Terrible Twos

jacmkelley · May 2016

Ok, STM (28w pregnant) and currently DD is 2 years and 7 mo old. In the past 4-5 months she has become more and more strong willed. At this point her fit throwing and screaming is just getting worse and worse. My MIL said she only does it with us and because we give into it she is "training" us. My mom says pretty much the same. She's fine at daycare for the most part, so I do believe It is manipulative behavior.
But for example, she's been in bed now for 45 minutes screaming and crying. I'm at my wits end and feel exhausted.

Anyone else had or having the same issue? This is by far the hardest thing I've gone through as a parent thus far.

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

I am in the same boat with DS (just over 2). Today, he was running around the house with a crayon, I asked him to sit at his table with it, he yelled "no, no, no" repeatedly, then walked up to our upholstered chair, looked me right in the eye, and drew all over the cushion. I was horrified, this kind of defiance is so new for him! Anyway, we are trying to be consistent with time-outs, and once he has one, the threat of another one usually works for the rest of the day. I don't have much more advice than that, but I definitely empathize!

pelorunningmama · May 2016

I also can empathize. We are going through some of it with DD, although it has gotten a bit better in the last few months. I'm glad she is strong willed but it can wear a mama down.

Things we are trying: time out chair (she hurt herself in her crib last week), setting a timer if she is refusing to do something (won't clean up? Set timer for two minutes. If things are not cleaned up on that time they are taken away indefinitely).

Good luck!!

cm716 · May 2016

The best advice I can give is: she's two. A lot of the things we're so worried about, they outgrow on their own because they are developmental related.

Most of this stuff is probably going to get worse before it gets better and then she will outgrow it.lots of patience and love which i know is way way way easier said then done. Good luck, i know it sucks.

I also recommend looking up reasons why my son is crying. All us 2 yr old mamas can SO relate.

jamiesc58 · May 2016

@Bookhousegirl I must apologize because I laughed out loud when I read about your ds drawing on the chair. It is horrible but how cute are they while they are doing it? I have a hard time sometimes not laughing at home when one of the kids is getting in trouble but looks so cute at the same time. I have a 13 month old at home and this baby on the way (along with our 11 & 7 yr olds). They will be 16 months apart so I know I am in for a fun ride with them.

1faceinacrowd · May 2016

My DD is now 5 and went through her "terrible" stage at age 3. She would throw fits at the store when I wouldn't let her go in the "car carts" (those things are the WORST); she'd throw a fit and cry when I told her 'no' at home. What you HAVE to do is remember to be firm and do NOT give in. I once completed a 15 minute shopping trip with a screaming 3-year-old in the cart and I ignored her the entire time, then put her in time-out as soon as we got home. I also once turned the car around when we were on our way to a movie because she was yelling about something in the back seat.
I still remember the last time she threw a fit. We were at the store and she asked me to buy a 12-pack of small bottles of water (they were "her size" and also way too expensive). I told her no, and she started wailing and sat down in the middle of the aisle. I got down to her level, looked her in the eyes and said, "Does this ever work for you?" She immediately stopped crying, sobbed for a moment and replied, "No.." I continued, "Has crying like this ever gotten you what you wanted?" She shook head again. So I said, "Okay. Then why do it? Because you're now not only NOT getting that water but you're also working your way toward a time out if you don't get up off the floor."

