Hoping for a certain sex?

leighry · May 2016

So this is my 4th pregnancy. Before my husband and I had any kids I always considered myself a boy mom. All my friends growing up were boys. I live for hockey and find myself more into the go out and get dirty than dance and dresses. I have 3 beautiful girls. I love them to death and while my first is definitely dresses and bows I'm learning my way.

That being said, this being our last child I'm still holding out for that boy. I know it's a long shot but I just can't help but feel like I still want that son. Does this make me a horrible person? Maybe. Of course another girl will fit right in and be loved no matter what.. but does anyone else have a strong desire for one gender over another? I feel guilty holding out hope it's a boy.. and I feel like I have to find out so my initial feeling in the delivery room isn't "oh" if it's a girl.

MollySm · May 2016

I'm in a similar situation, but with 2 girls already. I've always wanted a boy, and really hope this one is a boy. My 2 girls are very different, and dirt and hockey are definitely part of my parenting experience already, but I still would really just love to have a boy. I don't feel so guilty about it (I've wanted a boy this whole time, but I totally adore my girls and wouldn't exchange them for anything), and I know if it's a girl I'll get on board quickly.

leighry · May 2016

I was the same way. Obviously a happy healthy baby is all I want, regardless of gender. After each ultrasound that I found out the sex I went happily to the store and bought a "coming home" outfit.. I got over it quickly. The last one I really thought was a boy so it took me a couple days to get over it being a girl but again, was happy for another healthy baby girl. All my kids are still young, so I'm doing learn to skate and all that to try and bring that aspect into their lives whether they stick with it or not. But I'm glad I'm not alone in wanting a son!

leighry · May 2016

I also got a lot of "oh that stinks everyone you know is having a boy and you're having a girl, when you're the only one that cared!" During my pregnancies. I hated that.

jrussell16 · May 2016

I have a friend who went through something very similar a few years ago. She knew it was her last baby and they didn't find out the sex for their other sons, but she felt that she had to find out early for the last one because she didn't want to have a moment of sadness in the hospital room when she found out it was another boy. She said she had to get over the fact that she was never going to have a girl and she would rather process that idea earlier on than during delivery. I think that's a totally natural reaction to have.

campbaby76 · May 2016

I hope no one criticizes you here or irl. This is so natural. We have one boy and I'm kind of hoping for a girl. But I'm also so scared of a girl. Lol.

hollowway · May 2016

I felt so sure this was another girl that I was excited.... When I found out we're having a boy, I was shocked and slightly disappointed but I'm starting to get use to the idea! I think it's normal!

hellopartyof5 · May 2016

I'm hoping for another boy, but feel like its a girl so at least I won't be sad either way? We'll see if that works out lol

yosemite2018 · May 2016

My friend has 2 boys and was actually team green for #3. I think her thought process was that if it was a boy they'd just be thrilled for another healthy baby. The nurse accidentally told her it's a girl and she said she almost fell out of her chair!

I really want a girl but will still be thrilled with a happy and healthy boy! As long as the kid is loved anyway, there is no harm in wishing for one or the other.

whitneyf1 · May 2016

@jrussell16 my SIL was the opposite. She has 3 girls - 2 of which are identical twins - and they never found out with any of them. She just had her 4th, a boy, in March and said she didn't care either way but didn't want to find out early because she didn't want her husband to be disappointed for the rest of the pregnancy. She said if they found out at birth they'd just be so happy to be seeing the baby she thought it'd be easier.

SpiritYell0905 · May 2016

FTM here but I honestly don't have a preference. We'll find out the gender at our next apt (I think) but I really think it will be like, "Oh cool" either way. You see all the gender reveals and people are excited for one or the other but (and as cliche as this sounds) as long as this baby is healthy I really don't care. Now, any kids after this I will probably want which ever sex we don't have. Side note: In laws will be legit disappointed if this is a boy because they don't have any girls yet.

Muscatmommyof4 · May 2016

I'm felt the same way with my pregnancies. I have a son and when I got pregnant with #2 and #3 I was sure they were boys and I was wrong with #2 I wasn't upset but my husband was... He got over it fast! But when I found out I was having another girl I cried and my husband told me it would be okay and he was right after the one day I was fine and couldn't imagine not having both of them! Now I'm pregnant again and I found out last week its another boy! And I'm so excited because this is our last child. But I'm even more thankful for my 2 girls cause I will have 2 and 2. So dont feel bad it's normal I think every mom has a preference at first.. And regardless of the gender in the end we love them all the same even if we are a little disappointed at first.

TwandaFTG · May 2016

Last time I guess I was hoping for a boy because DH was so close with his dad who passed (we named our son after him). This time I am so torn. I think having another boy would be easier and a (a tiny bit) more predictable. But all the cute girl stuff swoon!

