I stopped Breastfeeding This Week and I'm Sad

plumpous · March 2016

I haven't posted in a very long time. We are doing very well and keeping busy over here. DD just turned 25 weeks. Next Friday she will be 6 months old!
In the last few weeks I started to reduce how much I breastfeed and pump because my supply was already very low and the effort it took combined with general stress made me miserable. I think also the fact that each time I pumped it was so little, I just felt like a failure so many times a day for so many months. It was just awful. But I still nursed on weekends, and some mornings. But now my supply is even more diminished and I quit completely. I expressed one ounce last night. And now, I am so so sad. I didn't realize how emotional I would be. I really wanted to quit for so long. And now I can't believe I will never feed my baby from my body anymore. I get very teary. My husband doesn't understand me because I have been complaining so much. I guess I came here to vent and hear how you guys dealt with it.

Rachel623 · March 2016

6 months is a long time and you should be proud of yourself.

Louisl · March 2016

I'm going to quit in the next couple weeks and I feel very mixed emotions about it as well. I've had to cut wheat soy eggs dairy nuts fish and rice out because LO was screaming in pain all the time and now he's better but I'm miserable and it seems like the universe is telling me to quit. Also he gets some formula and it's clear he doesn't have the patience for my slow let down anymore so my supply is going down and down. Anyway I know I'll feel the way you do and my husband will be so confused because I've been complaining for so long. But I think six months is very respectable for both of us!

plumpous · March 2016

@loiusl I had to give up a bunch of things too like cauliflower/broccoli/cabbage and legumes because it was making her gassy. And then I started getting dizzy spells and losing my hair. Plus I had a few other occasions of no eating like a painful tooth extraction (wisdom tooth at the bottom), and food poisoning. It left me so weak. And then to have all the best nutrients go to my baby. I was a mess. But now, I can't let go. I feel pretty engorged right now because it's been 36 hours since I last emptied. I think I will nurse once today. It will be good for both of us. Yeah, I am having a really tough time quitting completely. So emotional!

Louisl · March 2016

@plumpous I have been so anemic and weak as well! I totally feel your pain. I'm back down to pre pregnant weight which is nice but didn't have to happen this drastically! I'm hungry all the time because I'm so sick of meat and like you, can't have legumes.

So when you're really engorged after you stop, how do you make it that go away? Just nurse every few days like you're doing til it's finally gone? I haven't even thought about that part.

alinic916 · March 2016

I am in the process of weaning now. We are doing it very slowly. So far just replaced her before bed feeding with formula. DD and I are both much happier. She's eating a 4 oz bottle after her evening feeding too so probably going to switch another feeding to formula. While I don't share the sadness quite as much, I do understand it. It's amazing we are able to provide all our babies' nutrition! I'll be glad to be done breastfeeding, but will miss the closeness we get during it. And formula is expensive!!

plumpous · March 2016

Each week I take out one feeding of the day. Now I am down to once every 2 days. If I get engorged I express a little in the shower. I don't pump. Today I worked from home and was engorged so I took the opportunity to nurse which made me very happy. If I can nurse a few more times before calling it quits that will be great. I hardly ever get really full, and it's never painful. But I also did it slowly. I've been "quitting" for weeks.

tracij12 · March 2016

Congrats on making it 6 months!! My LO just turned 6 months yesterday and I am also going to start to cut back. I have had a love / hate relationship with it this time around (just hated it with my first and stopped at 5 months) but am also getting anxious/sad at the thought of quitting completely.

big hugs!!!

waltersmom83 · April 2016

Me too...and it was a struggle the whole time bc I also never produced enough for her. We've been supplementing since 3 Mos. The way I see it is first of all we've put in 9 months of carrying and 6 months of b.f., that's 15 Mos of giving your body to your babies well being. That's admirable, and we should feel proud! Secondly, I've been enjoying all the stuff I couldn't over the last year. Alcohol, spicy food, raw onions, allergy medicine (lol!)...a happy mommy is what our babies need now. That is more important! So let's embrace and enjoy ourselves now! Cheers!

J1D · April 2016

@waltersmom83 I'm tempted to wean for the allergy meds alone! Just the allergy/sinus meds. Mine are so bad and the sinus pressure and pain is so bad I literally can't sleep at night and am miserable during the day. Mama wants some Sudafed soooooo bad!!! Thus far I've been holding out and pouring boiling water on a stack of towels and steaming the h-e-double hockey sticks out of my face just to get a little relief. Not sure how much more I can take though, cause owie!

Louisl · April 2016

@J1D That sounds really rough...I was suffering in other ways trying to keep breastfeeding so I really feel for you. I'm on almost a week of no breastfeeding and while it was a really tough decision, it feels soooo amazing to reclaim my body and be able to take care of my needs a tiny bit again. Like PP says, 15 months of your body serving someone else is no joke and I'm glad to be back to just me now.

