Breastmilk or Formula?

PrettyPalomino · April 2016

I realize it is sooo early to be thinking about this but I haven't stopped!

My mother and my sister flat out refused to breastfeed, they opted for formula. Me personally, I really want to breastfeed. But at the other end of the scale is my sister in-law, who is breastfeeding her 11 month old and in my mind, it's too old if they can ask for it. She is very proud to breastfeed as a source of comfort, but I feel like that's crossing a line of dependency, especially if DH can't provide that safety/comfort.

How do you guys feel about it? Yay/nay? Until they're 6 months, 2 years?

juliehollz13 · April 2016

I plan to breastfeed but also pump because I don't want to be the ONLY one 100% responsible for feeding the baby, and would rather have the option of DH feeding him/her if i'm sick or just exhausted, but I also want the baby to get the benefits of being breastfed. I know a lot of BF moms like to BF until 1-2 years, but not all babies will BF that long. My brother and I both self-weaned around 7-8 months, when we started eating more solid foods.

RatsPJ · April 2016

I have a friend who weaned at the 12-13 month mark, and it was definitely tough on both of them. I'm hoping to be able to breastfeed, but I know it's a big commitment that not everyone can do. Ideally I'd like to breastfeed and/or pump so that LO is taken care of up to the 12 month mark. I don't like the idea of the child asking for the breast, which is why if I can pump I will.

dmontgo · April 2016

I would really like to breastfeed if I can. My friend told me the key for her was to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks and always stay hydrated, so I've actually been following that since I found out I'm pregnant, and so far morning sickness has stayed away. I think there are a lot of great bonding and nutrition benefits to breastfeeding, but I won't beat myself up if I can't do it. I'd probably do it until almost a year, though. I think that's enough time.

jptrumptone · April 2016

I've always planned to at least try to breastfeed (and pump when I go back to work). My biggest concern is if my baby turns out to be like me, my siblings, and my nephew and be allergic to dairy... I think I'll have a hard time giving up dairy to the degree my SIL did (she even avoided butter) I haven't given any thought to how long I'd breastfeed though.

Glitter · April 2016

I also plan to breastfeed if my body and baby are able. I love that its a bonding experience and great for baby. I will do pumping once im back to working, this also gives others the chance to have that special feeding time with baby.

Im not sure when id stop but i agree that once they can ask for it, its time. If for some reason they still need it at that age, ill pump.

princesslockness · April 2016

I wasn't a do-or-die last time. I ended up only being able to nurse L for 2-3 weeks before it became awkward for us as we returned to life as usual with work/church/movie nights . . . . BUT I did manage to pump until 4 months when I had to rearrange my pump schedule. I couldn't come back from that, so he went to formula.

This time I will do my best to get LO set up with BM for a couple months, but I won't stress so much about it.
I also personally will not nurse one of my LOs who can ask or sign for it.

cjt121413 · April 2016

With DS I EBF (including BM in bottles) until he was 7 months, then started supplementing with some formula and nursing at night. This time I want to BF as long as I can and pump as much as I can thereafter. I don't judge anyone's choice. BFing was way harder than I thought it was going to be but it was well worth it.

sammyl1221 · April 2016

I plan on breastfeeding for as long as I can but I am not going to be upset if I have to go to formula earlier than intended. I would love to get a min. 3-4 months of breastfeeding or breastfeeding/formula.

I don't know if anyone else has seen the extremes of the breastfeeding vs. formula battle. Even when I say I plan on breastfeeding half the people I know are like "That's great for you and your baby but stay away from FORMULA" and the other half " I did formula whats the big deal my kids turned out fine!" My girlfriend had her first child in December and the nurses were sooooo nasty to her when she asked for bottles (she just wanted to get a few free extra one) They sat there and lectured her about how bad it is for the baby and how could she ever think to do that to her baby and pretty much shamed her. Long story short she breastfed for almost a month and ended up getting an infection so she had to stop. She was so upset she couldn't breastfeed and had a panic attack that she was a bad mother because she was switching to formula. I felt so bad for her. Anyway I just think everyone should be supported with their choice.

em01092 · April 2016

I plan to breastfeed and bump at least 6 months if I can. I am not opposed to using formula if I have to, say if I have trouble producing or something obviously. I agree and am personally not a fan of continuing breastfeeding past 12 months. Really I'm just planning to wing all of it, but definitely give breastfeeding a fair shot.

