@SLou24@SarahDarah333 Thanks for the solidarity. I didn't say anything to her because she's one of those people who flies off the handle over the tiniest thing...it wasn't worth the fight that would have ensued. Plus, this is the same sister who told me not long ago that my other sister and I carry our pregnancies so differently and that she's "going to carry hers like you (I) do" someday. (This was obviously before she saw me last weekend.) She's very young and naive - good luck to her in choosing how she carries because I know I certainly wasn't given a choice, either time!!
(And the thing that bugs me the most? I'm maybe only 2-3 lbs heavier now than I was with DD at the same point in my pregnancy. So it really IS how I'm carrying that's making the difference and that, in itself, is frustrating as Hell!)
My mom made a comment about how I'm carrying the other day, saying that she can see it all the way around my sides. My mom is one of those people that never gained more than 18 pounds while pregnant and hd two girls, so naturally she suggested "it must be a boy thing" when in my head I'm like "it's probably an ice cream and five guys thing". Oh well, this kind of stuff doesn't really aggravate me. I just kind of see it as coming with the territory, unfortunately.
Guys, I'm facing my dad's side of the family next weekend, all of whom collectively weigh about 90 pounds soaking wet and are health & fitness nuts. I'm slightly anxious because last time I saw most of them was late February, so I had only gained like 2 pounds. Now I'm up about 10 (the last few days that scale just keep creeping up and up), and I won't be able to do a lot of what we usually do at our cabin in VT (hot tub, power boat, extreme and long fast-paced hikes, beer/wine, etc.). I should have some really great stuff to share on here after, because my filter and patience are 100% gone now lol!
I know they were trying to be nice but someone told me "I couldn't possibly be pregnant" and that I look exactly the same. Grrrrr I do not usually look like I'm smuggling a throw pillow under my shirt
Lurking...
at 7 months pregnant, my fiancé and I went car shopping. While on a test drive, the salesman asked why we were looking, at which point I said, "I'm 7 months pregnant and need a reliable car." He then says, "I couldn't even tell!" I gave him a look and he quickly backtracked but still...we all knew he just thought I was fat.
Saw my grandparents this weekend, the first time since they have known I was pregnant. My grandma has dementia and she was having a good day BUT she can be pretty mean (even before the dementia she always called my mom stupid on a regular basis). She kept calling me chubby because she thought it was cute, I tried to explain to her that it wasn't cute but she still did it
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@SarahDarah333- I'm heading for VT this weekend too... but all the way to the tippy top of the state to see my grandparents I hope you're able to enjoy regardless of the lack of usual activities!
We were at my parents house a week or so ago and my brother came by after work. When he and I got to talking, he goes, "Yeah, it took me a minute to realize you were pregnant." I'm sorry, what?? Apparently, he saw me, saw I was huge and couldn't figure out why at first. Dude, I get that it's been a while since we've seen each other but seriously?! So I said "So what, for like 30 seconds before you remember that I'm pregnant with your niece and nephew you thought I was just really fat?!" He had no response. Ass hat.
So about a month back I had added that my parents didn't give me the compliments I wanted when I was clearly fishing for them. I told them my weight gain was called "significant" and my mother replied that it was clear I wasn't starving the baby, and that was a good thing.
So last week when I was there I checked myself out in my mom's full length mirror (I don't have one in my house right now, we had one on the wall of the guest room but took it down to paint the room into a nursery).. and I figured I'd fish a little harder for the compliment this time. I came out and said "Wow.. I look pretty good!" and my mom said "of course you do!" I explained that I needed some extra reassurance and hadn't gotten it and she said "you always just gain weight in your belly when pregnant, you know that!" and I said "no, I really don't. I need the compliments"
Sometimes you just gotta be honest and tell people what you need to hear.
@AnnaS930 That is how me and DH communicate. I tell him what I like to hear and then he sticks to the script lol. He knows I have a hard time dealing with weight gain so for the most part he just says really nice things. My mom also knows just not to talk about my weight at all.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Shout out to my younger brother! I was at his baseball banquet last night and he was behind me in line for food. the person across from me made a rude comment about how much food was on my plate (and freaking hea;thy food at that...like green beans, chicken, salad...ok, and a mound of pasta) and my brother immediately said, "Um yah, she's growing a baby right now, so you can just shut up." Lol...he's not the most tactful, but it was super sweet
My DH often says something that I feel is pretty insensitive...though perhaps that's the hormones talking...? (You ladies will have to let me know.)
