@coffee89 I didn't even think to make a private registry for the second, but that's a great idea. Definitely going to do that since we need a double stroller and a second crib.
This is more of a rant than a confession but I do not understand why some people can't see something on the internet that they disagree with and scroll on by without being a dick about it. I posted on facebook asking my mom friends to recommend things I need/don't need. Someone suggested some sort of vitamin D powder to mix into a bottle and now a mommy war has erupted over the benefits of breastmilk vs. formula and why you do/don't need to add vit D to breast milk and who the hell knows what else but come on... chill the F out.
You have to give your breast fed baby vitamin d3 drops. Vitamin d is NOT in breastmilk. If you skip it baby is more likely to become anemic.
This is more of a rant than a confession but I do not understand why some people can't see something on the internet that they disagree with and scroll on by without being a dick about it. I posted on facebook asking my mom friends to recommend things I need/don't need. Someone suggested some sort of vitamin D powder to mix into a bottle and now a mommy war has erupted over the benefits of breastmilk vs. formula and why you do/don't need to add vit D to breast milk and who the hell knows what else but come on... chill the F out.
You have to give your breast fed baby vitamin d3 drops. Vitamin d is NOT in breastmilk. If you skip it baby is more likely to become anemic.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
After reading some of the new randoms, I wish I would've grabbed those powdered doughnuts I saw at TJ's earlier... Damn. And also, I totally got @MRSCORKER's rant, but literally had no idea about the vitamin D supplement. Been BF'ing DD for 16 months now and ped has never said a word to me about it.
After reading some of the new randoms, I wish I would've grabbed those powdered doughnuts I saw at TJ's earlier... Damn. And also, I totally got @MRSCORKER's rant, but literally had no idea about the vitamin D supplement. Been BF'ing DD for 16 months now and ped has never said a word to me about it.
edited grammar
I got the point also. It was my pediatrician who told me. I always thought breastmilk was complete. Figured I could arm her with some knowledge for the know it all. Very funny @simcal18. ;P
After reading some of the new randoms, I wish I would've grabbed those powdered doughnuts I saw at TJ's earlier... Damn. And also, I totally got @MRSCORKER's rant, but literally had no idea about the vitamin D supplement. Been BF'ing DD for 16 months now and ped has never said a word to me about it.
edited grammar
That's unfortunate your pedi never said. I actually first learned about it from DS' BMB.
The frggin formula vs BM argument is so GD tired. I can't stand it.
I think having baby showers after your first (especially for the same gender) makes you look gift grabby.
*puts on flame retardant suit*
I agree, however some family members can be pretty insistent. I know one is in my future. I won't include registry info, but will give if asked. We plan to take care of all items ourselves, but honestly- who am I to argue if someone wants to help me stock up on diapers & baby girl clothes.
I think having baby showers after your first (especially for the same gender) makes you look gift grabby.
*puts on flame retardant suit*
I agree, however some family members can be pretty insistent. I know one is in my future. I won't include registry info, but will give if asked. We plan to take care of all items ourselves, but honestly- who am I to argue if someone wants to help me stock up on diapers & baby girl clothes.
This specifically came to mind when someone I knew had a girl again (same seasons even) and still had a shower, they are well off financially and it was just kinda awkward, cause there was literally nothing she could of needed.
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@schell2013 I am totally against second showers and sprinkles. That being said, if someone throws one for you, you can't really say no. I'm secretly hoping that some of my co-workers will at least want to go to lunch or something to celebrate baby. That's what we did for another co-workers second.
I don't really see the problem with someone throwing a sprinkle for someone. Especially if they're having the opposite sex. I'm going to a sprinkle for a friend next week. She has a little girl and is having a boy now. It's a surprise and the person throwing it specifically said no gifts unless you want to bring your favorite baby/kid book. If people want to celebrate, I think there's a way to so it without being gift grabby. I totally understand the original point though, I'm sure there are people who expect a full blown shower so they can get brand new stuff.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
My confession is I've used my home doppler every night this week before bed, and a couple times for over at least 10 minutes. I usually stick to just once a week for just a few mins, but this week has been terribly sad and stressful...my beloved 7 yr old dog suddenly and unexpectedly passed away Tuesday morning (I went home at lunch and found her) = tears galore, plus my husband and I both had to inform our awesome employers and co-workers this week that we've decided to move hours away to be closer to our families = more tears. The only thing that's been a silver lining before bed has been hearing Little Bit's heartbeat and quick little movements!
My DD and DS are 8 years apart and this one will be 8 years from my DS which means I haven't had baby stuff for 8 years and no baby "girl" stuff for almost 16 lol! My family is the sort though that said oh we are doing the shower in August, we liked this idea for it etc. It wasn't really an option for me, I think they are all just so excited about another baby particularly a girl!