She was just under 4 when that happened and she literally hasn't thrown a single fit since then. If you tell her 'no' today, she just replies "okay" and moves on. At some point, they become aware enough that they understand what will and won't happen after they throw a fit. EVERY parent will go through this "testing" phase with their kid; the trick is to teach them that it will never, EVER get them what they want, under any circumstances.

bearsandbeets7 · May 2016

I absolutely dread the terrible 2/3s with DD. She is exactly like me, stubborn, hardheaded, basically a little power house. My mom told me that when I went through that she had to pick her battles. Im trying to figure out a way to work with her personality instead of against it.

mmclark10 · May 2016

2 yr old at home for me as well and the saying "no" with time outs and taking items away if the behavior doesn't stop are all that seem to work. It's hard but ignoring the crying/screaming seems to work the best and continuing to speak calmly. It's so tough sometimes though, I've definitely just walked away for a minute before! Hang in there, mamas, we will get through this!

jacmkelley · May 2016

SO glad to know I'm not the only one. I know people say it's a thing, thus the phrase. But, it's hard not to feel alone some nights. DH and I have been arguing like crazy because we can't always get on the same page for discipline. And at bed time it's hard because time out doesn't really work, she just has to cry it out I suppose.
I love her independence and will but it is hard at this age! She has definitely given me a run for her money to say the least.

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

@jamiesc58 not laughing is the hardest part! Especially if DH and I are both there, we can't even look at eachother because then neither of us can be serious with him. It was actually adorable, because when DH got home last night, DS walked up to the chair and said (his name is Cameron but he calls himself Cammy) "Cammy color chair, time out". It was so cute, I couldn't even stand it!

jacmkelley · May 2016

@Bookhousegirl I totally laughed too when I read your post. They are cute when they are mad sometimes! I totally agree.

Ceventa · May 2016

Yeah, our 2 year old is definitely flexing his "horrible twos" muscles around the house. Most of the time he's a happy kid, but every once and a while I see a look come over him where it seems like he makes the decision to be a pain in the ass at that moment. A few weeks ago he went through a solid streak of time where he was just in a bad mood all the time. His teacher said there's a possibility he's acting out in regards to the new baby coming, that she often sees that behavior eventually and it's totally normal. Fantastic.

tisunge602 · May 2016

Fortunately, I wouldn't consider our 2.5yo "strong willed" but he definitely still has his moments. I'd just echo what everyone else has said. Most of all -- BE CONSISTENT and MEAN what you say. If you threaten a timeout or other consequence, FOLLOW THROUGH! No empty threats!

Also, back your DH up if he has told your child yes/no/to do something/consequence, etc. even if you don't agree in the moment. Keep it to yourself in front of your child and talk about it later. Your child needs to see that he/she can't pit the two of you against each other; you are a united front as far as they are concerned.

It's a good thing they're so cute, right?!

bearsandbeets7 · May 2016

@tisunge602 that's my biggest problem is DH will tell DD something and I'll be like just give it to her she's fine. I'm a SAHM so I'm used to handling DD on my own most of the time. DH is great about backing me up so I need to remember this when he tells her something. She's only 18 months so it's not bad yet but I need to get better about it before she gets older.

tisunge602 · May 2016

@Lynnlove28I totally get that. I'm a SAHM too. I've noticed though, that even at 2.5 my son will already come to me if Daddy tells him no, so I have to be really careful to stay on DH's side in front of him to show DS that he can't get away with that. Tricky business!

karlimonster · May 2016

I feel like this is starting with my almost 15 month old. At what age do they actually understand timeouts and consequences? It is frustrating to want to explain or have a consequence when I feel like it's over his head.

tisunge602 · May 2016

@karlimonster I agree, 15 months is a bit early for timeouts. I don't feel like my son really understood them til closer to 2. What works better at that age is natural consequences. i.e., "if you throw your sippy on the floor one more time, Mommy will take it away." Then do it. "If you can't play with that toy without throwing it, I will take it away." Then do it.

bearsandbeets7 · May 2016

@karlimonster I agree with PP. DD is 1.5 and still wouldn't understand it but whenever I do take a toy away or move her away from something I explain it like I would if she was able to completely understand what I am saying. Eventually she will catch on. DD is already all about testing her boundaries so even when it's exhausting I have to remember to stand my ground.

karlimonster · May 2016

Thank you @tisunge602 and @Lynnlove28, we try really hard to be consistent. It is mostly throwing food at the end of the meal or toys that are not meant for throwing. I'm an explainer by default so I will continue to do so even if he isn't quite capable of understanding.

rubredvelvet · May 2016

It's normal. Don't let mil or your mom convince you otherwise. I always tell older moms who say this sort of thing that so much time has past since they've had kids they must have forgotten what it's like.