J1D · April 2016

@Louisl I gave myself permission long before I got pregnant that I would breastfeed for as long or as little as it felt right. I think knowing that I'm ok with stopping when I need to helps me keep going. I don't feel trapped at all. But you are right! I very much look forward to my body being my own again. I'm still ok to share a while longer. I'll be sad on some levels to stop breastfeeding but so happy on others to have my only dressing, eating, meds, and timing concerns being just about me and not centered around access to my boobs and the safety of my breastmilk.

kaseyhunter85 · April 2016

I so needed to read this.
I exclusively pump and am struggling to keep up. I've had to get into my stock pile quite a bit lately and it was making me so sad because I don't think it will last much longer and I know that I'll have to start supplementing w/formula soon. I don't intend to quit pumping but its starting to wear on me. I'm tired all the time. The sound of my pump used to be sort of relaxing and now I want to chuck it across the room.

I have been beating myself up at the thought of having to supplement and/or eventually quitting because I feel in some ways this was the one thing I thought I could "control" I have learned that having a baby is such an amazing uncontrollable blessing but I have a hard time fully "forgiving" myself that things didn't go by the "book".

I will give the rest of my life to my son and have already given so much physically and emotionally I just need to be so thankful I have been able to give him life and to have given him breast milk for the first 6 months of his life.

P.S. Does anyone else have daydreams of burning your pump/supplies when you're done?

Louisl · April 2016

@kaseyhunter85 I echo every thought of yours!! I know EXACTLY what you mean about the incredibly humbling lesson we are learning being brand new parents. I too thought of there was ONE thing I knew, it's that I would breastfeed as long as I didn't have supply or latch issues but man I've learned those are just one in a bouquet of issues that you can run into and I'm sure this is all just the first of many many times as a parent we will learn and relearn this lesson. Supplementing., and eventually weaning was very very challenging for me to swallow initially but knowing it was the right thing for me has made it much easier. And yes! I absolutely despise pumping and probably stopped too abruptly but I just didn't want to pump anymore after I had made the decision to stop. (Pro tip: don't do that, my hormones were super wacky and engorgement wasn't fun).

J1D · April 2016

@kaseyhunter85 have you considered now at 6 months when baby is starting solids to give yourself permission to relax a little? Like keep pumping, but take the pressure off. You pump what you pump and think, "yay I got something, my baby gets some breastmilk today." And whatever you can easily pump without going crazy is the milk for the day and the rest of baby's calories will come from solids and formula. I've always considered my breastmilk to be the nutrition and probiotics and all that amazing stuff for my baby and the formula to be the calories. I've never been able to produce enough for him but I felt good every day cause I knew he got all the amazing good stuff he needed from me and then the boring old extra calories from formula.
6 months is a LONG time to be your baby's sole source of nutrition! That's a really good run.
I've always had to supplement but my 6 month permission to relax was in the form of no more pumping. I'd been nursing or pumping round the clock to keep my itty bitty supply from dropping. A few weeks shy of 6 months I decided I was done pumping. I will nurse the baby a million times day or night when he's awake and wants it but when he's sleeping? I'm gonna sleep. No waking up to pump. No pumping during the day. Just no more pumping. I'm enjoying breastfeeding a lot more now

SweetnSassy23 · April 2016

We all stress and worry and fret about our babies' eating. And at some point they will all grow up to be 3 year olds who eat dirt and rocks. So be proud of how long you have made it and try to stop stressing so much. We're all doing great. As long as LOs are growing and healthy how they eat (boob/bottle) doesn't matter.

meganraschke · April 2016

@SweetnSassy23 hahahaha! I know I'm going to be like noooo why are you eating dirt?!!?

we weaned over the past couple of weeks too, not by choice, my supply dipped down with every cycle I had until eventually it was gone. I stressed about it until I gave myself the space to give it up. We kept nursing at night until this past week when I got sick and needed to take medicine.

I am sad it is over, it was such a special time for me and LO to be nursing. But I've learned a lot and I'm hoping next time around I am able to start my supply off better so I don't have supply issues down the road.

sarapagan · April 2016

kaseyhunter85 said:

I so needed to read this.
I exclusively pump and am struggling to keep up. I've had to get into my stock pile quite a bit lately and it was making me so sad because I don't think it will last much longer and I know that I'll have to start supplementing w/formula soon. I don't intend to quit pumping but its starting to wear on me. I'm tired all the time. The sound of my pump used to be sort of relaxing and now I want to chuck it across the room.

I have been beating myself up at the thought of having to supplement and/or eventually quitting because I feel in some ways this was the one thing I thought I could "control" I have learned that having a baby is such an amazing uncontrollable blessing but I have a hard time fully "forgiving" myself that things didn't go by the "book".