I had a huge panic/freak out the other day about totally not being ready for a baby. When we got pregnant the first time it was a total surprise, a happy, but total surprise. Then when we had a loss we were so devastated that we basically just went off of how much we had wanted that baby. And now that I'm into second tri and everything I'm starting to get like "OH MY GOSH WE'RE HAVING A BABY WHAT ARE WE THINKING".... it's probably just hormones and money issues talking but I'm kind of panicking.... still...
Please dont misread this, I'm still super excited about this little one and can't wait til they're here, I'm just freaking out right now.
my best friend is due 3 days after me and hs already done a healthy registry. it's her second.
she registered for a 570 dollar stroller, the 60 dollar kit for the infant seat, and the 170 dollar kit to make it a double.
also 2 infant seats and 2 convertibles.
i asked if she was having a second shower and she got snarky w me and said she wouldn't know and then said these things are "wishful thinking" and alluded to people buying her pricy gifts for this baby.
youre getting clothes from target clearance. tackyy tacky tacky.
On the topic of showers.... I'm really hoping that i come back immune to CMV. My cousins have had all these great showers (wedding and baby) and everyone has fussed over them and all this stuff... I sent presents if I couldnt go and went to as many as I could. And me? My grandmother (not the one we share) passed away a month before my wedding, and both cousins were too pregnant/post-parting to come to the wedding, and didn't send gifts or a note, just an email. I didn't get a wedding shower because in the south they are thrown by the aunt of the bride and she was all wrapped up in future grandchildren. I was so devastated by my grandmother's death and feeling very...unimportant and highly frustrated because I only agreed to have a full wedding at all because the family would have expected it. And they didn't even come or make a remote fuss.
And now I hear that they WERE planning a baby shower for me and are now worried about CMV. I am too. But I also want to have one major life event be actually celebrated. It's really not about the presents so much as feeling ignored by a family that is as close as we can be a few hours' drive apart.
I think people who throw their own showers are worse than sprinkles or second showers thrown by friends or family (if it's for a different gender).
Well then I guess my second confession is that my husband and I will probably be throwing our own shower. We just don't have any good, reliable friends anymore. My 3 best friends all turned their back on me and I'm not close enough to anyone else for them to offer or for me to ask. My mother can't afford it because of everything going on in her life. And I have no other family nearby. So if we even have one, we will likely throw a small BBQ for the few people we know will actually show up.
I take public transportation, and was on a packed car yesterday. I saw someone who looked able-bodied sitting in the priority seating spot that is supposed to be given to people who need to sit. I pointed out my bump, and asked if he might consider giving me his seat if he wouldn't be uncomfortable standing since I was pregnant and had a very long ride ahead of me.
He very graciously said of course, and gave me his seat.
I was only annoyed that I had to ask.
@FemShep I commute on the tube every day and now that I'm in second tri, I will be wearing this button daily. I love it because it's a pregnancy card that you don't need to actively throw
@Paturkey ugh I love London. I studied abroad there in college. I always wanted to go and it was everything I imagined. My first experience on the tube, the man across from me sat his cup of coffee (filled to the top) on the floor without a lid to let it cool. Not a drop spilled, that's how smooth the ride was. And it was so clean that people were actually willing to put their cup on the floor. Both of those things just blew my mind being an American haha
I don't think it is ever OK to throw yourself a baby shower. A shower is specifically, and explicitly, a gift-giving event. Throwing one for yourself is directly asking people to give you gifts, and that's tacky.
If if you want to throw a party, by all means do so. Don't call it a shower and don't mention your registry.
And if if you don't have a shower, life goes on. Close friends and family will still give you gifts and share in your joy.
Fully disagree. Throw your own damn shower. It's not for me, but if you've got the stones, I support you.
@mrszoess - who the hell needs two infant seats?? Tell your friend to figure out her life and get a second base like normal folk.
ETA- @kmolleltz - there's nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. Loss brain can mess with the best of us, hard. With this being a surprise baby, I struggle with mixed feelings often. Pregnancy itself can give you a range of strong emotions, and previous loss doesn't help.
@kmolleltz If it's any comfort, it is completely normal to panic about not being ready, having money, wtf was I thinking etc. I had a loss and got pregnant a month later with DS and didn't want to even think about planning until closer to third tri and then freaked out but it all comes together. I'm still freaking out bout money and time and planning this go around. "What were we thinking do this again and so soon?" comes out of my mouth a LOT.
