My worst parenting advice ever is similar to @slartybartfast. DS was super fussy from two weeks old on. As a newborn he probably only slept 10-12 hours total in 24 hours which was so not right for his age. He cried all.the.time and then started refusing to eat. He would scream so hard during or after feedings he would sweat. (And yes, we got the "he'll eat when he's hungry" advice constantly which was completely not true for him) The day before we were finally getting him admitted to our children's hospital (L was around 5 months old), my friend's husband FB messaged me basically this: "I heard about all the trouble with your son and I think you need to try essential oils to help him." Oils? Are you kidding me right now??? We had taken him to so many doctors, had so many tests done, he was on three prescription meds and hypoallergenic formula. He was literally starving himself, vomiting up every ounce we did get him to eat, getting a feeding tube placed that week and you want me to rub some lavender and thieves oil on him??? I literally never responded to the message.
To be clear, I know oils are very popular right now and I don't think they're useless. I was just dumbfounded that someone who knew about our situation could possibly seriously believe we should be trying essential oils instead of taking him to the hospital.
To clarify, I'm not against CIO. I think there's a time and a place for it. Preferably anything over 6months.
I can't even with the shake a baby advice. That blows my mind and breaks my heart! Luckily, I think most (if not all) hospitals require you to be educated on it prior to discharge from the hospital.
I'm sorry that you guys have also had sleep troubles, but glad to know I'm not alone! My MIL kept telling me over and over that it isn't normal for babies to want to be held for all naps or be easily disturbed while sleeping so she must have sensory issues.
ETA @jenlynne0624 I have nothing against the extinction method whatsoever. You gotta do what works! We would have tried that next if Ferber didn't work. My SIL uses it for all 3 of her children and it was rough, like, they would cry for up to 2 hours, but you know what? They are now healthy, happy, sweet children who sleep great. I think some people forget that sleep is almost as important as food. And like, @beff12 if it's an hour long process to try to coax your baby into napping for maybe 20 minutes they're not getting enough sleep! Parenting is all about making hard choices for your children based upon what is best for them, even when they don't understand. And hey, if it's best for your family to hold your baby for every single nap and all night long then that's cool too. Whatever works, but if you dread every nap and have literally broken down into tears while trying to get your baby to sleep at night (totally guilty) then it's not working. Lol
Rub Jack Daniels on theirs gums for when they're teething or mix a little in their bottle...because a drunk baby is better than a cranky uncomfortable one I guess???
and during potty training just spank your baby every time they poop in their diaper and they'll get the message really quick. Doesn't sound traumatic at all
and during potty training just spank your baby every time they poop in their diaper and they'll get the message really quick. Doesn't sound traumatic at all
SERIOUSLY?????? Sounds like there will be a some severely constipated children running around there.........
My first was a super fussy baby. Some old lady at church told me I needed to relax and not be so uptight because my baby could sense it and that's what was making her so fussy. Thank you! That's so helpful!
I ended up realizing that she was an easily overstimulated baby... Working on anticipating her need to nap/shut down was the most helpful and just her growing.
We did the CIO method for my first, where you slowly increase the amount of time that you go into their bedroom (after 2 minutes of crying, then after 5, etc) He knew we were there but that it was ok to go back to sleep without mommy holding him. It honestly worked really well and it caught on pretty quick (within a few days with less crying every day). We tried it with my second, nope, never worked. It just shows you that not every method will work with every child and you have to try different things.
One of the worst parenting strategies that I've experienced, not heard, was that my step dad would use finishing food or drinks as a form of punishment. Example, we all went out to eat, my parents, my brother and myself, and I had spaghetti. I told my parents I couldn't finish it but my step dad told me I had to...well after trying to, I threw up all over my plate in the restaurant. I was about 10. I will never force food on my children...I'll save it and try again later.
My MIL just told me this morning to expect my baby to go through ten onesies a day as a newborn. Um. Someone tell me she's exaggerating.
I have had less than 5 blowouts with DS ever. We never had too big a spit up issue either. As a newborn, DS was just wrapped in blankets half the time, we didn't even worry about a onesie. WAY exaggerating. I don't think we had or needed 10 total.
My MIL just told me this morning to expect my baby to go through ten onesies a day as a newborn. Um. Someone tell me she's exaggerating.
