Baby showers for squish #2+?

MrsRahl · June 2016

hjmorgan-2 · June 2016

I think it depends. Definitely if it's a different sex and if they're far between. I see babyshowers as a celebration and for family and friends to support with 'new born' gifts to get you started. If you have several young children already, then you generally will have most of what you need and a small gathering is appropriate. However, if it's been awhile, then I say go for it! My mother was pregnant with my baby brother, her 7th child, in her late 30s. So it had been awhile, and a lot of family and friends still supported her and threw her a big baby shower. Because even after 6 kids, a new born baby requires a lot of stuff.

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

I used to be very firmly of the "NO NO NO" mindset but then my SIL mentioned during my pregnancy with my first that she'd want to throw a sprinkle for my second. While I'm not a huge fan of being the center of attention and still feel like it would be a bit tacky, especially if this baby's another girl, I know my SIL is coming from a thoughtful, kind place. I would NEVER expect or ask anyone to throw a sprinkle for me - and I didn't with a shower,either - but I think that if someone wants to do something kind for you, you should let them. She hasn't said anything to me about a sprinkle again, but if she does I'll graciously accept

sagoon · June 2016

I think it totally depends. I have a friend who has 3 under 5, and she had a giant blow-out shower for each one, which was definitely tacky. However, I can understand the urge to have a party for the expectant mother, even if it's her 10th baby. I think as long as subsequent showers are low-key and not gift grabs there is nothing wrong with them. (obviously if there's like a 10+ year gap between kids then have a giant shower, because who saves baby gear for that long?)

ashanne88 · June 2016

I voted sprinkle but I think it totally depends. I agree with pp that if someone wants to throw you a shower/sprinkle/whatever they are probably coming from a loving, celebratory place and you should go with it. If someone offers to throw me a shower for our twins I would graciously accept, even though showers make me a little uncomfortable.

Briala · June 2016

For us maybe not a shower but a gender reveal party, that way you can still celebrate baby but not have it be about the gifts.

ThePax89 · June 2016

What is a special snowflake

zdmd_14 · June 2016

I think special snowflake just means your answer is unique.
Is a sprinkle just a low-key shower?

This is baby #3 but also DHs first and a 7 year gap between DCs 2 & 3. We have zero baby stuff other than an old pack and play. So I kind of hope we have a shower....but I'm not going to ask for one. Lol

ChaoticWolf · June 2016

I'm firmly in the "you only get one big shower and the rest are sprinkles" camp because unless your kids are 10+ years apart, many of the things you used with the first can be used with the second, or you can thrift/consignment shop for alot. Even if it's a different sex, you can still reuse strollers, cloth diapers, and onesies. The only big thing you'd really need to rebuy (specifically new) would be a carseat probably. A friend of mine had a sprinkle for her 3rd kid a few years ago and she asked that instead of diapers or onesies for gifts, that if anyone wanted to spend any money, to please gift to her cash fund for a new infant carseat as her previous one was too old and didn't pass the safety ratings anymore. She got enough for the new carseat and no one felt weird about it being a "gift grab" because it was something she reasonably needed.

stumptownmama · June 2016

Every child should be celebrated! Perhaps a shower as large as the first is not appropriate, but in my circle of friends we always do something to celebrate a new child. I think of showers/sprinkles most importantly as taking the time to think specifically about the child and the mom/parents, wishing them well for the future and lending support.

spano41 · June 2016

I'm in the pretty firm "it's tacky" category. I think you can celebrate the child without having an event for the purpose of people bringing gifts. I think Sip-N-Sees are great and we might try to do that after the baby is a month old or so. I can see a sprinkle being appropriate in some situations, but I'm not a fan of sprinkles for the typical STM whose friends and family just showered them with gifts a few years earlier.