I wrote a list of general things to do "Get DS his new dresser" "Get V her crib" "Research strollers" "buy wipes" "Research new pump" "Find bin of DS's newborn stuff" and keep it on my phone and tackle one item when I get the energy. It seems like SO much but it's really mostly just a whole bunch of small things to tackle over time. Remember, babies just need some clothes, food, and a place to sleep at first. You don't have to be ready for the whole first year by the time they are born.
I don't think it is ever OK to throw yourself a baby shower. A shower is specifically, and explicitly, a gift-giving event. Throwing one for yourself is directly asking people to give you gifts, and that's tacky.
If if you want to throw a party, by all means do so. Don't call it a shower and don't mention your registry.
And if if you don't have a shower, life goes on. Close friends and family will still give you gifts and share in your joy.
I understand what you're saying, but I personally don't have family or friends who will buy me gifts without a shower. Little things maybe. Clothes. But nothing that I need. And while I used to have the money to get it all myself, I don't after a year and a half of fertility treatments. I'm slowly saving money up again, but it will take time.
And if I don't have a shower, my parents will end up putting themselves in a bad place trying to help me. I don't have any friends who are reliable enough to throw me one so I have to find an inexpensive way to do it. No one is going to offer. It sucks, I wish I had better friends, but I just don't anymore. *Shrug*
For the shower peeps: I'd you are you're only option, throw it yourself. My mom is going to throw mine in that everything will coordinate through her, but she can't afford it.
I truly don't mean to sound harsh @krzyriver but I have to agree with @FemShep . I don't find it appropriate to throw your own shower, really under any circumstances. If there's not a friend who is involved or interested enough to throw a shower, I would assume that you wouldn't get any big ticket items from any friends, either. You'd be better off spending money on gently used consigned baby items than on invitations, food, etc. for a shower, especially since it sounds like the invitees wouldn't necessarily be all that enthusiastic about gift giving. As someone mentioned earlier, babies don't really NEED all that much the first year. Gifts and the "nice to have but don't need to have" baby gear items are a privilege, not a right.
All that said, obviously do whatever makes you happy. It's just that while reading this thread I can't help but be concerned that it sounds like you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
@agogo1 I never said I was expecting big ticket items. And I already have plans to shop the mom 2 mom sales. But money is tight after spending so much on fertility treatments. And while babies don't need much the first year, I'll still need diapers and stuff. I'd be perfectly happy if everyone brought a box of diapers. The friends that I do still have love to shop and they love to come to BBQs. They're just not reliable enough to plan anything. And while you guys might not find it appropriate, no one that I'm inviting would care. They'd just be happy to come and that they didn't have to plan it.
Honestly I think the baby shower debate is going to be the same as that wedding debate we had a couple months ago. There's always going to be people who go by what is considered appropriate and what isn't. And then there's going to be the people who think do whatever makes you happy, the people who love you won't care. I'm that way about most things. Weddings, showers, gender reveal parties, etc. Even when it's something I don't care for, like a gender reveal party.
I don't understand in any situation expecting someone to buy you diapers, cribs, whatever. My MIL is insisting she buy me a glider, cool. Last time my mom demanded to buy my crib, awesome. But I couponed, researched online, saved pennies, and sold crap I didn't need and have bought my diapers, wipes, expensive formula etc from day one. I'm pretty sure these are things someone needs to factor in when they plan a baby, naturally or via IVF.
@coffee89 I did factor all that in. What I did not factor in was over a years worth of it plus a D&C for my loss in the fall. Nor did I know that I would be put on bed rest for 2+ months once I got this BFP. Or that I was going to have all this chaos go down with my son which I won't even get into. I mean shit happens, people get in bad financial situations that they have to work around. But I know my friends, while not reliable enough to plan an event, would want to help and they'd want to come. To each their own. I'm not saying it's ideal or that it's for everyone. And no one has to come that disagrees with it either. I wouldn't be offended.
Eta: I'm not *expecting* people to buy me things. I'm *hoping* that they'd want to come and celebrate with me. And knowing my friends, they wouldn't mind. But I plan to see what people think and find out how many people will come before I start planning anything. As I said before, to each their own.
I'm just not sure I understand the math. If you're hoping people who come to the shower bring a pack of diapers, which costs $10, isn't it cheaper to just buy the diapers yourself instead of spending more money than that throwing a BBQ?
Or just throw the BBQ! But throwing your own shower because you want to come out ahead financially seems like a risky bet.
@krzyriver I'm not intending to argue with you and you've clearly made up your mind already. That's cool as long as you're comfortable. However, I do have to point out that you're doing a lot of back pedaling. You started out by saying that you want to have a shower because you need things and your friends would only give you small things if you didn't have a shower. You also mentioned that if you didn't throw a shower, your parents would take on the financial strain of helping you out. Obviously you expected more than diapers from throwing your own shower in your initial statements.
