I hate when non Americans knock US benefits. I have some pretty awesome healthcare/maternity leave benefits that my husband and I have worked hard for. Universal healthcare has a lot of loopholes that make me very happy to pay into benefits each month.
I hate when non Americans knock US benefits. I have some pretty awesome healthcare/maternity leave benefits that my husband and I have worked hard for. Universal healthcare has a lot of loopholes that make me very happy to pay into benefits each month.
I always feel bad when I want to bitch about my maternity leave benefits, because in Canada, we are spoiled and I didn't realize how spoiled until being on this board and seeing Americans being excited that their 3 months off happens just before the Christmas holidays, so they're getting extra time, and here I am wondering what I'm going to do after 13 months.
I hate when non Americans knock US benefits. I have some pretty awesome healthcare/maternity leave benefits that my husband and I have worked hard for. Universal healthcare has a lot of loopholes that make me very happy to pay into benefits each month.
I always feel bad when I want to bitch about my maternity leave benefits, because in Canada, we are spoiled and I didn't realize how spoiled until being on this board and seeing Americans being excited that their 3 months off happens just before the Christmas holidays, so they're getting extra time, and here I am wondering what I'm going to do after 13 months.
ETA: While I have fantastic bennies (and I'm super grateful), I think US health care is shite (generally speaking) and US mat leave is worse shite. However time and again I see people on TB from other countries who "don't realize" how good they have it. Sorry but do you live under a rock?
Yeeeeeeah... my husband and I both work really hard too, but neither of us get benefits through our jobs. He is an independent contractor and I work for a small startup that can't afford healthcare or benefits for employees yet. I do live in one of the better states when it comes to maternity leave rights and benefits, and I can take 10 weeks through SDI and 6 additional through Paid Family Leave, it isn't feasible for me to take all of that time and miss out on 45% of my paycheck. It seems like a lot of other countries definitely have it better in the maternity leave dept lol.
I WISH I got 3 months. I'm already ragey about it. I'll get 6 weeks plus any PTO I have to tack on. It seriously makes me want to cry and I know I have it better than many new mamas. The whole situation just blows.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
Ehh although I'm grateful for what we do have, I also think the benefits/maternity leave here in one of the wealthiest countries in the world are relatively shit. Benefits aren't performance-based, just like most other things in life aren't, so good healthcare/mat leave has pretty much 0 to do with how hard someone works. I work hard and consider my benefits pretty good...because of my employer. My husband works harder than anyone I know and his benefits suck. I'm kinda curious to know what loopholes some of us might be missing, please share @BoyMom44!
On a similar note, I HAVE to stay home for an entire year and I'm not happy about it. I am an academic and I freely admit I am far to the left of "normal" but I crave intellectual stimulation and I would be miserable spending all of my time with a tiny baby who can't do anything. I actually met with my advisor this week to determine whether it is possible to continue my research from home part time and/or bringing my baby to work. This has become a daily stress in our house because Germans are culturally programmed to shame women who want to send a child younger than 3 to daycare. No daycare takes a baby younger than 1 and now I'm being pressured by almost everyone and especially DH to stay home longer. I LOVE that the government will support me for three entire years but I WANT to work without being shamed by the masses. ETA: clarification
On a similar note, I HAVE to stay home for an entire year and I'm not happy about it. I am an academic and I freely admit I am far to the left of "normal" but I crave intellectual stimulation and I would be miserable spending all of my time with a tiny baby who can't do anything. I actually met with my advisor this week to determine whether it is possible to continue my research from home part time and/or bringing my baby to work. This has become a daily stress in our house because Germans are culturally programmed to shame women who want to send a child younger than 3 to daycare. No daycare takes a baby younger than 1 and now I'm being pressured by almost everyone and especially DH to stay home longer. I LOVE that the government will support me for three entire years but I WANT to work without being shamed by the masses. ETA: clarification
Ive been able to get my bachelor's degree during DS' naptime. FX for you that they will allow you to work from home. They sleep SO MUCH their first year that it is totally do-able. And while I'm fed up with school now, there were times it saved my sanity & made me feel productive.
@boymom44 Because Americans tend to be so nonjudgmental of other countries? Oh, wait...
I think it's a little short-sighted of you to say that because you have great benefits, there is nothing wrong with the way our country handles parental leave, when in reality you are far outside of the norm. The whole point is that other countries have universally applied policies about maternity leave, so that everyone can benefit, not just a select few lucky individuals. I find it a little irritating that you seem to be simultaneously bragging about your fantastic maternity leave (that most of the ladies here do not get) while telling everyone else not to criticize the system because 'Merica.