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

ThePax89 said:

What is a special snowflake

"Special snowflake" is a not-so-nice term for someone who does things the "wrong" way and then gets extremely sensitive when called out on it. I was on here for my last pregnancy and around halfway through there was a mass exodus from the bump because some users were excessively cliquey and just not very nice to people who didn't think the way they did. The Bump kicked some of the more notoriously mean people off and then others followed them to another site. "Special snowflake" was one of their favorite terms to use toward those people. I started posting at the tail end of it and I'm leaving out a ton of details,and I'm sure if one of those people is in our group they'd tell you I'm not telling the whole story and I'm sure I'm not. But from the outside looking in, it was a bunch of hormonal pregnant women being petty and "special snowflake" was one of their favorite insults to sling. After the mass exodus, the people who I became close to in my BMB would use it occasionally, but only when a REALLY nutty poster would come on, post something ridiculous, and then start throwing insults at anyone who disagreed with them.

TL;DR "special snowflake" is not so much "unique" as "whiny cry baby who's stuck in lalaland"

sagoon · June 2016

I've always thought special snowflake was just a catchall term for any opinion that was not listed as a poll option??

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

sagoon said:

I've always thought special snowflake was just a catchall term for any opinion that was not listed as a poll option??

Not in my experience but maybe that's how some others have used it. I've only ever seen it used in a demeaning way.

ETA just looked it up on urban dictionary because it was bothering me haha. Looks like we are both right! Some use it the way I've seen, some use it through way you've seen, and there were actually a few additional entries. Most of them seemed to be more negative than positive though, so I personally am going to avoid using it

ElleMF728 · June 2016

I would find a small sprinkle much more acceptable. No registry, small gifts and only a few people. I personally don't go to second showers and generally just send a little outfit when the baby is born instead. It isn't my fault if you didn't keep the swing I bought you the first time.

ETA: I also tend to disagree with the qualifications ie different sex or extended time in between children. The reason is that I feel its odd to essentially tell someone I'll buy you a present or not based on something you have literally no control over.

Regarding the time between children. The opposite could also be true. If your children are close together in age then you may need two of the same thing or different gear since the first child is still using it (stroller, high chair, crib mattress etc.)

emilyn2012 · June 2016

I mostly would say a sprinkle. Because if the gender changes sprinkle gifts tend to be clothes anyway. The main reason I would advocate a second shower is if you are having TWINS for a second OR the births are greater than 4-5 years apart. Only because most of the stuff you'd had you may not have held on to for so long. I also vote that if the child is from different fathers you might get to have another shower. I think its unfair that the dad would miss out on a shower experience for their first child even though its the moms second. I know they don't normally attend but sometimes they do and it is part of the baby experience even if they don't.

julianna88-2 · June 2016

I had one for my first child, three years later I had another boy didn't have a shower for the second one, than three year later. I had another child it was a girl my best friend threw me a surprise shower. This time around I probably not going to have one BUT I'm sure they will throw me surprise one again. I like the whole idea of Diapers and Wipes party just couple of close family and friends.

Vivi20 · June 2016

I think that it's a totally individual thing. If you and your circle wants to have a blow-out baby shower for your 3rd, 4th, 5th kid, then go all out. Likewise, if you and your circle don't do it, that's all good, too.
I absolutely detest being the center of attention, and was SO uncomfortable having to open all the gifts in front a huge crowd at my dd's baby shower. Don't take me wrong, I was eternally thankful that everyone came and gave me such beautiful things, but it's just not my style. This time around, I am making sure that every one is very clear on the fact that I DO NOT want a baby shower, sprinkle, whatever. If someone wants to give us a gift (which is very kind and appreciated), they can come to my home, mail it, whatever works for them. This time around, though, my dh and I will be buying our own things - which is how I prefer it because then we get what we really want.
As far as a sip -n-see goes...the thought actually makes me squirm in discomfort. The idea of a bunch of people passing around my baby makes me feel all kind of ick. So we won't be doing one of those, either.

LastMango · June 2016

I'm going SS and saying it depends.

