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DS not invited to bridal shower happening this weekend

elisamcdougallelisamcdougall member
in November 2015 Moms
I just need to vent lol I received an invitation to a bridal shower a few weeks ago and replied that I was going. We just received the wedding invitation and it was addressed to just DH and I so I wasn't sure if DS was invited so i started to question if i could bring him to the shower or not. I called the mother of the bride (she's hosting) and she left me a message stating that the bridesmaids aren't bring their babies so she said that I can't bring DS. It was not stated on the shower invite that it's adults only! Am I wrong to be upset? I understand people having adult only parties but please specify on the invite. Now DH has to change all his plans at the last minute. 
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Re: DS not invited to bridal shower happening this weekend

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  • gipfishgipfish member
    Interesting. I can't imagine what reason the baby would be unwelcome. I never questioned whether or not I should bring my daughter to a bridal shower recently. I just brought her, and there were a few other babies there.
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    I would never bring one of my kid's to a bridal shower.  Even as a bridesmaid, my best friend said it was OK for me to bring my oldest to her shower since I was BFing at the time and he was only 2 months, but I said no.  Bridal showers are to focus on the bride to be.  Whether intentional or not, babies are a distraction to both mother and others attending (many women are drawn to the babies - lets be honest).  It's not fair to the bride nor is it an appropriate forum for a baby in my opinion.  Some things just don't need to be stated about appropriate places to bring babies.  For example restaurants don't have signs that say "no babies", but I wouldn't bring a baby to a very intimate, fine dining establishment. A chain or local diner?  Sure.  A primo $ restaurant with an atmosphere for romance with 7:30 reservations.  No.
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  • doodleoodledoodleoodle member
    I'm in the minority (as usual lol). While I agree that there are some things you just don't bring a baby to, a bachelorette party for instance, it wouldn't have occurred to me that a bridal shower is one of them. However, I would not be upset at all. I would be so stoked. A baby free afternoon with adult time?! Hell yes!
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  • AmoLovesAudAmoLovesAud member
    edited June 2016
    I would assume my LO wasn't invited unless the invite included their name.  Babies were at my showers, but they were invited by name on their moms' invites.  The only one that technically wasn't invited by name was invited as "Baby Lastname" bc mom was due any day when we sent the invites out and baby would be about 6-8 weeks old at the shower (they did come, and it was a great chance for everyone to meet the new bub!  I didn't mind, I don't like having all the focus on me)
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  • nycmommy13nycmommy13 member
    I wouldn't assume a baby is invited to a bridal shower, especially if it's same-sex only. The wedding is another story.
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  • eamarateamarat member
    Never assume. I hosted a shower for a friend and her cousin called a week before asking if she could bring her 5 month old seeing as she was BFing and the LO will not take a bottle. I checked in with the bride to see if the baby was welcome and she was so it wasn't an issue for us. But I'm glad she asked and didn't just show up with her. 
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  • cdepperschmidtcdepperschmidt member
    I totally disagree. I think it's should be okay to bring babies to bridal showers. Especially if you are nursing. I agree that there are places that babies should not be, but if moms going to be gone for more than 3 hours then baby should be invited. In fact I hosted a bridal shower last weekend and there were 3 babies and a toddler. Now I can see the arguement for why toddlers and children should be left home, but in my family we bring them all.

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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    cdepperschmidt said:
    I totally disagree. I think it's should be okay to bring babies to bridal showers. Especially if you are nursing. I agree that there are places that babies should not be, but if moms going to be gone for more than 3 hours then baby should be invited. In fact I hosted a bridal shower last weekend and there were 3 babies and a toddler. Now I can see the arguement for why toddlers and children should be left home, but in my family we bring them all.

    I agree with you, if a friend told me not to bring my child I likely wouldn't go. Yes a 2/3yr old running around isn't ideal but a baby that needs to nurses c'mon. i wouldn't be upset I just wouldn't be going. I would however send a gift.
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  • taykerslaketaykerslake member
    edited June 2016
    Went to a wedding ceremony and reception a few weeks ago. Never occurred to me to ask if Arlo was invited. Unless I deem it inappropriate I'm bringing my baby or else I'm probably not coming. Is that like something that goes on in other countries? I've never been to a bridal shower where kids were not allowed. I live in Canada so maybe my wedding etiquette just isn't up to par... Edited to add that I nursed him during the ceremony and reception as well. If I had to travel over an hour to get there then yes I'm bringing my baby, and yes he's going to need to eat when we get where we're going. I honestly have never heard of super young children not being allowed at the events unless it was a small and expensive wedding. 
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  • helsbels222helsbels222 member
    gipfish said:
    Interesting. I can't imagine what reason the baby would be unwelcome. I never questioned whether or not I should bring my daughter to a bridal shower recently. I just brought her, and there were a few other babies there.
    Perhaps this could be just different social circles depending if the guest of honor has children or not. I've been to weddings with no children and I've been to some where the bride and groom had a child so then I guess other family members assumed they could bring theirs. I was just at a baby shower where there were only two children there, the nephews of the mommy-to-be. No one else brought their babies. I never even asked, I just didn't bring LO. However, this weekend, I am hosting a baptism for LO and a friend asked me if she could bring her baby and I of course said yes (I wouldn't say no) but it's an event for a child.

