Just to add to the joint FB account. My best friend and her husband just recently joined accounts. It's not because there is trouble in paradise it's because her account was hacked. Instead of going through the hassle of opening up a new account she just changed the name on her husbands account. They have the same friends and now don't have to tag each other when posting.
I guess my UO would be I hate Facebook. I don't have an account but my DH does. I think it should be called bragbook because that's all people do on there.
************** Stuck in box.
Yay to hating FB!! I hate it too. I don't have a FB account either. My H signed up just so he could see pics of his neice, but never posts anything. We are using Moment Garden to share pregnancy pics and updates with immediate family only.
I'm on the other side of the birth experience coin. I believe that women should have access to the ability to have the experience they want. And it bothers the shit out of me when people dumb it down to "the most important thing at the end of the day is a healthy baby". I look at birthing day like your wedding day. If every possible thing went wrong on someone's wedding day, it'd be a huge dbag move to tell the bride "all that matters is that you're married now". The experience matters! That's why people plan weddings. They plan the flowers, dresses, venues, cake, etc because that's what they want to make their day perfect. Not everything can always go 100% as planned, shit happens, but the experience matters. It's something you'll remember for the rest of your life, make it count. I'm not saying that a healthy baby doesn't matter at the end of the day, but people often forget the day is about more than just the baby. And it's maddening when insurance companies get to dictate what a woman's birth experience can be.
I'm on the other side of the birth experience coin. I believe that women should have access to the ability to have the experience they want. And it bothers the shit out of me when people dumb it down to "the most important thing at the end of the day is a healthy baby". I look at birthing day like your wedding day. If every possible thing went wrong on someone's wedding day, it'd be a huge dbag move to tell the bride "all that matters is that you're married now". The experience matters! That's why people plan weddings. They plan the flowers, dresses, venues, cake, etc because that's what they want to make their day perfect. Not everything can always go 100% as planned, shit happens, but the experience matters. It's something you'll remember for the rest of your life, make it count. I'm not saying that a healthy baby doesn't matter at the end of the day, but people often forget the day is about more than just the baby. And it's maddening when insurance companies get to dictate what a woman's birth experience can be.
I'm on the other side of the birth experience coin. I believe that women should have access to the ability to have the experience they want. And it bothers the shit out of me when people dumb it down to "the most important thing at the end of the day is a healthy baby". I look at birthing day like your wedding day. If every possible thing went wrong on someone's wedding day, it'd be a huge dbag move to tell the bride "all that matters is that you're married now". The experience matters! That's why people plan weddings. They plan the flowers, dresses, venues, cake, etc because that's what they want to make their day perfect. Not everything can always go 100% as planned, shit happens, but the experience matters. It's something you'll remember for the rest of your life, make it count. I'm not saying that a healthy baby doesn't matter at the end of the day, but people often forget the day is about more than just the baby. And it's maddening when insurance companies get to dictate what a woman's birth experience can be.
I 100% agree. I live somewhere that has no midwives, a shitty hospital and I am not having my baby at home this time cause I am determined to have a good experience. I am fortunate enough to have family who lives in the city I want to have my baby at. Cause the one here sucks but if it wasn't for me having a place to stay our health care here doesn't offer or allow the type of birth I want to have.
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My UO is I hate how taboo it is to have an UO and I think it is ridiculous how Politically Correct everybody is just expected to be. And I'm not referring to our BMB, I'm referring to our lives. It's getting to the point that I don't even want to have generalised discussions because if an opinion ventures too far from the bandwagon belief, it is disected, over analyzed, distorted, and before you know it you're accused of disrespect, hate, or insensitivity just for having your own point of view. This is a vague post, buy I'll spare the details for your sakes and my own.
My UO is I hate how taboo it is to have an UO and I think it is ridiculous how Politically Correct everybody is just expected to be. And I'm not referring to our BMB, I'm referring to our lives. It's getting to the point that I don't even want to have generalised discussions because if an opinion ventures too far from the bandwagon belief, it is disected, over analyzed, distorted, and before you know it you're accused of disrespect, hate, or insensitivity just for having your own point of view. This is a vague post, buy I'll spare the details for your sakes and my own.