Gizmo1231 · April 2016

I BF/Pumped for DS until he was 13-14 months old. It's definitely a hard commitment to make as challenges arise in your BFing relationships with LO. We had several issues with mastitis and a dairy allergy but made it through. I hope to do the same with this baby

slartybartfast · April 2016

cjt121413 said:

With DS I EBF (including BM in bottles) until he was 7 months, then started supplementing with some formula and nursing at night. This time I want to BF as long as I can and pump as much as I can thereafter. I don't judge anyone's choice. BFing was way harder than I thought it was going to be but it was well worth it.

This same for us - he weaned at a year. The digestive enzymes and antibodies and nutrition of breastmilk are simply not matched by formula. That's not to say you can't grow healthy babies on formula - obviously you can - but breastmilk is really what infants need. We'll do the same again. It's such a give and take - I love some aspects but let's just say I LOVE that he's weened. I'll make the sacrifice for baby 2 too though. 1 year. The moms that do longer are just total saints in my opinion

MamaWino · April 2016

I chose not to breastfeed for personal reasons and formula fed both of my girls from the very start. They're both happy, healthy, smart toddlers and I don't regret my choice in the slightest. I will FF this baby as well. Since I know nothing of the bond that BF brings mom and baby, I can't speak to that, but I can say with certainty that I, as well as my husband, formed an immediate incredible bond with each of our daughters while bottle feeding. It's still an intimate moment between parent and child. And it's nice to be able to share the responsibility of feeding with others and give myself a break once in awhile

As @sammyl1221 stated, this can become a pretty heated topic. I fully support however a mother chooses to feed her baby and don't see the need to bash someone for doing the opposite of what you do. I got a ton of flack for FF, and was even told by my husband's cousin that I was feeding my children poison. I think it's so awesome that so many mothers dedicate themselves to breastfeeding... it's just not for me. I'm sure there will be some strong opinions here but I hope we can keep it civil and respect each other's decisions.

sourlemon · April 2016

I was made to feel like the dirtiest piece of trash mom last time in the hospital when I asked for formula after 24 hours of trying. I had 42 hours of labor, both the baby and I flatlined causing an emergency c section...I tried for 24 hours but my severely jaundiced baby needed fluids and my body was failing. I tried for a month but never had any success. DD would scream the whole time, I never produced more than a few drops even with pumping. In the end, once I got past the guilt and shame, I realized it was the only way for us, and yeah, my kid turned out fine thus far.

All of those arguments about sick dumb etc formula fed babies do not describe my kiddo at all. She hasn't been sick in over a year, never had an ear infection, and is super smart. But the shame early on from everyone including strangers hurts!

All that said, I will try to breastfeed this one until I go to back to work, so only 8 or 10 weeks. But I also know how it feels to have to defend the formula choice, and I'm prepared to do that again as well. I am trying to convince myself to let the guilt and shame go because that does not one any good.

You gotta of what's best (or working) for you and your baby. To me, fed is fed and there shouldn't be a stigma one way or another.

ava826 · April 2016

I learned about the benefits of breastfeeding in my Nutrition in the Lifecycle class, so I definitely plan to if I can. The potential benefits are pretty impressive, showing lower rates of many things from asthma to childhood obesity in breastfed babies.
In terms of how long, the recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics is:
"The AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months, with continuation of breastfeeding for 1 year or longer as mutually desired by mother and infant, a recommendation concurred to by the WHO and the Institute of Medicine"
Here's the link to the whole article about the reasons they support breastfeeding, if you're interested. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/3/e827.full#content-block