    Personally, I've always kept the rule of thumb that if it's an event for an adult, keep the babies at home. Although, since I hardly get out and do anything on my own I'm all for a reason to go out kid free.
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  • PocoHRPocoHR member
    I think all of these kinds of norms really depend on where you are geographically and what social strata you belong to. I grew up in rural northern Michigan where I can promise you: people bring babies to parties. It is rather expected that if you invite someone with a young baby, the baby would come. I now live in the Boston suburbs and the expectations are totally different. People here are less likely to consider it rude to expect a nursing mother to get a babysitter and have a breast pump and make provisions, because I think we all assume everyone has the means for that sort of thing. It would be more rude to bring a potentially crying baby to shower, I think. But the expectations all depend on where you are and who you hang with. 
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  • ShianeNicoleShianeNicole member
    There are over 70 grandkids/great grandkids in my family on my mom's side alone. Babies come everywhere. But that's just our family dynamic. I guess it would just depend on how it goes with your specific family / friends. I'm with the girls who say they don't see a problem bringin them!
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    PocoHR said:
    I think all of these kinds of norms really depend on where you are geographically and what social strata you belong to. I grew up in rural northern Michigan where I can promise you: people bring babies to parties. It is rather expected that if you invite someone with a young baby, the baby would come. I now live in the Boston suburbs and the expectations are totally different. People here are less likely to consider it rude to expect a nursing mother to get a babysitter and have a breast pump and make provisions, because I think we all assume everyone has the means for that sort of thing. It would be more rude to bring a potentially crying baby to shower, I think. But the expectations all depend on where you are and who you hang with. 
    I am a born and raised Masshole living outside the city limits and we are a VERY lucky state when it comes to state mandates for any/all fertility treatments and pregnancy related care.  Massachusetts requires by law insurance to cover medical equipment (a pump) to nursing mothers.  They walked around delivery floor handing them out based on insurance provider.  I even bought my own manual as a backup and they're not that much money so really if you can afford a baby, you can afford a manual pump!  Either way, for MA residents in particular it is relatively easy for breastfeeding mothers to express and leave behind breastmilk if she decides (again - key here being personal decision) to leave her baby in the care of a loved one or babysitter to go to work, an event inappropriate for babies and/or any other time needed away from baby.  If one really doesn't want to leave a baby behind for a few hours then fine.  Don't attend and most hosts wouldn't bat an eye at the reasoning.  

    More generally speaking to this thread, there are very few life events that I believe warrant leaving LO behind; a bridal shower being one of them.  Here is why I personally feel this way:  

    Lets be real for a moment... babies are a draw.  You get a room full of women together and someone shows up with a baby and I would bet good money a crowd forms around the baby.  As I referenced earlier, I was a bridesmaid for my best friend 2 years back. I hosted the bridal shower at my house when my breastfed son was only 2 months old.  I planned for this day in advance and pumped to leave my husband with milk to feed the baby.  I would excuse myself once or twice that day to pump.  I didn't feel it appropriate keeping DS there because I knew the attention he would draw and that day was about my friend.  Well guess what... her soon to be SIL showed up with her 6 month old, formula fed baby and her 2 year old daughter.  She didn't even ask.... just brought them because she felt like it.  What happened when they showed up?  Everyone wanted to hold the baby, pass the baby around, play with the kids, talk to the SIL about "how is life with two".  The toddler even started to open my friend's gifts and the mother sat there laughing.  What happened to my poor friend?  Spotlight lost.  I felt terrible for her and you could see the disappointment and frustration in her eyes.  Is it really that much to let a loved one have just a couple of hours in the spotlight for a once in a lifetime event????  (Cause in my circle you get ONE baby shower and ONE bridal shower).  

    A baby won't die from drinking expressed breastmilk from a bottle from time to time.  Even last year I left my 7 week old DD with DH for a couple of hours so that I could attend my friend's baby shower. It was my friend's moment to be welcomed into motherhood and doted on. I was so happy for her.  I brought DD to her mom's house "after party" (men and kids included) and wouldn't you know it... no babies were harmed while Mom was at the shower for a couple of hours prior.  Then we all fawned over the babies and kids.
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  • gipfishgipfish member
    Adult-only weddings? I have never heard of such a thing. That sounds miserable. I only go to weddings to eat cake and play with other people's kids. Just kidding... sort of.

