How is Everyone Doing? Check In 5/2

Spartanrd4 · May 2016

For the new people who joined this board in the last two weeks, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with?

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?)

Hopietaylor91 · May 2016

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? This week has been pretty good. Still have the same question as last week about my hcg.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?) I am an office manager for a chiropractors office. I actually love my job although i never imagined it for myself. My dream is to one day run some type of home for sex trafficking victims.

RiverSong15 · May 2016

Thanks for starting us off @Spartanrd4!

Honestly, I'm not doing great at all. I think I ovulated this weekend based on OPKs and CM, but I'm mostly feeling bitter about it. I should be either 5 or 3 months pregnant right now, not peeing on things and researching RPL.On top of this, my mother is severely depressed and refusing to treat it with either meds or therapy, even though her depression has cost her many jobs and her house. I'm constantly worried about her and at my wits end. She's the most stubborn woman I've ever met. My MIL's health isn't great either, and she's been in and out of doctors offices for testing. It just feels like H and I can't catch a break and I'm just totally overwhelmed.

GTKY: I wish I would have pursued veterinary medicine. I love animals and science. I let my mother talk me out of that one though.

lilylover27 · May 2016

Took a break last week from the board after my follow up when I found out I still had some tissue left from the MC and the OB wanted to see if it passed naturally. Well had some period like bleeding for two days that then tapered off so I am hoping that was it, since the OB did say it was about 90% done my last visit. Don't go back for a second follow up until next Thursday. I am feeling pretty positive though. Last week I really just took the time to focus on me and letting go. I mean obviously it still hurts but I let a few close friends know what happened and I think it helped to not make it as secret as it seemed.

GTKY - I love my job and it is great but it is in no way my "dream job". I usually can't pick one job to be my dream job but I usually go between these: get paid (a livable wage) to read books and provide reviews, I am a huge book worm so it would combine my favorite pastime with a job. Work/own a winery or brewery, because come on how fun would that be! Or own a coffee shop or bakery, while I am not like an exceptional bakery and know nothing about gourmet coffee. I am just a huge coffee and cake fan!

BrightenMySky · May 2016

I am doing so so. Was at a wedding last night with lots of talk of pregnancy and babies, so had to step away for a while. I am going on a work trip this week that I had known about for a while, so I'm having those would have been pregnant for this trip feelings.

@RiverSong15 sorry about your mother. That sounds very difficult and so much stress on you right now on top of everything else.

GTKY: I also am interested in veterinary medicine, although that may be in part because we are doing all these treatments currently for our dog w/osteosarcoma so I'm seeing a lot of aspects of the field. I also think about being in the medical field as an NP, or even first responder work...I would love to be able to do volunteer search and rescue, although a lot of things need to change before that could happen.

LaurenDarling · May 2016

How are you doing this week?
Well, my d&c was last Friday. Just when I thought I was pulling myself back up, we had to put my family's 13 year old dog down without notice. Even though she lived with my parents, I still saw her on a daily basis, as I go to their house everyday. I feel like I lost my past and future at the same time.

I'm with you @RiverSong15 I should either have a beautiful new born, be 5 months, or 3 months along right now. Instead I'm crying at every Johnson and Johnson commercial surrounding Mother's Day and wondering if I'll ever have a family of my own.

Also had to stop watching the Big Bang theory, because, you know, pregnancy subplot. I think watching it was actually upsetting DH more than me. How do you help your SO cope? Are they having a hard time?

I'm trying so hard to be optimistic about my first RE apt in a few weeks.

Gtyk: I currently have my dream job. Together, my mom and I own a bridal shop. Although I love it, its not a job for the faint of heart.

BrightenMySky · May 2016

@LaurenDarling I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. Sounds like she had a wonderful life with your family. I hear you on feeling like you've lost so much at once.