That being said, what's best for most of people might not be best or even possible for you and your baby. I feel like it's never okay to give people s#*t about their choices. So I hope this didn't come off that way at all, I just like to give people the info so they can make their own informed choices. That's the whole reason I got into Nutrition

slartybartfast · April 2016

Also - we had a ton of milk drama and bottle drama and then formula drama - essentially I have extra digestive enzyme i my milk=it goes bad when I store it for more than 2 days (even frozen). We didn't know and kept trying to give ds rancid milk = he hated the bottle - so we started supplementing with formula while working on getting back trust with the bottle. Well he started eating so little. We battled with this from 8-10 months - it was excruciating. Then he weened at 10.5 months and shortly after stopped taking food/formula/water. Ended up in the ER as he dropped so much weight and was dehydrated. Finally figured out that he is intolerant of the dairy proteins in formula and my milk was helping him digest some of them but when it was cut off - he suffered. He couldn't even do the sensitive formula and the hypoallergenic stuff he wouldn't touch. There's soy formula but our pediatrician recommended we just drop formula since he was almost a year anyway. So now he gets super nutrient dense purees and almond milk + a little canola oil.

figured id share because no part of feeding DS was easy for the 1st year - bfing was the easiest but since I'm breadwinner, we needed other options... They just were a shitshow for us

MichaelSC28 · April 2016

I am planning on BF the new squish as I did my DD. I did my DD till 11 months and game plan is the same for this one. I liked having ready to "use" food on me at all times. I also pumped because I am a WM. So 3 times a day at work. If I had to do formula I would.I was ff due to being allergic to my moms milk. Its all just preference. Decides what's right for you.

penelope4612 · April 2016

I'm hoping to breastfeed until at least 6 months, 12 months if I can make it. I will go back to work after 3 months though, and I work in multiple locations (sometimes multiple locations in one day) so pumping is going to be a challenge (do I just lug my pump and breastmilk everywhere?). So we'll have to see how it goes. I feel like honestly people judge you no matter what you do and there's no right answer (even though all answers are good for baby as long as baby is getting fed). My SIL breastfed until like 18 months (only at night once the child was older) and my ILs made comments behind her back about it being time to wean... but then I know people get so much crap for FF. Can't win.

slartybartfast · April 2016

@penelope4612 pumps are super portable and almost all insurance plans cover one - a little lunch box sized cooler for milk and you're set!

ashcakes921 · April 2016

I used formula for my first baby but I really regretted not attempting to breastfeed so I will try that this time around. I have no problem with formula but around the time my DD turned 9 months I was feeling so sad I never tried. Ideally I'd like to make it to a year when we can switch to whole milk cuz formula is EXPENSIVE. But my first goal will be 6 weeks when I will have to go back to work and figure out a pumping schedule. Then 6 months will be the next goal lol

dmontgo · April 2016

slartybartfast said:

@penelope4612 pumps are super portable and almost all insurance plans cover one - a little lunch box sized cooler for milk and you're set!

I don't know if anyone here has Cigna, but I know they will send you a breast pump in the second trimester!

a2003tiger · April 2016

I BF both of my kids until they self weaned at around 14 months. I'd have gone until age 2 if either of them had wanted. I also pumped when I went back to work full time. BFing itself isn't easy. More moms have to work quite hard at it. I went through low supply, multiple rounds of thrush, bleeding cracked nipples, etc. All 100% worth it to me.

You need to decide what you want to do for you and your baby. Don't let anyone else influence your decision. Then stick with it. Either way, you'll likely hear negative comments and run into hurdles. But if it's what's best for you and baby, that's all that matters, regardless if it's formula or breast milk.

DiFazette · April 2016

I EP'd (exclusively pumped) with DS for about 6 months. (Though purists would disagree since he was getting extra calories in my BM to sustain life.) He was too small/frail to attempt nursing for the first 5 weeks and by that point, he had become lazy and didn't want to work at the boob. EPing was REALLY hard. Constantly worrying about bringing my pump, my parts, a storage bag etc when I was on the run. Since he was a preemie, he needed food every 2 hours for a while, so that meant I pumped every feeding. 12 pumps a day is a killer!!!