Etiquette says that a baby shower's purpose is to welcome a woman into motherhood (this only happens once). Expecting subsequent showers simply because your children are a different sex or are far apart in age and you didn't keep your old baby things is a bit presumptuous and rude in my opinion. HOWEVER, views and opinions on this can vary depending on your cultural and regional norms.

That being said, if my close friends or family offer to throw me a shower this time around, I will politely ask that it be kept small and minimal and only involve very close family or friends. Where i live, it would be rude of me to decline. I personally do not attend second showers unless it is someone close to me and even then I keep the gift simple.

I hope this doesn't come off as mean or negative. I think every child should be celebrated but it is the parents' responsibility to provide for that child and showers shouldn't be expected for every pregnancy.

spano41 · June 2016

Special snowflake just means unique. Like anything, it can be mean or condescending depending on the context. It's not just a bump thing either and had nothing to do with the exodus. It's used on lots of social media and forums as well as in every day life. I remember my aunt using the term before the Internet existed when I was a kid, so it's been around for a while. It's used in a lot of polls just to mean "other." No reason to be offended by it unless it's used in a snarky way.

Smiley-1980 · June 2016

My work will probably throw me a shower because I haven't been here for that long and they didn't celebrate my first child but I won't have a big family/friend one.

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

jlea05 said:

I think that it's a totally individual thing. If you and your circle wants to have a blow-out baby shower for your 3rd, 4th, 5th kid, then go all out. Likewise, if you and your circle don't do it, that's all good, too.
I absolutely detest being the center of attention, and was SO uncomfortable having to open all the gifts in front a huge crowd at my dd's baby shower. Don't take me wrong, I was eternally thankful that everyone came and gave me such beautiful things, but it's just not my style. This time around, I am making sure that every one is very clear on the fact that I DO NOT want a baby shower, sprinkle, whatever. If someone wants to give us a gift (which is very kind and appreciated), they can come to my home, mail it, whatever works for them. This time around, though, my dh and I will be buying our own things - which is how I prefer it because then we get what we really want.
As far as a sip -n-see goes...the thought actually makes me squirm in discomfort. The idea of a bunch of people passing around my baby makes me feel all kind of ick. So we won't be doing one of those, either.

Totally agree with you on the sip and see thing! Babies do not have strong immune systems. DH and I were extremely cautious about family events after DD was born for that reason -and no one is as vigilant about germs as a new mom! I can't even tell you how many people have told us they have "allergies" so they can hold DD when in reality they've had colds which they then passed on to her. So now we won't even let people who say they have allergies hold her if they are exhibiting symptoms.

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

spano41 said:

Special snowflake just means unique. Like anything, it can be mean or condescending depending on the context. It's not just a bump thing either and had nothing to do with the exodus. It's used on lots of social media and forums as well as in every day life. I remember my aunt using the term before the Internet existed when I was a kid, so it's been around for a while. It's used in a lot of polls just to mean "other." No reason to be offended by it unless it's used in a snarky way.

Thanks for clarifying! Sorry if I made it seem like that was the reason for the exodus! What I meant was that it was a term I'd seen used by those people, in a condescending way meant to put others down, and this is the only place I've seen it. Clearly my exposure to it has been limited, so that's why for me it had a distinctly negative connotation.

susykat77 · June 2016

I voted for sprinkle but that comes with a caveat - only if someone offers to throw you one. I think asking someone to throw you a shower or a sprinkle is tacky.

Jkp7749 · June 2016

I know it's tacky when it's just an hour long present opening session with anyone and everyone. I do think it's nice to celebrate each child though!! I'm sure we won't have a shower but, like a pp said, ours will only be 18 months apart so we will need some big things (second carseat, crib, etc) so if our families want to do something or close friends we will be more than thankful!

mommywesley · June 2016

Totally depends on the culture and family. Our family does parties for everything, heck when one of the kids are potty trained we throw panty parties! So, totally a personal choice. We will probably just do a gender reveal party and if it happens to be a girl, I'm sure everyone will be begging for a baby shower later to get us all girly stuff lol. We'll just see how it plays out.

curlysue22 · June 2016

@mommywesley panty parties! I love it haha!