Obviously I'm a little bit overly sensitive about this because I would desperately love to have more than my 12 weeks FMLA leave and/or actually get paid during my leave. I know this is even more than some women get.
Here, I'll make you all feel really good about your mat leave... I get absolutely nothing aside from my earned 2 weeks PTO that I get every year. I'll probably still be using the squirt bottle instead of toilet paper when I go back lol.
@CopperBoom86 I'm not sure how it goes where you work, but can you find out if you could receive donated time? I know in some systems people donate the PTO they aren't using and will lose or I guess just donate out of kindness...or could you take unpaid maybe? Ugh
I'm a nail technician and an independent contractor. I get zero benefits at work which means no paid time off. I could take off as much time as I need. The salon hires a half dozen girls every spring, so if I'm gone too long I just have to wait... but I risk losing my client base that I've worked hard to build up.
Just because one person has good benefits and is happy with their maternity leave doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Maternity leave in this country is a joke. Especially considering people still pass judgement on people who prioritize jobs over family. We have to prioritize it to be able to support our families.
I get NOTHING! Yay! We are moving in July, so both getting new jobs, his benefits won't start til 90 days in (aka likely after baby is already born) and the job I'm hoping to land (if they will hire a woman who's almost 7 months pregnant by then) I wouldn't be there long enough to get maternity leave, and wouldn't have any of my own benefits/PTO (if any in just 2 months) kick in til 90 days also. So whether you're getting a whole year or 3 weeks be grateful
I hate when non Americans knock US benefits. I have some pretty awesome healthcare/maternity leave benefits that my husband and I have worked hard for. Universal healthcare has a lot of loopholes that make me very happy to pay into benefits each month.
Good for you; unfortunately, a lot of Americans receive no benefits. Neither my SO or I get benefits for Maternity, I get healthcare, dental, vision and PTO after a year but nothing else. ( I believe the number is only about 59% ,or some number like that, of workers receive maternity leave.) To say you hate when Non-Americans knock US benefits is a little short sided. America is far far behind when it comes to maternity benefits. In fact we are the only developed country without some sort of universal maternity/paternity leave. In one study of 21 high-income countries, the US ranked 20th in length of protected maternity leave. Not to mention other studies show women see a 4% decrease in salary after having children in the US.
While I am happy with the women who get maternity leave we should be trying to approve upon it.
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+ BFP: 03/10 First Baby: 10/20/2016
Yeah. I don't want my statements about my own maternity leave to be taken as implicit approval of the system we have in the United States. We feel lucky precisely because we know how unusual it is here. We work hard, but no harder than people who end up with no leave whatsoever. It's purely based on being in the right place at the right time and dumb luck, which is not the best way to ensure pregnant women are cared for, in my opinion.
I think it's easier to appreciate being a SAHM when you've been on the other side as a working mom. I worked until just before dd turned 2, and I went back to work when she was only 7 weeks old. While she has her moments, I absolutely love staying being home with her, and I thank my lucky stars every day because I never thought this would be our reality. She just barely will meet the cutoff for Kindergarten when she turns 5, and I'm seriously considering keeping her home with me for an extra year. I also think it depends a lot on your child's temperament. Being home with a colicky baby and a toddler with behavior issues, for example, would probably cloud my rosy feelings about being a SAHM. Anyway, all this to say I'm sure there are many SAHMs who love and appreciate staying home, but they just probably aren't shouting it from the rooftops all over FB, because how obnoxious would that be?
Count me in as another with no maternity leave! I'm lucky in that I work several contract/freelance gigs, so I don't have to put my baby in full-time daycare at 2 weeks or anything, but the current plan is this: quit one of my gigs in August and just deal with the loss of income, work as hard as I possibly can on the others to save up some money before the baby arrives, and for the college class I teach, make the whole semester's lesson plans ahead of time and arrange for 2-3 weeks of substitute teachers.
On a similar note, I HAVE to stay home for an entire year and I'm not happy about it. I am an academic and I freely admit I am far to the left of "normal" but I crave intellectual stimulation and I would be miserable spending all of my time with a tiny baby who can't do anything. I actually met with my advisor this week to determine whether it is possible to continue my research from home part time and/or bringing my baby to work. This has become a daily stress in our house because Germans are culturally programmed to shame women who want to send a child younger than 3 to daycare. No daycare takes a baby younger than 1 and now I'm being pressured by almost everyone and especially DH to stay home longer. I LOVE that the government will support me for three entire years but I WANT to work without being shamed by the masses. ETA: clarification
Here in Hungary, we get 70% of our salary for two years, and some baseline pay for another one. Similar to Germany, a woman is looked upon like an alien if she wants to go back to work earlier (maybe not so much in recent years, but still), and places in daycares funded by the government (virtually no one can afford to pay for daycare) are few. I would go crazy if I had to stay at home for 3 years, but I think it's cruel to only get 6 weeks leave. I think the minimum should be 6 months.
