Things I Said While in Labor

Goocran17 · May 2016

Now that June moms are starting to have babies, how about a thread where we share the funny/sarcastic/mean things we said to our SO/Nurses/Doctors while in labor. I know I belted out a few off the wall things during DD1's birth that I would have never said in real life, and I wish I remembered what they were!

SMLmom · May 2016

Ha- good idea. During my daughter's birth, my sweet hubby was trying to calm me down through motivational and encouraging words and I just looked him in the eye mid-contraction and told him to shut up. It was the only time in our 14 years together where I've been able to do that basically consequence-free.

xc1148 · May 2016

After 34 hours of labor (12 in the hospital), epidural, pitcocin, and my daughter actually moving north in my stomach away from the birth canal, i looked down and yelled "GET OUT!"

alitria · May 2016

I went into early labor with our first son while my husband was on a work trip. I'd been to the dr and spent most of the day at the hospital and I'd called back earlier in the evening saying I really thought something was happening, but they kept telling me I wasn't in labor, so by the time I took a nap and woke up I was heading into transition with regular contractions, vomiting, the whole deal. I called 911 then called my husband from the ambulance, in the middle of the night, on a phone I borrowed from a paramedic because they wouldn't let me go back into the house for my phone (I tried.) My husband picks up and is obviously still half asleep right as I start to have a really terrible contraction. I apparently screamed at him, "I'm having the baby, but this is the paramedic's phone and I can't talk now because it hurts." And hung up. I felt bad later, I'm sure it was terrifying, but I was in transition at that point and obviously not thinking very clearly.

newbabymakes4 · May 2016

I don't remember anything that I said, but I know that DH and the anesthesiologist both said things without reading the tone of the room. While I was literally screaming during contractions (pre-epidural) DH said "could you keep it down, I'm trying to sleep." (It was 2am.) If he was closer, he would have gotten a dick slap. And when I finally got my epidural (at 8 cm, despite asking for one for what felt like hours, but certainly for 3cm, however long that actually took) the anesthesiologist thought it would be funny to say "oh is this your first baby? It's my first epidural." Not cool, dudes.

chesterdoodle · May 2016

Great idea!

2 things i did during my last labor and delivery:

1) in my birth plan, i had my husband promise that when i asked for an epidural. After 7 hours of bakc labor, i asked for one and he asked me if i was sure. I looked him in the eyes and told him "if you ask me that again i am going to f*ing pumch you in the face." My nurse was abit shocked and a few minutes later i had a new nurse. Oops!

2) my epidural worked for a few hours but stopped working when i was ready to push so i felt everything. My daughter was still face up so my back labor sucked and i felt all the pain in my back and butt, so i definitely was screaming "my butt, my butt" lol, im sure anyone in the hallway and probably the whole floor could hear. Even at the time when i was delirious with pain, i knew it was ridiculous and hilarious from the other side of the door to hear those screams. But hey in the end, i was able to have the vaginal delivery i wanted so it worked out!

kendra0312 · May 2016

I have a super irrational fear phobia of getting blood drawn and ivs just to put that out there. I had two nurses trying to get an iv in and they blew the first vein and I was cussing bc 1 it hurt like hell and 2 bc I was terrified and going into panic mode. I don't know what all I was saying but they tried another vein blew it. The third try they missed the vein turned on the iv and it started bubbling my skin. I look over at DH and he is giving me the side eye and I just lost it. I only remember saying quit looking at me like I am the B- I haven't punched anyone yet. I felt bad and had to apologize to both nurses.

vintagevix2016 · May 2016

FTM here. My husband has already shared some of his intended "gems" of encouragement. "Release the kracken!" "Shit it out, babe!" and a few others that I can't remember off the top of my head. Every time he mentions them, he gets "the look" so I'm hoping I don't need to lecture him about being attentive to my mood while in labor.

rlbrooks84 · May 2016

When it was just about time to push with my second son I all of a sudden I remembered how painful it was all going to be and told the nurse I didn't want to do this anymore. She looked at me and said "well it's a little to late for that".

alysemci · May 2016

Told my husband to "shut the f**** up" when he told me the anesthesiologist was probably coming as fast as he could an HOUR after my epidural was ordered

alysemci · May 2016

Also told=screamed

Bee112309 · May 2016

I remember looking at DH and saying, very calmly, "The next ice chip you try to put in my mouth is getting shoved up your ass. I hate ice chips." Then, a few minutes later, crying as I asked him for an ice chip because my mouth was so dry.