Anyway - pregnancy can be hard. It's tiring. Sometimes it hurts. I know you ladies all know this. I do my very, very best to not let it stop me and definitely try not to complain or say anything about it. But I obviously breathe heavily when winded, sometimes need to stop and rest after a flight of stairs, maybe wince in discomfort during a braxton hicks contraction, etc. DH notices these things, as someone who's around me often would. And he always comments about how he "doesn't know how single Mom's do it." Like when I'm switching a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer - admittedly huffing and puffing a little bit from bending over/standing up/bending over/standing up - and he steps in to try to take over. He's amazed at how a single Mom would be able to do such a thing without her husband there to step in. (FTR - I rarely let him step in. I may be tired but I can still function, dang it!) Or when we're trying to get DD ready for bed and she's fighting every step of the way - it's exhausting! In this case, I do (sometimes) ask him to help or be the one to take her upstairs or whatever. And again, "How do single Mom's do it!?!"
Don't get me wrong - DH is super helpful around the house and with DD so it's not that he's trying to get out of it or make me feel bad for taking his help. I genuinely don't think he's trying to be insensitive, it's just an observation of his and maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off? But it bugs the HECK out of me!!
@JennM205 I'm actually with your husband. I don't know how single moms do it and have mad respect for them. That said, my husband never brings it up, and I could see me taking it personally if he did. Like he is thinking I'm incapable of doing things without him.
@AnnaS930 I'm also bad at not taking my husband's compliments to heart. I feel like he's obligated to tell me I look good, so I never believe him. I really should stop with that because, obviously, he's not obligated to do anything, and he's never given me any reason to doubt that he still finds me attractive.
@JennM205 I don't think it's coming from a bad place but it would be more tactful if these comments were made when YOU were alleviating HIM. IE he is trying to cook dinner and watch DD, you come in and offer to watch her for him and he says "thanks honey, I don't know how single parents do it!". I'd probably get a bit snippy if the comments were only made when I needed help and the comments were only directed at single moms (vs single parents or single dad's). Yeah dude, I wouldn't want to be a single parent and I'm SURE you wouldn't either!
ETA "don't" because accidentally leaving that out made me unintentionally sound like a jerk
@camichael84@Shiva14 I definitely agree that single Moms (and Dads!) deserve mad props for what they do. I seriously do not know what I'd do without DH's support!! I guess it's the context that the comments are said in...even though I know (in my head) it's not what he's trying to say, when I hear the words, "How do single Mom's do it?!" I automatically hear, "If they can do it by themselves, why can't you?" Next time he says it, I might gently let him in on how it makes me feel. I know he's coming from the right place...but doesn't make it easier to hear over and over again! I'd like to think he'd like to know that, so he can at least be conscious of it.
@AnnaS930 AH! Too funny! We go in the Okemo area. I enjoy VT no matter what I'm doing or not doing. The change of scenery is just so refreshing! Plus I get zero service there so I can't get work emails there (too bad, so sad!!!) Also, DH needs the guidance you speak of lol. He told me the other day that I don't look any different, that my stomach isn't that big at all. I mean... seriously? It looks like I swallowed one of those small seedless watermelons right now!!! I couldn't help it, I was like "Well other people notice my belly growing" and his response was that people just say that to be nice because they know that's what I want to hear. I finally just said "Jeez, you must have thought I was real fat before huh?" and reminded him that I had lost almost 40 pounds before getting prego, and have since gained back 10 so I just can't understand how he's not seeing it. I'm going to be whipping out pictures from the holidays and a picture from last week real soon and schooling his ass lol!
@JennM205- I totally hear where you're coming from. I'm also in awe of single moms, but ya know what? It's not a walk in the park for moms who have a supporting significant other either. Just let him know that "It's not easy as it is, I can't imagine going it alone and appreciate your help. Just to let you know.. it feels like you're minimizing how hard this is for me when you make those comments, I try to make it look easy... but sometimes it's just plain hard"
@SarahDarah333- like all others, he needs to learn to just say "You look fantastic!" No need to mention how large a belly is, how small a belly is, and absolutely don't ever... EVER... comment on any other part of a woman's body when pregnant
While walking across the cross walk leaving the grocery store this afternoon a lady in her car yelled out her window for me to move my slow, fat a** out of her way already. I was too embarrassed to do anything other than go sit in my car & cry.
