@Jenly17 - I took her to a concert last week and it was super easy. We took noise cancelling headphones, she nursed, it was a piece of cake! When they are this age they are still so easy (most of the time) to take places.
This week I'm leaving her so I'll feed her right before I leave, wear some heavy duty boob pads, and then pump or feed her as soon as I get home. If it gets too painful I'll just head to the bathroom and hand express a bit, I'm not going to even try and take my pump. If I was driving (I'm taking the train, parking is a B in Manhattan) I'd take my pump and do an additional pump before and after the concert in the car. I've been creating a freezer stash and she's good with bottles, so there is plenty for her to snack on while I'm gone.
Honestly, I think more of when I get this feeling is when the "me time" inequity sinks in. I don't require a lot, or even everyday (which is good because many days I don't get any). DH requires more me-time to stay patient and stave off depression, but there are some days that he takes a lot. Totally annoying to feel pulled in multiple directions while he assures me he just wants to do "one more thing" in a videogame.
Oh boy are you married to a gamer as well?
I'm also in this group. My husband is a programmer and even looking to change to programming games so he plays them for "inspiration"... Uh huh
Is anyone else worried that their spouse may grow to resent them?
I'm not exactly worried about this just trying to stay aware. My H mostly works from home and so we have both been around and available for LO since she was born. The thing is, she is a total mommy's girl and is very clingy so I handle nearly all of her care. He is wonderful about diaper changes and tries to help as much as he can, he is always interacting with her and it's sweet but he just can't soothe her at this stage. Plus I'm EBFing and we've only just introduced a bottle every other day which he's been giving her with medium success. All this to say, he is handling the bulk of pretty much EVERYTHING else around the house. Dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, trash/recycling and dog care. He says he is happy to do it and I'm so grateful but I'm worried he might feel resentful but not want to tell me since it's not like my life is easy with the baby 24/7. We don't split shifts with her, it's all me all the time. Sometimes I just worry that I'm somehow being an asshole because our division of labor isn't conventional and Im not fulfilling the role society says that I should. I know I need to start leaving them alone to figure each other out but Im having major separation anxiety. I keep planning on starting tomorrow with it and then putting it off. Like I'm telling myself Ill walk the dogs and leave Holly and my H at home together without me for a bit this afternoon but I really don't want to do it.
My H told me last night he is feeling "shut out of the parenting." I was shocked as he does quite a bit. But he is sad that he is working and not here to bond with LO the way he thinks I am and he is jealous that I get to do that. Meanwhile, I'm jealous he gets to go to work every day and get a break from being cooped up. We both acknowledged that we are struggling to come to terms with our new roles and that it's hard for both. It was a good convo, as I think there was potential for resentment to build, with each thinking the other had it made.
Honestly, I think more of when I get this feeling is when the "me time" inequity sinks in. I don't require a lot, or even everyday (which is good because many days I don't get any). DH requires more me-time to stay patient and stave off depression, but there are some days that he takes a lot. Totally annoying to feel pulled in multiple directions while he assures me he just wants to do "one more thing" in a videogame.
Oh boy are you married to a gamer as well?
I'm also in this group. My husband is a programmer and even looking to change to programming games so he plays them for "inspiration"... Uh huh
This is my DH as well (we're actually both programmers). Thankfully he's into games but not so much he would want to program them. He said if he did that it would take the fun out of it for him.
Honestly, I think more of when I get this feeling is when the "me time" inequity sinks in. I don't require a lot, or even everyday (which is good because many days I don't get any). DH requires more me-time to stay patient and stave off depression, but there are some days that he takes a lot. Totally annoying to feel pulled in multiple directions while he assures me he just wants to do "one more thing" in a videogame.
Oh boy are you married to a gamer as well?
I'm also in this group. My husband is a programmer and even looking to change to programming games so he plays them for "inspiration"... Uh huh
This is my DH as well (we're actually both programmers). Thankfully he's into games but not so much he would want to program them. He said if he did that it would take the fun out of it for him.
That's interesting-- makes sense. My DH just says if he could program them, he would enjoy his work more and wouldn't be doing so much at home -- I'm all about that! I know he hates what he is doing now... Works in programming for a major retailer, one he doesn't even like that much.
Today, while loading up the dishwasher, my husband turns to me and says "Now that you don't have your sensitive pregnancy senses anymore, there's no reason you can't load the dishwasher." When I was pregnant, we made an arrangement that I'd empty the dishwasher and he would load the dishes into it, because he dirty dishes made me nauseous. Since LO was born, the dishes have been piling up, and on MANY occasions I have used my very little and precious free time while LO is napping (she usually only naps in my arms so these times are sparse) to empty and load the dishwasher. How does he not know that I do these things and how does he not appreciate it?! There are days where I don't eat until he gets home from work!! But I should do his dirty dishes?