Spartanrd4 · May 2016

I am doing okay, after a rough week last week with my co-worker announcing her pregnancy I am just trying to look forward. I had a couple good pep talk chats with some friends this weekend and really helped me to get back on track. I know its not nice to do but lately I have just been ignoring her at work, especially because even though she pulled me aside when I was clearly upset- I really didn't truly feel like she was there for me, then or throughout this whole ordeal and its just really awkward- like my state of mind right now is ruining her happy pregnancy so I would rather just avoid all that. I know running away isn't the most mature thing but I'm all about self preservation at this point. Its really true that when bad things happen you find out who your real friends are.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?) I like my job (I am a dietitian/nutritionist who works in Critical Care) which is exciting but can also be depressing because you see a lot of sad things every day. If I could do something else, I think I would love to work at a bakery because I could bake and use my creative side as well- I love food! I also love animals so maybe a zookeeper or animal dietitian of some sort?

Spartanrd4 · May 2016

So sorry about your mother and MIL @RiverSong15....my mother wont stop smoking until I am pregnant and it is really stressing me out because I feel like my reproductive status is responsible for her health and its kind of shitty for her to do that to me.

@LaurenDarling sorry to hear about putting your dog down. My mom's dog is going to be 13 in November and we just found out she has cancer. We don't know how much time she has left but I know my mom's other dog (they are litter mates) will be heart broken if she dies and she is left alone. Ugh I don't even want to think about it

@lilylover27 I hope at your next appointment that the process will be complete and you can move forward...its so much harder when it is drawn out like this physically.

AandDM2014 · May 2016

Hey ladies! It's been almost 3 weeks since my D&C. I am of course always going to be sad about this loss, but overall I'm actually feeling really good, which is kind of surprising. I have a plan of action for our next embryo transfer, which should start next Friday or Saturday, depending on if my RE wants me to go in for blood work or an ultrasound (I'm assuming he will). I'm also going on vacation next week with my SIL and niece and nephew. We're going camping for 4 days at Sequoia National Park. This trip kinda has me excited, but kinda not. I thought I would be past the first trimester when we left, but now I obviously won't be. Sure, it'll make it easier, but I didn't want it to be easier.

GTKY: I actually don't work, but I'm gonna have to steal a PPs answer because I love to read. I could, and can, read all day long, with breaks for going to the bathroom and preparing food. I think it would be awesome to be paid to read and write reviews.

katiegeminimoon · May 2016

Hello ladies! Overall I am doing pretty good. DH and I just got married 4/22 so that has been exciting. I just feel like I can't go anywhere or even watch any tv without pregnancies being thrown in my face, which keeps upsetting me. I hope I can get over that soon. I am also feeling pretty bitter about DH's sister being pregnant. It is extremely selfish of me, but she is 20, smokes, and can't even take care of herself so why does she get to keep being pregnant and I lost my baby? I do not wish anything bad on her or her baby, but I am having a hard time being happy for her. My best friend is also pregnant, and while I am sad our babies won't be so close in age, I am very excited for her. We are basically benched until the end of June because I realized I should probably get short term disability for when I do take maternity leave some day. There is a 10 month waiting period to give birth, so we have to wait until we are in the clear for that. It sucks because I am ovulating right now.

GTKY: I generally enjoy my job. I work for my family so it is flexible, but it is also really hard sometimes. I went to pastry school and would love to own a coffee shop/bakery some day!

Aera11 · May 2016

Wow, lots of hugs going out to you all this week! I am doing okay, had a small meltdown yesterday about a friend, her tool-of-a-husband & their pregnancy.

@RiverSong15 I hear you, I should be 37.5 weeks or 27 weeks along and it's hard to not think about the upcoming due date so close to Mother's Day. Sending you lots of hugs today!

@laurendarling I am so sorry about your family dog

my parents have a 14 almost 15 year old beagle and I know it will be so hard when she passes away. I own a wedding/event coordinating company, so I give you and your mom a lot of credit! The women in the bridal shops work so hard, so I can only imagine owning one.

GTKY: I love/enjoy my current job. I used to think/feel like I regretted not doing elementary education, but now with all of this infertility/loss, it is probably best that I am not surrounded my little ones all day long.

CRJones1978 · May 2016

Hey y'all! I woke up this morning knowing that today would be the day. After the first one I kind of know what to look forward to. I was planning on signing the contract for our new home to be built and the contractor needed to reschedule. I need to win something.

