Telling people. The worst part. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Telling people. The worst part.

I was 9 weeks. Things looked so good, my hcg was high, no bleeding, on progesterone. So I told my family, co workers, and some friends. Now I'm in the boat where I have to tell them what happened so they don't bring it up later. This sucks. I know, not supposed to say anything till after 12 weeks, but this was my 3rd pregnancy and I was convinced it was a go. Ughhhh. :( 

Re: Telling people. The worst part.

  • I know how you feel, I had a missed miscarriage at a little over 9 weeks. No sign of anything wrong. We had just told both DH and I's parents and His sister as well as my two best friends. 3 days later we find out the baby's heart had stopped beating 1 1/2 weeks before. It was heart breaking to go back and retell everyone the news...I felt like such a disappointment because this would of been the first grandchild for my mom and step dad and DH parents. 
    Me: 35      DH: 35
    Married: 8/16/2014
    TTC 6/2015
    BFP #1: 1/2016, MMC 3/2016 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 6/2016, DD born 3/1/17 at 39 weeks 1 day 
    BFP #3: 1/2019, CP (4 weeks 1 day)
    BFP #4: 4/2019, Due 12/10/19


  • I am sorry for your loss.  I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks.  We had told some people at that point.  I actually found that as I processed my grief, I wanted to tell more people, and it was harder for me to have the "well I was pregnant and I didn't tell you, but now I'm not and I need your support" conversation.  

    I don't buy into the not supposed to say anything until 12 weeks...I have enough friends who have had losses later that nothing is certain until I have a baby in my arms.  But there is nothing wrong with sharing your happiness while you have it, if that is what feels or felt right to you.  It should be 100% up to you to tell or not.
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
    LaurenDarling
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  • I blog about our infertility journey in real time, so anyone who clicks on it from my Facebook knew we were pregnant the day I got my first beta. It was definitely hard telling everyone about my MMC. Especially our mothers. I emailed our parents and siblings so I didn't have to cry on the phone, but of course both mothers called me, and DHs mom was totally crying. Her crying made me cry even more than I had been. It doesn't get any easier, as I've gone down this road before. Hopefully they all only have kind words for you, and nothing stupid!
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
    Blog: ourbinarystar.com

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

  • I'm so sorry for your loss and to see you here. Hopefully the people you've told will be a good support system for you. Hugs.
  • @AandDM2014 I think it's great that you have a blog. MC isn't something people really talk about, so I think it's helpful that you open up and share your journey. I wish I was bold enough to do that. Instead, most my texts to friends have been like "just wanted to let you know things didn't work out for me personally". I can't even bring myself to say the words. 

    @RiverSong15 thanks. Most friends have asked if there is anything they can do, but my reply is no thanks. At this point I just want to hide away alone in a dark room for a little while (and only DH can come in). 
    AandDM2014RiverSong15
  • We had told several family members and friends too, so having to go back and tell them we lost the baby was hard. The hardest part is that yesterday at a eork get together one of my husband's coworkers said to me "Oh, so I hear you and your husband are expecting a little one! Congrats!" My husband knew he had told him about the mmc, but clearly he forgot. I was drinking wine but I guess he didn't notice? Either way, it was so hard in front if everyone to have to tell him otherwise.everyone else knew too and looked so uncomfortable. I handled it alright but it  was way upsetting. we are still glad we told people, because now we can talk about it when we need, but it doesn't make it any easier either way.
    Me: 31 DH: 32
    Married April 2014
    TTC since December 2015
    1st BFP: February 8, 2016; MMC at 7 weeks, 3 days; Discovered at 10 weeks; D&C March 25
    2nd BFP: June 20, 2016; CP June 22, 2016
    3rd BFP: August 13, 2016!!  Fingers crossed!!

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. We had only told 2 friends we were pregnant both times. After the first MC, I told some family, friends, and coworkers about the loss. I found that I wanted to tell people because I couldn't pretend that I wasn't grieving. This time, I posted about it on facebook. I'm not usually a huge sharer but I just wanted everyone to know the struggle that we're going through. I don't regret it. 
    Me: 29, DH: 31
    Married: October 2014
    Began TTC: April 2015
    BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


    LaurenDarlingAandDM2014BrightenMySkyrkroupa
  • I was in the same boat.  I told everyone after I had my first ultrasound at 7 weeks.  I asked a good friend at work to let people know so that I wouldn't have to go back to work and talk about it to everyone.  On the other hand, since I told a lot of family the support has been great.  There were many people in my family that I did not know had also had miscarriages and they have been wonderful to talk to.

    BFP #1 12/23/12 EDD 9/3/13 DD #1 8/26/13

    BFP #2  2/25/16  EDD 11/5/16 MMC 4/15/16

    BFP #3  8/31/16  EDD  5/12/17 It's a GIRL!


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  • I completely understand how you feel, don't be so hard on yourself, you were excited and felt like sharing, what happened sucks and you couldn't have anticipated it. I loss my son hours shy of 22 weeks. With this pregnancy I waited until 15 weeks to tell extended family and friends and miscarried at 17 weeks, it's been two weeks and just today I got a congratulatory message from a friend and had to tell him what had happened and just broke into tears. Even if you wait to tell, you never know what could happen. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

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    LaurenDarling
  • @fiorip I'm so sorry for what you had to go through with having losses so far into your pregnancy. I'm pretty sure that today I told the last of the people that knew my news. Hopefully I didn't miss someone who will unknowingly cause me grief in a few weeks. My DH had to tell his team at work and he's been heartbroken. It's been hard because he wants to be there for me, but I know he's hurting. 
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