So, update: Saw my midwife today and talked things through a bit. I have a history of depression, and last time I went on a mild antidepressant in the third trimester just in case (which we then upgraded to a stiffer dose once the baby showed up and it became clear I was definitely experiencing PPD). We decided now would be a good time to start me back on an antidepressant since, while the shock is still sinking in, I'm worried about feeling disconnected from this baby. She also had some really good, frank advice from her own experience as a mother: Not every mother-child relationship is love at first sight. Sometimes it takes some time, and if that is the case with this baby, she says I shouldn't feel guilty about it. Of course I will love my son.
Unfortunately, the other issue they were checking on in the follow-up u/s has not resolved. Baby still has bilateral dilation of the urinary tract, and I have low amniotic fluid, and the combination of those things is not good. So we are headed to the perinatologist next week.
I know it's pointless to tell anyone in your position not to worry, but it sounds like you are in good hands with your medical care professionals and the perinatologist will be very thorough and make sure that your LO is well monitored and taken care of. We'll all be thinking about you and hoping everything turns out well!
TTC#1 since May 2011
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
MynaBird - your m/w was so right. try and keep any expectations, "shoulds" etc out of your mindset when the little guy gets here. just focus on the moment and feeling whatever you feel. Thinking this all through beforehand, I think, is going to help tremendously when/if you struggle post partum. We're all here for you to share, vent, etc etc.
And I'm sorry to hear about the complications you're dealing with right now. Do you have any indication of what the dilation combined with low fluid could mean?
i can't lie. even after a three year struggle and thinking i would and being told i might not get pregnant again. i struggled with finding out i was having another boy. i also think there is nothing wrong with it. i came around and am so happy now. i did feel a little bit of guilt but what do you expect when you're pregnant and hormonal?! its definitely NOT sunshine and butterflies haha
It's good that your midwife is again being proactive regarding PPD, and she had excellent advice. You certainly will love your baby boy, whether it happens immediately or after a while. Hoping for good news from your perinatologist.
Hopefully everything goes well at these next appointments and resolves easily. Good for you and you mw for addressing the PPD now, instead of after you're already suffering.
After seeing this thread, I went in to my ultrasound alone and I was joking with the tech as she got the machine ready. And I said, now watch... I finally have all the little boy clothes I could ever need and watch this LO not be a boy lol Then the tech turned on the ultrasound and the first shot we get is of his testicles haha she was like Nope, that's definitely a boy.
I am really sorry to read your update and that you didn't get good news. I will keep you and your little guy in my thoughts and there is no shame in starting your anti depressants now. You need all your health and strength for the next few weeks and beyond.
After seeing this thread, I went in to my ultrasound alone and I was joking with the tech as she got the machine ready. And I said, now watch... I finally have all the little boy clothes I could ever need and watch this LO not be a boy lol Then the tech turned on the ultrasound and the first shot we get is of his testicles haha she was like Nope, that's definitely a boy.
I had a similar chat with my ultrasound tech... then my little lady stuck all her goods all up in the wands view lol... same reaction. . Nope definitely a girl lol
A couple of nonstress tests over the weekend looked good, but ultrasounds showed my amniotic fluid level didn't increase even after they put me on IV fluids... We are headed to the perinatologist this morning, so I'm hoping to know more soon. Thank you, everyone, for the support! I've been Bump-absent for the last few days while I've been distracted by this, but I really appreciate the good thoughts.
A couple of nonstress tests over the weekend looked good, but ultrasounds showed my amniotic fluid level didn't increase even after they put me on IV fluids... We are headed to the perinatologist this morning, so I'm hoping to know more soon. Thank you, everyone, for the support! I've been Bump-absent for the last few days while I've been distracted by this, but I really appreciate the good thoughts.
Do what you need to do. We are here when you need us and are thinking of you and praying for a good outcome for you and little one while you work through the appointments. Hugs!
One more update, and unfortunately it's not great news: Our baby has been diagnosed with posterior urethral valves, a condition that (YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME) affects boys exclusively. Basically, there's a flap of tissue obstructing the opening between his bladder and urethra, which is what's causing fluid to back up into his poor swollen bladder, ureter and kidneys. While he falls into the "severe" risk group for kidney damage, the pediatric urologist says he's just barely over the line, which is the good news part of the bad news. I'm still feeling a lot of movement, which means he's probably still mostly OK at this point, and since my fluid levels have been low but not dangerously low, I'm hopeful for as good an outcome as can be hoped for.