I am honestly afraid of having a girl because I keep hearing how much drama little girls can make but then again my son is soooo dramatic so maybe it wouldn't be too bad!

I think it is normal bc most women have been family planning since they were playing dress up and having tea parties!

PurpleBrunette · May 2016

For about the first month, I honestly didn't have a preference either way. But then when my BIL/SIL started saying they were convinced I was having a girl and my husband started agreeing with them, then I realized I really wanted a boy. I'm now completely positive it's a girl and I'm a bit disappointed, but it'll all work out.

I also think some of my disappointment is because I love a certain name and want to name this baby that name regardless of gender. However, my husband disagrees and thinks it's a boy name, so I think I wanted a boy just for the name. He did agree to name the 2nd baby the name regardless if I couldn't name this one that.

fiscally3 · May 2016

We are in a similar boat to @leighry . We have 3 boys, this will be our last. I feel like the pressure is on to have a girl this time (from general society.) And I don't like the idea that if we have a girl, my 2nd & 3rd son don't matter, because we finally got our girl (from general society again). It would be awesome to experience all the girl stuff, and there are mother daughter moments I would love to have (sparkly shoe shopping, mother-daughter teas, prom/wedding shopping) and skills that I feel like I can teach and will actually pass on to my daughter (like I know guys crochet, but I just feel like long term, most guys will drop the crafty stuff.) But I feel like that we likely have another boy, which is awesome in its own right.

elsie2014 · May 2016

I'm hoping for a boy this time! I think it's totally okay, and in the end, you know you're going to love your baby once they're here. But it's totally normal to have a desire for one gender over the other.

Seattleite86 · May 2016

I think its normal. But if it is a boy be careful for possible mean comments in the future-i have 4 sisters and 1 brother (parents got lucky with 5 girls and 1 boy!) And while they werent really holding out for a boy (they always wanted 6 kids, but their original idea was that it would be more mixed) a lot of people see it as - oh poor them, they kept trying and trying and just got girl after girl after girl *womp womp* then finally baby jesus came and they could stop. Its completely false but people are cruel when they dont mean to be (we have a family friend who had the same situation and her son was always teased and called baby jesus to mean that the chosen one finally came after all those girls) its definitely no cakewalk for a poor only brother to have so many sisters! But good news is he would learn to really love and respect women! Now that i think of it...my poor brother...lol

CalisSurpriseBaby3 · May 2016

It's totally normal. I have a 15 year old son and well...he was soooo easy! Easy to dress, find toys for, easy when it came to food...just easy! 3 years ago, I had a little girl and OMG she is a diva. She is bossy and indecisive, very dramatic. I am so hoping this is another boy, I just dont think I can handle two girls plus myself

leighry · May 2016

Yes seattleite86.. I figure if it is a boy people may assume that we were finally done because we had our boy. Annoying, but understandable. I have always wanted 4 kids no matter what the genders were.. and my husband was fine with 3 or 4. I was one of 4. My brother is the oldest and then it's me and my 2 sisters. Even if this one is a girl, there will be no more (planned anyway). A few of my close friends have boys, so even though if this one is a boy he will be alone (in our family) he will definitely have other boys to grow up with outside of any friends from school.

I guess once you picture your family a certain way for a while it's kind of engraved in your brain to hope for a certain gender. But as many of you ladies have said, Happy and healthy is all that matters ultimately. For now, I'm crossing my fingers and toes.

tinkerfly81 · May 2016

I think you decided for me. This is our 4th and more than likely our last. I have 3 sons now. With my last pregnancy we did not find out. We were not going to this time either. But I want a girl. So I think we might find out now so I can process if I am only gonna be a boys mom.

ficbot · May 2016

From a sheer practical standpoint, I am rooting for a girl because 1) our girl name is better, husband and I don't quite agree on a name for a boy and 2) we know people who have girls and can give us stuff, and we don't know people who have boys. But with that said, my stepson is a boy, I adore him, I feel like I know how to 'do' a boy, and we have some boy toys already (stepson inherited several nice things from my brothers). So I am totally fine if it's a boy. But I am kind of hoping for a girl too :-)

kittiesandcoffee · May 2016

I was originally hoping for a girl. I think I still am, but you ladies have definitely made me more and more okay with having a boy if that's the case. I do like the name we have for a girl better but I still love our boy name. I also love the headbands for baby girls.