*In the box*
Some people are way oversensitive, you are absolutely right. And some people just love drama. But I like the political correctness movement (even if I hate the name). Political correctness is often synonymous with treating people with respect. Example, if a person of Native American descent tells me they prefer to be called Native American instead of redskins then I will refer to them as Native American. Especially because 9 times out of 10 their preference or feelings have no impact on my life. I couldn't care less what they are called, but they do, therefore I will respect that. I'm sure there are some examples that aren't that simple but that's my basic premise. Eta because message got cut off!
@books&icecream My issue with Political Correctness is the technicalities. I'll use your Native American example (which is a bit extreme but obviously your point is valid) since I live in Oklahoma and this is *sometimes* a hot button topic. A lot of Native Americans around here wear hats and t-shirts that say "N8V PRIDE" or "NDN", especially around campus. BUT, if you actually refer to some of them as "Indians" or "Native" without adding "American" to the end, they get get defensive and are quick to assume prejudice just because it's confusing knowing who prefers to be referred to as what. Some think being called "Native Americans" undermines their history and struggle. Some believe being called "indian" perpetuates stereotyping. "Native" by itself isn't specific enough, etc. Some don't care one way or the other. Both of those terms are thought to be pretty PC by the general population, but there is still controversy with them that varies from person to person. Obviously it is not PC to refer to them as "Savages", but it gets irritating when it's a conflict trying to decide between one typically PC term or another typically PC term depending on who you are speaking to individually.
I'm a Rochester, NY native so I'm a Wegmans girl for life! However, I believe that some of their prices tend to be a little bit high, probably due to the novelty that it seems to have become. I now live in NJ where the stores are a little more scattered, and the closest one to me is about 30 minutes...but I still like to stop on my way home from work here and there and indulge in some of the treats, especially from the cafe section. I just can't argue with their selection - they always seem to have everything!!
@AllyTheKid You are totally right that you will never succeed at making everyone happy. If they can't agree within their own group, then yeah, it will be pretty hard for an outsider to make all of them happy. Being a Yankee-turned-European I only know a few Native Americans, so maybe that was a bad example. But for anyone you have personal contact with, you can ask what they prefer and respect that.
I agree with @books&icecream- I try my best to use the widely accepted term unless someone I know tells me otherwise. In the example used above, my husband is American Indian, and that is the term his family prefers. If someone else prefers something else, I certainly try to remember. I think as long as you are making an effort not to be disrespectful, people tend to be okay with you trying.
Some people are way oversensitive, you are absolutely right. And some people just love drama. But I like the political correctness movement (even if I hate the name). Political correctness is often synonymous with treating people with respect. Example, if a person of Native American descent tells me they prefer to be called Native American instead of redskins then I will refer to them as Native American. Especially because 9 times out of 10 their preference or feelings have no impact on my life. I couldn't care less what they are called, but they do, therefore I will respect that. I'm sure there are some examples that aren't that simple but that's my basic premise. Eta because message got cut off!
That would be true... if it were a two way street. As someone who has somewhat conservative beliefs and made the mistake of posting them once on a UO (not on this board), I can tell you, it's a blood bath when you don't agree with the vast majority. There is ZERO respect around here (and in life in general) when you have a truly unpopular opinion. I would give detailed examples, but I won't because I know 787 lurkers would show up and verbally bash me.
Edit cuz grammar.
ETA: I remembered this about the aforementioned UO conflict on another board and it made me giggle considering how relevant it is to the sentence I highlighted in your post... One of the girls who disagreed with me felt so strongly opposed to my opinion, she literally said "you don't deserve my respect." LOL All because I had a different (and unpopular) opinion. And I assure you, the subject matter absolutely did NOT warrant that kind of treatment. It's just a perfect example of how a REAL UO gets treated.