The hard thing is that there's no way to know exactly what his needs will be until after he's born, and boys with this condition fall along a huge spectrum -- all the way from minor intervention and monitoring to being born with acute renal failure. What we do know is that right after he's born, the urologist will have to clear his bladder, hopefully through a catheter but possibly through more invasive means, and a day or two after he's born he'll have to have surgery to attempt to fix the valve that's blocking his bladder. We've been told to expect him to spend at least a week in the NICU, maybe more, depending on how things go, and to anticipate spending a lot of time with specialists especially in the first year of his life. Ideally they won't have to deliver him early, but it's kind of a balancing act -- they want his lungs to develop as long as possible, but they will have to take him out if they decide it's more dangerous to leave him in.
I am heartened by the fact that of the stories I've read on the internet from other PUVs parents, it seems like he may be better off than some other babies with this condition. There are stories out there from mothers who had NO amniotic fluid, whose babies' lungs didn't develop and they were advised to terminate midway through the pregnancy. Since that didn't happen to us, and since I do have some fluid, I'm hoping for the best.
Thank you all again for all the support! I don't imagine there will be too much more to update on until he's born... I hope not for another 4+ weeks!
@MynaBird all the best to your little boy. Hoping he doesn't require invasive treatment and that his NICU stay will be short and uneventful. I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts!
Thank you for updating @mynabird. I'm so sorry it's not good news. Thoughts and prayers for your little guy to stay comfortable and keep cooking as long as possible and to need minimal interventions after birth. I can't imagine the upheaval these last few weeks have been for you. We are here as you need us!
Hoping for the best for your little boy, and that you don't have to deliver early. I know it's scary to face the prospect of surgery and a NICU stay right away, and overwhelming to hear that you'll be seeing specialists for his first year, but in the long run, your little boy will not remember any of this, and hopefully you'll be able to put this period behind you quickly. I'm glad, too, that you've found a community that can help you adjust to this diagnosis.
I hope that your son has a short stay in the NICU. My son stayed in the NICU for the first week following his delivery, and while it was hard for me and DH, the nurses there are (mostly) incredible, and the resources they have available for parents are great. They helped us get really comfortable with the more minor things (bathing, diaper changing around the bellybutton, etc) before going home, and the lactation specialists on hand helped us get a good start on working on his latch.
I'm so sorry to hear the less than great news. Hopefully your little guy can hang in there until his lungs are good and ready and his issue can be easily corrected once he's out.
I was wondering about you yesterday. I'm so sorry to hear this news. I really hope that everything goes smoothly and that his health isn't greatly affected. Hugs!
I'm sorry to hear this & hope the best for you and your son!! Prayerfully it will be a short NICU visit and his issues aren't significant. All the best to you & hope he stays put for a while!
I'm sorry to hear the news @MynaBird. Like everyone I'm hoping for the least amount of intervention required. Fx for the best possible outcome and that he gets to stay put until he's ready enough to come out.
Re: Surprise! It's... not a girl after all **One more update with diagnosis**
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BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
BFP #3 October 6, 2015. WHAT???
MynaBird - your m/w was so right. try and keep any expectations, "shoulds" etc out of your mindset when the little guy gets here. just focus on the moment and feeling whatever you feel. Thinking this all through beforehand, I think, is going to help tremendously when/if you struggle post partum. We're all here for you to share, vent, etc etc.
And I'm sorry to hear about the complications you're dealing with right now. Do you have any indication of what the dilation combined with low fluid could mean?
Thinking of you!
The hard thing is that there's no way to know exactly what his needs will be until after he's born, and boys with this condition fall along a huge spectrum -- all the way from minor intervention and monitoring to being born with acute renal failure. What we do know is that right after he's born, the urologist will have to clear his bladder, hopefully through a catheter but possibly through more invasive means, and a day or two after he's born he'll have to have surgery to attempt to fix the valve that's blocking his bladder. We've been told to expect him to spend at least a week in the NICU, maybe more, depending on how things go, and to anticipate spending a lot of time with specialists especially in the first year of his life. Ideally they won't have to deliver him early, but it's kind of a balancing act -- they want his lungs to develop as long as possible, but they will have to take him out if they decide it's more dangerous to leave him in.
I am heartened by the fact that of the stories I've read on the internet from other PUVs parents, it seems like he may be better off than some other babies with this condition. There are stories out there from mothers who had NO amniotic fluid, whose babies' lungs didn't develop and they were advised to terminate midway through the pregnancy. Since that didn't happen to us, and since I do have some fluid, I'm hoping for the best.
Thank you all again for all the support! I don't imagine there will be too much more to update on until he's born... I hope not for another 4+ weeks!
I hope that your son has a short stay in the NICU. My son stayed in the NICU for the first week following his delivery, and while it was hard for me and DH, the nurses there are (mostly) incredible, and the resources they have available for parents are great. They helped us get really comfortable with the more minor things (bathing, diaper changing around the bellybutton, etc) before going home, and the lactation specialists on hand helped us get a good start on working on his latch.
DS2 5-18-2014
DD1 EDD 6-21-2016
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Baby #2 Due 3/7/20