ashkee05 · May 2016

Haha reading this makes me wonder if I'll do/say anything this time around. With my first my ex was in the army and gone my whole pregnancy and the birth. So I went in and did it all alone. I was very quiet and I think maybe a little in shock doing it alone. This time my husband will be with and I have been very cranky through this pregnancy so it could get interesting! I'll report back when it happens!! Thanks for all the laughs though ladies it's making this bed rest bearable!!

xaudreyx2011 · May 2016

I was just discharged because my contractions fizzled out after 24 hours (super fun). At the end the doctor checked me and said "wow, you almost seem less effaced then the last time I checked you". I just looked at her and said "Why would you say that? Take it back!". We had developed a pretty good relationship by that point so she just laughed...but I was serious.

MynaBird · May 2016

After my epidural was placed, I asked the anesthesiologist to marry me. In front of my husband. My knockout pain meds from back labor the night before had not yet worn off.

ashkee05 · May 2016

Well ladies, my water broke and I had my dude tonight. It went so fast I could not do any pain meds which I did not like (but am happy about now) they told me to wait until another contraction to push and I told them NO I want him out, I need him out!! Not too extreme but I definitely meant business because it only took 4 pushes. I literally arrived at the hospital at 7:53 and had him by 8:29

bray1214 · June 2016

One of the funniest things I said during labor was when she was born and we did skin to skin and a asked three times. Are you sure it's a girl. Thing is we did skin to skin so fast no one even looked. We checked and bam it was in fact a girl. I was worried about buying the tons of pink I had set her nursery up with.

Also so once it was time to push (being induced ) I knew she was comming. I told the nurse to check me again cussing up a storm she removed the catheter. She said push to relieve pressure it's okay I pushed once, she was like okay stop let me get the dr. And then the doctor came in and while she's getting sterlized she said its okay if you push. I pushed once and she's like nurse hold the baby in I'm not ready yet. And once she was ready she came out about 6 pushes later.

laurendiaz02 · June 2016

I'm pretty sure I said "FUCK THIS HURTS SO BAD!?!" About 3,000 times during my 4.5 hour labor in the hospital since I had no drugs. And then said "fuck" when the doctor was stitching me up because I felt every damn stitch and it was almost worse then pushing a baby out.

mollie2383 · June 2016

@laurendiaz02 - mine was pretty much the same.

I went from 4cm to crowning when I tried one contraction on the birthing ball(after 6 hours of labor). My nurse said to tell her if I felt "pressure in my bottom" lol. I just started screaming "PRESSURE!!!" And like 4 nurses ran in. You could probably hear it in the whole wing of the hospital. They were asking me to climb up on the bed while I'm crowning. Which was like asking me to sprout wings and fly at that point. I finally got on the bed all discombobulated and delivered 3 pushes later. At some point, a nurse was asking me some irrelevant question and I just go "what are you asking me right now?!" I've been cringing at all the other stupid stuff I said and did. Oh well. I can't be the worst they've ever had, right?

stisnd6 · June 2016

I tend to have a sailors mouth at times. My ex (the father) is a marine so cursing is part of the vocabulary. Lol my mom warned me not to use fowl language during labor because she said the hospital wouldn't put up with it. The day came and I mostly just hummed and was very quiet. I didn't have pain meds so it got bad at times. My mom likes to tease me because at one point I just let out a "Oh, good lord" haha that's not something I'd normally say lol

jbdizzla · June 2016

when I was in labor, I swore a lot during my contractions. Swearing in labor here let alone in my country is a big no no, people here are conservative, they don't even let you scream! So whenever I let out a "wtfuuuu" they reminded and muttered in their breaths "la ilahailallah" which mean there is no God but Allah and other religious sayings. so it got awkward in between contractions.

AOliveira11 · June 2016

At my induction today. When my awesome nurse asked about pain management i said "i dont want the epidural cuz im petrified of needles. But if you could give me a roofie colada so i have no idea whats going on, that would be great". She laughed...but i dont kno if she thinks i was kidding about the med cocktail.

splsmama2016 · June 2016

I kept apologizing for tooting, kept asking if I pooped (don't remember that part, but no, I didn't poo), and nearly screamed at the dr to just let me have a c section after pushing for 3 hours and not having anything to show for it (baby kept going back UP the canal when I'd stop pushing).