For my sister who had three kids relatively close together, we had what I'd call small shower for the second one, and a very small luncheon with just grandma & 2 aunts for the 3rd. I liked to celebrate her babies and I know she appreciated it. For me, showers are a time of joy and celebration and the gifts are an expression of that. Not about "I need this" and "I don't need that".

I also feel like each pregnancy and birth are a miracle, and the mom is going through so much, regardless of which number child this is. It's nice to give the mom a special time to recognize and appreciate her, if she welcomes it.

katesmama0706 · June 2016

I think it depends on the culture where you live. We're in northern Utah and nobody would ever dream of throwing themselves a shower and every baby after #1 gets a sprinkle despite birth order or sex. But my friend lives in Texas where every single baby gets a giant full blown shower but you don't dare throw your own. And another friend lives in Florida and nobody batted an eye when she threw her own shower.
Same goes for gender reveals I think. Some places people are totally "ugh tackyyyy" and other places are like "omg party!".

wpowell · June 2016

@LastMango
I actually completely agree with you. I have always understood that a baby shower is for your first baby and you don't have one for every baby after that. I always thought the only time it might be appropriate for a second shower is if the parents are expecting multiples.. With that said I completely feel like it is up to the family and friends if they want to throw you a baby shower for every child you have then that just awesome!

I am struggling with what to do this time around though, this is my second but my DH first. MY DD is 6 and I got rid of all the baby stuff since I didn't think I would be having more. I do feel a little awkward thinking about having a baby shower since I've been there and done that but my husband has never had that experience (I'm a big believer in both parents being at the baby shower since it took two to create the baby). Should I allow our families to throw us a baby shower or should I just decline the idea from the start?

Carly79 · June 2016

@wpowell I say if they want to throw one let them You may find that your DH's family and/or friends wants to throw one or be included in one since it's his first and they haven't had the pleasure. Also, things have changed in 6 years, the things out today are different and like you said, you don't have anything.

I am in the camp of if someone wants to throw me a shower they can. I may ask that they try to limit the gifts but it's a reason to celebrate with family. I don't anticipate family throwing another shower but could see my friends from work putting a little something together again. If not, no big deal, I'm good either way.

susykat77 · June 2016

@wpowell I think that with this being your husbands first that if they want to throw you a shower then go for it! I really think that each situation is different and I am sure that in this situation his family definitely wants to celebrate!

zdmd_14 · June 2016

@wpowell I think if someone offers you should go for it. That's the situation we are in. DH and I didn't expect to have more than my 2 when we got married and got rid of any remaining baby stuff when we bought a house. And like you said, he hasn't gotten the experience before. I'm also at a different workplace and with a totally different friend group. So I'm not going to walk around demanding a shower but there is absolutely no problem with it if you have people wanting to host. Just my opinion.

sldp123 · June 2016

I mostly think it's tacky, regardless of the sex of the baby or length of time between kids, because it's really not anyone else's job to provide what you need for a new baby. However, it's obviously very widely accepted in certain social circles and cultures, so I guess it just depends.

This is #2 for me, and my MIL is already all about having a shower. I get it, it is DH's first and her first grandchild, but I still feel very weird about it. I told her I didn't think people did that when they already had a child, and she used the big age gap argument, too. (DS will be 8 next week). In the end, I'll probably go with it to make her happy, but I don't think I'll do a registry, and I'll insist on it being mainly her family, and I'll still feel kind of icky about it, haha.

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

sldp123 said:

I mostly think it's tacky, regardless of the sex of the baby or length of time between kids, because it's really not anyone else's job to provide what you need for a new baby. However, it's obviously very widely accepted in certain social circles and cultures, so I guess it just depends.