On that note, I hate to say it but it only gets worse. But still totally normal! With my first I was naive to think my little one hit her tantrum stage early and we'd head out of it early- but it does not work that way. And the terrible twos are really just lead ins for the threes. Three year olds will make you question why you ever had children- haha. But I, and others I have talked to say at about 3.5 it starts turning around and by 4 they are sweet and not nearly as moody. Goodluck and hang in there!

SkiChic626 · May 2016

DD, who will be 2 in less than a month, definitely gives us a way harder time than she does daycare or our parents. I've read that it's not necessarily purposefully manipulative, but actually because they know you are the parents and they know that even if they act out they can trust that you'll still love and care for them. Instinctually I think it makes sense.

mooncusp22 · May 2016

My DD is just over 2 and we have good days and bad days. It's tough on those bad days!! I find the busier I can keep her, the less meltdowns she has. And if she is having a meltdown I either try to distract her or if nothing works I ignore it until she calms down. Been reading alot of about how to deal and they say sometimes they just need to have their moment to freak out and calm down on their own. I practice deep breathing and patience during those moments lol It's not easy!!

I am worried once an infant is here & getting woken up!

Sunnyn75 · May 2016

mooncusp22 said:

My DD is just over 2 and we have good days and bad days. It's tough on those bad days!! I find the busier I can keep her, the less meltdowns she has. And if she is having a meltdown I either try to distract her or if nothing works I ignore it until she calms down. Been reading alot of about how to deal and they say sometimes they just need to have their moment to freak out and calm down on their own. I practice deep breathing and patience during those moments lol It's not easy!!

I am worried once an infant is here & getting woken up!

That's what I've started to do with my 25 month old...just let him cry/scream it out if I can't distract him. Yesterday we had our worst meltdown yet...it was a screaming and crying fit for a good 30 minutes. I couldn't console him, and nothing distracted him, so I just let him go at it. I felt like 30 minutes was a really long time...usually it's only like 2 or 3. Anybody else have stubborn long winded screamers?! Is this normal?!

jacmkelley · May 2016

Sunnyn75 said:

mooncusp22 said:

My DD is just over 2 and we have good days and bad days. It's tough on those bad days!! I find the busier I can keep her, the less meltdowns she has. And if she is having a meltdown I either try to distract her or if nothing works I ignore it until she calms down. Been reading alot of about how to deal and they say sometimes they just need to have their moment to freak out and calm down on their own. I practice deep breathing and patience during those moments lol It's not easy!!

I am worried once an infant is here & getting woken up!

That's what I've started to do with my 25 month old...just let him cry/scream it out if I can't distract him. Yesterday we had our worst meltdown yet...it was a screaming and crying fit for a good 30 minutes. I couldn't console him, and nothing distracted him, so I just let him go at it. I felt like 30 minutes was a really long time...usually it's only like 2 or 3. Anybody else have stubborn long winded screamers?! Is this normal?!

Yes! I totally have a long winded screamer. She has literally gone an hour of crying and screaming. Since this post she has mellowed a lot. I will say I think she can sense the change coming and she may be adjusting in her own way. We do time outs and that's been helping. I think she's learning her feelings and just a very strong feeling person. I will say we've had a break the past few days on the tantrums and screaming. It's been so nice. I was put on bed rest last week and having her be so loving has really made it an easier transition. I feel like I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel! She will be three in October, we've been struggling with the twos since about 20 months. Even if it's just been an easier week, I'm so glad for the break. I didn't think about the timing of twos and having a second. I hate to think our last few months as the three of us are so intense! Lol, but it is what it is.

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