I'm feeling a lot of the things you are, so I get your frustration and exhaustion. I'm EBF so I'm really the only one that can feed her. Any pumping I do is to build up a stockpile for when I go back to work in a month, so I usually don't have time to get enough for DH to give her a bottle. That means every time she wakes up at night (which is only about once a night now), I have to get up for her. Even when she was waking up all the time and needed a diaper change, DH wouldn't help, even on his days off. He said he didn't hear her crying until I had already gotten up, plus he would get frustrated trying to change her diaper while she was kicking and would call me in to help. I have to ask him to take her or change her diaper and he acts like I'm the only one that can soothe her. He says his back hurts so he can't rock her. Well so does mine!! Ugh it's just frustrating that I don't ever get a break and he does. Even if I want to take a shower, he asks me to bring her with in her bouncer because he doesn't know what to do if she cries. Well you're never going to learn if you never try, will you?
My H works M-F and I EBF our baby. I'll admit, I don't expect him to wake up in the night. I don't think it's fair for him to have to go to his office and put in a full days work with a crappy sleep so that I can do one less diaper change. To me, that's crazy. I've got all day to catch a couple extra hours. That said, we sleep in the same bed and he doesn't say a word about getting woken up if it happens. And on extra fussy nights he's gotten up with me to lend support, make me some tea, or help with bouncing and rocking.
Maybe pick your battle with your SO? He NEEDS to help on his days off. I don't think that's optional. Say you need him home by 6 so he can tap you out for a couple hours. He can take baby for a walk or run as his alone time. My H often gets his workouts in early in the morning so he can be with us in the evenings. And he prepares dinner almost every night. I think a lot of men genuinely feel like they can't provide baby with what he/she needs at this age. Which is fine. But they've really gotta chip in elsewhere if they're going to play that card.
I EBF and H has never gotten up with the babies, even when I went back to work full time. I'm fine with that, because there's really not much help he can be. There is the expectation that if I was at wits end with a crying baby in the middle of the night, though, he better get his azz up and take a turn rocking/walking if I asked him to.
As for sleeping in the same bed/room.. Go get back in your bed and he can deal with it. While I don't expect H to get up with LO, it's his baby too, and he can deal with baby noises at night while we sleep in the same room. (Not that he wakes up to them anymore anyway).
If you need to head to your parents' for a little break, I say go for it. Do what it takes to take care of yourself so you can care for baby.
I don't expect DH to get up in the middle of the night during the week because he works and has a crazy commute so he's either working/driving for 12-14hrs a day. That said, he takes her for at least an hour or two every evening and does the before bed feed so I can get a shower/have a nap or whatever else I feel like doing. On the weekend he gets up for her 4am bottle so I get a full night of sleep since I make sure he gets to sleep all week. We sleep in the same room, if the crying bugs him then he is more than welcome to go to the spare room but luckily we haven't had that issue yet.
The way we both view it, she's his child as much as she is mine and since I am a SAHM most of the work falls on me (as it should) but he is expected to help since parenting is a partnership. I would be at my wits end as well if DH was reluctant to help me out - if you need to go to your parents you should, if he is refusing to help you need to do whatever you need to in order to keep your sanity. Remember happy healthy mama = happy healthy baby.
I definitely do the majority of the work, but my husband is always willing to help when I ask. I think a lot of the issue is that my husband doesn't know what to do with a baby this age. Where I could sit and sing/talk to him all day, he is still learning what to do.. I think he thought you just had to hold the baby all day and that was that. I do make him help though and I am not afraid to ask for it. It took two to tango and make this baby, so it takes two to raise him as well!
jdsmith87
member
Re: Losing my mind. Anyone else?
Maybe pick your battle with your SO? He NEEDS to help on his days off. I don't think that's optional. Say you need him home by 6 so he can tap you out for a couple hours. He can take baby for a walk or run as his alone time. My H often gets his workouts in early in the morning so he can be with us in the evenings. And he prepares dinner almost every night. I think a lot of men genuinely feel like they can't provide baby with what he/she needs at this age. Which is fine. But they've really gotta chip in elsewhere if they're going to play that card.
As for sleeping in the same bed/room.. Go get back in your bed and he can deal with it. While I don't expect H to get up with LO, it's his baby too, and he can deal with baby noises at night while we sleep in the same room. (Not that he wakes up to them anymore anyway).
If you need to head to your parents' for a little break, I say go for it. Do what it takes to take care of yourself so you can care for baby.
The way we both view it, she's his child as much as she is mine and since I am a SAHM most of the work falls on me (as it should) but he is expected to help since parenting is a partnership. I would be at my wits end as well if DH was reluctant to help me out - if you need to go to your parents you should, if he is refusing to help you need to do whatever you need to in order to keep your sanity. Remember happy healthy mama = happy healthy baby.