It's funny how differently we view things before we have kids of our own (nieces and nephews are completely different). Kids throw tantrums and sometimes they won't stop no matter what you do. Parents and kids both have bad days. When both are having the same bad day things can be magnified by 1000. There are times when you don't have a choice but to quick get the last couple items you need and make your way to check-out while kid is screaming (and you are trying to address said issue). I guarantee as hard as it is for the people in the store, it is way harder as a parent. I have been lucky in that my dd is very well behaved but she is also extremely strong-willed and determined. We do our best to be as consistent as possible but there are days when we fail. To me, it is way worse to see a parent boarder line abusive in disciplining their child than a child throwing a fit.
The only time I judge a parent not correcting their child in public is if the kid is straight up destroying a store. I'm talking like tossing retail stuff on the ground and damaging it. Meanwhile the parent is browsing and ignoring this ruckus. Retail store items that you are not paying for should not serve as entertainment for your kid. I always feel sorry for the employees who have to clean it up.
Otherwise I agree with PP, kids have bad days every once and a while, and if they cry or scream in a store, it doesn't bother me. I always let these parents cut in front of me in line because I think it's a nice thing to do.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
FTM but I have definitely curbed my judgement of children and parents as I've gotten older. As pp have said, 1) you don't know what's going on in their lives and 2) that's just part of childhood/parenting. I always feel bad because you know the parents are embarrassed and feel all the people judging them and their kid. I try not to look at them or act annoyed. But if somebody is being too harsh/threatening/handling a child too roughly or spanking hard - best believe I'm giving them an eat shit look and make sure they see me watching them. However, there are times when bad parenting is just apparent. Working at the peds office it would make my blood boil when the adult was staring at their phone while their kids are literally screaming, running, bothering other people, throwing things all over the floor, destroying property, running into areas of the office they shouldn't be in . . I HATE correcting other people's kids but sometimes I would have to for the sake of other patients and the parents wouldn't even apologize or anything. I feel sorry for those kids because they will always be told they are bad when no one has taught them what's expected of them.
UO - I don't get being team green. I can see not sharing with anyone, but I know I wanted to know! I can't decide if team green is crazy or if those couples have some sort of superhuman will power I lack. Knowing my doctor knows and I don't would drive me up a wall.
I like not knowing who is in there! My UO is that I don't get people who find out early on if it's a girl or boy, decide their name and then just refer to the baby by its name. We have silly names for our kids in utero and we'll find out who they are this summer. Also, my doctor doesn't know, it's not in my records. The u/s techs know but they don't write it anywhere unless I know.
I've been on both sides of the fence with wanting to know and not wanting to know. With DD I didn't want to know but we ended up finding out. She was an IVF baby, so the pregnancy wasn't a surprise so we thought we could at least have THAT be a surprise. This baby is a FET, but this time we were both like that was annoying we want to know! I do agree with it being SO WEIRD when people refer to an unborn baby by it's name. There's something just so utterly odd about that to me! We're 99% sure we know what baby boy's name is going to be, but I refuse to buy the wood letter for his room until he's born - it's going to go above his crib. DH also wanted to get me a matching necklace like what he got me for DD with his initial on it - the website was having 15% off sale this week - but I wouldn't let him buy it. There's always a chance it could change.
Car0liiine I'm with you on feeling weird correcting other people's kids. It's so flippin' awkward, but sometimes it's necessary for the sake of others or your own child. We find ourselves doing it at our town pool. There's an area that's for little ones, I'd say age 5 is probably the max age that's appropriate to play in this one are - but of course older kids - 7, 8, 9, etc. - will come over and just barrel through the younger kids. My DD has been knocked down by them countless times even with us standing right there. Where are these parents?? DH and I have had to say to them to slow down and watch where they're going because otherwise they knock over the little ones and it's so incredibly dangerous, especially in the water! I will say that there is always the occasional kid who realizes what they did and will apologize without us saying anything - I totally respect that and usually thank them for being polite after they've realized they did something rude. Being able to self-correct bad behavior is a great trait IMO! But most of them are completely oblivious and not paying any attention to their environment, without correction someone is going to get hurt and it's likely not going to be them.
