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May 2016 Moms
yogahh
member
Harper Rose
yogahh
member
I debated posting about my labor, but decided to do so as I hope it helps anyone who's birth plan is shattered the way mine was. I didn't want an epi. I wanted to be mobile. I didn't want a csection. Ladies, be prepared to do whatever you need to do to get that baby out alive and healthy!
I was due to induce on 5/12. Evening of 5/9, I felt a large gush and thought it was my water. A few more waterfalls of gushes later we were on our way to the hospital. We checked in to triage about 11:30 and by 1am I was admitted with the plan to see how I proceed for a few hours and if needed, start the Pitocin. I was at 2 cm, but since my water broke they wanted to proceed with labor. At 8 am, the Pitocin was started. A little while later, I had a pelvic check that was the most painful thing ever in my life. I started screaming in pain and crying. By 11am, I was 3cm and contractions were BAD due to the pitocin. Well, this whole time I was adamant I did not want the epidural. At 3cm dilated I was ready for it. I labored with the contractions for about an hour and a half before calling a nurse for the meds. They were literally every minute, none stop. I don't know how I would have gone any further than that. Whoever invented the epi is a genius!! I NEVER felt anything after that, but being constrainted to the bed was horrible.
This whole time, Harpers heartbeat was deceling with every contraction. We assumed it was the Pitocin, and pulled back on it as I was 5 cm at this point and she seemed to be decending on her own. This was at about 4:30. An hour later and she was still deceling. The doctor at this point said she couldn't put her finger on the issue, but still thought it could be the Pitocin and we all agreed to wait another hour or so before making any decisions. I dialted to 8cm by 7pm, and she said that since the baby was still fighting when it was time to push, just let her come out by herself. No pushing. No stressing her out.
At 7:30 a new doctor was on duty. As soon as she walked into my room I knew what she was going to say. She was strongly recommending a CS. They couldn't put me on Pitocin again and at this point, baby was no longer reacting positively to the whole process. I agreed, and we got started on prepping for the CS. As I hadn't been out of bed for almost 12 hours at this point, and I was stressing out, I started to have a major panic attack. Screaming that I just needed to get out of bed and walk. The epi had worn off an my legs and hips were absolutely killing me. Well, I guess the panic attack, coupled with NO sleep exhausted me. As they were wheeling me to the OR, I feel asleep. I woke up a bit during prep, and was somewhat conscience for the actual procedure, but by the time they pulled her out (feeling a person being pulled from your pelvis is insane) I was so exhausted I couldn't even smile or be happy. I immediately fell asleep once they showed her to me. I woke up as they were finishing up. I missed everything. Didn't even realize they took out the epidural!
The next morning when the doctor came to see me, she told me that we made the right decision. The cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck that if we proceeded with a vaginal delivery, there could have been grave results. I am SO thankful that I had the option now, knowing that she could have been harmed or even worse.
I guess because of the ordeal of the csection, and not being able to hold her and bond immediately, I didn't really bond with her for a day or so. But now I am so in love, and have thanked God multiple times for this blessing.
Now, I am struggling with BF and seriously thinking of just switching to FF if I don't have milk by Sunday. Another "ideal plan" out the window.
So my last words here are...if you have not given birth yet, please realize that you have NO control. As type A and a planner I that I am, it was hard for me to let go. And I still have some sorrow that I didn't get to experience a vaginal birth. And possibly BF. But at the end of the day, I have a GORGEOUS daughter who is alive and healthy and being fed.
I was due to induce on 5/12. Evening of 5/9, I felt a large gush and thought it was my water. A few more waterfalls of gushes later we were on our way to the hospital. We checked in to triage about 11:30 and by 1am I was admitted with the plan to see how I proceed for a few hours and if needed, start the Pitocin. I was at 2 cm, but since my water broke they wanted to proceed with labor. At 8 am, the Pitocin was started. A little while later, I had a pelvic check that was the most painful thing ever in my life. I started screaming in pain and crying. By 11am, I was 3cm and contractions were BAD due to the pitocin. Well, this whole time I was adamant I did not want the epidural. At 3cm dilated I was ready for it. I labored with the contractions for about an hour and a half before calling a nurse for the meds. They were literally every minute, none stop. I don't know how I would have gone any further than that. Whoever invented the epi is a genius!! I NEVER felt anything after that, but being constrainted to the bed was horrible.
