If I think people are being greedy, then I just won't play along - won't go, will buy something small, or buy one present for multiple showers. I think that is the proper response, rather than just humoring someone (buying a nice present for a wealthy family's second child, for example) while grumbling behind their backs.
@krzyriver I totally get people not responsible enough to throw a party. I always avoid that. I hate coordinating! I think it would be a lot easier for one person to host and plan, provide all the food, etc., than to try to coordinate several people all bringing food and taking care of different things.
my best friend is due 3 days after me and hs already done a healthy registry. it's her second.
she registered for a 570 dollar stroller, the 60 dollar kit for the infant seat, and the 170 dollar kit to make it a double.
also 2 infant seats and 2 convertibles.
i asked if she was having a second shower and she got snarky w me and said she wouldn't know and then said these things are "wishful thinking" and alluded to people buying her pricy gifts for this baby.
youre getting clothes from target clearance. tackyy tacky tacky.
I registered for a $1,200 dollar stroller because I want the reward points when we buy it. This is our 2nd and 3rd baby and we have also registered for two cribs. Those reward points + completion discount + multiples are worth it even if it's your 5th kid.
Throwing yourself a shower is so freaking tacky. Expecting people to fund your life choices is insane. People don't owe you diapers, or anything else. I'm sorry it was so expensive to get pregnant, but if you couldn't afford to actually provide for the kid, why did you do it?
Throwing yourself a shower is so freaking tacky. Expecting people to fund your life choices is insane. People don't owe you diapers, or anything else. I'm sorry it was so expensive to get pregnant, but if you couldn't afford to actually provide for the kid, why did you do it?
Wow. You're... Just wow. I hope you never stumble upon hard times because that slice of humble pie is gonna be a bitch to get down.
@sarals24 I'm sorry my friends and family want to help welcome my baby into the world and have been asking about a shower since they found out I was expecting. they were extremely supportive through two losses and are wanting to take part in the rainbow baby.
sounds like someone drank the holier than thou kool aid
@krzyriver I don't think you should feel badly about your FFFC at all. Nothing wrong in any way with throwing your own shindig especially if it's a more casual affair, it is neither selfish nor greedy. My sister and my Mom may be "throwing" mine but to be honest they know me well and I'm a control freak so really it's me doing it with my "gentle guidance" haha!!
@sarals24 There is always a right and wrong way to express an opinion, we need people like you in the world to give a perfect example of the wrong way.
@sarals24 As I stated in the post where I explained my financial hardships, getting pregnant was not my only expense that put me in a hole. My biggest, unexpected expenses actually came after my BFP. And I know that no one owes me, but I also know that my friends love me and would want to come to a shower and buy gifts... even if no one is reliable enough to plan the damn thing. Anyone who is offended by it is free to turn the invitation down.
Many other people disagreed, but they were not rude about it. I actually enjoyed the discussion, but you just jump in on your high horse and pass judgement. You don't know me and you don't know my financial or infertility troubles, so maybe don't be so quick to judge
Throwing yourself a shower is so freaking tacky. Expecting people to fund your life choices is insane. People don't owe you diapers, or anything else. I'm sorry it was so expensive to get pregnant, but if you couldn't afford to actually provide for the kid, why did you do it?
Rude. Rude. RUDE. Stab. Stab. STAB.
I'm guessing you've never struggled with infertility. Because if you had, you would know that most people would give a kidney to have a kid, and they basically do when they drain saving accounts, 401k's, take out seconds, etc. for infertility treatment. The desire to have a kid basically overrides everything. That horse must be pretty high.
Even though it's past Friday I rather enjoyed finally reading some comments that weren't all in agreement because for the most part they were respectful (sorry it was your expense though @krzyriver).
I was was one of the ones who said I'm against throwing your own shower, but after reading your responses I'm on team celebrate the baby however works. Personally if it were me, I would probably not send out formal baby invitation showers or call it that per say, but like you said, have a BBQ and invite friends over to celebrate your coming little one.
@JamieK1882 Actually I was one of the people who kept saying that I wished the board was more exciting. Lol. So I didn't mind. I can debate with people that have a different opinion than me without getting upset. And the troll was just amusing.
I just have to throw this out there... @FemShep, don't forget about "invisible illnesses." People who look able-bodied aren't always so. Things such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, etc..these are real and seriously painful conditions. Just playing devil's advocate here but pregnancy (generally) does not make you disabled. At least until late in 3rd tri, I would leave that seat for people who really need it (even if their disability isn't blatantly obvious).