Car0liiine I'm with you on feeling weird correcting other people's kids. It's so flippin' awkward, but sometimes it's necessary for the sake of others or your own child. We find ourselves doing it at our town pool. There's an area that's for little ones, I'd say age 5 is probably the max age that's appropriate to play in this one are - but of course older kids - 7, 8, 9, etc. - will come over and just barrel through the younger kids. My DD has been knocked down by them countless times even with us standing right there. Where are these parents?? DH and I have had to say to them to slow down and watch where they're going because otherwise they knock over the little ones and it's so incredibly dangerous, especially in the water! I will say that there is always the occasional kid who realizes what they did and will apologize without us saying anything - I totally respect that and usually thank them for being polite after they've realized they did something rude. Being able to self-correct bad behavior is a great trait IMO! But most of them are completely oblivious and not paying any attention to their environment, without correction someone is going to get hurt and it's likely not going to be them.
It drives me insane when older kids do this to little ones. It happens all the time at the park, unfortunately sometimes the "kids" are way older than 10. I will absolutely tell your kid to stop if they are knocking my dd over.
Car0liiine I'm with you on feeling weird correcting other people's kids. It's so flippin' awkward, but sometimes it's necessary for the sake of others or your own child. We find ourselves doing it at our town pool. There's an area that's for little ones, I'd say age 5 is probably the max age that's appropriate to play in this one are - but of course older kids - 7, 8, 9, etc. - will come over and just barrel through the younger kids. My DD has been knocked down by them countless times even with us standing right there. Where are these parents?? DH and I have had to say to them to slow down and watch where they're going because otherwise they knock over the little ones and it's so incredibly dangerous, especially in the water! I will say that there is always the occasional kid who realizes what they did and will apologize without us saying anything - I totally respect that and usually thank them for being polite after they've realized they did something rude. Being able to self-correct bad behavior is a great trait IMO! But most of them are completely oblivious and not paying any attention to their environment, without correction someone is going to get hurt and it's likely not going to be them.
Completely agree! We took DD (19 mo) to an indoor mall play area at like 12 mo old and it's totally meant for toddlers. This little girl was huge (she had to be 4 or 5) compared to my very petite daughter. She came up and kept pushing/being aggressive with DD. I was trying to give DD room to explore independently so I didn't immediately intervene. As I watched, I was also looking around for this child's parent. After a couple times of her pushing, I went over and explained to the girl that my daughter was still a baby, just learned to walk and she needed to be careful with her. I then stepped back a little and let them play, hoping that she listened. She immediately darted at DD and put her hands around her neck. I had to jump back and remove her hands from DD. Finally, her nanny (who had been on the phone nearby the entire time) came forward. The nanny didn't say a word or correct the little girl after she approached. Frustrated, we just left the play area. I totally think that a lot of parents or caretakers just aren't as hands-on because they are usually distracted with their phones. It drives me bananas.
UO - I don't get being team green. I can see not sharing with anyone, but I know I wanted to know! I can't decide if team green is crazy or if those couples have some sort of superhuman will power I lack. Knowing my doctor knows and I don't would drive me up a wall.
I don't really get being team pink or blue.
First, to me it is like opening your Christmas gifts early. It ruins the surprise. I like letting it be a surprise. (But I get some people love opening their gifts early, c'est la vie!)
Second, I do not get why the sex is a big deal. It's a little person, their genetalia is just not that important to who they are. It changes nothing about how we prepare for meeting this little spawnling, and it makes it easier to reign in the rampant gendering from family and friends. But again, I get that some people really go in for that.
What I really don't get are the excessively gendered baby clothes that are also sexualized. My little boy baby is not a stud or a lady's man, or daddy's wing man. My little girl is not hot stuff. They just weird me out.
But I do love tutus, and I think one is going on my kid no matter what sex gets declared when they are born, lol.
I'm a teacher, and I work with fairly young kids (3-8 year olds mostly). I'm pregnant with my first now, but obviously in school have seen a huge range of parenting styles (and abilities). I definitely don't judge the parents who are saying 'no' and their child is having a tantrum. They're the ones who actually are saying no and trying to enforce some boundaries. The most difficult children/parents to deal with are generally the ones who's parents have never said no to anything and who consider their children to be absolute angels incapable of doing anything wrong.
We're team blue. Found out as soon as it was possible to. I don't really see how it would be more of a surprise when he was born than it was when we found out? We also named him pretty quickly and refer to him by his name now.