MrsDho11 · May 2016

juliehollz13 · May 2016

I would be happy either way, I just want a healthy baby, but I do feel judged and side eyed over having a preference. I would personally prefer a boy first because I've taken care of more boy babies/toddlers than girls and am a little more familiar with how to relate to a male child vs. a female child. Idea of raising a girl makes me a little more nervous. I find it slightly obnoxious when people ask if I'm hoping for a boy or girl and I answer them, and then they put their nose up in the air and say "Well, you should really just care about a healthy baby". Well duh! Why the **** did you ask my opinion just to judge me? Of course i'd love my baby if it was boy/girl/or unicorn.

ETA: I also think it's just as presumptuous and misguided to assume that these babies will be trans/queer/or gender fluid as it is to mix up "gender" and "sex". These kids aren't even born yet and people are already trying to debate their sex lives and gender identity. Smh. So if you have a girl, who identifies as a boy, does that mean you won't have to teach her how to use a tampon???

atcwag · May 2016

I've always seen my family as having 3 children. This is #2 for us. DS came October '13. We were team green with him and are with this one as well. I always saw our family as having all boys...3 preferably. I'm leaning towards this one being a girl and have, surprisingly, warmed up a little to that idea. I'd still be thrilled with another little boy, but I'm totally more 50/50 on preference than I thought I'd be.

2amgoodbyes · May 2016

I was mostly 50-50 on my boy or girl preference. I have no experience with either, but could understand the pros and cons for both. When I found out I was having a boy, I was excited just knowing and being able to imagine him.

My MIL was hoping for a girl because she only has two sons and one grandson, and wanted to experience a girl. My mom has only 2 daughters, but was dead set on getting a granddaughter. When I surprised her on Mother's Day with a gift bag of blue baby things, she looked so disappointment. I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but I was sad she couldn't at least feign some excitement, considering that the baby is still on the way and (as far as we can tell so far) healthy.

shamrocandroll · May 2016

I'm a FTM, and I definitely have a preference in my own mind, but I'm afraid to say it out loud and jinx it, haha! Also, a certain in-law of mine is insisting it "has to be a ___" and I get really annoyed because that is actually my preferred gender, but it's almost like they're saying the other gender would be a disappointment. I have a personal preference, but I will be happy either way (especially since this is our first), so it bothers me when this person insists it "has to be" a specific gender. This is why if we do decide to find out (we're still in disagreement about whether or not to find out ahead of time), we're not going to tell anyone.

zuuls_mom · May 2016

It feels weird to say this, but I am hoping for a girl because of a dream I had two days before I found out I was KU. I was sitting on my couch holding a precious newborn little baby girl and she gave me the tiniest smile and I swear I have never felt more complete/whole/happy/whatever in my life. Since the moment I got my BFP, I have only ever been able to think of this baby as a girl.

I don't think I will be disappointed if it's a boy, but more disappointed in my women's intuition being wrong haha. It also doesn't help that EVERYONE thinks it's a girl. We shall see! I find out in 10-14 business days

MrsMaryK2016 · May 2016

I desperately want a girl for me but I also want a boy for my husband. I just scheduled my gender u/s appointment... June 14th can't come fast enough!

MollySm · May 2016

sarahdiana said:

It feels weird to say this, but I am hoping for a girl because of a dream I had two days before I found out I was KU. I was sitting on my couch holding a precious newborn little baby girl and she gave me the tiniest smile and I swear I have never felt more complete/whole/happy/whatever in my life. Since the moment I got my BFP, I have only ever been able to think of this baby as a girl.

I don't think I will be disappointed if it's a boy, but more disappointed in my women's intuition being wrong haha. It also doesn't help that EVERYONE thinks it's a girl. We shall see! I find out in 10-14 business days

I had this happen to me with my first pregnancy. I had always wanted boys, but before I got my BFP I had such a realistic dream with a tiny baby girl. I was so sad when I woke up and she was gone. It made it less surprising when we found out she was a girl at the a/s.

sunbeam1 · May 2016

Another preference from a dream. I had a dream before I got KU that I was talking to my son-to-be, trying to convince him to set up shop in my uterus. Silly reason, but I'd prefer a boy. DH desperately wants a boy. I'd be fine with a girl- I actually like the girl name we're thinking about better, but I'd prefer to think the "intuition" was correct.

Oakleypoozles · May 2016

I really feel for people in these situations. I mean obviously a mom is going to be happy for a healthy baby like you said but for families who enjoy big families and end up with all of one sex I totally understand how that would be disappointing. I don't really know how to make anyone feel better about it though because I totally understand what your internal conflict would be about feeling bad that you really want that but I feel like it's totally natural too. I doubt ultimately that anyone will be able to make you feel better about it I suppose as a wonderful mom a mom is always gonna be her own worst critic! I know I am mine! So I mean I'm sitting here hoping you have a boy Mama and then hopefully the concerns will melt away!

Let us know when you find out! Wishing you the best!