I have had less than 5 blowouts with DS ever. We never had too big a spit up issue either. As a newborn, DS was just wrapped in blankets half the time, we didn't even worry about a onesie. WAY exaggerating. I don't think we had or needed 10 total.
@PensiveCrayon 10 seems high to me but definitely possible! Some babies are messy. Luckily my first was a pretty clean baby and had very little spitting up and few blowouts.
My MIL just told me this morning to expect my baby to go through ten onesies a day as a newborn. Um. Someone tell me she's exaggerating.
ETA @mimi603107 Holy cow, that's awful. I'm so sorry.
I feel like that's an exaggeration. Some days I'd only have to change my sons' clothes once a day and then there were other days that he made more messes but I don't ever think it was 10, that seems excessive...but maybe I had it easy? Lol
Honestly, looking back at my step dads parenting, I think it was seriously messed up in ways but back then when I was young, I didn't think anything of it. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with a gallon jug of water and not being able to leave the table until I was finished drinking it all....I vaguely remember being in trouble for something. It was really weird...
Regarding newborn onsies: 10 may seem like an exaggeration...but I had a severe reflux baby. Every bottle, after about 30 minutes, everything came up. Sometimes there was a smaller eruption another hour later. When they "spit up" that much, no bib or going to stop it.
So yes, there were days that we used 10 onsies, 10-15 bibs, and 20 burp rags A DAY. I'm not joking. She had these problems for 11 months before it just stopped one day. The only reason we used less clothes as it went on is because she had less bottles each day.
And yes, we saw doctors and specialists about this issue and they all said wait it out, if it doesn't resolve by 18 months, they would operate (she had an underdeveloped valve). It took time to grow. We didn't neglect the problem. During those 11 months we got a lot of crap from people and we're even called child neglectors. I'm a little sensitive on the subject.
@mimi603107 That is awful! My experience wasn't quite that bad, but my parents used to show favoritism with food. One of my sisters complained once that fish gave her a headache, and my parents never made her eat fish when they would make it, they would always make her some kind of sandwich or something else to eat. My other sister hated brussel sprouts, she would cry every time my parents made her eat them, and she wouldn't be allowed to leave the table until she had finished all of them. There were times she would be at the table until 9 or 10 at night, still crying and refusing to eat the brussel sprouts. I never understood that, like why couldn't they have given her another vegetable to eat like carrots, or even an apple or a banana, instead of making her eat something we all knew she hated when they didn't do the same thing to my other sister. I totally get making sure your kid eats a healthy balanced meal, but I think it can be done without making the whole experience traumatizing. She's not even a picky eater, she loves okra and squash and tomatoes and she would have eaten another vegetable if she had been given the choice.
Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to learn from the mistakes our parents made with us, especially the traumatizing ones.
Good to know your experience of things, @sourlemon. Exaggeration with H's mom is a daily occurrence--I've learned to take everything she says with a large sprinkling of salt. Yesterday she also told me that she didn't experience pain in childbirth. Wut. And for years she's been telling me that her kids only woke up twice a night, but now I'm beginning to realize that maybe this is all just a part of the untruths. Sigh.
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
I had a client who was a pediatric GI specialist. She told me how at 1 month old she night weaned her son, because babies don't need to eat at night. Then went into a scientific spiel about it. I could not say anything. But she is a doctor how do you say anything to her about it?! When I say she night weaned him, she put him to bed around 730, shut the door and didn't go back in until 7 in the morning
I definitely think my DD was outside of the norm. 5 per day is probably the most you should bother thinking about. My mom said I would wear the same onesie 2 days in a row lol. So it's highly variable.
I did laundry 2ce a day the first week...then bought more clothes (used).
This kid I'm planning on having 10 newborn onesies and 5 sleepers. (Maybe 0-3 months, not sure yet...and not sure what I'll find used). If the need arises that you need more, you can always buy more. I would not recommend having 50 onesies in a size lol.