I will do all I can to BF this time. The NICU had started him on formula mixed with my colostrum before I was able to get out of bed, so i didn't have much of a say. I'm okay with whatever is needed for my child to thrive. I am team 'feed the baby'. Though if you can BF, the financial savings is huge. We spent so much on formula when I weaned from pumping.

zubenescamali · April 2016

I'm a huge advocate for breastfeeding but only if it works for both mom and baby. It's a relationship like any other. I nurse DD1 for 15 months and DD2 for about 25 months. I weaned as they were ready to and pumped as long as I had to keep a stash up. Also donated milk several times. loved the fact that it saved us money but in the end with all the effort into pumping there is a time-cost to it as well. I tried to make it easy as possible to pump at work. I had three pumps, so many bottles and parts that I left supplies at work to avoid lugging everything back and forth. Plus I only pumped in my lunch break. This time around I'm not even sure I'll have time to pump once at work, so we will see how long we make it. Oh and the mastitis. I've had it 6 times

emilie250 · April 2016

I think this is a personal decision and it bothers me so much that mothers (and fathers) are pressured into using a feeding method that, for whatever reason, isn't right for them.

My intention is to breastfeed for the first year (exclusively for the first 6 months and then as needed once solids are introduced). The health benefits are quite significant so we think that this would be ideal, however, it may just not work for us.

sheshae · April 2016

I'm going to be a FTM and I plan to BF as long as I am able to and the baby latches. My mother BF however DH's mother did not so I'm expecting some different opinions from them.

whitneyp26 · April 2016

I probably have a pretty different situation here. I hate breastfeeding. For me it's the absolute worst. I would rather give birth 10x than breastfeed. I've done feeding just about every way with my 3. My first was almost exclusively breastfed for 10 months. My second refused to nurse after 4-5 weeks and I exclusively pumped for 8 months with him. That was awful. It was a constant battle to keep my supply going. With my third I breastfed only 5 weeks. My second child is more than a handful, and I was in tears every morning trying to pump or feed while he would tear the house apart. I couldn't handle it. This time around I don't plan to breastfeed at all. I got breast augmentation as a gift for myself for being done having kids (haha yeah that worked out) and I am going to try to preserve them as much as I can because there is no way on earth I will have the money to get them re done for a long time. Also, I just hate it and don't see how I can keep my little ones under control with a baby attached to my chest 24/7. I was a major breastfeeding snob for a long time. I had an attitude that if someone like me who absolutely loathed it, and can't stand having my nipples touched, could do it then anyone could and was selfish not to. I don't feel that way anymore. And I know it's proven that breast milk is amazing, I don't doubt that, but my least healthy kid has been my longest breastfed and my healthiest has been my formula baby. I just can't put myself through something that makes me miserable again when I have others depending on me to be the best I can be.

JulieSmiles · April 2016

I breastfed until 14 months and plan to try again. I don't think any child at one is asking for a boob or using it as a huge comfort thing. There are plenty of people who nurse well beyond one and have normal, well-adjusted children. That being said, if you want to ff, there is nothing wrong with that. Feed your child however works for you.

mamabirdoftwo · April 2016

I ff dd1 because my milk didn't come in and I was so stressed out between the pressure of breastfeeding and feeling like I failed that I was driving myself crazy. I felt a huge relief when I finally decided to ff but I was sad that I couldn't bf her. My DD2 I was determined to bf and it worked out so well... I personally could not see myself ffing with this one because I love bfing SO much now. It was really difficult at first and quite painful for the first few weeks but it was totally worth it. She self weaned at 8 months and I cried haha I wanted to go to at least 12 months and even up to 2. But it's definitely not for everyone and as long as your baby is happy, healthy, and thriving that is all that matters!

1982Babies · April 2016

I ended up exclusively pumping for my toddler. She never got a latch correctly, and I assume she had a tongue tie. We fought forever with nursing and it wore on me to try for 20 minutes to get her to latch and then have to pump plus feed her from a bottle. I did not want to spend money on formula, and since I was still producing, I kept pumping. Made it almost 13 months. I hope this next baby latches! I don't want all of that pumping drama. LOL

thedaint87 · April 2016

I'm hoping to BF and pump. I want other people to be able to help with feedings and I'll be going back to work after 12 weeks, so I'll need to be pumping for that. I'm a little worried about the logistics of pumping at work, but I'm sure that I will figure it out when the time comes.