I will give the rest of my life to my son and have already given so much physically and emotionally I just need to be so thankful I have been able to give him life and to have given him breast milk for the first 6 months of his life.

P.S. Does anyone else have daydreams of burning your pump/supplies when you're done?

THIS THIS THIS! Although I dont EP, I work during the day and my husband and MIL take care of my daughter. I nurse her when I get home. I pump 2x sometimes 3x per day while I work. But she's teething horribly right now and although I've read many babies want to comfort nurse and want more, she seems to want to nurse less!! And its been ongoing for the last couple of weeks. I give up and defrost a bag of milk and feed her a bottle while I cry! She takes that fine. Then I will pump and not make as much as the bag I took out, so I'm just an all around mess. I'm beating myself up also, thinking that its something I'm doing wrong and thinking she doesnt want me! I know these are irrational fears and theres nothing wrong with formula feeding, but I set a goal in place of 1 year BFing. I'm just so upset about having to start adding formula to her bottles to stretch my supply. I can totally relate. @kaseyhunter85

kaseyhunter85 · April 2016

J1D said:

@kaseyhunter85 have you considered now at 6 months when baby is starting solids to give yourself permission to relax a little? Like keep pumping, but take the pressure off. You pump what you pump and think, "yay I got something, my baby gets some breastmilk today." And whatever you can easily pump without going crazy is the milk for the day and the rest of baby's calories will come from solids and formula. I've always considered my breastmilk to be the nutrition and probiotics and all that amazing stuff for my baby and the formula to be the calories. I've never been able to produce enough for him but I felt good every day cause I knew he got all the amazing good stuff he needed from me and then the boring old extra calories from formula.
6 months is a LONG time to be your baby's sole source of nutrition! That's a really good run.
I've always had to supplement but my 6 month permission to relax was in the form of no more pumping. I'd been nursing or pumping round the clock to keep my itty bitty supply from dropping. A few weeks shy of 6 months I decided I was done pumping. I will nurse the baby a million times day or night when he's awake and wants it but when he's sleeping? I'm gonna sleep. No waking up to pump. No pumping during the day. Just no more pumping. I'm enjoying breastfeeding a lot more now

For some reason reading this made me cry....ahh I cry all the time now that I'm a mom(HORMONE MADNESS).

I hadn't really thought of it that way!!! This is why this board is great...I can talk to my mom and sister but they're not in the trenches currently so its hard.

J1D · April 2016

@kaseyhunter85 I hope they were happy/relieved tears

I teared up when I read that it made you cry! Seriously hormones! Settle down!
We are all doing the best we can

and you are SO right! I can talk to my mom, sisters, MIL, ect ect too BUT I've noticed that people tend to remember things a little differently than they really happened or don't remember things at all. Like my mom says she didn't remember us ever crying at night. Yeah right mom. People also do this weird combo of genuinely trying to support you but also trying to kinda relive their experience. Like if they were sad they stopped breastfeeding "early" they may push you to keep going. Or if they kept going for like 5 years and literally lost a nipple they may push you to quit cold turkey at 4 month, 5 days and 53 seconds cause that's when "it all started to go wrong and eventually I lost that nipple."
So, yeah, talking with other moms who are going through the same thing right now is really helpful for me too.

kaseyhunter85 · April 2016

@J1D they were most definitely relieved/happy tears! Nipples falling off WTF !?!?!?!

J1D · April 2016

kaseyhunter85 said:

@J1D they were most definitely relieved/happy tears! Nipples falling off WTF !?!?!?!

Lol!!! I don't really know anyone who actually lost a nipple. I was just being dramatic.
But I'll tell you what- my baby "bit" me 6 times tonight. He doesn't have teeth yet but I still thought that nipple was a goner. I was genuinely surprised it was still attached for how much it hurt.

dimi2015 · April 2016

J1D said:

@kaseyhunter85 have you considered now at 6 months when baby is starting solids to give yourself permission to relax a little? Like keep pumping, but take the pressure off. You pump what you pump and think, "yay I got something, my baby gets some breastmilk today." And whatever you can easily pump without going crazy is the milk for the day and the rest of baby's calories will come from solids and formula. I've always considered my breastmilk to be the nutrition and probiotics and all that amazing stuff for my baby and the formula to be the calories. I've never been able to produce enough for him but

""""I felt good every day cause I knew he got all the amazing good stuff he needed from me and then the boring old extra calories from formula. """"

6 months is a LONG time to be your baby's sole source of nutrition! That's a really good run.
I've always had to supplement but my 6 month permission to relax was in the form of no more pumping. I'd been nursing or pumping round the clock to keep my itty bitty supply from dropping. A few weeks shy of 6 months I decided I was done pumping. I will nurse the baby a million times day or night when he's awake and wants it but when he's sleeping? I'm gonna sleep. No waking up to pump. No pumping during the day. Just no more pumping. I'm enjoying breastfeeding a lot more now

That's not really the nicest thing for you to say for formula feeding mothers to read. We already have it tough enough with people being judgemental and saying we aren't doing what's right for our babies and making us feel guilty.. Formula is nutritious aswell and isn't just the "boring old extra calories" it also has "the good stuff" that breastmilk has for our babies need to thrive and grow.

meganraschke · April 2016

I get your point in why you got upset but I think it's a little rediculious that you opened this post not knowing you would get upset.