When my parents were eating something we didn't like as children (like steak) they would make us some kid food (Mac n cheese or whatever) but we'd have to eat one bite of what they were eating first. I would sit at the table for hours and refuse. And I think it was kind of unnecessary because I did ultimately grow up and develop an adult palate for food. DH on the other hand was given whatever he wanted (white bread, chicken, pasta) and continued to eat like that into adulthood. When we started dating I basically told him he had to eat more (or at least experiment more) or our relationship wasn't going to work, mostly because I couldn't imagine having kids and trying to convince them to eat a balanced diet when their dad would only eat 5 foods. So he now tries food that I make, no matter what. If he hates it, I don't make it again. But he ends up liking or at least tolerating most things.
@PensiveCrayon as long as you pull the ruffles out along the legs of the diaper (if you're using disposables) I can't think of a reason beyond a severe medical issue that would cause you to go through 10 onesies a day. And honestly, onesies on a newborn are annoying anyway. Baby gowns are where it's at. They make diaper changes so easy. 3 piece outfits are cute and all, but they are not practical.
@ashleaf2018 yeah I really don't understand the whole you can't leave the table thing. I understand that it's important for children to try different foods and not just say no without trying something new but I'm not going to purposely feed my kids food I know they don't like. Or with my experience, make them eat an amount of food that won't fit in their bellies. When we go out to eat, I know we'll be taking food home because more than likely, they aren't going to be able to finish and that's ok. Both of my boys were picking eaters (the younger one still is) but my oldest eventually got over his food aversions (since he's autistic he had a lot of texture issues with everything not just limited to food) but he had to slowly realize that trying new things was ok because that didn't mean he had to like it. Now he tries almost everything because if he doesn't like it, he knows I'm not going to force him to eat it...what good would that do? Sorry I went on a tangent lol.
I know my kids cries and their habits. If I know its time to eat, no way would I let them cry. If its a pain cry, of course, don't let them cry it out. I feel like its a balance. At some point (at an older age like 6mo) its time for bed and mommy needs to sleep. I also know my "I don't want to go to bed I want to play so I am going to scream cry" and this mama of 3 under 3 don't play that game. That's when they can cry it out and learn that throwing a fit doesn't get them a reward. Again though, that's not with a newborn...it's when I can tell they have an attitude like around 6mo. Its a different age for every kid.
Worst parenting advice? I'm going to have to go with, "oh they just fell down the stairs? Don't baby them, they are fine." Um, no. Of course I'm going to "baby" my BABY! but I've also been told to dose my newborn with benadryl to get her to sleep (which I replied with a disturbed look) and to give my kids coke to get them to crawl....weird.
I know my kids cries and their habits. If I know its time to eat, no way would I let them cry. If its a pain cry, of course, don't let them cry it out. I feel like its a balance. At some point (at an older age like 6mo) its time for bed and mommy needs to sleep. I also know my "I don't want to go to bed I want to play so I am going to scream cry" and this mama of 3 under 3 don't play that game. That's when they can cry it out and learn that throwing a fit doesn't get them a reward. Again though, that's not with a newborn...it's when I can tell they have an attitude like around 6mo. Its a different age for every kid.
Worst parenting advice? I'm going to have to go with, "oh they just fell down the stairs? Don't baby them, they are fine." Um, no. Of course I'm going to "baby" my BABY! but I've also been told to dose my newborn with benadryl to get her to sleep (which I replied with a disturbed look) and to give my kids coke to get them to crawl....weird.
To back up your statements and reactions to the bolded - in order: 1. L does that, and he does the 'oh mom left her chair for a different one, time to panic'. It doesn't fly at my house, at least until he really works himself up too bad. Sometimes kids need to cry and try to sooth themselves.
2. There is a time when they can get up and laugh it off, and there is a time when they need to cry because it hurt or scared them. Crawling into a table - don't panic, falling off the couch/bed when asleep - they need soothed.
3. Giving a child Benadryl to calm them or put them to sleep got a daycare in serious trouble (closed down permanently I think).
4. Just give the kid a toy that can roll away and time. They have to figure it out on their own.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
3 is totally reasonable... 5 on a bad day... 10 would be like Armageddon...
Stuck in box: I lived through 11 months of Armageddon. I feel like I can do anything now haha.
Aw poor baby and poor mama! I've never had a baby with reflux... Thank goodness! But I did have one who had giardia for 2 months... that WAS like Armageddon! Worst poo ever ... but thankfully it was "short" lived.