    I guess it does all depend on what social circles you run in. Among my community, four children or less is typically considered a small family. And if children weren't invited to a wedding, probably no one would come.
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  • helsbels222helsbels222 member
    Elyse1384 said:
    PocoHR said:
    I think all of these kinds of norms really depend on where you are geographically and what social strata you belong to. I grew up in rural northern Michigan where I can promise you: people bring babies to parties. It is rather expected that if you invite someone with a young baby, the baby would come. I now live in the Boston suburbs and the expectations are totally different. People here are less likely to consider it rude to expect a nursing mother to get a babysitter and have a breast pump and make provisions, because I think we all assume everyone has the means for that sort of thing. It would be more rude to bring a potentially crying baby to shower, I think. But the expectations all depend on where you are and who you hang with. 
    I am a born and raised Masshole living outside the city limits and we are a VERY lucky state when it comes to state mandates for any/all fertility treatments and pregnancy related care.  Massachusetts requires by law insurance to cover medical equipment (a pump) to nursing mothers.  They walked around delivery floor handing them out based on insurance provider.  I even bought my own manual as a backup and they're not that much money so really if you can afford a baby, you can afford a manual pump!  Either way, for MA residents in particular it is relatively easy for breastfeeding mothers to express and leave behind breastmilk if she decides (again - key here being personal decision) to leave her baby in the care of a loved one or babysitter to go to work, an event inappropriate for babies and/or any other time needed away from baby.  If one really doesn't want to leave a baby behind for a few hours then fine.  Don't attend and most hosts wouldn't bat an eye at the reasoning.  

    More generally speaking to this thread, there are very few life events that I believe warrant leaving LO behind; a bridal shower being one of them.  Here is why I personally feel this way:  

    Lets be real for a moment... babies are a draw.  You get a room full of women together and someone shows up with a baby and I would bet good money a crowd forms around the baby.  As I referenced earlier, I was a bridesmaid for my best friend 2 years back. I hosted the bridal shower at my house when my breastfed son was only 2 months old.  I planned for this day in advance and pumped to leave my husband with milk to feed the baby.  I would excuse myself once or twice that day to pump.  I didn't feel it appropriate keeping DS there because I knew the attention he would draw and that day was about my friend.  Well guess what... her soon to be SIL showed up with her 6 month old, formula fed baby and her 2 year old daughter.  She didn't even ask.... just brought them because she felt like it.  What happened when they showed up?  Everyone wanted to hold the baby, pass the baby around, play with the kids, talk to the SIL about "how is life with two".  The toddler even started to open my friend's gifts and the mother sat there laughing.  What happened to my poor friend?  Spotlight lost.  I felt terrible for her and you could see the disappointment and frustration in her eyes.  Is it really that much to let a loved one have just a couple of hours in the spotlight for a once in a lifetime event????  (Cause in my circle you get ONE baby shower and ONE bridal shower).  

    A baby won't die from drinking expressed breastmilk from a bottle from time to time.  Even last year I left my 7 week old DD with DH for a couple of hours so that I could attend my friend's baby shower. It was my friend's moment to be welcomed into motherhood and doted on. I was so happy for her.  I brought DD to her mom's house "after party" (men and kids included) and wouldn't you know it... no babies were harmed while Mom was at the shower for a couple of hours prior.  Then we all fawned over the babies and kids.
    I can't love tit this response more!
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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    taykerslake said:
    Went to a wedding ceremony and reception a few weeks ago. Never occurred to me to ask if Arlo was invited. Unless I deem it inappropriate I'm bringing my baby or else I'm probably not coming. Is that like something that goes on in other countries? I've never been to a bridal shower where kids were not allowed. I live in Canada so maybe my wedding etiquette just isn't up to par... Edited to add that I nursed him during the ceremony and reception as well. If I had to travel over an hour to get there then yes I'm bringing my baby, and yes he's going to need to eat when we get where we're going. I honestly have never heard of super young children not being allowed at the events unless it was a small and expensive wedding. 
    I'm also from Canada and I think maybe we're just more lax about this stuff I dunno. My maid of honor had a one month old and brought it to my wedding and reception. I didn't even realize a baby was present and wouldn't have cared either way.
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  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    edited June 2016
    @Elyse1384 bravo on the comment and amazing use of supporting gifs. 

    I feel like I'm being punked with this "never heard of adult weddings" commentary. 
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  • doodleoodledoodleoodle member
    We eloped, but had we not, we definitely would have had an adult only wedding for two reasons. 1) I don't need any babies crying during my wedding ceremony and 2) kids eat like, nothing and you pay per person for food at the reception. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that wasn't adult only unless the bride and groom had a child themselves. And I've even been to weddings where the bride and/or groom's children were the only children allowed. 
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  • chein1chein1 member
    I wouldnt take my kids to showers or weddings even if they were invited because I want to enjoy myself. It's not a kid's birthday party. Maybe that's just me. 
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