Think I'm coming back...state of limbo...UPDATE — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Think I'm coming back...state of limbo...UPDATE

jlm731jlm731
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edited April 2016 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Two years ago on 4/20 I woke up to spotting and by that afternoon full on bleeding with clots. It was Easter...the next day I went for an u/s and we discovered the baby had stopped growing somewhere around 8 weeks. That baby always measured behind so I wasn't overly hopeful....I took Cytotec and passed the baby quickly after.

This past February before going in for my yearly mammogram, they had me take a pregnancy test and surprise surprise it was positive. Went for my 8 week appt at the end of March and baby measured great with a strong heartbeat. The dr gave us a 3% miscarriage rate...I'm 41 so I always knew there could be a possibility.,,went ahead with genetic counseling at 10 weeks and everything came back great & we found out we're having a girl.

however, yesterday everything has begun to go downhill....went for my 12 week ultrasound and baby was measuring 10 weeks...still a strong heartbeat but even from my view of the ultrasound something didn't look right. They sent me right away to a high risk doctor for another U/s...it was confirmed that there are some severe abnormalities...while I don't have a definite diagnosis...the baby's skull isn't formed on top and it appears there may be some organs outside her body. 

I will be going to a genetic counselor again today and for a CVS immediately after...but I hate this state of limbo. I know we're fortunate to have two great kids but we were feeling so over the moon to complete our family. The ironic thing is i miscarried on day 83 last time...and yesterday was day 83...so it was a day I kept telling myself once we get thru we'd be in the clear. My daughter knew we were expecting...we told her once we had good news...but now I feel terrible she knows....she was so excited to have a little sister. 

Any my experience you can share would be great. I just hope to begin miscarrying naturally again vs needing to decide anything. To say this is a pretty crappy place to be is an understatement! 

UPDATE....so we went for a genetic counseling appointment yesterday and were told that the baby had severe abnormalities that would cause miscarriage...there is also some fetal swelling that if we wait for a natural miscarriage it could cause complications in me.  The genetic counselor didn't seem confident that we will find any answers from the CVS but she did recommend that it was worth trying...we went ahead an had the CVS test and the results should come back in two weeks.

I am looking to schedule a d&c on Friday...but I really wish the baby would begin to miscarry before then...we still see a heartbeat but the genetic counselor has assured us that this is not an ethical decision we are making...but rather due to the severe malformations that it is not a viable pregnancy. And honestly, I saw the ultrasound photos and I do know that something did not look as it should look at even 10 weeks. Definitely a crappy place to be and I hated telling my daughter that the baby is too sick to be with us...she keeps saying "well, maybe God will make a Miracle."
dd born 9/09
ds born 10/12 via IVF
surprise BFP 3/14 MMC 5/14
surprise BFP 2/25/16 - EDD 11/1/16

Re: Think I'm coming back...state of limbo...UPDATE

  • Limbo is so awful and hard.  I found it impossible to concentrate on anything else.  So sorry to hear that you're struggling with this.  

    I hope you get miraculous news.  If that is not possible, I hope that the limbo does not last too long.  
    Me: 1979 * Husband: 1976 * Little girl: 2010 * Little guy: 2013 * MMC: 2016 * Last baby: EDD 2/11/17!  
  • It must be so horrible to be where you are, I dont have a similar experiences but I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. Hope you can find peace. Be kind to yourself. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

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  • I'm so incredibly sorry for your losses. Being in limbo sucks so bad. I had to just take one day, hour, or minute at a time. Do what you need to take of yourself. Hugs.
  • Horrible. I'm so sorry. First off, having living children doesn't remotely minimize a loss, it just helps distract you. I'm praying for your sweet baby girl and for you. 
  • Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear this. Have you gotten any news yet from the CVS?
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
    Blog: ourbinarystar.com

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

  • Thank you for all your kind words...I've updated where we are at in my original post. I am just ready for closure and to move forward. I so want to have another baby but honestly after two miscarriages (one being two years ago today), I'm not sure I can deal with these emotions again...it's so not fair! 
    dd born 9/09
    ds born 10/12 via IVF
    surprise BFP 3/14 MMC 5/14
    surprise BFP 2/25/16 - EDD 11/1/16
  • I'm sorry to hear about your update. Hopefully Friday will come quickly for you and you can get the closure you desire.
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
    Blog: ourbinarystar.com

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

  • Oh goodness. I'm so completely sorry. This is awful. 
  • I am so sorry for your loss and how difficult this must be.  Hugs.
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a D&E today and after already experiencing a natural miscarriage, I can say with confidence that this was the much, much easier route. So far, I've had virtually no physical pain. I hope that you can get closure soon and begin healing. <3
    Me: 29, DH: 31
    Married: October 2014
    Began TTC: April 2015
    BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It is so incredibly unfair that you have to experience this. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I am so sorry for your loss- and yes it's unfair and incredibly cruel.  I also have children and explaining to them that their baby brother or sister's heart stopped beating was devastating. My 9 year old brings it up occasionally and it's my heart aches that he is sad. My thoughts are with you.
     ****TW: Pregnancy, loss and children mentioned****
    Me (39) DH (40) 
    From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06 
    DH- no kids
    ******************
    TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
    IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN 
    IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
    1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!!  2/16/16: MMC @10w 2days,  D&C: 2/17/16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
    IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
    IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
    IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger= BFN
    **10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our own**
    12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! 
    Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!
  • It is incredibly unfair, I understand your frustration, I've lost 3 in the last year and a half; one at 6.2 weeks, 21.6 weeks and 17 weeks. I  really hope you can find the strength to get through this. Allow yourself time to heal and maybe try again. Each and every loss is heartbreaking but there's nothing you could've have done to stop it, don't punish yourself. 

    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can feel better soon and recover from this terrible experience. Hugs!
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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