Coping with becoming a SAHM vent — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

Coping with becoming a SAHM vent

First and for most not to knock any SAHM, I just never thought it would be me. Me and hubby budged out everything for day care and work. Until hubby decided that we will be fine with one income so I can stay at home. 

I always planned on being a working mom, I like the idea of us being on even ground. I feel like being at home all of the house duties fall solely on me. Being expected to take care of baby, dog, keep house cleaned, cook dinner and just all around be a homemaker drives me insane. I've been working since I was 15 I don't know how to be at home.

Im going stir crazy, I have no idea what to day on a day to day basis. We go for walks, do a mini circuit in the house; bouncer, Boppy, tummy and nap. But I can see that he needs more stimulation. I've looked into mom groups but I have no idea where to start. I just needed to vent I feel like I can't be alone. 

Re: Coping with becoming a SAHM vent

  • middy411middy411 member
    edited May 2016
    Why not just go back to work if you don't like it? I never wanted to be a SAHM but I feel like my DD is too small and needy to go to daycare while so little. So I've been pursuing a WAHM situation. Being able to be with her all the time AND work will probably have plenty of challenges, but it's what we think will work best for our family so that nobody is miserable and DD gets the attention she needs (she has lots of tummy troubles and I hold her up basically all day long so she doesn't spit up). This way I don't feel like I'm putting my career on hold and I'm contributing to the income. As for mom groups, I've been going to them at my hospital every Tuesday and Thursday. They really help get you out of the house. I also have a few friends who are SAHMs who I will visit if I feel I need to get out but want the freedom to breastfeed comfortably. You just have to buckle down and do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Whether that's researching WAHM opportunities, finding mom groups, or going back to work. I'm usually extremely introverted so I have to actively try to do these things for my own benefit (and DD's). It helps that I can tell DD loves going on these social adventures. Best of luck to you. Remember, there's no one way to be a great mom
    =caenis=
  • Like PP said, if it's important to you to work, then you need to have that conversation with your husband. It's great not to have to sent LO to daycare, but you have to do what makes you happy, too. I make quite a bit more than H, so me not working wouldn't be an option anyway.. But even if it was, I could never be a SAHM. Like you, I feel like I need that for myself. It brings me a sense of value, and God forbid something happen to H or between us, I don't want to not have been in the workforce for years. You don't have to get a FT job, maybe even just one mornjng/evening a week at a coffee shop (or whatever). 

    As for getting out, I agree with finding moms groups. There are sometimes baby and me music/play classes, yoga, etc that you can meet others at, and sometimes churches will have a young parents group. When our LOs are a little older, swim classes can be fun, too. 

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  • I agree with PPs that if you feel like looking for work is what's best for you, do it! 

    And as far as LO needing more stimulation - it's more likely that you are the one that needs the simulation! They are so little right now, easy to please, but boring. Just remember that this stage doesn't last very long! In a few short months, you'll be chasing baby around, cleaning Cheerios out of the carpet, able to play with toys, cooking baby meals, etc.  I remember feeling bored with my first at this stage but being sheepish about saying it because I did genuinely love it at the same time. Time will fly and there will be much more to do. 
    *E 10/2012, H 7/2014, F 2/2016*
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    =caenis=
  • Have you heard of hike it baby? They have groups all over the country and each group has weekly hikes with other moms. Some are carrier friendly, some are stroller friendly but there are always plenty of options. I'm also doing a mom/baby yoga class. I'm not a SAHM, but have taken a significant chunk of time off before returning to work in the fall. Also, just because you are at home with the baby does not mean all chores should fall on you!
  • Girl I hear you! I love being able to be home with baby but there are days where I feel like all I do is housework, laundry, baby care etc. And there are days I feel like I'm not providing enough stimulation for DD and running out of things to do. Im not sure if this is an option for you but one thing that's saved me has been visiting with someone as often as possible (my mom, grandma, friends, former coworkers etc.) I try and make plans everyday to go somewhere or have someone over, even if just for an hour or two. It gives me a chance to speak to other adults and have someone else play with baby so she gets a break from just mommy trying to entertain her. I'm fortunate that my mom and grandma both live 5-10 minutes away so it's always an option to pop by for a visit and it definitely breaks up the day nicely. I know it's not an option for everyone but I go suggest trying to spend as much time with other adults as much as possible to break up the day! 
    middy411=caenis=TheBeesBonnett
  • Is there a YMCA close to you? I just joined ours last week and I wish I had joined when DD was a baby 2 years ago. They have mom and baby classes, some that are for baby stimulation and some are fitness classes that benefit both mom and baby. They also have stroller fit classes that are free and actually open to the public to just show up, they have a daycare center to watch you little one(s) so you can workout, swim, take a class, read a book in the lobby, etc. Its a great family oriented community. Also, I agree with others, sometimes being a SAHM just isn't right for moms and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If going back to work full or part time will make you happier, then do it. A happy mom=happy baby. 
  • =caenis==caenis= member
    edited May 2016
    I'm going back to work in mid-July. Logistically I'm sure it will be difficult with sleep and breastfeeding/pumping. Of course I have some mixed feelings. It's been wonderful to be able to give the baby tons of attention and flexibility, but I love my job and miss the stimulation I get at work with other adults. I'm dreading going back but super excited about it at the same time.