I have a research position, and hopefully I can work from home for some time, but I can't really afford to stay at home for more than 1-1.5 years, because I would be so behind in my field that it would undermine my whole career. My SO would stay home after that if he's still ar his current job, but if he got a new position, I'm not sure they would tolerate him leaving for a longer period. I would be glad if he stayed with LO, and he didn't get a job just recently that would pay more but definitely wouldn't let him leave. I confess that I wasn't overly sad, even if it means that his not-so-good salary remains for the next few years.
On a similar note, I HAVE to stay home for an entire year and I'm not happy about it. I am an academic and I freely admit I am far to the left of "normal" but I crave intellectual stimulation and I would be miserable spending all of my time with a tiny baby who can't do anything. I actually met with my advisor this week to determine whether it is possible to continue my research from home part time and/or bringing my baby to work. This has become a daily stress in our house because Germans are culturally programmed to shame women who want to send a child younger than 3 to daycare. No daycare takes a baby younger than 1 and now I'm being pressured by almost everyone and especially DH to stay home longer. I LOVE that the government will support me for three entire years but I WANT to work without being shamed by the masses. ETA: clarification
Here in Hungary, we get 70% of our salary for two years, and some baseline pay for another one. Similar to Germany, a woman is looked upon like an alien if she wants to go back to work earlier (maybe not so much in recent years, but still), and places in daycares funded by the government (virtually no one can afford to pay for daycare) are few. I would go crazy if I had to stay at home for 3 years, but I think it's cruel to only get 6 weeks leave. I think the minimum should be 6 months.
I have a research position, and hopefully I can work from home for some time, but I can't really afford to stay at home for more than 1-1.5 years, because I would be so behind in my field that it would undermine my whole career. My SO would stay home after that if he's still ar his current job, but if he got a new position, I'm not sure they would tolerate him leaving for a longer period. I would be glad if he stayed with LO, and he didn't get a job just recently that would pay more but definitely wouldn't let him leave. I confess that I wasn't overly sad, even if it means that his not-so-good salary remains for the next few years.
STUCK IN THE QUOTE BOX Yup pretty much exactly my scenario. Technically DH could take the time instead of me but that's just not good for us right now. I LOVE Germany but nowhere is perfect
way late here... but same here @CopperBoom86... I get whatever PTO I've saved up. That's it. That said, I'm guaranteed to keep my job for 12 weeks b/c of FMLA soooo... there's that. But I'll be taking a big portion of my mat leave unpaid.
ETA: it honestly makes me ragey to see all these awesome effing benefits that other countries get. I'm not saying I'd take a full year off, but I want the option, damn it.
@bnsmith85 - Does your PTO roll over? I wish mine did; I would've starting saving it years ago. Unfortunately, I get two weeks every year and they expire at the end of that year. Our fiscal year starts in July, so I just got an email Friday informing me that I have 6 days of PTO to use before July 1 or they expire. Makes me so angry!!! Why can't I just keep them for October?!?!
And yes, to all ladies in other countries with fabulous mat leave benefits, count your blessings!
Yes... we can roll over up to 60 hrs. My friend and boss wanted to roll over more last year b/c her son was due in January and she would end up in a use it or lose it situation come December, having over 60 hours... she was able to talk them into letting her roll over 80hrs. I'd see if you can talk to your boss/HR/prez (depending on size of your company) and plea your case to keep those 6 days, given the circumstance. I mean... if they're splitting hairs over 6 days... grrr. I'd be pissed.
ETA- my friend has been with the company much longer than I have and has a lot of pull because of her position and, frankly, just because our president loves her. Keep that in mind when you're asking. If you're more likely to get a yes if your boss goes to bat for you than you would if you just went and asked HR yourself, go that route.... just food for thought.
