I never seriously considered one for my last pregnancy, and I'm not this time either. The nurse(s), OB, and DH are the only people I want in the room. I don't like talking to people I don't know even when I'm not having a baby. I just don't think there's any way that an extra person would make me more comfortable instead of getting on my nerves. I'm comfortable advocating for myself in this situation.
You all are so nice not wanting to expect too much from DH. I'm not sleeping, I'm in pain. He can stay up and do the whole thing with me. It took two of us to create this and I'm not the only one doing work here. If I can labor for hours he can rub my back for hours. We are a team whether he likes it or not. Last time I checked I didn't get a short break and neither does he!
THIS!!! My thoughts exactly. If I'm going through a 15 hour labor without any breaks or rest, then so is he! It took two to tango. Luckily it's not really a discussion in our house as we both seem to be on the same page with everything.
Doula, both times. Best money I spent on anything baby related.
For me, it's not about wanting to give DH a break (at ALL). It's about wanting the best person for a very tough job. There are many, many things DH is good at. But he's NOT an expert at how to support a woman during labor. It's a very emotional and stressful time for the father- witnessing your wife in pain is very disconcerting. The H's do the best they can...but often they don't do nearly well as someone who is emotionally removed from the situation and knows many different support techniques.
DX PCOS Jan 2012 IUI #1 Feb 2012= DS1 born 11/2012 Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle)=DS2 born 9/2014 Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle again)= EDD 11/2016
DH is telling me that since he coached his exwife through a pair of difficult 24+ hour deliveries 20 years ago that he has this birth and baby thing down and I/we shouldn't need any more help than a book, a class, and the med staff. Ha- Nothing's changed since the mid '90s, right? I don't think I'd want a doula anyway, but his quit yer whining, got this covered attitude made me laugh.
Age: 39 and holding Unexplained infertility NTNP: 10 years! TTC: Since 2014 5 IUI: BFN IVF 1: MC IVF 2: BFP! DD 11/20/16
Already have mine booked. My first labor was very long, 75 1/2 hours, and I ended up with a doula through the birth center I wasn't planning on have but she was an integral part of helping me acheive an experiance I'm proud of and inspired me to since become a doula as well, I should be fully certified by the time baby gets here.
Engaged 10/2/1202 BFP (a lil quicker than expected) 12/7/2012 Married to my best friend 12/24/2012 Beautiful baby girl arrived 8/15/2013 BFP #2 3/13/2016
Already have mine booked. My first labor was very long, 75 1/2 hours, and I ended up with a doula through the birth center I wasn't planning on have but she was an integral part of helping me acheive an experiance I'm proud of and inspired me to since become a doula as well, I should be fully certified by the time baby gets here.
Holy freaking cow!! My jaw actually just dropped. I hope they gave you a trophy or something.
Already have mine booked. My first labor was very long, 75 1/2 hours, and I ended up with a doula through the birth center I wasn't planning on have but she was an integral part of helping me acheive an experiance I'm proud of and inspired me to since become a doula as well, I should be fully certified by the time baby gets here.
I have no words right now. I am so so sorry. Wow! You are clearly a superhero.
I did not have a doula but I was so lucky to have my amazing mom who was a nurse and gave birth to 4 children. It was so nice just to have that extra person there, especially one with medical knowledge. She is so loving and smart, she really could be a doula. She braided my hair for me when I got hot, relayed messages back to waiting family members, etc. I did not plan to have her in the room for delivery though. But I ended up needing a C/S after 36 hours of labor and a chunky sunnyside-up baby. So only my husband came in for that anyway.
She was definitely my biggest help (besides my husband) post partum too. She helped me get in the shower and everything. She explained so much to my husband about the new baby, and she did grocery shopping, walked our dog, cleaned, and countless other things while I was recovering. I'm just really blessed that she is so helpful and someone that I'm obviously comfortable around. If you can find someone like this, I'd say give them all your money. I gave my mom another grandbaby and I think it was a fair deal
Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013! Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
@aquasocks, my mom isn't a nurse but was a wonderful post partum care taker for me after both kids were born. That's probably why I feel no need for a post partum doula. But...she's squeamish and weird about biological functions so wouldn't've been comfortable nor helpful during the births. That's great that she was a fantastic support person for you !
I'm considering a doula this time around. When do you usually start contacting potential doulas? I feel like it's still really early to start that, no?
I'm considering a doula this time around. When do you usually start contacting potential doulas? I feel like it's still really early to start that, no?
I would start now. I called a few and 2 of them were already booked for November. Most of them said they only take 2-3 moms a month so they're certain they won't miss a birth because 2 are in labor at the same time.