I'm on the other side of the birth experience coin. I believe that women should have access to the ability to have the experience they want. And it bothers the shit out of me when people dumb it down to "the most important thing at the end of the day is a healthy baby". I look at birthing day like your wedding day. If every possible thing went wrong on someone's wedding day, it'd be a huge dbag move to tell the bride "all that matters is that you're married now". The experience matters! That's why people plan weddings. They plan the flowers, dresses, venues, cake, etc because that's what they want to make their day perfect. Not everything can always go 100% as planned, shit happens, but the experience matters. It's something you'll remember for the rest of your life, make it count. I'm not saying that a healthy baby doesn't matter at the end of the day, but people often forget the day is about more than just the baby. And it's maddening when insurance companies get to dictate what a woman's birth experience can be.
But in the end..... who pays for it? Same goes for weddings, I get frustrated with friends who are wedding planning who feel entitled to big, fairy tale weddings but expect someone else to foot the bill because they can't afford it. I really wanted a videographer, but it wasn't in the budget, so I couldn't get one. It sucks that I won't have a wedding video to watch, it's something I wanted, not something I needed. Who decides that someone gets something they want/prefer that they can't afford?
@scostel2 - I just wanted to say I have a crush on your way with words. You always make your point so well without being rude or obnoxious. It's awesome!
@copperboom86 Some opinions SHOULD be trashed because they are harmful and wrong. I am NOT saying yours falls into this category, but for example if someone thinks that darker-skinned people really aren't as smart as lighter-skinned people, that would be an opinion that deserved to be trashed. There are some conservative opinions that do disdain groups of people, and I would absolutely tell someone that wasn't acceptable. But there are some - like, for example, how much the military should be funded - that are opinions and people can just disagree on what would be best.
@CopperBoom86 there's a difference between using offensive terminology and criticizing someone for their political beliefs in a conversation/debate. Obviously there are people who are disrespectful in conversations, especially regarding politics. But that's not an argument against using terminology that respects someone's heritage/identity *especially* when there is a historical foundation of disrespect.
@CopperBoom86 there's a difference between using offensive terminology and criticizing someone for their political beliefs in a conversation/debate. Obviously there are people who are disrespectful in conversations, especially regarding politics. But that's not an argument against using terminology that respects someone's heritage/identity *especially* when there is a historical foundation of disrespect.
Yeah, my comment had nothing to do with the whole "native american" thing that was brought up. I posted before I even saw that. I was just responding to @AllyTheKid's original post on the topic.
@copperboom86 Some opinions SHOULD be trashed because they are harmful and wrong. I am NOT saying yours falls into this category, but for example if someone thinks that darker-skinned people really aren't as smart as lighter-skinned people, that would be an opinion that deserved to be trashed. There are some conservative opinions that do disdain groups of people, and I would absolutely tell someone that wasn't acceptable. But there are some - like, for example, how much the military should be funded - that are opinions and people can just disagree on what would be best.
Conservative opinions don't disdain groups of people. Asshole's opinions do. Some of those assholes happen to be conservative but that is surely not how every Conservative/Republican feels or what they think.
@copperboom86 Some opinions SHOULD be trashed because they are harmful and wrong. I am NOT saying yours falls into this category, but for example if someone thinks that darker-skinned people really aren't as smart as lighter-skinned people, that would be an opinion that deserved to be trashed. There are some conservative opinions that do disdain groups of people, and I would absolutely tell someone that wasn't acceptable. But there are some - like, for example, how much the military should be funded - that are opinions and people can just disagree on what would be best.
Yeah, I get that. But if the opinion doesn't hurt anyone (in my case because it doesn't change a single thing about the way I live my life or treat other people), there's no reason to be critical, rude, and judgmental.
I try to see the world as it truly is and be fair to anyone and everyone. I have some beliefs that would get me bashed by liberals and some that would get me thrown out of the church DH and I attend lol. This quote by Louis CK (of all people) hits the nail on the head for me: "Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue." THAT is how I live my life. I guess that's why I take particular offense to anyone who verbally accosts me for my beliefs.
Im Native and yes, redskin is offensive, just like the "n word". As far as being called, Native, Indian etc it's mostly personal preference. I don't claim to speak for all Native people though. It does get frustrating when everyone "claims Indian" (*your grandma was not a Cherokee "princess" btw*) and says that this or that is not offensive.
My post was about both UOs, and Political Correctness. @books&icecream and I discussed Native Americans just as an example, it wasn't the point though @TheBeeCharmer I think I can pretty much speak for everyone when saying it is agreed that "redskin" is beyond a shadow of a doubt an offensive term!