3 is totally reasonable... 5 on a bad day... 10 would be like Armageddon...
Stuck in box: I lived through 11 months of Armageddon. I feel like I can do anything now haha.
Aw poor baby and poor mama! I've never had a baby with reflux... Thank goodness! But I did have one who had giardia for 2 months... that WAS like Armageddon! Worst poo ever ... but thankfully it was "short" lived.
Reflux is bad...but I can't imagine such terrible poo!
Not really advice, but something I saw my uncle do with my cousin. My cousin is a super picky eater. Like, he won't TOUCH vegetables. So at family gatherings my uncle would literally sit next to him and bargain with him to get him to eat the food on his plate. This went on from when he was a little kid until at least the last time I saw him, when he was 16 or so. If you're bargaining with your 16 year old to eat his veggies there's something seriously wrong. This was Christmas, so ham and turkey and all that jazz, and he has to sit next to his 16 year old and tell him "You're not getting any dessert until you eat this and that." Seriously? If my kid doesn't eat what's on his plate, ok you can go to bed with no dessert and hungry and I won't feel bad for you.
Now I can see giving kids something else if they don't like what is for dinner. I got something else when my parents had tacos, and no sauce on my pasta when we had spaghetti and meatballs. But I have a personal rule that DH has even adopted. I try foods and beverages once a year. If I didn't like it last year, there's a chance I might this year. So I will be implementing this with my kids. DH also isn't one for BS, so if our kid says I don't like it, his first response would be Well, have you ever tried it?
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Not really advice, but something I saw my uncle do with my cousin. My cousin is a super picky eater. Like, he won't TOUCH vegetables. So at family gatherings my uncle would literally sit next to him and bargain with him to get him to eat the food on his plate. This went on from when he was a little kid until at least the last time I saw him, when he was 16 or so. If you're bargaining with your 16 year old to eat his veggies there's something seriously wrong. This was Christmas, so ham and turkey and all that jazz, and he has to sit next to his 16 year old and tell him "You're not getting any dessert until you eat this and that." Seriously? If my kid doesn't eat what's on his plate, ok you can go to bed with no dessert and hungry and I won't feel bad for you.
Now I can see giving kids something else if they don't like what is for dinner. I got something else when my parents had tacos, and no sauce on my pasta when we had spaghetti and meatballs. But I have a personal rule that DH has even adopted. I try foods and beverages once a year. If I didn't like it last year, there's a chance I might this year. So I will be implementing this with my kids. DH also isn't one for BS, so if our kid says I don't like it, his first response would be Well, have you ever tried it?
I tried that with DS but he is stubborn and didn't work. He is such a picky eater, but DD will eat anything and everything.
Re: Worst Parenting Advice You've Ever Heard
She would give my brother Tylenol PM when he was little so that is what I should do... What?!
Kool aid in our bottles because "juice" is good for us... Huh?
Rubbing Pepsi on teething gums to help soothe them... Just no.
The list seriously goes on... I feel bad that DH got my mom as his MIL lol
@slartybartfast. DS was super fussy from two weeks old on. As a newborn he probably only slept 10-12 hours total in 24 hours which was so not right for his age. He cried all.the.time and then started refusing to eat. He would scream so hard during or after feedings he would sweat. (And yes, we got the "he'll eat when he's hungry" advice constantly which was completely not true for him) The day before we were finally getting him admitted to our children's hospital (L was around 5 months old), my friend's husband FB messaged me basically this: "I heard about all the trouble with your son and I think you need to try essential oils to help him." Oils? Are you kidding me right now??? We had taken him to so many doctors, had so many tests done, he was on three prescription meds and hypoallergenic formula. He was literally starving himself, vomiting up every ounce we did get him to eat, getting a feeding tube placed that week and you want me to rub some lavender and thieves oil on him??? I literally never responded to the message.
To be clear, I know oils are very popular right now and I don't think they're useless. I was just dumbfounded that someone who knew about our situation could possibly seriously believe we should be trying essential oils instead of taking him to the hospital.
I can't even with the shake a baby advice. That blows my mind and breaks my heart! Luckily, I think most (if not all) hospitals require you to be educated on it prior to discharge from the hospital.