We had a doula for my son's birth and I'm really glad we did. I initially thought I was going to be doing birth naturally, but due to complications he needed to come out sooner and I was induced. I'm a fairly private person and didn't want any family or friends there. I wondered if she would be needed at all though because I have an incredibly supportive husband and a great medical team. But she was very much worth it to me and my husband. She held one of my legs and my husband the other while I pushed for 2 1/2 hours (with epidural). The mood was remarkably calm and positive. When he came out we didn't hear the instant crying we were expecting and she was quietly reassuring while my son's airways were cleaned. Then he started crying and we started crying as well. We had brought a camera but forgot all about it, but she didn't. Nicki (our doula) just started taking a few pictures without saying anything and it was perfect. Those photos still make me cry. I think a doula isn't necessary and it would have certainly been a beautiful life-changing experience either way, but I am glad we had one.
I really wanted one for my first but it didn't work out and was not super happy with the delivery I ended up with. Not that a doula would have cured everything, but I can't help but think it would have helped. As for the husband support issue, for me it isn't just wanting the extra support there, it's wanting the expertise. Especially with my first, it was my husband's first labor also and he had no idea what was going on half the time. He was the first one calling for an epidural any time I showed pain even though he knew I didn't want one. And doulas can be there to support the spouse as well. You would let them know up front the role you want them to play. It's not like they take the place of your SO, they're there mainly for the mom, but also to help the spouse understand what is happening, suggest support techniques, ask questions of the nurses/doctors. With my second we basically walked into the delivery room, DH pulled my pants down and I pushed her out. So it wouldn't have been much help. This time I am dead set on having a vaginal birth which could get interesting with twins. One of my very best friends is in the final stages of training for her doula certification so she will be helping me get through this. She is also training in placenta encapsulation so I will have her do it for me after delivery (I know, I know it sounds disgusting but it was a game changer after DD2). If money is the issue check around and see if you can find one still trying to get certified. They have to attend a certain number of births so it would be at a greatly discounted rate or free.
Re: To Doula or Not to Doula?
For me, it's not about wanting to give DH a break (at ALL). It's about wanting the best person for a very tough job. There are many, many things DH is good at. But he's NOT an expert at how to support a woman during labor. It's a very emotional and stressful time for the father- witnessing your wife in pain is very disconcerting. The H's do the best they can...but often they don't do nearly well as someone who is emotionally removed from the situation and knows many different support techniques.
IUI #1 Feb 2012= DS1 born 11/2012
Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle)=DS2 born 9/2014
Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle again)= EDD 11/2016
Ha- Nothing's changed since the mid '90s, right?
I don't think I'd want a doula anyway, but his quit yer whining, got this covered attitude made me laugh.
Unexplained infertility
NTNP: 10 years!
TTC: Since 2014
5 IUI: BFN
IVF 1: MC
IVF 2: BFP! DD 11/20/16
Engaged 10/2/1202
BFP (a lil quicker than expected) 12/7/2012
Married to my best friend 12/24/2012
Beautiful baby girl arrived 8/15/2013
BFP #2 3/13/2016
She was definitely my biggest help (besides my husband) post partum too. She helped me get in the shower and everything. She explained so much to my husband about the new baby, and she did grocery shopping, walked our dog, cleaned, and countless other things while I was recovering. I'm just really blessed that she is so helpful and someone that I'm obviously comfortable around. If you can find someone like this, I'd say give them all your money. I gave my mom another grandbaby and I think it was a fair deal
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
As for the husband support issue, for me it isn't just wanting the extra support there, it's wanting the expertise. Especially with my first, it was my husband's first labor also and he had no idea what was going on half the time. He was the first one calling for an epidural any time I showed pain even though he knew I didn't want one. And doulas can be there to support the spouse as well. You would let them know up front the role you want them to play. It's not like they take the place of your SO, they're there mainly for the mom, but also to help the spouse understand what is happening, suggest support techniques, ask questions of the nurses/doctors.
With my second we basically walked into the delivery room, DH pulled my pants down and I pushed her out. So it wouldn't have been much help.
This time I am dead set on having a vaginal birth which could get interesting with twins. One of my very best friends is in the final stages of training for her doula certification so she will be helping me get through this. She is also training in placenta encapsulation so I will have her do it for me after delivery (I know, I know it sounds disgusting but it was a game changer after DD2).
If money is the issue check around and see if you can find one still trying to get certified. They have to attend a certain number of births so it would be at a greatly discounted rate or free.
Georgia 3/15/2012 Matilda 6/12/2014 TWINS!! Babies 3&4 EDD 11/22/2016