    My husband and I will both do 4-day work weeks starting in mid-July. Baby will go to daycare 3 days a week. Not sure if something like that is an option for you? It depends on whether your employers are willing to be flexible. It's ideal for me, because:
    (1) we'll stay on equal footing financially and career-wise,
    (2) we both get our own day with the LO for bonding,
    (3) 4 days of work + 3 days off per week sounds like a good work/life balance in general anyways, and
    (4) LO gets to hang out with other people 3 days a week - I think he'll have fun! He will likely be at this daycare until he's 4 years old (that's when kids start regular school here), so he will probably be close to his providers there and make some good friends.

    In any case, I agree with @mrscammack. I feel so much better on days I see other people or have something I have to go and do with baby. Ideally just small visits or walking with another mom/baby duo...it makes me feel human and like I've DONE something worthwhile that day. Laundry, cleaning, etc. is so boring. I hate it. And when I'm alone with my son the whooole day, I have to admit I get a little bored/restless with that as well. :(

    ETA: Going back to work will help me appreciate the special time I have alone with the baby. Taking care of him is a lot of work, but he's my little treasure.
    middy411mrscammack
  • Do what makes you feel sane and like yourself, even if its going back to work. If your not sure, try part time if its available. I've been a SAHM for about a yr and a half now, after my daughter turned a yr old. The dynamics changed now that there's another baby but just a couple things that help.

    I've found that everyone does better if I get everyone ready for the day, myself included, before we go into the living room and kitchen for breakfast. I take my showers at night so my hubby can watch them. Try to get out of the house everyday, even if its just taking outgrown baby clothes to consignment or the library has great storytimes to go to for the kids. Every month, make a master to-do list of things you never remember to do, like washing the vacuum filters, dusting all your perfume bottles, organizing all the baby photos, whatever. There's no rush cause you have a whole month to get it done but at least it helps you feel more productive other than only doing the same everyday stuff.

    And remember that your job as a SAHM is just as important as your hubby's. He brings home money but you feed, clean, entertain, discipline (when they get older), and educate your kid(s) and still keep the house from falling apart. Can he do all that as well as you can?

    brettlynn94
  • 4N6s4N6s member
    Go back to work!! I love working. :)
  • Thanks for the support I actually just started work today in so happy I did. I'm sure I'm talking everyone to death lol. I sat him down and we discussed it and here we are I love it!!
    middy411jarob747beachgirl218
  • kinnonam said:
    Thanks for the support I actually just started work today in so happy I did. I'm sure I'm talking everyone to death lol. I sat him down and we discussed it and here we are I love it!!
    Haha! It was hard to get anything done my first day back because I was talking so much. A combination of catching up and just enjoying some adult conversation/company for once! 

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