obviously I'm scared about having a perfectly healthy pregnancy and baby and all the things that go along with that, but I'm a naturally anxious person so if I focus on all of these fears I will drive myself into a deep dark hole. So for now, I'm focusing on being nervous about superficial things because I can't control anything else. My current fear: having so many people staring at my nether regions and being so exposed. No reason for this fear, its just the fun irrational one I have right now.
I am most worried about this pregnancy ended in preterm labor. My first child was delivered at 35 weeks and spent two weeks in the hospital. My third child was delivered at 35 weeks 3 days but was discharged with me. My ob already said it that due to carrying twins and history of preterm labor with delivery that the goal right now us to make it to my third trimester.
One of my biggest fears (aside from the obvious ones relating to loss or the baby being born early or sick or in need of serious medical intervention) is something really bad happening to me during delivery or the postpartum period. I had placenta issues with both of my other deliveries and they are a big cause of maternal death so I'm pretty concerned about something serious happening which is why I'm opting for a c/s this time with a low threshold for hysterectomy if anything difficult comes up. My family is really depending on me; my career is our ticket to a better life than we've ever had. While I do have life insurance, obviously, it isnt the same, and I really do fear something happening to me and leaving my kids motherless.
K.
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
Loss. Still birth. Half of all still births end up without a "why". Im particularly sensitive because im a photogrpaher and i am also a volunteer photographer for a non profit that photographs still born babies or babies that die shortly after birth. I have seen and photographed baby loss at every stage, from 20 weeks to full term sleeping beautiful babies. And i see the torment of loss on the family. Ive heard the first cries after life support has been turned off. And it makes you feel hollow. I love my work even though it is extremely draining, i remember all of my babies and their names, i had the honor to know them in their short life. But i know how it could just happen, to the nicest parents, to ready parents who did everything they could. So i have that in my mind as always possible and it is a little scary. And im still photographing the babies until i start to really show, then i will stop for a while for the mother's sake to not have to have a pregnant woman in her hospital room.
I'm seriously thinking about doing this, though I'm sure it wouldn't really be very appreciated by a pregnant lady so it'll wait til afterward. I'm just an amateur photographer, but also about to nurse, so probably more comfortable with that kind of thing than a lot of people. But I've met several people now that have had stillbirths and now one that lost a baby to SIDS so these things are really scare and probably seem more common to me than they really are.
Thank you for doing this! It's hard but it means so much to the parents.
LFAF/Nov 16 challenge: Bad TV moms that shouldn't be celebrated
BFP #1 10/30/15 MMC found 11/30/15 D&C 12/11/15 EDD 7/9/16
healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. you are still healing, you are still healing- Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle with yourself BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
Oh a lot. This pregnancy was somewhat unplanned (we wanted two, but we thought it'd take longer), so lots of things I'm second guessing: 1. How will DD respond? Will it be too many changes with the move and a new daycare and a new sibling? 2. Finances. Can we afford two babies? Will I get a job? 3. If I get a job, will I still be able to work part-time? And if not, cue more anxiety about the cost of full-time child care and then also nursing success. I had oversupply with DD which is the best problem one can have, but if I'm pumping FT, will I have supply problems? And again more changes for DD. 4. We are so blessed to have one happy, healthy baby. Will this baby have medical problems? Developmental problems? 5. Will I ever get drunk again? (Kidding. Sort of).
Also on a personal note, my nether regions are still in pretty rough shape from my last delivery. I had what my OB referred to as "on the larger side of a second degree tear" which took forever to heal. I fear the vaganus.
Aaaah so guess what week it is in school? Complex OB week. So now we're learning about pregnancy induced hypertension, preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, and basically any possible way that mom or baby could die I think just reading the chapter just raised my blood pressure, especially since my mom had HELLP with my sister and it runs in families. My teacher gave me a heads up there will be a speaker there that had a stillbirth so, gonna need to bring tissues.
LFAF/Nov 16 challenge: Bad TV moms that shouldn't be celebrated
BFP #1 10/30/15 MMC found 11/30/15 D&C 12/11/15 EDD 7/9/16
healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. you are still healing, you are still healing- Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle with yourself BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
@FiancB that's great to hear you want to volunteer your time! When you are ready please look into Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, we are the largest international otganization that photographs loss and are always looking for new affiliated photographers. Its very helpful to join an organization rather than go forth on your own as they help with training, emotional stress and liability insurance. Good luck!
I'm sure this is super irrational but my biggest fear is my ability to love another child as much as I love DS. I don't feel like it's humanly possible and I'm absolutely terrified that I won't feel that connection when the baby is born. I'm also scared that ds won't like the baby or that he will be super jealous or feel like we don't have enough time for him. These are all new emotions for me because I didn't have to worry about this last time on top of the worry about if everything with the baby is okay before and after each appt.
I hope this doesn't make you more anxious about this issue but I feel like I need to say it.. My mom and grandmother were both so worried that I (the oldest) would feel this way about my little sister that they went so far out of their way to tell me how wonderful and special I was, to the point where I thought something was wrong with me and my sister thought they obviously liked me a lot more than they liked her. It was weird for both of us because it instilled this weird sibling competition that we've only recently gotten over. I'm still feeling guilty and she's still dealing with not feeling good enough. This is an extreme example but just my story. You can def go too far in either direction.