I just have to throw this out there... @FemShep, don't forget about "invisible illnesses." People who look able-bodied aren't always so. Things such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, etc..these are real and seriously painful conditions. Just playing devil's advocate here but pregnancy (generally) does not make you disabled. At least until late in 3rd tri, I would leave that seat for people who really need it (even if their disability isn't blatantly obvious).
I agree with you that we all should be conscious of invisible illnesses. That having been said, I don't know that pregnant women don't generally "really need" that seat until late in the third trimester. Here in Boston the trains are pretty jerky. I'm 13 weeks and can still button most of my pants but I can already feel my balance being affected, especially on super crowded trains where I get pushed to a bad spot and can't get a firm grip on a handrail. My commuter rail ride is smoother but it's over 30 minutes on a good day. I suspect standing that whole ride is going to get uncomfy way before 35+ weeks. There is a whole row of disabled seats right by the doors to the commuter rail trains and it's quite clear that plenty of healthy people use them because they are too lazy to move in to the center of the trains. I haven't asked for anyone's seat yet (and I haven't needed to so far), but I've definitely asked people to scoot over or move their bags, and if things get uncomfortable enough I will ask for a seat with zero guilt. To avoid the invisible illness issue I'll probably direct my request to a group of people and not an individual so that no one is singled out.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
I just have to throw this out there... @FemShep, don't forget about "invisible illnesses." People who look able-bodied aren't always so. Things such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, etc..these are real and seriously painful conditions. Just playing devil's advocate here but pregnancy (generally) does not make you disabled. At least until late in 3rd tri, I would leave that seat for people who really need it (even if their disability isn't blatantly obvious).
I have Crohn's Disease, so I am well aware of autoimmune diseases and "invisible illnesses", which was why I asked, nicely, if the gentleman needed the seat and if not, if he would consider giving it to me-someone who does, in fact, really need it (even if it wasn't "blatantly obvious").
I hope for your sake you have a textbook pregnancy that doesn't experience any complications and you never have the "joy" of commuting by mass transit and needing a seat; however, that situation doesn't apply to everyone. Thanks for the "reminder" I didn't need.
@FemShep, I think you took my comment wayyyy too personally. As I said, I was just playing devil's advocate and trying to present the side that you may not have thought about, and that it didn't appear you had considered in your initial post. Glad to hear you are aware, though sorry to hear you struggle with Crohns. That's a tough one.
@FemShep, I think you took my comment wayyyy too personally. As I said, I was just playing devil's advocate and trying to present the side that you may not have thought about, and that it didn't appear you had considered in your initial post. Glad to hear you are aware, though sorry to hear you struggle with Crohns. That's a tough one.
I did take it personally, especially as someone who suffers from an autoimmune disease. I would love to not need a seat until 35 weeks, but sadly that's not my reality. And I felt that you were doing what you implied I did-you made assumptions about my health without knowing anything about me.
I was also very tired and very hungry. Thanks for the note, I appreciate it.
Lol @NoraAurora, people can basically keep posting when they want and it's not actually limited to a certain day. If you hang around you'll see that generally the weekly discussions might last at most until the next week's thread is started, and that seems to work out. When I'm not interested in following a discussion I tend to just not read it
Re: FFFC (4/22)
@krzyriver I totally get people not responsible enough to throw a party. I always avoid that. I hate coordinating! I think it would be a lot easier for one person to host and plan, provide all the food, etc., than to try to coordinate several people all bringing food and taking care of different things.
Me: 28 DH: 27
E born 6/2014
sounds like someone drank the holier than thou kool aid
@sarals24 There is always a right and wrong way to express an opinion, we need people like you in the world to give a perfect example of the wrong way.
Many other people disagreed, but they were not rude about it. I actually enjoyed the discussion, but you just jump in on your high horse and pass judgement. You don't know me and you don't know my financial or infertility troubles, so maybe don't be so quick to judge
I'm guessing you've never struggled with infertility. Because if you had, you would know that most people would give a kidney to have a kid, and they basically do when they drain saving accounts, 401k's, take out seconds, etc. for infertility treatment. The desire to have a kid basically overrides everything. That horse must be pretty high.
Me: 28 DH: 27
I was was one of the ones who said I'm against throwing your own shower, but after reading your responses I'm on team celebrate the baby however works. Personally if it were me, I would probably not send out formal baby invitation showers or call it that per say, but like you said, have a BBQ and invite friends over to celebrate your coming little one.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
I hope for your sake you have a textbook pregnancy that doesn't experience any complications and you never have the "joy" of commuting by mass transit and needing a seat; however, that situation doesn't apply to everyone. Thanks for the "reminder" I didn't need.
I was also very tired and very hungry.