I can only think of one thing that might make you feel better. I know a lot of these families and they are in my family to with the many kids of one gender. I know a couple with 3 girls who had to stop. I have a cousin with 7 girls. I know a couple with 4 boys. One thing in common with all of them though, I'm sure they had a certain hope to just mix it up a bit along the way because it was natural but in common they are all super pleased with their families. All of these families have grown kids now and their families are very tight and you'd never know they ever wanted anything different. I think maybe the worry just comes from thinking maybe you are missing out on something. I mean knowing you love your kids is one thing but then getting the same sex over and over maybe it is just a concern like hey am I missing something that I won't get?

therealvday · May 2016

I don't think you need to worry about feeling guilty, it seems perfectly normal to have these ideas and visions of a certain sex. And after all, you know you will love the little one regardless and who knows, in the end you may find that you couldn't imagine having the other sex after all.

For me, I am envisioning a girl. I'm a girly girl, love clothes, makeup, etc. I want a mini me! Lol. Also DH has a feeling it's going to be a girl too, along with all of my friends (I think because I'm a girly-girl).

muybueno · May 2016

I have two wonderful boys and was really hoping for a girl this time around. Then, during today's u/s, the doc said we are "definitely" having a boy.* She said it like 10 times.

I was immediately thrilled! Three boys growing up together, super close in age (3 in 4 years) is going to be SO fun. I'll always be queen of the castle too. I am very surprised at my reaction b/c I thought I'd have at least a moment of disappointment, but I'm already in love with him.

Don't beat yourself up for having a preference- you're gonna love the snot out of that kid either way. I will say, I regret having admitted to so many people that I was hoping for a girl, because I don't want them feeling sorry for me or thinking this baby was unwanted in any way. Should have kept my preference to myself, in retrospect.

*I am fully aware that the sex of the baby is hard to determine during early ultrasounds and it might change- but, not the point of the post.

zuuls_mom · May 2016

@MollySm I am not sure if I will be less surprised if it turns out to be a girl, but maybe just more impressed with my psychic abilities! Haha. I've had weird foreshadowing dreams before and once even found my debit card I had lost because I had a dream that I found it and immediately after waking up, I walked to that specific place and it was there! My brain is either fantastical or I'm just a weirdo.

SpiritYell0905 · May 2016

shamrocandroll said:

I'm a FTM, and I definitely have a preference in my own mind, but I'm afraid to say it out loud and jinx it, haha! Also, a certain in-law of mine is insisting it "has to be a ___" and I get really annoyed because that is actually my preferred gender, but it's almost like they're saying the other gender would be a disappointment. I have a personal preference, but I will be happy either way (especially since this is our first), so it bothers me when this person insists it "has to be" a specific gender. This is why if we do decide to find out (we're still in disagreement about whether or not to find out ahead of time), we're not going to tell anyone.

Totally agree on the IL thing. They have said they will be happy with either but they clearly have a preference which I find slightly offensive just because I know if we have a boy they'll be disappointed. But we have pretty much decided that we won't be telling anyone the sex until birth. Also because we don't necessarily want gender specific items as gifts from people. If it's a girl I don't want 8000 pink things. Speaking of pregnancy brain: WTF words..can't form them.

LadyBugMe101 · May 2016

I am a FTM and have to say I have a strong preference for a boy. I say this because we are four female siblings, with two nieces from my oldest sister. There are just no boys. I see myself as more of a boy-mom but I will be happy with my human regardless of the sex. My DH "feels" we will have a girl because he is the only male out of four siblings. He said 'face the facts, we are female dominant' lol. Our vision is three children which we will love regardless of their sex.... can't wait to find out.

talkthewholetime · May 2016

I switch back and forth depending on the day. We have a girl now, and I'd LOVE for her to have a sister. But it would be fun to parent a little boy, too. And in my crazy mind it would be easier to love them both if they weren't the same sex - which I know is so crazy because I will absolutely be able to love the shit out of two kids. Plus we have a great girl name and absolutely NOTHING for a boy.

So....idk, ask me tomorrow. Today I say girl.

talkthewholetime · May 2016

Also, I thought had no preference with my first - but when they told me she was a girl, I cried. SOBBED. It made me think that maybe, inside, she's what I wanted all along? Idk, she's basically the best ever sooooooooo.......

whaat · May 2016

MrsDho11 said:

I love you. This bothers me too but I feel like it's a losing battle when it comes to baby genitals.

Roxell · May 2016

My husband wants a boy because he's 'the last male in his family to pass on his name'. Pfft you're no royalty, I really don't think it matters if you pass on your name. It's not like there will never be another person with our last name either.

I want a boy because girl names are too hard to pick.

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