This is #2 for me, and my MIL is already all about having a shower. I get it, it is DH's first and her first grandchild, but I still feel very weird about it. I told her I didn't think people did that when they already had a child, and she used the big age gap argument, too. (DS will be 8 next week). In the end, I'll probably go with it to make her happy, but I don't think I'll do a registry, and I'll insist on it being mainly her family, and I'll still feel kind of icky about it, haha.

While I definitely understand your discomfort, I think I'd actually be more inclined to make a registry if I felt as you do. Get all the big things yourself if you truly don't want people spending their money and just put little things- cute outfits, toys, etc - so people will know not to splurge on things like a stroller. When there is no registry, people tend to just get what they think you need since they don't know what you already have. If you do an amazon one, there's actually a way to show what you have already so people know not to buy those items!

zdmd_14 · June 2016

Also, don't lots of places offer a completion discount for registries? Like 10% of anything left on your register after a certain date? Imo, that is enough of a reason to register and put things you actually need on there. Even if you're not telling many people that you are registered.

LastMango · June 2016

zdmd_14 said:

Also, don't lots of places offer a completion discount for registries? Like 10% of anything left on your register after a certain date? Imo, that is enough of a reason to register and put things you actually need on there. Even if you're not telling many people that you are registered.

Absolutely!

sarahmsoda · June 2016

My friend lives in a small community and they have a neat tradition of "Freezer Meal Parties" so just before the babies are due the town gets together and cooks a bunch of freezer meals and stocks the new mom's freezer.

I think it is a great idea because cooking is not on your radar after a new baby and if you already have children they still need to eat so having easy meals really helps.

ashanne88 · June 2016

@sarahmsoda I love that tradition! A good stock of food is SO important once the baby/babies arrive.

Vivi20 · June 2016

Speaking of registries. At the risk of sounding like a complete twat, I was really kind of irritated because I had a registry, and everyone who attended my shower was informed of said registry, and people still got me whatever the heck THEY wanted. I think I got *maybe* two things that I actually registered for. Mind you, I had about 35 people at my shower. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but if I'm informed of an event where a person has a gift registry, I am sure to get someone off that registry, because those are the things that person wants/needs.

zdmd_14 · June 2016

jlea05 said:

Speaking of registries. At the risk of sounding like a complete twat, I was really kind of irritated because I had a registry, and everyone who attended my shower was informed of said registry, and people still got me whatever the heck THEY wanted. I think I got *maybe* two things that I actually registered for. Mind you, I had about 35 people at my shower. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but if I'm informed of an event where a person has a gift registry, I am sure to get someone off that registry, because those are the things that person wants/needs.

I tend to agree. Unless it's for your BFF or something and you have an idea for something unique that they will actually need and use, then you really should go by the registry. I wouldn't ever say that to someone who gave me a gift, but really if I get 5 boppy pillows, then you wasted your money.

ChaoticWolf · June 2016

zdmd_14 said:

jlea05 said:

Speaking of registries. At the risk of sounding like a complete twat, I was really kind of irritated because I had a registry, and everyone who attended my shower was informed of said registry, and people still got me whatever the heck THEY wanted. I think I got *maybe* two things that I actually registered for. Mind you, I had about 35 people at my shower. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but if I'm informed of an event where a person has a gift registry, I am sure to get someone off that registry, because those are the things that person wants/needs.

I tend to agree. Unless it's for your BFF or something and you have an idea for something unique that they will actually need and use, then you really should go by the registry. I wouldn't ever say that to someone who gave me a gift, but really if I get 5 boppy pillows, then you wasted your money.

I think that it sometimes has to do with people not having a particular store in their area. One time a friend of mine registered for her wedding at a pottery barn and there wasn't one anywhere near me (she lived in a different county), so what I ended up doing was getting something similar from a store near me, and put the gift receipt in with it to make sure she had the option to return it if she wanted.

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