Yea, we also refer to LO by her name. We named her after my uncle who died of muscular dystrophy as a teen. My dad and aunts are all really touched by it so we know for sure we're naming her that. Any future children will have family names too so we'll probably always name them before they're born.
Pinging off the team green/blue/pink thing... I'm a planner to the extreme (and also detest surprises), so not finding out baby's sex was never an option for us. I'm actually impressed by the people that are able to go the full 9 months without finding out - kudos to y'all! While I get this is a UO thread, I don't think there's one right or wrong way to approach that. I don't necessarily think it's "ruining" the surprise to find out before the baby is born, some people just need to know for whatever their personal reasons.
That being said, we have totally kept baby's sex secret from the vast majority of our friends/family so that at least they can be surprised - also to tone down the rampant gendering (thanks @liljabee for that wording!) that we knew would ensue.
As far as calling the baby by a name while it's in utero - I'm on the fence. We're 100% set on baby's name and ever since we found out that it's a girl my husband has insisted on calling her by her name. I on the other hand just feel super weird when I refer to her by her name. Whether it's when I'm talking to her, or talking about her, I always refer to her as "baby/the baby" or "it". I've tried saying her name, but it just feels weird. To each their own.
@BritMC18, I hear you on at least keeping some details a surprise for family and friends. A few years ago one of my friends had a baby, we knew his name months in advance, she was induced and knew the date (what at least seemed like) weeks in advance. By the time she sent out his birth announcement text, it was basically that everything went okay - we already knew everything else except the exact time and exact weight. (We even knew estimates of those two details.)
To me it kinda falls along the same lines of announcing you are going to get engaged before you actually are...
Each to their own, and I agree, no right or wrong - I just prefer to announce things after the fact rather than before.
Re: UO 6/2
Otherwise I agree with PP, kids have bad days every once and a while, and if they cry or scream in a store, it doesn't bother me. I always let these parents cut in front of me in line because I think it's a nice thing to do.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
However, there are times when bad parenting is just apparent. Working at the peds office it would make my blood boil when the adult was staring at their phone while their kids are literally screaming, running, bothering other people, throwing things all over the floor, destroying property, running into areas of the office they shouldn't be in . . I HATE correcting other people's kids but sometimes I would have to for the sake of other patients and the parents wouldn't even apologize or anything. I feel sorry for those kids because they will always be told they are bad when no one has taught them what's expected of them.
Baby #2 due 8/11/2016
Baby #2 due 8/11/2016
Baby #2: Emmeline Grey - August 2016
Baby #3: BFP 9/7/18 | EDD 05/24/19
First, to me it is like opening your Christmas gifts early. It ruins the surprise. I like letting it be a surprise. (But I get some people love opening their gifts early, c'est la vie!)
Second, I do not get why the sex is a big deal. It's a little person, their genetalia is just not that important to who they are. It changes nothing about how we prepare for meeting this little spawnling, and it makes it easier to reign in the rampant gendering from family and friends. But again, I get that some people really go in for that.
What I really don't get are the excessively gendered baby clothes that are also sexualized. My little boy baby is not a stud or a lady's man, or daddy's wing man. My little girl is not hot stuff. They just weird me out.
But I do love tutus, and I think one is going on my kid no matter what sex gets declared when they are born, lol.
We're team blue. Found out as soon as it was possible to. I don't really see how it would be more of a surprise when he was born than it was when we found out? We also named him pretty quickly and refer to him by his name now.
That being said, we have totally kept baby's sex secret from the vast majority of our friends/family so that at least they can be surprised - also to tone down the rampant gendering (thanks @liljabee for that wording!) that we knew would ensue.
As far as calling the baby by a name while it's in utero - I'm on the fence. We're 100% set on baby's name and ever since we found out that it's a girl my husband has insisted on calling her by her name. I on the other hand just feel super weird when I refer to her by her name. Whether it's when I'm talking to her, or talking about her, I always refer to her as "baby/the baby" or "it". I've tried saying her name, but it just feels weird. To each their own.
To me it kinda falls along the same lines of announcing you are going to get engaged before you actually are...
Each to their own, and I agree, no right or wrong - I just prefer to announce things after the fact rather than before.