This whole time, Harpers heartbeat was deceling with every contraction. We assumed it was the Pitocin, and pulled back on it as I was 5 cm at this point and she seemed to be decending on her own. This was at about 4:30. An hour later and she was still deceling. The doctor at this point said she couldn't put her finger on the issue, but still thought it could be the Pitocin and we all agreed to wait another hour or so before making any decisions. I dialted to 8cm by 7pm, and she said that since the baby was still fighting when it was time to push, just let her come out by herself. No pushing. No stressing her out.
At 7:30 a new doctor was on duty. As soon as she walked into my room I knew what she was going to say. She was strongly recommending a CS. They couldn't put me on Pitocin again and at this point, baby was no longer reacting positively to the whole process. I agreed, and we got started on prepping for the CS. As I hadn't been out of bed for almost 12 hours at this point, and I was stressing out, I started to have a major panic attack. Screaming that I just needed to get out of bed and walk. The epi had worn off an my legs and hips were absolutely killing me. Well, I guess the panic attack, coupled with NO sleep exhausted me. As they were wheeling me to the OR, I feel asleep. I woke up a bit during prep, and was somewhat conscience for the actual procedure, but by the time they pulled her out (feeling a person being pulled from your pelvis is insane) I was so exhausted I couldn't even smile or be happy. I immediately fell asleep once they showed her to me. I woke up as they were finishing up. I missed everything. Didn't even realize they took out the epidural!
The next morning when the doctor came to see me, she told me that we made the right decision. The cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck that if we proceeded with a vaginal delivery, there could have been grave results. I am SO thankful that I had the option now, knowing that she could have been harmed or even worse.
I guess because of the ordeal of the csection, and not being able to hold her and bond immediately, I didn't really bond with her for a day or so. But now I am so in love, and have thanked God multiple times for this blessing.
Now, I am struggling with BF and seriously thinking of just switching to FF if I don't have milk by Sunday. Another "ideal plan" out the window.
So my last words here are...if you have not given birth yet, please realize that you have NO control. As type A and a planner I that I am, it was hard for me to let go. And I still have some sorrow that I didn't get to experience a vaginal birth. And possibly BF. But at the end of the day, I have a GORGEOUS daughter who is alive and healthy and being fed.
Re: Harper Rose
I'm glad both you and Harper are safe and healthy. And if you need to... say "F it" to BFing. Just like with your birth plan, what's most important is that you all are happy and healthy.
DD: 05/14/16
Be kind to yourself and do what's best for both of you. I've been nursing a little bit but mostly formula feeding since it wasn't working again and starting to take a toll. I'm so glad I prioritized my emotional health, it's a hard decision but there's no universal right answer for everyone. Listen to your instincts, mama!
My son was in NICU for 6 days After I gave birth so we got a terrible start to breastfeeding, we're still working on it and it's a total uphill battle. We're supplementing with some formula for now. It sucks but like everyone else said, the most important thing is that you both are healthy!
BFP #1: 9/12/2015
DD: 6/1/2016
BFP #2: 1/16/2018 MC 2/2/2018
DS: 9/18/12 - 40w5d // DD: 05/17/16 - 40w
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
After a week in the hospital and some NICU days for baby, I feel like you do; bummed at the lack of control i had, but so thankful that I have this beautiful baby in my arms! After this ordeal, I realize you can't plan for anything. We all just do what we can!
Edited to add that my c section was Sunday the 8th and my milk came in Thursday in one breast and the other yesterday. The days without it were incredibly stressful.
Really appreciate you writing this. It's difficult when certain plans go out the window, but that's real life, and at the end of the day, you have a beautiful, healthy daughter to show for it.
BFing didn't work for us first time around beyond a few weeks. I received bad and conflicting advice from doctors and lactation consultants alike to the point that DS dropped to the 1st percentile in weight. I was both physically and emotionally exhausted from BFing and pumping and finally threw in the towel after 7-8 weeks.
I struggled with guilt over not being able to BF (sometimes still do), but my son is happy, healthy, and thriving. More mommies, like you, need to share their stories about the realities of childbirth, so there's less shame/fear thrown around. Thank you!