I forgot to sign up for short-term disability coverage (which I never forget to do, except of course the year I actually wind up needing it), so as far as paid leave goes, I can use my normal 2 weeks of vacation, 1 week sick time, and 2 weeks at 75% pay. Then...a week unpaid and back to work. Hopefully working at home for most of December at least, but we'll see. I'm the breadwinner in our family so we can't go without my paycheck. If by some miracle we manage to save enough money to cover taking a little extra time off that would be amazing, but I'm not counting on it. The place I work is so tiny that technically they don't have to offer anything, so I'm glad to get something, but still. The good news is my husband has more time off available than I do thanks to the way his employer calculates sick time earned, and donated PTO opportunities, but still.
The other part of all that is my vacation and PTO time doesn't refresh until August. That's great for leave planning right now, but not so great once the baby is here and someone gets sick or needs a day off for something.
In countries what have such a long maternity time for women, do women find it harder to find jobs in the first place? This is probably a hard question to figure out because most of it is subjective, BUT it seems like they would just avoid hiring a women of child bearing age in the first place to avoid all the time off. Or do you quit your jobs for 2-3 years?
ETA: While I have fantastic bennies (and I'm super grateful), I think US health care is shite (generally speaking) and US mat leave is worse shite. However time and again I see people on TB from other countries who "don't realize" how good they have it. Sorry but do you live under a rock?
I knew our health benefits were good, didn't know about our mat (never looked into it), but even my hubby says I've lived a very sheltered life so I'm not surprised I didn't know.
In countries what have such a long maternity time for women, do women find it harder to find jobs in the first place? This is probably a hard question to figure out because most of it is subjective, BUT it seems like they would just avoid hiring a women of child bearing age in the first place to avoid all the time off. Or do you quit your jobs for 2-3 years?
I'm in Canada - so we're entitled to 1 year leave with government assistance (60% with employers having the option of top up) and depending on the employer you can take an extra year without pay but job security. I haven't noticed a hiring difference between men and women here, but I'm also in a field that is 95% women so I might not be the best judge of character on that. Our government does support hiring minorities, which women fall into that category, so there might be benefits to hiring women (I don't know what benefits exactly though).
I have a question to the ladies that don't get a lot of mat leave (which I think it is totally shitty, you should at least have the choice!) - do day cares in your area accept babies that young or do you have to rely on family/friends? I'm having a hard time finding a day care for a 1 year old since most places seem to want the kid out of diapers first.
my fffc? I hate having to be nice to absolute morons on here. I'm a beotch flame away! lol
@mrszoess Me too! You talking about that boy post? I ripped into her...then backtracked and was a little more polite about it. I regret it. I wish I had left it the way it was. That's my Monday confession. Lol
there's her and I lurk all over. it makes me shake my head. I've found some of the "younger" boards and first and second tri to be the worst/best depending on how you look at it
In countries what have such a long maternity time for women, do women find it harder to find jobs in the first place? This is probably a hard question to figure out because most of it is subjective, BUT it seems like they would just avoid hiring a women of child bearing age in the first place to avoid all the time off. Or do you quit your jobs for 2-3 years?
Legally? No. Employers aren't allowed to discriminate, even if you are obviously pregnant. There are laws in place which are taken very seriously. In my woman-dominated field it's not a problem at all (I just had to promise my kid would participate in all of the research studies, haha) but I know people in other fields have had issues. For example a friend of mine is a doctor and was asked about her plans during her interview. They hired her but made it clear they wouldn't be happy if she took a lot of time. Some women abuse the system (have a second baby at the end of their 3-year maternity leave and get another 3 years tacked on) but usually it works. One way they deal with it is offering "maternity jobs", meaning a younger or less-qualified worker takes over the new mom's position for the time she's gone.
@books&icecream Yes, I wouldn't take 6 weeks over years (from my viewpoint, it's cruel that so many mothers and babies have to be separated so early), but it's mentally hard taking a different route than most of society (a route that even psychologists are against, just because of their upbringing!).
@SpaceBurger As above, it shouldn't have to be hard for anyone to find a job, but in reality, it is (at least in Hungary - we're a poor country with many issues). In the private sector, a woman is always a liability. If you're childless but between ages 20(25?)-35(40?), than you'll potentially get pregnant. If you have children, then you'll surely take more time off. If you are working for an institution maintained by (local) government, then it's less of a problem, but many women can't make a career if they have children. It's also a gender issue - only 1.5% of parents staying home with children are men, women make less money, even in the same positions, etc. I would like to think that in other places where the government (and society) isn't so traditionalist it's easier...