I'm in a lot of pain even as I type this...at work. Before today, I held out a little hope that the doctor was wrong and everyone was going to work itself out. But in the back of my mind, I knew it was over. My doctor didn't give any special instructions other than give it a few months to try again. I just feel at bit defeated.

When is it going to be my turn?

a2003tiger · May 2016

Hi ladies. I'm doing pretty well today. This weekend, I got back to doing some things that are normal for me...working out, cooking and did some yard work out with the kids. Today has been the first day where I wasn't really bothered with morning sickness. Hoping its on its way out. I am struggling with body image right now. I ate so much carby junk with all of my morning sickness and gained several pounds. It's not falling off and I really want it to before getting pregnant again. But I can't seem to stop eating the junk.

GTKY: I have my dream job. I'm a Veterinarian.

kns1988 · May 2016

ktcakes87, I think I said it in another thread, but congrats on getting married!

My mood has been very up and down. It's been 18 days since we found out the heartbeat had stopped and 12 days since the D&E. I usually get through the day in good spirits with only 1 or 2 episodes of crying, but I'm pretty tired of the mood swings. H has been incredibly supportive, and I just feel bad that he has to put up with me being sad when I'm able to put on a happy face for the rest of the world. I have a lot of fun things coming up in May, so hopefully I'll be able to lift myself out of this a little bit.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?) I have a well-paying job that I'm good at, but I dream about being a backpacking guide. Or better yet, just being a sponsored backpacker and hiking for a living.

AandDM2014 · May 2016

Oh my gosh @kns1988! That would be an amazing job!!! I wish I had thought of that!

Wishilivedinflorida · May 2016

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with?

I'm doing mostly ok. Im still waiting for first AF, but my temps may indicate I have ovulated. Im debating calling the OB to get an appointment for next week in case I'm still waiting and have no clear sign of O or AF by then. Otherwise I'm feeling very positive in general and have been getting back into healthy eating and exercise recently. Two brief pregnancies and emotional eating have gotten me out of shape.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?)

I mostly like my job now (nurse practitioner) but some days I regret knowing too much medical stuff and some days are very sad in terms of patient outcomes. My dream job would be teaching at a University, which is totally plausible someday.

Congrats @ktcakes87 !! I'm sorry you are stuck waiting for disability benefits while others around you are KU.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

Thanks for getting this thread started again; I was busy with DH being home but have been thinking about everyone!

I'm doing basically okay. I'm honestly just impatiently awaiting September so we can start trying. I'm trying hard in the meantime to get as strong physically and mentally as possible (tho probably working more on the physically than mentally and need to make time for that, too) and using that to get me through the wait....like, trying to convince myself that "okay, at least you'll use this time to be the best you can be", even though I really just want to be pregnant and am scared of how long it might take and scared of additional loss(es).

Also finding it hard because babies and baby bumps are everywhere. Even DH is noticing it now. @LaurenDarling I'm bummed about Big Bang, too. And seems like every single show has it in some form. They even brought a pregnant girl onto Fear the Walking Dead and now there's two on Last Man on Earth and I'm just like COME ON!!!! Because this is my second mc and I had years to deal with my feelings towards baby bumps and babies I feel like I'm doing better at acknowledging my pain and then breathing through it, but it's still hard every time I see it.

And I'm not thrilled about Mother's Day coming up and not sure DH will understand that it will make me sad but I'll try to explain it.

@a2003tiger I feel you on the body image crap

It's been just over two months and I'm finally feeling like most of the bloat is going in the rest of my body like my face and arms, but still feeling self conscious about my tummy. I still have a pound or two and I think it's really hard to lose after miscarriage

Trying hard to love myself and wishing the same for you

joyful08 · May 2016

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with?
I am doing alright. It's been over 5 weeks since I miscarried. My first AF just left so I am into my first cycle which is kind of exciting because at least it's a start. Mothers days things are everywhere and I can't get away from it. My sister who I am closest to is pregnant (due 2 weeks after I was) and I am having a really hard time being around her/talking to her. I am so insanely jealous. This is her third child and she's younger than me and has accidentally gotten pregnant with all three. And I can't even seem to have one baby. I feel like no one cares anymore that I lost my baby. Everyone has forgotten while I'm over here broken inside.