ETA @jenlynne0624 I have nothing against the extinction method whatsoever. You gotta do what works! We would have tried that next if Ferber didn't work. My SIL uses it for all 3 of her children and it was rough, like, they would cry for up to 2 hours, but you know what? They are now healthy, happy, sweet children who sleep great. I think some people forget that sleep is almost as important as food. And like, @beff12 if it's an hour long process to try to coax your baby into napping for maybe 20 minutes they're not getting enough sleep! Parenting is all about making hard choices for your children based upon what is best for them, even when they don't understand. And hey, if it's best for your family to hold your baby for every single nap and all night long then that's cool too. Whatever works, but if you dread every nap and have literally broken down into tears while trying to get your baby to sleep at night (totally guilty) then it's not working. Lol
Rub Jack Daniels on theirs gums for when they're teething or mix a little in their bottle...because a drunk baby is better than a cranky uncomfortable one I guess???
and during potty training just spank your baby every time they poop in their diaper and they'll get the message really quick. Doesn't sound traumatic at all
I ended up realizing that she was an easily overstimulated baby... Working on anticipating her need to nap/shut down was the most helpful and just her growing.
Due December 27th with baby #7
One of the worst parenting strategies that I've experienced, not heard, was that my step dad would use finishing food or drinks as a form of punishment. Example, we all went out to eat, my parents, my brother and myself, and I had spaghetti. I told my parents I couldn't finish it but my step dad told me I had to...well after trying to, I threw up all over my plate in the restaurant. I was about 10. I will never force food on my children...I'll save it and try again later.
ETA @mimi603107 Holy cow, that's awful. I'm so sorry.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
WAY exaggerating. I don't think we had or needed 10 total.
WAY exaggerating. I don't think we had or needed 10 total.
Honestly, looking back at my step dads parenting, I think it was seriously messed up in ways but back then when I was young, I didn't think anything of it. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with a gallon jug of water and not being able to leave the table until I was finished drinking it all....I vaguely remember being in trouble for something. It was really weird...
Due December 27th with baby #7
So yes, there were days that we used 10 onsies, 10-15 bibs, and 20 burp rags A DAY. I'm not joking. She had these problems for 11 months before it just stopped one day. The only reason we used less clothes as it went on is because she had less bottles each day.
And yes, we saw doctors and specialists about this issue and they all said wait it out, if it doesn't resolve by 18 months, they would operate (she had an underdeveloped valve). It took time to grow. We didn't neglect the problem. During those 11 months we got a lot of crap from people and we're even called child neglectors. I'm a little sensitive on the subject.
Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to learn from the mistakes our parents made with us, especially the traumatizing ones.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
I did laundry 2ce a day the first week...then bought more clothes (used).
This kid I'm planning on having 10 newborn onesies and 5 sleepers. (Maybe 0-3 months, not sure yet...and not sure what I'll find used). If the need arises that you need more, you can always buy more. I would not recommend having 50 onesies in a size lol.
Worst parenting advice? I'm going to have to go with, "oh they just fell down the stairs? Don't baby them, they are fine." Um, no. Of course I'm going to "baby" my BABY! but I've also been told to dose my newborn with benadryl to get her to sleep (which I replied with a disturbed look) and to give my kids coke to get them to crawl....weird.
1. L does that, and he does the 'oh mom left her chair for a different one, time to panic'. It doesn't fly at my house, at least until he really works himself up too bad. Sometimes kids need to cry and try to sooth themselves.
2. There is a time when they can get up and laugh it off, and there is a time when they need to cry because it hurt or scared them. Crawling into a table - don't panic, falling off the couch/bed when asleep - they need soothed.
3. Giving a child Benadryl to calm them or put them to sleep got a daycare in serious trouble (closed down permanently I think).
4. Just give the kid a toy that can roll away and time. They have to figure it out on their own.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Due December 27th with baby #7
Now I can see giving kids something else if they don't like what is for dinner. I got something else when my parents had tacos, and no sauce on my pasta when we had spaghetti and meatballs. But I have a personal rule that DH has even adopted. I try foods and beverages once a year. If I didn't like it last year, there's a chance I might this year. So I will be implementing this with my kids. DH also isn't one for BS, so if our kid says I don't like it, his first response would be Well, have you ever tried it?
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18