I'm on the other side of the birth experience coin. I believe that women should have access to the ability to have the experience they want. And it bothers the shit out of me when people dumb it down to "the most important thing at the end of the day is a healthy baby". I look at birthing day like your wedding day. If every possible thing went wrong on someone's wedding day, it'd be a huge dbag move to tell the bride "all that matters is that you're married now". The experience matters! That's why people plan weddings. They plan the flowers, dresses, venues, cake, etc because that's what they want to make their day perfect. Not everything can always go 100% as planned, shit happens, but the experience matters. It's something you'll remember for the rest of your life, make it count. I'm not saying that a healthy baby doesn't matter at the end of the day, but people often forget the day is about more than just the baby. And it's maddening when insurance companies get to dictate what a woman's birth experience can be.
But in the end..... who pays for it? Same goes for weddings, I get frustrated with friends who are wedding planning who feel entitled to big, fairy tale weddings but expect someone else to foot the bill because they can't afford it. I really wanted a videographer, but it wasn't in the budget, so I couldn't get one. It sucks that I won't have a wedding video to watch, it's something I wanted, not something I needed. Who decides that someone gets something they want/prefer that they can't afford?
My wedding analogy ends when it comes to finances, lol.
Ack! Trapped in the box and formatting hell!
My frustration and concern is that insurance companies and money are suddenly dictating how women are allowed to give birth, something we've been doing since we came into existance. In ages past, women did what they had to do to give birth. Now it's dictated by what they can afford. My mind is blown by the idea what an insurance company is ok paying $5,000 for an epidural but balk at spending $200 to rent and set up a birth tub. Insurance companies will gladly pay many thousands of dollars for a hospital room and overnight stay but refuse to pay a third of that for a birth center. Pretty soon, insurance is going to dictate that women can only have C Sections or that they can only give birth on their back for whatever arbitrary reason. Women are being systemically robbed of their rights to their bodies and being treated like they're ill and have to be medically managed.
Here's my unpopular opinion: if you can't afford to rent a $200 birthing tub, can you really afford a kid? Medical insurance is for medical procedures. If you want it to cover birth, give birth at a hospital. Hospitals are not scary cold places that force women to have the births they don't want. All hospitals are different, shop around. Mine employs midwives and doulas, has a birthing center, has tubs in the birthing center, and highly discourages voluntary c section. Women have the choice to have as medical or as traditional of a birth they want. I'm in the United States, fwiw.
Here's my unpopular opinion: if you can't afford to rent a $200 birthing tub, can you really afford a kid? Medical insurance is for medical procedures. If you want it to cover birth, give birth at a hospital. Hospitals are not scary cold places that force women to have the births they don't want. All hospitals are different, shop around. Mine employs midwives and doulas, has a birthing center, has tubs in the birthing center, and highly discourages voluntary c section. Women have the choice to have as medical or as traditional of a birth they want. I'm in the United States, fwiw.
Not all women have the option of shopping around for a hospital the provides the services they want. First, not all hospitals are covered by all insurance plans. If you've got an HMO, you're pretty limited in the providers covered. Second, not all women live in areas with multiple hospitals within quick driving distance. And third, not all towns or cities in the US have hospitals that have the amenities that some women want because they aren't that commonly used in those parts of the country.
Here's my unpopular opinion: if you can't afford to rent a $200 birthing tub, can you really afford a kid? Medical insurance is for medical procedures. If you want it to cover birth, give birth at a hospital. Hospitals are not scary cold places that force women to have the births they don't want. All hospitals are different, shop around. Mine employs midwives and doulas, has a birthing center, has tubs in the birthing center, and highly discourages voluntary c section. Women have the choice to have as medical or as traditional of a birth they want. I'm in the United States, fwiw.
Congrats on having a hospital set up that makes you happy and meets your needs.
I had a hospital birth with DS and hated every minute of it. I found it to be a "scary, cold place" that "forced [me] to have a birth [I] didn't want". That's why I'm going the birth center route this time. I'm not fortunate enough to have an awesome hospital at my disposal like you do. Understand how lucky you are.