@yellowrose314 I was just too shocked and embarrassed to do much of anything, there were a lot of people who heard her. When I'm pregnant I gain weight all over my face,my thighs,my arms, my boobs even at 26 weeks I do just look fat unless I point out that I'm pregnant. I know this but it really embarrasses me when people point that out. She did it in such a humiliating way I couldn't really stop the tears.
@VeraMali I am so sorry that happened. If it makes you feel better, I imagine most people that heard her realized she was being a classless bitch for her actions.
@VeraMali I don't have much to add other than I am sorry that you had to encounter such an insensitive woman. I know it's hurtful but I do agree with @camichael84 that she really showed what a horrible person she is with that display. Hope you feel better
Thanks ladies. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was still a little down about it today but I'm not great on self esteem & pregnancy hormones aren't helping I'm sure. I'll be okay though!
@VeraMali that's shocking! Any person who would shout something like that at a stranger must be a truly miserable human being. Sorry you encountered such a jerk! I hope you don't let her distract you from doing the good work of growing a healthy baby
My DH often says something that I feel is pretty insensitive...though perhaps that's the hormones talking...? (You ladies will have to let me know.)
Anyway - pregnancy can be hard. It's tiring. Sometimes it hurts. I know you ladies all know this. I do my very, very best to not let it stop me and definitely try not to complain or say anything about it. But I obviously breathe heavily when winded, sometimes need to stop and rest after a flight of stairs, maybe wince in discomfort during a braxton hicks contraction, etc. DH notices these things, as someone who's around me often would. And he always comments about how he "doesn't know how single Mom's do it." Like when I'm switching a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer - admittedly huffing and puffing a little bit from bending over/standing up/bending over/standing up - and he steps in to try to take over. He's amazed at how a single Mom would be able to do such a thing without her husband there to step in. (FTR - I rarely let him step in. I may be tired but I can still function, dang it!) Or when we're trying to get DD ready for bed and she's fighting every step of the way - it's exhausting! In this case, I do (sometimes) ask him to help or be the one to take her upstairs or whatever. And again, "How do single Mom's do it!?!"
Don't get me wrong - DH is super helpful around the house and with DD so it's not that he's trying to get out of it or make me feel bad for taking his help. I genuinely don't think he's trying to be insensitive, it's just an observation of his and maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off? But it bugs the HECK out of me!!
I think what you're hearing is "You couldn't do this without me!"
And what he's trying to say is "I'm a part of this!"
I think its hard for men to find their place in pregnancy, and I think he needs to be helping you to feel useful.
VeraMali wow, can't believe someone said that to you. I have such a temper, and would have yelled back something with the f-word in it for sure. She'll get her karma, but sorry it upset you in the meantime.
Someone told me today that "you sure you're not having twins??" Yes, idiot, I'm sure. And if I was, I wouldn't want you telling me I look like I'm having twins, tell me I look great and move on.
Brought in treats to to work to announce I'm having a boy, didn't realized how many people didn't know I am pregnant (those I don't directly work with). One guy (40ish with kids) says "Are you taking vitamins daily? Do you know about folic acid and omega 3?" I wanted to ask "Do I look stupid?", I'm a 30 year old grown women, yea like everyone above like 20 knows these things. He then went on and on about them and asked if I was taking them at night and was going to ask again later.... ugh. I was quite taken aback and offended.
@jhems776 It's crazy what random people will say to you once they know you're expecting (or even after your children are born)! My sister called me yesterday, infuriated, because she had just left the store with her one-month old baby after being verbally accosted by a woman (a complete stranger). Apparently, he started crying in the checkout line...my sister proceeded to check out, then go to return her cart...where this woman walked up to her and started telling her my nephew was hungry and needed to be fed immediately. She said she "knew babies" and that his cry was an obvious hunger cry. She also tried to tell my sister that babies could "die from crying." It went on like this, despite my sister calmly reassuring the woman and then eventually telling her that her comments (along the lines of my sister not knowing her own baby) were offensive.
Anyway, sorry for getting sidetracked - your story about your coworker's comments reminded me of my sister's experience. I guess long story short is that there are people out there who just feel the need to do/say things (apparently without really thinking). I'm sorry your coworker offended you and hope you can avoid him for the duration of your pregnancy!!