On a happier note my husband is almost done with school (he's a teacher) and he's about to start summer break which I am super excited for. I love spending summers with him doing whatever we want. It can't get here faster.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?)
i would want to own my own bakery where I only make deserts of my choosing and people can come buy them. I wouldn't take any special orders or anything. Just whatever creative stuff I can come up with that day is what I will make.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@joyful08 so sorry that your closest sister is pregnant and so close to your due date, that must be extremely hard

rainbowturtles · May 2016

Ugh

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant and could feel the baby moving

It made me sad but trying to let it also make me excited for the future

joyful08 · May 2016

rainbowturtles said:

Ugh I had a dream last night that I was pregnant and could feel the baby moving It made me sad but trying to let it also make me excited for the future

Im so sorry. I love and hate those dreams. But it definitely gives me something to look forward to!

Sugargirl1019 · May 2016

Hi all, I go here now. I was 9 weeks.

@a2003tiger I can't decide if I'm going to eat all the junk food, or if I'm going to lose my appetite. I'm up in the air about everything. I'd like to lose my appetite and lose weight.. Can that work right for me?

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? Well, today is day 1 of officially knowing. It also happens to be the day we are driving 5 hours away for a funeral. I cried and whined and didn't want to go, and DH actually had the nerve to ask if I wanted to stay home alone while he went by himself. I'm sure he thought he was helping. He also asked if I wanted to go to Sea World or Six Flags while we were away. I can't make any decisions, and I was more upset by him thinking I even want to do something like that. Is he not mourning too? So I'm in the car, and I believe cramps have begun... I'm praying this doesn't all go down while I'm out of town in a hotel.. I just want to snuggle with my dog, who is at my parents for the weekend. I fall asleep halfway and then get woken up by bumps in the car, and reality hits and it hurts so much. I think I'm inappropriately grasping for things to mourn, like the fact that we can't use the beautiful picture in the bluebonnets we took to announce on fb.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?) I'd like to chase tornadoes or fly into a hurricane and measure the wind speeds.

a2003tiger · May 2016

@Sugargirl1019 I hate to see you here. I'm so sorry for your loss and so sorry that you're joining me. Day 1 is rough. Day 2-9 is rough. It all just sucks. Hoping your physical pain is over quickly.

blacknightsky · May 2016

@Sugargirl1019 I am so sorry to see you here. I remember that beautiful picture from Dec 2016. Stay strong, and know that we are here for you.

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? I am doing better this week. I naturally miscarried this past Sunday, and the bleeding has almost completely stopped. I am ready for it to just be done so I can move on. I've still got some symptoms, although not nearly as bad as before. Now I get to move on to waiting for that BFN, which is a weird thing to hope for. Still feeling betrayed by my body, for not being able to carry a baby, and then lying to me on pregnancy tests, and being heavier with nothing to show for it. But all in all, considering what a mess I was last week after my bad news ultrasound, I think I'm doing alright.

GTKY: If you didn't have your current job, what would you do? Do you have a dream job (or is your current job your dream job?) I like my job alright, but I wish I could get paid to watch soccer, since that's all I do during my free time.

Sugargirl1019 · May 2016

@a2003tiger@blacknightsky Thanks guys, I'm sorry you are here as well, but I'm glad I recognize your names? I feel betrayed by my body too. I was ignorantly peeing on sticks making sure they weren't getting lighter, but I had no idea really how that works. Obviously.. It will be hard to watch sticks still be positive.. and eagerly wait for them to be negative too.

I just keep wishing I could make baby's heart beat again.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@Sugargirl1019 I'm so so sorry, and that last line just killed me: "I just keep wishing I could make baby's heart beat again"

And wrt your DH, I think a lot of men like space when they're upset and that's why they tend to suggest it to us when we're upset because my DH did the same when I was bawling over getting my first AF post-mc since it was on the same date as my mc and felt like it was happening all over again and a sad reminder I wasn't pregnant. He said he could go up to the cabin and I could just stay home and rest and I cried harder and said that was the opposite of what I needed. I do think our partners grieve differently and that's very hard because it can seem like they're not upset

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