I didn't even realize there was more than one way to be totally disgusting while you eat, but hey! There is! They all have their own revolting style of chewing with their mouth open (can you tell it makes the baby mad? Because it does). Wellllll imagine my surprise when DD has been chomping away on her food with her mouth open, showing us her food, being generally gross since then. She is in a total copycat phase these days. I don't understand how three grown people can have such a lack of manners.

karmba · June 2016

DH and I are going to a friend's wedding this weekend so we'll be out of town. I leave from there to travel for work for a week. Then 4th of July weekend we're meeting my parents and siblings at my brother's house for a long weekend. My ILs are visiting the following weekend because they told DH it's the only weekend in the ENTIRE summer that they can visit. I was pissed, after being gone for 12 straight days, I'm really going to need a weekend of nothingness. They are both retired with 10 hour/week part time jobs - so I'm not buying that they're super busy. Also the following weekend I'm back on the road for work. Also my anatomy scan is the day before they show up and if something is wrong (God forbid) I do not want them around. They're nice people but I'm struggling with the lack of being alone in my house.

BTW I completely realize I'm being a brat since we're seeing my family the weekend before.

dmontgo · June 2016

@em01092 I didn't reply right away because I wanted to think about your situation. It's an awful situation, especially when you are an observer to someone taking advantage of someone else. I know it's very hard for me to watch someone go through that without saying anything.

For us in these kind of family dynamics, though, we have to be careful of being "flying monkeys." It's when a family member sends another family member that may not be involved in the issue to "change" or scold the offending member. For example, when my dad has a problem with my brother, he will ask me to "talk some sense" into my brother. Similarly, my SIL was a flying monkey for my MIL to harass DH when he wasn't acting the way she wanted him to.

While I absolutely commiserate with your grandma, she is a grown woman, the mother of your father. She needs to confront him openly and honestly instead of crying to you. By crying to you, it creates a sense of obligation that you have to "fix" the issue. It's not your battle. Even if you confronted your dad, he would likely twist the situation to make it look like he's the victim. I would recommend to her that she either speak to your father like an adult, or stop talking to you about it. It's not fair to put you in the middle. Just my two cents...I was a flying monkey for a long time and it just creates more stress for you while the others don't really have repercussions.

Good luck!

SmashJam · June 2016

Omg my entire rant just got eaten. Basically my fam is visiting and has no sense of schedule and is always late and it makes DS miss naps so he's a total mess.
@slartybartfast and @cjt121413 my bro is an addict and your posts got me wondering about being involved in nar anon and what some of these books are?

jessc0616 · June 2016

My FIL has been dating his girlfriend for 2 months. We all went to a wedding Saturday and he and his gf started saying things like when we get married we will do this, or at our wedding we need to play this song. I know it's juvenile but I just kept thinking ok, you two barely know each other there is no way you should get married. They have a hard time figuring out who's house to stay at each night- something that is a huge deal when you get married is deciding where to live!

Also, to keep with his rant about FIL- my husband and I and my FIL are neighbors on our farm ground. The plan has always been we would switch houses because FIL has a bigger house and it's just him. We have a smaller house and now baby 2 is on the way. FIL keeps talking about switching houses and then all of a sudden he meets this woman and now he's staying put. I know this makes me sound very petty, but the plan has always been to switch because when he retires, my husband takes over the farm and therefore needs to be at the farmhouse(FIL words not mine). The only reason we need the bigger house is because all my family but my sister are out of state. The bigger house allows us space for guests that visit long stints multiple times a year.
thanks for listening, I can never bring these up to dg since he gets defensive and I can't blame him.

slartybartfast · June 2016

@smashjam - https://www.nar-anon.org/ - that website has a thing you can look up nar-anon's in your area... hopefully there is one. I'll say it's something that took me some time to appreciate. I didn't say a word for like my first 5 meetings. And then I opened up. And then I fully found support in working through everything that had bottled up inside me. I'd go to al-anon for my parents but I think nar-anon does me double duty.

I'll let others recommend books - I actually haven't read that many.

phoenix870509 · June 2016

While they're tenting our house next week, DH and I will be staying with my parents. The last time DH stayed with them was before we got married and they re-did his apartment, and they basically tried to tell us what we should and shouldn't do. We made plans to go to the movies, they were like "Are you sure you should be spending the money?" This was a few years before we got married and I was still living at home, but seriously telling us how we should spend our money that we earned working hard? I really hope they don't pull something like that again while we're there.

cjt121413 · June 2016

@SmashJam here are a few books I've found helpful. The first two are Al-Anon, not Nar-Anon, but I think the principals are generally the same. The others are classic books about codependency, which I've struggled with having dealt with addicts and alcoholics my whole life.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/av/rxrpqrbvi8wr.jpg

SmashJam · June 2016

@cjt121413 thanks for the books and @slartybartfast I will totally check the website for something in my area!

dmontgo · June 2016

Well, on top of an already shitty day, my MIL informed us that she WILL be involved in my pregnancy, and she WILL be staying with us for minimum a week as soon as baby gets here. She told DH to start sending every picture we've taken of me thus far, and that she expects weekly updates.