@FemShep I've never spent more than $100 on a BBQ. Mathematically I'd be fine. Believe me, that was my first concern when my husband suggested this idea to me.
I mean I totally get what you guys are getting at, and this isn't my first choice, but 1) I could use the diaper stock and random little things people would buy and 2) I don't see the point in taking the experience away from my family just because my best friends turned out to be jerks.
@agogo1 That wasn't intended to be a backpedal. Some friends would buy little things, yes but not many. And my parents are already insisted they buy the crib, they can't afford any more than that. Even little things. But they'd never admit that and they'd insist on helping more.
I'm not trying to argue with anyone either. I'm just explaining myself because the initial comments were kinda judgemental and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's strapped for cash. You guys are all totally entitled to your opinion. I'm just giving mine as well. But if people think I'm getting heated or I'm starting to not make sense since I'm rushing and on mobile then I'll bow out.
Ill do a less controversial confession next week. Lol
Re: FFFC (4/22)
O16 April Siggy
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
edited grammar
O16 April Siggy
*puts on flame retardant suit*
The frggin formula vs BM argument is so GD tired. I can't stand it.
I'm more down for meet the baby get together where people cook me lunch or supper so I don't have to!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 28 DH: 27
I had a huge panic/freak out the other day about totally not being ready for a baby. When we got pregnant the first time it was a total surprise, a happy, but total surprise. Then when we had a loss we were so devastated that we basically just went off of how much we had wanted that baby. And now that I'm into second tri and everything I'm starting to get like "OH MY GOSH WE'RE HAVING A BABY WHAT ARE WE THINKING".... it's probably just hormones and money issues talking but I'm kind of panicking.... still...
Please dont misread this, I'm still super excited about this little one and can't wait til they're here, I'm just freaking out right now.
she registered for a 570 dollar stroller, the 60
dollar kit for the infant seat, and the 170
dollar kit to make it a double.
also 2 infant seats and 2 convertibles.
i asked if she was having a second shower and she got snarky w me and said she wouldn't know and then said these things are "wishful thinking" and alluded to people buying her pricy gifts for this baby.
youre getting clothes from target clearance. tackyy tacky tacky.
And now I hear that they WERE planning a baby shower for me and are now worried about CMV. I am too. But I also want to have one major life event be actually celebrated. It's really not about the presents so much as feeling ignored by a family that is as close as we can be a few hours' drive apart.
If if you want to throw a party, by all means do so. Don't call it a shower and don't mention your registry.
And if if you don't have a shower, life goes on. Close friends and family will still give you gifts and share in your joy.
@mrszoess - who the hell needs two infant seats?? Tell your friend to figure out her life and get a second base like normal folk.
ETA- @kmolleltz - there's nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. Loss brain can mess with the best of us, hard. With this being a surprise baby, I struggle with mixed feelings often. Pregnancy itself can give you a range of strong emotions, and previous loss doesn't help.
I wrote a list of general things to do "Get DS his new dresser" "Get V her crib" "Research strollers" "buy wipes" "Research new pump" "Find bin of DS's newborn stuff" and keep it on my phone and tackle one item when I get the energy. It seems like SO much but it's really mostly just a whole bunch of small things to tackle over time. Remember, babies just need some clothes, food, and a place to sleep at first. You don't have to be ready for the whole first year by the time they are born.
Lots of hugs.
BFP: February 2016 EDD: October 17, 2016
And if I don't have a shower, my parents will end up putting themselves in a bad place trying to help me. I don't have any friends who are reliable enough to throw me one so I have to find an inexpensive way to do it. No one is going to offer. It sucks, I wish I had better friends, but I just don't anymore. *Shrug*
All that said, obviously do whatever makes you happy. It's just that while reading this thread I can't help but be concerned that it sounds like you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
BFP: February 2016 EDD: October 17, 2016
Eta: I'm not *expecting* people to buy me things. I'm *hoping* that they'd want to come and celebrate with me. And knowing my friends, they wouldn't mind. But I plan to see what people think and find out how many people will come before I start planning anything. As I said before, to each their own.
Or just throw the BBQ! But throwing your own shower because you want to come out ahead financially seems like a risky bet.
I mean I totally get what you guys are getting at, and this isn't my first choice, but 1) I could use the diaper stock and random little things people would buy and 2) I don't see the point in taking the experience away from my family just because my best friends turned out to be jerks.
I'm not trying to argue with anyone either. I'm just explaining myself because the initial comments were kinda judgemental and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's strapped for cash. You guys are all totally entitled to your opinion. I'm just giving mine as well. But if people think I'm getting heated or I'm starting to not make sense since I'm rushing and on mobile then I'll bow out.
Ill do a less controversial confession next week. Lol