(Pardon my errors, I'm not used to talking about politics in English )
@LauraPCOS This may sound crazy, but i don't believe in daycare. Both my SO and I had bad experiences with daycare when we we were younger so neither of us trust it. I'm sure there are wonderful daycares out there and I'm just a crazy worry wart but I wont risk it lol. For now we have worked out our schedule so I can stay home with the baby during days and he'll have the baby during afternoons so we can both work. If that doesn't work out one of us will be taking a pay cut. His mom has said that she would love to watch the baby when we have to work or anything else but I hate to even ask (maybe i'm just weird).
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+ BFP: 03/10 First Baby: 10/20/2016
Re: FFFC May 20
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+
BFP: 03/10
First Baby: 10/20/2016
FYI not all Americans only get 3 months off
ETA: While I have fantastic bennies (and I'm super grateful), I think US health care is shite (generally speaking) and US mat leave is worse shite. However time and again I see people on TB from other countries who "don't realize" how good they have it. Sorry but do you live under a rock?
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
I LOVE that the government will support me for three entire years but I WANT to work without being shamed by the masses.
ETA: clarification
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
I think it's a little short-sighted of you to say that because you have great benefits, there is nothing wrong with the way our country handles parental leave, when in reality you are far outside of the norm. The whole point is that other countries have universally applied policies about maternity leave, so that everyone can benefit, not just a select few lucky individuals. I find it a little irritating that you seem to be simultaneously bragging about your fantastic maternity leave (that most of the ladies here do not get) while telling everyone else not to criticize the system because 'Merica.
Obviously I'm a little bit overly sensitive about this because I would desperately love to have more than my 12 weeks FMLA leave and/or actually get paid during my leave. I know this is even more than some women get.
It's a boy!
Just because one person has good benefits and is happy with their maternity leave doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Maternity leave in this country is a joke. Especially considering people still pass judgement on people who prioritize jobs over family. We have to prioritize it to be able to support our families.
To say you hate when Non-Americans knock US benefits is a little short sided. America is far far behind when it comes to maternity benefits. In fact we are the only developed country without some sort of universal maternity/paternity leave. In one study of 21 high-income countries, the US ranked 20th in length of protected maternity leave. Not to mention other studies show women see a 4% decrease in salary after having children in the US.
While I am happy with the women who get maternity leave we should be trying to approve upon it.
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+
BFP: 03/10
First Baby: 10/20/2016
Anyway, all this to say I'm sure there are many SAHMs who love and appreciate staying home, but they just probably aren't shouting it from the rooftops all over FB, because how obnoxious would that be?
E born 6/2014
I have a research position, and hopefully I can work from home for some time, but I can't really afford to stay at home for more than 1-1.5 years, because I would be so behind in my field that it would undermine my whole career. My SO would stay home after that if he's still ar his current job, but if he got a new position, I'm not sure they would tolerate him leaving for a longer period. I would be glad if he stayed with LO, and he didn't get a job just recently that would pay more but definitely wouldn't let him leave. I confess that I wasn't overly sad, even if it means that his not-so-good salary remains for the next few years.
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
ETA: it honestly makes me ragey to see all these awesome effing benefits that other countries get. I'm not saying I'd take a full year off, but I want the option, damn it.
And yes, to all ladies in other countries with fabulous mat leave benefits, count your blessings!
ETA- my friend has been with the company much longer than I have and has a lot of pull because of her position and, frankly, just because our president loves her. Keep that in mind when you're asking. If you're more likely to get a yes if your boss goes to bat for you than you would if you just went and asked HR yourself, go that route.... just food for thought.
The other part of all that is my vacation and PTO time doesn't refresh until August. That's great for leave planning right now, but not so great once the baby is here and someone gets sick or needs a day off for something.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
Yes, I wouldn't take 6 weeks over years (from my viewpoint, it's cruel that so many mothers and babies have to be separated so early), but it's mentally hard taking a different route than most of society (a route that even psychologists are against, just because of their upbringing!).
@SpaceBurger
As above, it shouldn't have to be hard for anyone to find a job, but in reality, it is (at least in Hungary - we're a poor country with many issues). In the private sector, a woman is always a liability. If you're childless but between ages 20(25?)-35(40?), than you'll potentially get pregnant. If you have children, then you'll surely take more time off. If you are working for an institution maintained by (local) government, then it's less of a problem, but many women can't make a career if they have children. It's also a gender issue - only 1.5% of parents staying home with children are men, women make less money, even in the same positions, etc. I would like to think that in other places where the government (and society) isn't so traditionalist it's easier...
(Pardon my errors, I'm not used to talking about politics in English
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+
BFP: 03/10
First Baby: 10/20/2016