Here's my unpopular opinion: if you can't afford to rent a $200 birthing tub, can you really afford a kid? Medical insurance is for medical procedures. If you want it to cover birth, give birth at a hospital. Hospitals are not scary cold places that force women to have the births they don't want. All hospitals are different, shop around. Mine employs midwives and doulas, has a birthing center, has tubs in the birthing center, and highly discourages voluntary c section. Women have the choice to have as medical or as traditional of a birth they want. I'm in the United States, fwiw.
Congrats on having a hospital set up that makes you happy and meets your needs.
I had a hospital birth with DS and hated every minute of it. I found it to be a "scary, cold place" that "forced [me] to have a birth [I] didn't want". That's why I'm going the birth center route this time. I'm not fortunate enough to have an awesome hospital at my disposal like you do. Understand how lucky you are.
Yes your stinking mega lucky. I have to travel 8 hours away and live in my holiday trailer for 3-5 weeks while I wait to deliver at a vbac friendly birthing centre. I have health insurance yes, but it won't cover my cost of living somewhere else cause our hospital here sucks balls.
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I have mixed opinions on the "birth experience" but I just wanted to comment on how RIDICULOUS it is that so many of you have to go to such extremes to get what seems like standard health care. I have never toured a L&D in the US so I may be way off here, but where I am they have delivery rooms that are small, compact, yet still have lots of options for birthing positions, etc. Most also have one room with a tub for water births. It just seems like it's not THAT much effort to provide a comfortable birthing experience for the vast majority of women. Consequently, the "birth experience" isn't really a thing here.
I have mixed opinions on the "birth experience" but I just wanted to comment on how RIDICULOUS it is that so many of you have to go to such extremes to get what seems like standard health care. I have never toured a L&D in the US so I may be way off here, but where I am they have delivery rooms that are small, compact, yet still have lots of options for birthing positions, etc. Most also have one room with a tub for water births. It just seems like it's not THAT much effort to provide a comfortable birthing experience for the vast majority of women. Consequently, the "birth experience" isn't really a thing here.
I see what your saying. A person would think I the US and Canada (very developed countries) that being allowed to have a good birth experience would be a basic human right. Either of my births were far from comfortable. I'll save the back story, cause it's long, complicated and very boring for most. So that is why this time things are going to be different cause I refuse to be treated like a number, I'm a person with feelings.
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Re: UO Thursday (6/9)
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
Edit cuz grammar.
ETA: I remembered this about the aforementioned UO conflict on another board and it made me giggle considering how relevant it is to the sentence I highlighted in your post... One of the girls who disagreed with me felt so strongly opposed to my opinion, she literally said "you don't deserve my respect." LOL All because I had a different (and unpopular) opinion. And I assure you, the subject matter absolutely did NOT warrant that kind of treatment. It's just a perfect example of how a REAL UO gets treated.
But in the end..... who pays for it? Same goes for weddings, I get frustrated with friends who are wedding planning who feel entitled to big, fairy tale weddings but expect someone else to foot the bill because they can't afford it. I really wanted a videographer, but it wasn't in the budget, so I couldn't get one. It sucks that I won't have a wedding video to watch, it's something I wanted, not something I needed. Who decides that someone gets something they want/prefer that they can't afford?
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Yeah, I get that. But if the opinion doesn't hurt anyone (in my case because it doesn't change a single thing about the way I live my life or treat other people), there's no reason to be critical, rude, and judgmental.
I try to see the world as it truly is and be fair to anyone and everyone. I have some beliefs that would get me bashed by liberals and some that would get me thrown out of the church DH and I attend lol. This quote by Louis CK (of all people) hits the nail on the head for me: "Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue." THAT is how I live my life. I guess that's why I take particular offense to anyone who verbally accosts me for my beliefs.
I had a hospital birth with DS and hated every minute of it. I found it to be a "scary, cold place" that "forced [me] to have a birth [I] didn't want". That's why I'm going the birth center route this time. I'm not fortunate enough to have an awesome hospital at my disposal like you do. Understand how lucky you are.
Consequently, the "birth experience" isn't really a thing here.
DS#2 due 25 April 2019