Hi All,
So I am new to the boards and TTC. I have been trying for 7 months and I am so over all the unsolicited and crazy advice.
Top Three Crazies are:
"Are you doing it right? Gah I am going to have to go over there and show you!"
"Just have sex in a car...thats how all the teens do it"
"Just quit wanting it and it will happen"
I could just murder them! And each piece has its own soap box rant!
So whats the worst advice you've recieved? How did you restrain yourself?
Re: Worst Advice Ever!
My absolute 100% favorite is God has his ways. He will give you a child when you are ready. Everything happens for a reason.... I mean... I too love god, jesus, mary, and the church. I was born, raised, and still am catholic; however, this is a topic that I don't want to associate with god.
I have watched hundreds of drug addict inmates give birth to beautiful babies only to (as a corrections officer) hand that child over to a drugged up father or in rare cases the amazing grand parents. If this is god's way then why? Ughhh.... Grrrr... Anywho, Sorry for the rant. It's my number 1 frustration as I go through IVF. Apparently I need to find a new occupation. Lol
Edited for grammar.
Really? Is that all I need to do. Well geez, why am I spending thousands of dollars when I just need to believe!
I love my MIL but I'd rather she just stay quiet on the topic if that's all she has to contribute.
My favorite (after 5 years of TTTC) is "you're running out of time!"
Well no s* Sherlock. Cause the last 5 years we've just been twiddling our thumbs.
For the most part the extended family that were close to knows better. But, over the 4th, we're hanging out with the in-laws. Grandpa goes "May I please have everybody's attention! Will (me) and (sister-in-law who's been trying for less than 3 mos) please come over here. I hear you ladies are trying to have some grand babies. If you're not pregnant by this time next year, me and GMa will have to show you how it's done."
I about died. Best part? Found out my sister-in-law was pregnant the very next day and the next week my best friend (who tried for forever) delivered a beautiful baby girl. I'm super excited for everybody but it's getting rough!
TTC #1 since Sept. 14
Fertility testing in May 15
Started Glucophlage May 15
Gearing up for round 4 of Clomid
Waiting for Dr. to decide same dose or upping it to 200
A friend also advised we get drunk and relax. I said we were NTNP our whole marriage before officially TTC.
I've also been told I'm not in a good place and when I find inner peace and love Jesus we'll conceive.
I'm very outspoken and when told ignorant things I have harsh responses.
I love my DH. We're smart and successful, have good jobs and are ready and willing to have a baby.
ME:37 DH:30
MARRIED: 07/19/2010, TTC #1: 07/19/2010
DX: PCOS, First IUI: 10/01/2015, BFN
Also had "you need to pray" first of all you don't know if I'm praying and second I believe there are many many MANY women who have prayed non stop and too have had fertility issues!
I know they were offering support, but in my opinion I'd rather them silently support me.
My brother in laws flavor of the month girl friend suggested that since this (while indicating my tummy) isn't working for you, I can carry you baby with your husband for you!
Needless to say, someone actually had to step in and redirect my focus because my hormones were already out of control...
Some people simply have no idea how badly their words/suggestions can hurt.
We had a situation where another family member had struggled ttc a few years before we even thought about kids. I was sure that I didn't want anyone to know we were ttc so we didn't tell anyone. At 1 year ttc we had already found out that I had a septum in my uterus so I was scheduled for surgery. That's when we told the family...
I did't get any stupid advice for a while but now I've been cleared for ttc on our own and I've had 2 chemical pregnancies in a row. Somehow people don't know how to be sympathetic to this. I've gotten the "relax" advice and I'm all, "seriously, I have a full time job and 100 other thing going on in my life as well as infertility issues that take a ton of time and money so, you realx and thank God you didn't have to do this!"
I love the "just do something stupid like buy a car so that you can't really afford having a baby, then it will happen". Well, darn it, DH and I have spent the last 6 years of our marriage becoming financially stable, I'm not going to spend our savings on something stupid...I'm already spending it on the fertility specialists. But I'm glad mindless spending knocked you up, I bet that will work for me! Oh wait, I can afford to buy a car...hmmm
I
TTC since March 2012
2013-2014 - 6 rounds of Clomid - BFNs
3 failed IUIs in 2015
October 2015 - wait listed for IVF #1
IVF #1 March 2016 - bfn, zero frosties!
Femara cycle 1 May 2016 - POAS starting May 21st / beta testing May 25th....
And the smug faces that they were right. I know we're blest, but it's still frustrating. No, that's not the reason.
TTC #1: 3/2016
Me 39 - DH 44
BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17
DD born 2/3/17
Third cycle Clomid 6/29/16 O'd CD 16 BFP @11dpo!
EDD April 3 and praying things work out!
"Just get drunk"
"Stand on your head after"
And the all-star winner from my unmarried baby sister (21) who got ku her first time and then had a mc (all after she'd broken up with the guy): "Just get pregnant already- it's not that hard!"
(I suggested to her that that probably wasn't the best thing to tell someone who had been trying for 12 months and has a medical condition that actually does make it "that hard.") #blessit
Met 2008 | Dated 2010 | Married 2012
TTC#1 since June 2015
June 2016- 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 12), thin (2.45) lining | BFN
July 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 10), thin (~4) lining | BFN
August 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | BFN | Referred to specialist, visited once, was told we have less than a 3% chance even on medication, recommended to IUI for up to a 50% chance, decided not to pursue at this time | Stopped "trying"
October 2016- We became licensed foster parents
November 9, 2016- Arrival of DD#1, 4yo
March 1, 2017- 1 day late, feel like crap (low fever & exhausted) | Mom suggested test before taking meds, I laughed but did it anyway | BFP! *shock*
DX PCOS: 4/2016 - Metformin 2x daily
IUI #1: 6/29/2016 - Letrozole CD 3-7, HCG Shot CD 14, Ovidrel CD 15, IUI CD 16 - BFN
IUI #2: 7/30/2016 - Letrozole CD 4-7 (doubled up CD 4), Ovidrel CD 12, IUI CD 13
Me 36 - DH 39
March 2017 August Siggy Challenge- Summer Fails
Married to DH since May 2009
FET#1 Transfer: 6/30/16
7/7/16 BFP
Initial Beta 396!
Beta 2- 1007
Beta 3- 2952
Official Due Date 3/18/17!
My favorite is the criticism though... You're too skinny/not eating enough/not eating the right food/working too much/driving too much/exercising too much/watching too much tv/whatever. Sure, even though my doctor tells me different, I'm going to believe you, Dr. MIL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
We have been trying that entire time except for the times when we haven't been allowed because of impending/recovering surgeries or tests.
She also has a kid and doesn't understand ANYTHING about fertility. She was surprised to hear a normal woman only releases 1 egg a cycle and didn't understand when ovulation happens. She just had sex throughout the whole month and got pregnant 1st flipping cycle.
Or frankly, "oh it was hard for me too! It took 6 whole months but we stopped trying and did something fun and Boom, pregnant."
Umm no. 2.5 years, lots of drugs, doctor's visits, blood draws, ultrasounds, etc later; "not trying" is not going to work.
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN
IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
Our friends, more like acquaintances, got pregnant their first month of trying. at Christmas (they're kinda distinctly related) they were bragging about how easy it was to get pregnant. we didn't stay long because I was almost in tears!!!