DH told her no on both counts, and that we want to be alone to bond with baby for a little while before we start playing pass the baby. She did not like that and started sending messages like

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO DENY ME MY RIGHT TO MY GRANDBABY!! I WILL BE THERE!!"

And blah blah blah.

DH was none too pleased, and he told her that she has NO RIGHT to OUR child, that we do not want her there, and when we are ready to share baby we will. That our marriage is private and there is no information that she has a right to--others are giving us space, what's your excuse?

Shut her ass up right quick. Get out of here with that faux compassion, you narc.

princesslockness · June 2016

@dmontgo Look up and see if your state does actually have grandparent rights. Idaho doesn't, so anytime we have a serious issue with MIL we know we can cut that cord and not have to worry about any retaliation.
Just becareful as states that do have GP rights, you can be taken to court if Gma believes she has a case, and you can have court mandated visitation to said gma.

kbduke · June 2016

@dmontgo I am so sorry you're having to deal with that. I can't even begin to comprehend how she thought that would go over well.

dmontgo · June 2016

@Kate08Young Our state does not have GP rights, and if she did try to make it legal, there is not only the fact that she has been slapped with a restraining order and forcibly removed from a residence, but she also has a long history of mental disorders, suicide attempts, and drug addiction. Not to mention her history of abuse towards others. So I would loooove to see her try.

And it's not like she would never see baby; we just don't want people smothering us immediately. But, I dont want baby to spend a lot of time with her because she's a toxic person. To her, people are only there so she gets what she wants...Baby would be no different.

slartybartfast · June 2016

Kate08Young said:

@dmontgo Look up and see if your state does actually have grandparent rights. Idaho doesn't, so anytime we have a serious issue with MIL we know we can cut that cord and not have to worry about any retaliation.
Just becareful as states that do have GP rights, you can be taken to court if Gma believes she has a case, and you can have court mandated visitation to said gma.

So I find this very interesting and decided to look up what the case is for my state... which is very limited and doesn't apply to our household. And then I saw Idaho's and actually Idaho does have grandparents rights and they are stated very broadly making them subject to court decision:

IDAHO
A court may award visitation rights if visitation is in the child's best interest. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of grandparents.

dmontgo · June 2016

@kbduke Thank you. Even before I got pregnant, she would threaten to show up unannounced (she's in a different state) even though DH would tell her no. If she was a kind, normal person, I would have absolutely no issue having her around. But she insults me and DH, and everyone around her. She is just not a nice person, and that's being very kind in my description.

princesslockness · June 2016

@slartybartfast FML. I have to go read read everything now.

edit: I found the actual rule on the state's page. It says 'First, grandparents could not sue for visitation if there was an intact marital relationship between the parents (an intact family). Also, the bill required that grandparents meet the harm standard -- show that the grandchild would suffer harm if visitation were denied. "
So I have nothing to worry about anything.

slartybartfast · June 2016

Kate08Young said:

@slartybartfast FML. I have to go read read everything now.

Sorry :-/

ashleaf2018 · June 2016

My state does have GP laws, lucky for us that both sets of our parents are super easy-going and I wouldn't have wanted to keep them away from the baby. We also want some time to ourselves after delivery to just be a family and bond with the baby, and I don't want that to offend anyone but we will out our foot down about it if necessary. Especially since I'll be having a C-section. If I had it my way I wouldn't have any hospital visitors, hospitals just make me uncomfortable. I would so much rather have visitors once we are home and settled in.

BenNSarah · June 2016

My MIL is upset that we have decided not to reveal the gender of the baby before it is born, so she suggested that we wait until after the baby is here to have the baby shower. So the baby can be here and everyone can see it and hold it and buy "appropriate" gifts. No I am not taking my baby to a room full of people with colds and illnesses in the middle of the freezing snow filled winter to play pass the baby, or waiting till a month after the baby is born to figure out what we still need for the baby or trying to figure out how to make that all work while I am exhausted and trying to figure out sleeping and breast feeding etc. Plus part of the reason I want to wait to reveal the gender is that I don't want a bunch of pink or blue everything, especially if we plan to have more children in the future.

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