Reigh007 · April 2016

I EPed for the 4 months DS was in the NICU. Once he came home we EBF until 25 months. It eventually did become a comfort thing but I didn't mind. He got great antibodies and other bonuses that he could only get from my milk which is much needed especially for a preemie. I donated over 2000oz to a milk bank for preemies and sick babies. It was definitely a fight to breastfeed in the beginning between trying to nurse a 3lb baby and him having other health issues but in the end we had a great bond that I felt we really needed after 4 months apart. I def don't judge those who FF, I have many friends that do, but I def recommend giving it a try if you can.
As for this one, I plan to BF as long as I can as well.

TheBorg7of9 · April 2016

If you think breastfeeding at 11 months is extreme, you really need to do more research!

that is way within the range of normal. Babies don't suddenly lose the need for breast milk or comfort when they learn to say "milk". Or even when they learn to walk. I would highly recommend you attend a breast feeding class at your hospital and maybe join a Facebook group like Breastfeeding Mama talk since it sounds like your family would be unsupportive.

uromys · April 2016

Oh this topic! I have BF both my girls and would never knock any woman for how they choose to feed their baby. I will encourage and help anyone who wants to breastfeed and needs advice though. With DD1 formula wasn't an option for financial reasons. She self weened by 3 months and so I EP'd for her until she was one. Supplementing with 1/2 whole milk the last months as my supply was barely enough for her days consumption. That was extremely stressful, but looking back on my struggle being an exclusive pumper I felt a sense of satisfaction knowing I could do it.
With DD2 I'm still breastfeeding her as she's only 8 months. This experience has made me loathe breastfeeding, but I feel that's me being selfish. I suffer from D-MER(dysphoric milk ejection reflex), and Nausea with letdown. It didn't start until DD2 was 8-10weeks. Really puts a damper on the experience, but is extremely rare! She will not take a bottle! In the beginning I developed an over supply and so was pumping to build a freeze stock with hopes to ween by 6 months. Once we tried to introduce a bottle and she refused I decided to just continue exclusively feeding her for a year. I've currently donated 4,000 ounces and still have an addition 3,000 in the freezer downstairs. As long as my supply stays up enough to satisfy her for a year I'll go until she 14 months. I do not want to tandom feed. I say that now, but I'm a push over.

Zygodactyl · April 2016

I will be trying to BF and pump. We are going to try to get baby to take a bottle, both because DH wants/needs that time with the baby too, and because I will have to work. this is my first, his second, and I have no idea what I'm in for in any way, but I do know that I want to try and provide milk for our baby as long as possible.

PrettyPalomino · April 2016

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you think breastfeeding at 11 months is extreme, you really need to do more research! that is way within the range of normal. Babies don't suddenly lose the need for breast milk or comfort when they learn to say "milk". Or even when they learn to walk. I would highly recommend you attend a breast feeding class at your hospital and maybe join a Facebook group like Breastfeeding Mama talk since it sounds like your family would be unsupportive.

I think this is where the topic gets heated, and this is the part I'm still not sure how I feel about (as I will be a FTM).

All I have to compare is my sister's 1 year old (FF) and my sister in-law's 11 month old (BF). The BF 11 month old wants to BF when she's cranky/tired, not just when she's hungry. I haven't wrapped my mind around the concept of this yet, as it seems counter productive since the BM is supposed to be for nourishment. This also means DH can't soothe her when she's cranky/tired/wants boob. She also needed the boob to fall asleep for the first few months which was a total nightmare for them, as they were sleep deprived way longer than FF baby.

I don't know how it would make me feel to think my DH can't help with that kind of need... and then at what point do you say no if the need for BF is no longer about nourishment if they are on solids/water.

Maybe I could use a class or a seminar or something, as my questions are mostly philosophical and to do with how baby will turn out emotionally, not physically...

slartybartfast · April 2016

PrettyPalomino said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you think breastfeeding at 11 months is extreme, you really need to do more research! that is way within the range of normal. Babies don't suddenly lose the need for breast milk or comfort when they learn to say "milk". Or even when they learn to walk. I would highly recommend you attend a breast feeding class at your hospital and maybe join a Facebook group like Breastfeeding Mama talk since it sounds like your family would be unsupportive.