My biggest fear right now (besides the obvious ones, loss and a healthy baby) is the transitional from 1 kid to 2. My poor DS had a meltdown when I was holding my newborn nephew the other day. It seriously broke my heart. He is such a mama's boy and I can't imagine another child fitting in with our bond. I am terrified of it all.
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married 7/2012 DS born 11/2013 Ectopic , right tube removed 8/2015 BFP 3/2016
Lots!!! This pregnancy was unplanned unlike our first two. The BFP sent me into panic attacks for almost two weeks straight. I am a planner and a little bit of a control freak when it comes to some things. I am worried about my eight year old DD's reaction, especially after my two year old DD annoys her. We will now have to buy a new car and make every other change. I have been pretty sick and soooo exhausted so it's been hard to take care of the kids (husband works at night and I work during the day) I am hoping this pregnancy flies by!!!!!
@peachykeen17 I had that fear of being on display when we started IVF. Personally, got over it super quick. They're down there to do a job, not to enjoy the scenery. To me OT was a frame of mind, but I suppose everyone deals with that fear in their own way.
One thing that's kind of silly but also something I am nervous about: having my classmates or people who will teach me (which includes residents and fellows) take part in my care. My OB is at the university hospital and that's where I'll be delivering since it's the regional high risk centre, but we rotate through all the local hospitals. The only redeeming thing is that I'm due before we actually start clerkship, but we do have the option of doing clinical electives even before clerkship.
My classmates are lovely and all and my pregnancy is absolutely no secret (we just finished our repro block; people were asking me questions a the time) but frankly, I don't want them caring for me. I'm different as a patient than I am as a colleague and I want my privacy. But I already know that they'll see patient appointment lists, they'll know when I'm there and roughly what's going on. I was talking to an internist about this a little while ago and he said when you're a doctor with health issues (I have health problems independent of pregnancy), you just sort of get used to your colleagues knowing what's going on with you. I'm finding that a big adjustment.
K.
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I kinda know how you feel. My SIL is a doula and I'm nervous she's gonna try and convince me that she should help delivery my LO. Thanks but no thanks.
@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I hear you. Since we'll be moving I'll likely be delivering at the hospital where my MIL works. She's currently a post-part in nurse but worked L&D for years and knows everyone. H and I have decided that we want to be very clear about not having anyone in the room until we've had some good bonding time, and minimize visitors after.
That being said, usually there are blocks set up on EMR for internal employees - at least that's how it is where I work. And with HIPPA is a huge no-no to intentionally look into a colleagues chart. So hopefully it won't be as bad as you fear!
I'm ridiculously worried of miscarriage. Since being confirmed with a somewhat large SCH it's been all i think about. At my last scan my SCH was almost 3x the size of the gestational sac and every appointment with my GP as well as Early Pregnancy Clinic ends with preparing me for a loss. I've had 2 confirmed prior miscarriages so when i was first informed of a chance of miscarriage i was okay with it, i've survived before i could do it again, right. However after seeing and hearing that little heartbeat it's amazing how attached you can become to your little human. I have a 6month old so my previous pregnancy is extremely fresh in my memory and i've become ridiculously excited for all those feelings and to have it taken away now would be extremely crushing. I know there's lot's of positive stories about SCHs but of course i wouldn't be me if i didn't stress about everything.
Re: What are you most worried about?
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
Thank you for doing this! It's hard but it means so much to the parents.
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
1. How will DD respond? Will it be too many changes with the move and a new daycare and a new sibling?
2. Finances. Can we afford two babies? Will I get a job?
3. If I get a job, will I still be able to work part-time? And if not, cue more anxiety about the cost of full-time child care and then also nursing success. I had oversupply with DD which is the best problem one can have, but if I'm pumping FT, will I have supply problems? And again more changes for DD.
4. We are so blessed to have one happy, healthy baby. Will this baby have medical problems? Developmental problems?
5. Will I ever get drunk again? (Kidding. Sort of).
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
My mom and grandmother were both so worried that I (the oldest) would feel this way about my little sister that they went so far out of their way to tell me how wonderful and special I was, to the point where I thought something was wrong with me and my sister thought they obviously liked me a lot more than they liked her. It was weird for both of us because it instilled this weird sibling competition that we've only recently gotten over. I'm still feeling guilty and she's still dealing with not feeling good enough.
This is an extreme example but just my story. You can def go too far in either direction.
Married 7/2012
DS born 11/2013
Ectopic , right tube removed 8/2015
BFP 3/2016
My classmates are lovely and all and my pregnancy is absolutely no secret (we just finished our repro block; people were asking me questions a the time) but frankly, I don't want them caring for me. I'm different as a patient than I am as a colleague and I want my privacy. But I already know that they'll see patient appointment lists, they'll know when I'm there and roughly what's going on. I was talking to an internist about this a little while ago and he said when you're a doctor with health issues (I have health problems independent of pregnancy), you just sort of get used to your colleagues knowing what's going on with you. I'm finding that a big adjustment.
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
That being said, usually there are blocks set up on EMR for internal employees - at least that's how it is where I work. And with HIPPA is a huge no-no to intentionally look into a colleagues chart. So hopefully it won't be as bad as you fear!
However after seeing and hearing that little heartbeat it's amazing how attached you can become to your little human. I have a 6month old so my previous pregnancy is extremely fresh in my memory and i've become ridiculously excited for all those feelings and to have it taken away now would be extremely crushing.
I know there's lot's of positive stories about SCHs but of course i wouldn't be me if i didn't stress about everything.