As soon as she came out, my first coherent words were along the lines of "I gave our daughter a cone head!!" Hahah! I wasn't aware that the majority of vaginal deliveries, babies have awkward shaped heads for the first little while.

egirl1025 · June 2016

I definitely cursed a few times, but really tried to be conscious of the other people in the room. My older sister thought it was hilarious when I started yelling, " MOTHER f-er" really loud, but caught myself and whispered the f-er part.

Aside from the interesting language, I was positive that every contraction I pooped myself. Generally this was not the case until it was time to push... For sure my poor little one came out with a load of poo. At one point I mused that it really smelled in the room, everyone was like no it doesn't, my reply was, "I think it's me."

When they finally went in for the placenta, I do not think anything coherent came out of my mouth. That was a complete out of body experience considering my epidural had started to wear off.

Labor and delivery doctors and nurses are literally saints. My nurse that was there for the delivery had the most awesome sarcastic sense of humor, she was even able to keep up with my DH.

alw12290 · June 2016

Aside from swearing at everything while I was still in triage because they didn't think I was really in active labor, apparently I went from 1cm to 7cm in 30 mins. When I finally got to my room and had to wait for my midwife to push for like 20 mins (agony) my phone kept beeping and I looked at my husband with what I can only imagine to be the look of death, and said turn that fuckin phone off now!!!! All the nurses burst out laughing and was like the things you hear in labor. My husband was legitimately scared lol

adiaz132003 · June 2016

While my midwife was on the phone with DH and they were trying to get me in the car. (I almost had my son in the bathroom). I yelled, "nope, nope I'm having this baby here. They are gonna be born in a bathroom. I'm not leaving!' lol DH threatened me with an ambulance ride if I didn't get in the car. I got real quiet and said, in my calmest voice... "fine, get me in the damn car"

cmac827 · June 2016

The birthing center had just had a delivery in the tub and were in the process of cleaning it out and refilling it when I arrived. I was in the shower and really wanted in the tub. The midwife told me I had to wait for it to finish filling up. I told her I didn't care if it was full, I wanted in now.

Amawanderlust · June 2016

I was fine with pushing as my epidural started to wear off until he was crowning. I then started telling the doctor that I couldn't do it. Her response: "It won't get any better until you push him out. Just push. " lol, thanks doc

TheHauntedHauswife · June 2016

I was kind of shocked how much I kept myself from saying anything stupid but at some point DH kept talking over the nurse and i told him to shut the fuck up. I also apparently just said ''fuck fuck fuck'' at some point when i was pushing and DH said this caught him off guard, which i still dont get. lol

arteduc8 · June 2016

I dilated very quickly with pitocin and had horrible back labor, so I got an epidural. When it came time to push, I couldn't feel anything. DH and the nurses kept telling me I was doing great and she was coming down but I told them I didn't believe them. I thought they were just trying to be kind and encouraging. When they realized I didn't believe them (only ten minutes or so into pushing) they asked if I wanted the mirror so I could see for myself. I really didn't want to see any of it, but I agreed, and said something along the lines of, "ooh wow, you weren't all lying to me!!" A few pushes later she was born!

purplefan1 · June 2016

I called my nurse a lying bitch because she told me with the pitocin they wouldn't let me get to a point where I was having contractions any closer than 3 minutes apart. When they were on top of each other (less than a minute between) I asked her what was up with that promise she made me and she said the contractions, while often, were not strong enough to get there show moving, hence me not progressing yet. So I called her a lying bitch. I had already gauged the situation and she was cool with it. She picked me out another sarcastic nurse to take over for here when her shift was done. Much appreciated. Also, my play list consisted of such gems as "Move Bitch" by Ludacris and Go Fuck Yourself by Shaggy. In a Catholic hospital. They didn't care. During actual labor though I didn't really make any noise except super deep breathing and moaning.

ahernandez16 · June 2016

My nurse asked me if I wanted a mirror. I said (nicely) "No." Then about 5 minutes later as he was crowning she asked if I wanted to touch his head and I (not as nicely) said, "NO. Just get him the hell OUT."