I think this is where the topic gets heated, and this is the part I'm still not sure how I feel about (as I will be a FTM).
All I have to compare is my sister's 1 year old (FF) and my sister in-law's 11 month old (BF). The BF 11 month old wants to BF when she's cranky/tired, not just when she's hungry. I haven't wrapped my mind around the concept of this yet, as it seems counter productive since the BM is supposed to be for nourishment. This also means DH can't soothe her when she's cranky/tired/wants boob. She also needed the boob to fall asleep for the first few months which was a total nightmare for them, as they were sleep deprived way longer than FF baby.
I don't know how it would make me feel to think my DH can't help with that kind of need... and then at what point do you say no if the need for BF is no longer about nourishment if they are on solids/water.
Maybe I could use a class or a seminar or something, as my questions are mostly philosophical and to do with how baby will turn out emotionally, not physically...

A lot of questions also won't really be answered til you're there. Babies are different, parents are different, but yea a class would probably offer some valuable perspective too

poteetpartyof3 · April 2016

I tried to breastfeed with my first and it just didn't work. I didn't make enough to keep him happy and he would scream and scream after both sides were empty. I started to supplement with formula and it just made him spit up really bad. When I switched to strictly formula he was much happier and finally started gaining weight. I got a lot of heat for stopping breastfeeding, even from my mom. It's your decision. Never forget that. You will do what is best for you and your baby.

uromys · April 2016

slartybartfast said:

PrettyPalomino said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

If you think breastfeeding at 11 months is extreme, you really need to do more research! that is way within the range of normal. Babies don't suddenly lose the need for breast milk or comfort when they learn to say "milk". Or even when they learn to walk. I would highly recommend you attend a breast feeding class at your hospital and maybe join a Facebook group like Breastfeeding Mama talk since it sounds like your family would be unsupportive.

I think this is where the topic gets heated, and this is the part I'm still not sure how I feel about (as I will be a FTM).
All I have to compare is my sister's 1 year old (FF) and my sister in-law's 11 month old (BF). The BF 11 month old wants to BF when she's cranky/tired, not just when she's hungry. I haven't wrapped my mind around the concept of this yet, as it seems counter productive since the BM is supposed to be for nourishment. This also means DH can't soothe her when she's cranky/tired/wants boob. She also needed the boob to fall asleep for the first few months which was a total nightmare for them, as they were sleep deprived way longer than FF baby.
I don't know how it would make me feel to think my DH can't help with that kind of need... and then at what point do you say no if the need for BF is no longer about nourishment if they are on solids/water.
Maybe I could use a class or a seminar or something, as my questions are mostly philosophical and to do with how baby will turn out emotionally, not physically...

A lot of questions also won't really be answered til you're there. Babies are different, parents are different, but yea a class would probably offer some valuable perspective too

I joined a local Breastfeeding Mothers group that meets once a months at our library. It's been tremendously helpful! Since DD2 is my first exclusively breastfed baby it's been a difficult process for me mentally and physically as I don't "enjoy" breastfeeding. Which is hard to understand unless you're doing it I guess. I enjoy knowing I'm providing for her but the nausea that comes with my letdowns can be exhausting. Because of this, I don't allow DD2 to "comfort nurse". I'm assuming that's what's hard to wrap your head around. Comfort nursing is a personal preference and a choice you as a mother can make when the time comes. Both my girls took pacifiers and learned how to self soothe by 3 months.

zubenescamali · April 2016

My DH and I got into several heated arguments over DD2 nursing and his inability to comfort her. He blamed me for it, which is unfair. But it wasn't my boob, it was me, because he wasn't as present for comfort measures as he was with DD1 (he was SAHD for her, went back to work for DD2). Saying you'll cut off BF early because you don't want LO to rely on it for comfort is a bit short sighted imo. BF is far more than food. It's a way to establish trust. And if it works to soothe your child, I don't see anything wrong with that. But each parent has to establish their own method to soothe. You can't just blame one relationship on another.

PrettyPalomino · April 2016

Thanks for all the great advice, I am reading a couple of articles on comfort nursing now, one mentions it's really hard to tease apart a baby's need for food and need for comfort, and either reason is equally valid for BF. @zubenescamali mentioned it builds trust, and @uromys has a point, you do it as you see fit which can vary from person to person. I'm already so much more comfortable with the idea of comfort nursing after discussing here, thanks ladies Going to do some more reading up on this.

https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/nursing-for-comfort/

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