I wouldn't open a thread titled 'reasons I'm glad I never breastfed' and not expect it to offend me.

No one can be politically correct and still state their feelings. Obviously the only important thing to any of this is that our babies are all alive because we are feeing them in some way

dimi2015 · April 2016

Thats ridiculous because none of it upset me except for the bit I quoted... So I don't think I should have "assumed" I was going to get upset over a breastfeeding post? I was just stating that most of us formula feeding mums started off breastfeeding and something went wrong so to read someone saying that they knew their baby was getting all the amazing good stuff from the breast milk and all the boring old calories from formula isn't the nicest thing to read and adds to the guilt that a lot of us are made to feel from judgemental people.

meganraschke · April 2016

You should forgive yourself for things not going perfectly

J1D · April 2016

dimi2015 said:

J1D said:

@kaseyhunter85 have you considered now at 6 months when baby is starting solids to give yourself permission to relax a little? Like keep pumping, but take the pressure off. You pump what you pump and think, "yay I got something, my baby gets some breastmilk today." And whatever you can easily pump without going crazy is the milk for the day and the rest of baby's calories will come from solids and formula. I've always considered my breastmilk to be the nutrition and probiotics and all that amazing stuff for my baby and the formula to be the calories. I've never been able to produce enough for him but

""""I felt good every day cause I knew he got all the amazing good stuff he needed from me and then the boring old extra calories from formula. """"

6 months is a LONG time to be your baby's sole source of nutrition! That's a really good run.
I've always had to supplement but my 6 month permission to relax was in the form of no more pumping. I'd been nursing or pumping round the clock to keep my itty bitty supply from dropping. A few weeks shy of 6 months I decided I was done pumping. I will nurse the baby a million times day or night when he's awake and wants it but when he's sleeping? I'm gonna sleep. No waking up to pump. No pumping during the day. Just no more pumping. I'm enjoying breastfeeding a lot more now

That's not really the nicest thing for you to say for formula feeding mothers to read. We already have it tough enough with people being judgemental and saying we aren't doing what's right for our babies and making us feel guilty.. Formula is nutritious aswell and isn't just the "boring old extra calories" it also has "the good stuff" that breastmilk has for our babies need to thrive and grow.

@dimi2015 I see you skipped over "I've never been able to produce enough for him" in your highlighting. I'd like to point out that not only did I imply with that statement but then later I said "I've always had to supplement." In case you don't understand what that means, that means I also formula feed my baby because I can not now, nor have I ever at any point, been able to produce enough breastmilk for him. I myself, am in fact, one of those "formula feeding mums [that] started off breastfeeding and something went wrong." There was no formula shaming in my game. Not in that post or any post I have ever made on this site, any other site or in any conversation I've had in the real world. I shared MY feelings about MY breastfeeding/formula feeding journey. Please don't put judgemental flavor on my words that were not there. Also, please don't kick me in the teeth for trying to say something supportive to help someone. Since I am a formula feeding mother I can assure you I would not judge or bash myself, or anyone else, for something that I personally feel no guilt or shame for doing. I primarily formula feed my baby but I do also bust my ass to feed him what little breastmilk I can because there are things found in breastmilk that are good for babies that are not found in formula. Saying that does NOT equate to saying formula is wrong or bad or lacks nutrition. My statement was phrased the way it was because I DO primarily look at formula in MY case as being more about calories than anything else. There's nothing in that statement to imply I have any kind of problem with formula or formula feeding moms. That's a spin you put on the situation.
I am sorry if you are being judged elsewhere for formula feeding and that it makes you feel bad. That sucks. I hate mommy shaming and I think mommy wars over breast vs bottle, homemade baby food vs store bought baby food, purees vs blw, are some of the dumbest things to fight about because at the end of the day the baby being fed and well cared for is all that matters.

valolvera · April 2016

At least you breastfed! You're not a failure

I stopped breastfeeding the day I came home from the hospital. I just couldn't do it and it didn't feel right. I felt baby wasn't getting enough and it would make me feel bad because she couldn't latch so the bottle was the best!

I stopped Breastfeeding This Week and I'm Sad

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