@jhems776 That is definitely weird, but maybe he didn't know anything else to say? I understand your feeling offended, though. I was called out by a male aquantance because he saw me eating lunch meat. The insinuation that I didn't know what I was doing or that I was detrimentally hurting my baby was very offensive.
@JennM205 That woman sounds insane! What makes a person think that's okay to say or do to a stranger!? It'd be bad enough if she was saying it to a friend or family member. On my first BMB, we had someone get yelled at and then CPS called on them by a random person because they took their 2 month out in freezing temps (for an appt, and they stopped at a pharmacy for Tylenol first... baby remained a covered carseat). I'm so glad I've never encountered anyone like this (at least yet, anyway).
@camichael84It's crazy what people think is appropriate! Like you, I'm so glad I've never encountered anything like that myself. My sister is a really cool, collected, soft-spoken person so she did a good job not allowing the situation to escalate (any more than it already had). I am not that way. I have no idea what my reaction would have been if it had been me in her situation...but it would have been much less respectable, I'm sure!
Re: "How much do you weigh?" & Other Rude Comments...
this.
(And the thing that bugs me the most? I'm maybe only 2-3 lbs heavier now than I was with DD at the same point in my pregnancy. So it really IS how I'm carrying that's making the difference and that, in itself, is frustrating as Hell!)
at 7 months pregnant, my fiancé and I went car shopping. While on a test drive, the salesman asked why we were looking, at which point I said, "I'm 7 months pregnant and need a reliable car." He then says, "I couldn't even tell!" I gave him a look and he quickly backtracked but still...we all knew he just thought I was fat.
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
So last week when I was there I checked myself out in my mom's full length mirror (I don't have one in my house right now, we had one on the wall of the guest room but took it down to paint the room into a nursery).. and I figured I'd fish a little harder for the compliment this time. I came out and said "Wow.. I look pretty good!" and my mom said "of course you do!" I explained that I needed some extra reassurance and hadn't gotten it and she said "you always just gain weight in your belly when pregnant, you know that!" and I said "no, I really don't. I need the compliments"
Sometimes you just gotta be honest and tell people what you need to hear.
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Anyway - pregnancy can be hard. It's tiring. Sometimes it hurts. I know you ladies all know this. I do my very, very best to not let it stop me and definitely try not to complain or say anything about it. But I obviously breathe heavily when winded, sometimes need to stop and rest after a flight of stairs, maybe wince in discomfort during a braxton hicks contraction, etc. DH notices these things, as someone who's around me often would. And he always comments about how he "doesn't know how single Mom's do it." Like when I'm switching a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer - admittedly huffing and puffing a little bit from bending over/standing up/bending over/standing up - and he steps in to try to take over. He's amazed at how a single Mom would be able to do such a thing without her husband there to step in. (FTR - I rarely let him step in. I may be tired but I can still function, dang it!) Or when we're trying to get DD ready for bed and she's fighting every step of the way - it's exhausting! In this case, I do (sometimes) ask him to help or be the one to take her upstairs or whatever. And again, "How do single Mom's do it!?!"
Don't get me wrong - DH is super helpful around the house and with DD so it's not that he's trying to get out of it or make me feel bad for taking his help. I genuinely don't think he's trying to be insensitive, it's just an observation of his and maybe he doesn't realize how it comes off? But it bugs the HECK out of me!!
@AnnaS930 I'm also bad at not taking my husband's compliments to heart. I feel like he's obligated to tell me I look good, so I never believe him. I really should stop with that because, obviously, he's not obligated to do anything, and he's never given me any reason to doubt that he still finds me attractive.
ETA "don't" because accidentally leaving that out made me unintentionally sound like a jerk
And what he's trying to say is "I'm a part of this!"
I think its hard for men to find their place in pregnancy, and I think he needs to be helping you to feel useful.
Anyway, sorry for getting sidetracked - your story about your coworker's comments reminded me of my sister's experience. I guess long story short is that there are people out there who just feel the need to do/say things (apparently without really thinking). I'm sorry your coworker offended you and hope you can avoid him for the duration of your pregnancy!!
@JennM205 That woman sounds insane! What makes a person think that's okay to say or do to a stranger!? It'd be bad enough if she was saying it to a friend or family member. On my first BMB, we had someone get yelled at and then CPS called on them by a random person because they took their 2 month out in freezing temps (for an appt, and they stopped at a pharmacy for Tylenol first... baby remained a covered carseat). I'm so glad I've never encountered anyone like this (at least yet, anyway).