We were in the car yesterday and Pillie started stirring so I looked at the clock and told DH she was probably going to wake up hungry soon since she does four hour naps. DH looked over at me so sadly and said how it upset him I know her so much better than he does. I had never thought about him resenting the time I get with her since he had to go back to work only a week after she was born. Hearing him say that broke my heart because he's been so involved and I don't want him resenting the fact I'm home with her while he's working
I flipped last night... Feeling bad now especially since it's his first Father's Day. When I put Harper to bed, our cat was sleeping in the cat bed in the nursery but got up and "hide" behind the door all pathetic like when we came in. I think she's depressed as she gets zero attention now. When I was pg, dh kept telling me he will give her more attention when baby is here. So as I'm putting her to bed, I call dh in (he's busy Everynight staking his fantasy baseball teams on his phone), and asked him to play with the cat. He got weird so I said fine I'll do it when Harper is asleep. After I got her down I came into the living room and kinda flipped. Not yelling but I told him he needs to be more active in our lives and put down the freaking phone. That's when he started comparing me to my mom- this is why I don't like to have these convos with him. Somehow, even if it's not my moms fault or even involves her, he brings her up. It's like talking to a child. He doesn't take criticism well at all. He then got upset that I called him a " bad father".. I never said that. Just told him he needs to be more present. This isn't a "practice run".
Like others have mentioned, I think my biggest resentment toward my husband is the inequity of caring for my son. My husband works 11 hours a day, I have no family or anyone here to help me out. And at first my husband was doing the late night feedings so it felt totally fair but now LO sleeps through the night so my husband litterally does one feeding a day now. And he doesn't play with LO, he comes home and just wants to play his stupid iPhone games instead of playing with his son. And just to add: yes, I feel very guilty writing this on Father's Day lol
I just remembered something my brother said last Father's Day. He complained that on Mother's Day husbands are supposed to give moms the day off, let them relax, and on Father's Day it's expected they spend time with their kids. I tried to explain its because moms - for the most part - do a lot of the heavy lifting and less glamorous and fun stuff like hosing off babies after blowouts and consoling toddlers when they try to eat dirt, day in and day out - and dads spend more fun time with their kids. It's a rarity that we as moms of tiny babies spend time by ourselves having adult conversation while our husbands get to shower, eat real meals and actually speak in full sentences to other adults all day long. That's the difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day.
Also I just wanted to say I'm sorry @yogahh. It's not fair or nice for your husband to compare you to his mom and it's definitely not good for your relationship. If it were me I would try to get him to break that habit ASAP, it's not fair and I'm sure if he thought back hard enough his mom wasn't perfect - because she's a human too. You're a great mom, Harper is lucky to have you
eta: I wrote this while roasting bacon while my husband sleeps. If he doesn't get up in the next 20 min there might be no bacon left.
Today, while loading up the dishwasher, my husband turns to me and says "Now that you don't have your sensitive pregnancy senses anymore, there's no reason you can't load the dishwasher." When I was pregnant, we made an arrangement that I'd empty the dishwasher and he would load the dishes into it, because he dirty dishes made me nauseous. Since LO was born, the dishes have been piling up, and on MANY occasions I have used my very little and precious free time while LO is napping (she usually only naps in my arms so these times are sparse) to empty and load the dishwasher. How does he not know that I do these things and how does he not appreciate it?! There are days where I don't eat until he gets home from work!! But I should do his dirty dishes?
Honestly, I think more of when I get this feeling is when the "me time" inequity sinks in. I don't require a lot, or even everyday (which is good because many days I don't get any). DH requires more me-time to stay patient and stave off depression, but there are some days that he takes a lot. Totally annoying to feel pulled in multiple directions while he assures me he just wants to do "one more thing" in a videogame.
Oh boy are you married to a gamer as well?
I'm also in this group. My husband is a programmer and even looking to change to programming games so he plays them for "inspiration"... Uh huh
This is my DH as well (we're actually both programmers). Thankfully he's into games but not so much he would want to program them. He said if he did that it would take the fun out of it for him.
That's interesting-- makes sense. My DH just says if he could program them, he would enjoy his work more and wouldn't be doing so much at home -- I'm all about that! I know he hates what he is doing now... Works in programming for a major retailer, one he doesn't even like that much.
Dude my DH is jut a straight gamer like hard core video game guy! He doesn't discrimate he likes computer and console. He even has the headset and talks to random people ... Oh yeah and has friends out there in the video game world he has never met in real life. Lol. I know how much he enjoys gaming and I'm glad he has his outlet BUT sometimes it's so aggravating.
@wsgjmw1 That's how my DH is too! Way back when, I actually gamed with him, but teaching workload, then adding mom workload completely killed that hobby because I just straight up didn't have time, or on the rare occasion that I did, I needed something that I could drop at a moment's notice for DS1. Edited tag fail
Re: Resentment
This week I'm leaving her so I'll feed her right before I leave, wear some heavy duty boob pads, and then pump or feed her as soon as I get home. If it gets too painful I'll just head to the bathroom and hand express a bit, I'm not going to even try and take my pump. If I was driving (I'm taking the train, parking is a B in Manhattan) I'd take my pump and do an additional pump before and after the concert in the car. I've been creating a freezer stash and she's good with bottles, so there is plenty for her to snack on while I'm gone.
DS: Born 5-17-16
Also I just wanted to say I'm sorry @yogahh. It's not fair or nice for your husband to compare you to his mom and it's definitely not good for your relationship. If it were me I would try to get him to break that habit ASAP, it's not fair and I'm sure if he thought back hard enough his mom wasn't perfect - because she's a human too. You're a great mom, Harper is lucky to have you
eta: I wrote this while roasting bacon while my husband sleeps. If he doesn't get up in the next 20 min there might be no bacon left.
Edited tag fail