Sleep training 9month old twins as a single mom — The Bump
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Sleep training 9month old twins as a single mom

I have twin boys who will be 9months old next week. They were decent sleepers and then around 5-6 months became awful. They wake up multiple times a night, not hungry, just wanting to be held, and don't take great naps during the day. 

I am currently seperated from my husband, we had to move out when the boys were 2 1/2 weeks old because it became an unhealthy and unsafe enviornment. I am really lucky to have a great, supportive family and am living with my parents. My mom gives me A LOT of help but it is still hard, and we don't agree on some things about how to raise the babies. Since I'm not in my own home, I feel awkward sometimes and it's hard to push for things to be exactly the way I want them or imagined they would be, especially since I am a ftm.

One of the things my mom and I don't see eye to eye on is sleep training. I am exhausted and I know my mom is too, since if they both wake up I have to call her in to help, but I am (of course) up more than she is (which I should be because they are my babies). I can't take it anymore, it is hard to function and I am back at work 2 days a week for 10 hrs plus an 1hr and 1/2 commute each way. Some nights I am getting an hour or two of straight sleep and that is it. My family isn't big on consistency--it's kind of a "we do the best we can do" situation, which doesn't work for sleep training. I would like to do the graduated training, going in to soothe at intervals, but you need two people and I don't always have the help. CIO isn't the first choice, because who likes to hear your babies cry but it's not healthy for any of us when we aren't sleeping.

Any advice would be awesome. Or any insight from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be really valuable.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just feeling at a loss between not sleeping, living with my parents and my marriage ending. Thanks for listening!!

Re: Sleep training 9month old twins as a single mom

  • Have u tried maybe doing a schedule with them? My boys are 6 months. Eat 5 times a day scheduled feeding sleep from 8pm-5 or 6 am without a feed. I feed them put them to bed every single night. Wo they already kbow when its time to sleep. Try a special routine. I let my boys CIO for a min it e or 2 before i interfere. If i kbow they are fed, burped & changed as awful as it sounds i let them CIO. The longest theyve lasted crying is 3 minutes tops. Babies are smart & know that once they cry you will grab them. Do little by little. Let them cry maybe for a minute at first then 2 then 3. They should adjust in about a week.
  • Thank you for your advice, I will definitely try to get them on a schedule!
    vibarra27
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  • No advice as our twins are only a little over 3 months but my heart goes out to you.
    My mom basically moved in for a few weeks to help us transition after dh went back to work and I was very worried about stepping on her toes because she was being so amazing with the help. That being said, we did discuss that while we were extremely grateful for the help, they were our children and we would like to have a routine that would work for us 4 and not for my mother. She was perfectly ok with that.
    Perhaps just sit your mother down and try to get her on board with the schedule that you think will work best. In the long run, it'll be best for all of you.
  • & i meant to say they go to sleep @ the same time every night.
  • Hey kudos to you for everything you do. You sound like a rockstar mom who does everything she can for her kids and that's awesome. The one thing I wanted to say is that you don't necessarily need two people to do any kind of sleep training for twins. I know, because I did it. My husband works overnights so I would go in and pat on the back, soothe and say "it's time for bed" to both babies and then leave. Then go back in later, etc. In my opinion, if you take your babies out of the crib during this time, it sends mixed messages. I always left them in their crib and believe me when I tell you we had maybe 3 TOUGH nights and then it was done. Sounds like you are already having rough nights so you can do this! Stay consistent, and they will learn. And like other posters said above, just be consistent. You got this, mama!! 
    vibarra27
  • Thank you all for your advice and support. It's been a rough time & probably going to be a little rougher before it gets better but I can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel thanks to you guys. I def don't feel like a rockstar--except maybe the up all night part haha--but maybe I'll just start believing I am and that'll make it easier
    vibarra27
  • Hey @bnk2012 how is the sleep training going?
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