I also said the epidural was bullshit multiple times. I'm pretty sure, after reading other birth stories, mine didn't take as well as it was supposed to.

lilp2015 · June 2016

I wasn't too bad considering the pain I was in. All back labor and epidural wore off after an hour or 2. I kicked everyone out at one point cause they were talking lol. During pushing I told my husband, sister and nurse to stop laughing cause I found nothing funny at the time. My doc had to leave the room for a few min cause she was also the hospital doc that day and 2 others were pushing at the same time well while she was gone I yelled to get her back in there and do whatever she had to to get the baby out (it burned so bad) oh and whoever said you forget all the pain after seeing your baby for the first time lied lol she's 10 days old and I still remember it all.

meggyme · June 2016

I was pretty quiet all through labor, working through contractions, back labor, and then sleeping with the epidural. But toward the end, after baby's head was out, my contraction stopped and I had to wait for the next one to start to push her out the rest of the way. At some point in the agonizing space between contractions I said "Of course THIS is the longest break between contractions I've had all day!" before delivering my baby girl.

laurendiaz02 · June 2016

meggyme said:

I was pretty quiet all through labor, working through contractions, back labor, and then sleeping with the epidural. But toward the end, after baby's head was out, my contraction stopped and I had to wait for the next one to start to push her out the rest of the way. At some point in the agonizing space between contractions I said "Of course THIS is the longest break between contractions I've had all day!" before delivering my baby girl.

Same thing happened to me (having to wait for a contraction to finish getting him out) and it was not fun! Man it burned like hell! Haha.

AmberLiz99 · June 2016

laurendiaz02 said:

meggyme said:

I was pretty quiet all through labor, working through contractions, back labor, and then sleeping with the epidural. But toward the end, after baby's head was out, my contraction stopped and I had to wait for the next one to start to push her out the rest of the way. At some point in the agonizing space between contractions I said "Of course THIS is the longest break between contractions I've had all day!" before delivering my baby girl.

Same thing happened to me (having to wait for a contraction to finish getting him out) and it was not fun! Man it burned like hell! Haha.

Me too! It didn't happen with my other two, so I was so thrown by it.

adiaz132003 · July 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

laurendiaz02 said:

meggyme said:

I was pretty quiet all through labor, working through contractions, back labor, and then sleeping with the epidural. But toward the end, after baby's head was out, my contraction stopped and I had to wait for the next one to start to push her out the rest of the way. At some point in the agonizing space between contractions I said "Of course THIS is the longest break between contractions I've had all day!" before delivering my baby girl.

Same thing happened to me (having to wait for a contraction to finish getting him out) and it was not fun! Man it burned like hell! Haha.

Me too! It didn't happen with my other two, so I was so thrown by it.

My contractions stopped after the head too but I knew the shoulders would be easy compared to his head so I pushed anyways without the contraction. Lol slid right out.

AmberLiz99 · July 2016

adiaz132003 said:

AmberLiz99 said:

laurendiaz02 said:

meggyme said:

I was pretty quiet all through labor, working through contractions, back labor, and then sleeping with the epidural. But toward the end, after baby's head was out, my contraction stopped and I had to wait for the next one to start to push her out the rest of the way. At some point in the agonizing space between contractions I said "Of course THIS is the longest break between contractions I've had all day!" before delivering my baby girl.

Same thing happened to me (having to wait for a contraction to finish getting him out) and it was not fun! Man it burned like hell! Haha.

Me too! It didn't happen with my other two, so I was so thrown by it.

My contractions stopped after the head too but I knew the shoulders would be easy compared to his head so I pushed anyways without the contraction. Lol slid right out.

Nice!

I actually didn't have to push for her to come out. I threw up, and that's when her head crowned. The contractions pushed her out the rest of the way on their own. It was really weird, and totally different than with my other babies. Apparently the midwife said that some babies are born without pushing. She told me not to push during delivery so that I wouldn't rip. Still hurt as much as when I did push with my other daughter though.

purplefan1 · July 2016

They had me pushing even when I wasnt contacting. Once I started pushing they said to just keep going which is part of why she was born in 6 minutes after she started crowning.

adiaz132003 · July 2016

Gotta love those fast babies. Man I'll never forget how I got on the bed and the midwife said "oh there's a head". 10 min later he went the rest of the way down, crowned and popped out. I'm honestly surprised I didn't tear more cause of how fast it was.

rlbrooks84 · July 2016

For some reason when it was time to push I was overcome with the fear that I couldn't push her out. FYI this was my third and I delivered my boys just fine, they both came out in like 6 pushes so I don't know why I felt so scared all of a sudden. My nurses just looked at me and reassured me I'd be okay. It may have been the lack of sleep since one of my boys was sick the night before I delivered and by the time Charlotte was born I had been up for 24 hrs.

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