PGAL Check-In | 4.18

m6agua · April 2016

This is for those of us moms who are pregnant after loss. If you have not participated on the weekly thread yet introduce yourself first.

Weeks:

Next milestone/appointment?

Rant/Rave/Anything else:

Questions?

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song?

chloe97 · April 2016

Weeks: 9+1

Next milestone/appointment? Today at 4:30

Rant/Rave/Anything else: Well I've been having a massive anxiety attack all weekend in preparation for my appointment tonight. It didn't help that I was to exhausted to move all weekend and H was busy all weekend, so I had a lot of time to sit and think about it all and obssess about the symptoms that mean things are good and the ones that mean things are bad. I'm exhausted, but my food aversions have calmed way down. I've had some tugging/ slight cramping of my uterus, constipation and slightly sore boobs on and off. I'm on progesterone, so these can all be symptoms from the drug and not actual symptoms. Honestly, I won't be surprised with either outcome tonight. H is absolutely positive that things are good. So that helps.

Questions? How do you get through the buildup to a big appointment?

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? My favorite song is Everlong by the Foo Fighters. My bridesmaids walked down the aisle to the acoustic version at my wedding. My favorite band is probably U3, but that's been waning lately.

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

Weeks: 9w2d

Next milestone/appointment? First official prenatal appointment on Friday!

Rant/Rave/Anything else: My allergies have been INSANE this season. I know there are some medications that are approved for use in pregnancy, but I really don't want to take anything unnecessarily in first trimester. It's very tempting because I'm really suffering...

*TMI* So I had a check up this past Friday for growth and because I'm still having weird discharge. Baby was in a weird position for measuring (we could only see him/her head on, no side view possible), but definitely had a good HB and still growing! Anyway, I had gone to urgent care early last week for the weird discharge and orange tongue, and the DX was yeast infection and oral thrush. I'm not buying it, so I'm waiting for the swab test results to come back before I actually take medications. My NP/MW checked a swab under the microscope and said she didn't see yeast... She also did say she finally saw a very small bleed coming from my cervix which is causing the orange/light brown discharge I've been having. She hasn't been able to find an SCH or anything internal that looks like a bleed, so I don't know what's going on. We only had sex once about a week after BFP and I don't do any strenuous exercises... So, this bleed is baffling and based on the discharge situation, apparently I've had it for the last 3 weeks.

Questions? Anyone have any ideas what the small bleed could be? Calling it a "bleed" is a bit over kill. It's more like a super squinty trickle. The NP didn't have a good answer for me.

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? Eh. I'm not super into music. The stations I listen to most on my Pandora are, "The Fray", "Eve 6", and "Nelly". Depends on my mood. Nelly is definitely used for house projects (painting, cleaning, etc.), and The Fray and Eve 6 stations are for shower time lol.

MrsBinPA · April 2016

Weeks: 7 + 4 or 5

Next milestone/appointment? Friday

Rant/Rave/Anything else: DH is in Rome on business until Thursday. I miss him already. I have such PGAL anxiety waiting on my appointment on Friday. I feel like this is going to be the deciding check and it's driving me nuts. At least I can sleep away the evenings to make the time go by faster and not feel guilty about not spending time with him.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? This is SOOOooooo hard. I think my favorite artist/group is probably Depeche Mode. I also loved David Bowie pretty intensely as well as a few others. Favorite song is really, really hard. I have no idea. There are so many. One of the first that comes to mind at this moment is The Cure - Just Like Heaven.

MollySm · April 2016

Weeks: 9w 1d

Next milestone/appointment? I have an appointment a week from Wednesday

Rant/Rave/Anything else: My H left this morning to travel for work and doesn't get back til Friday evening. I really hate when he is gone, and pregnancy hormones aren't helping. I run an in home daycare, so my adult interactions during the week are limited to pick ups and drop offs. Without my husband coming home in the evenings, I'm going to be so lonely for adult interaction! Plus taking care of my girls myself in the evenings when I am exhausted.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? This I love the Avett Brothers. My 4 year old wanted to play wedding this morning, so she had me play our first dance song by them, Swept Away. I would say that's my favorite song, or at least the one I connect with most emotionally. I also love The Rose by Tracy Chapman.

lilwonder · April 2016

@chloe97- FX for a great appt. today!

Weeks: 9w 5d

Next milestone/appointment? 4/27 with MFM for genetic testing

Rant/Rave/Anything else: I'm a little irritated by my OB's suggestion for genetic testing. I was seeing a different OB for my pregnancy last year and that one was all about Horizon/Panorama, which I did and it was fine. When I was recently at my 8w check-up, my OB said that she'd let the MFM specialist recommend testing options to me, but that she would suggest doing the 8w blood work, 12w NT scan and the 15w blood work (so they can place markers etc.) OVER the Panorama. She explained that often the results will vary between the two tests and she doesn't want me to be worried or have to dive into further testing (amniocentesis). Last time we did both methods and there weren't any varying results. So I just don't know, I feel like I'll ask at at the MFM office on 4/27, see what they have to say and go from there?

Also, I don't know how to express this correctly, but I'm figuring only you ladies might understand... Each time I see a new post with a *TW and mentioning, potential loss, baby "passed" etc., I'm having a VERY hard time wanting to open it up and read it, let alone comment. I want to be supportive, really I do, it's just a million things flash before my eyes when I read about someone else's loss. I love how all the ladies huddle around (in a sense) each person who if suffering, I just feel like I'm on the outside of that circle, not wanting to get too close. I feel selfish, or rude or something and I just feel bad about it. Does this resonate with anyone else?

Questions? Nope

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? It's VERY hard to choose just one. It's a toss up between: Eagles/Hotel California, Fleetwood Mac/Gypsy or Dire Straits/Money for Nothing. They each have sentimental meaning and nostalgia behind them + I regularly belt them out in the shower, while driving, or cooking by myself in the kitchen.

ETA: more stuff

CherryPicked · April 2016

Weeks: 11w5d

Next milestone/appointment? Tomorrow is my second prenatal appointment but first with the OB. I will also be having the Harmony done and asking about carrier screening.

Rant/Rave/Anything else: This next week is going to be the longest week ever as we wait for our Harmony results. My first child had T13 so I am very nervous even though the odds of another rare trisomy are still low.

Questions? Nope!

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? Wow that is really hard. I'd have to go with Billy Joel as my favorite artist but REO Speedwagon's Roll with the Changes as my all time favorite song.

rspalding001 · April 2016

Weeks: 9

Next milestone/appointment? This Friday Ill have the Panorama testing done and a "quickie" ultrasound. My Dr office is weird and only lets techs so ultrasounds, which involves a whole separate appointment, but my OB knows I'm nervous after my losses last year and said she will sneak one in during my appointment with her. I love her.

Rant/Rave/Anything else: Just so tired all the time.

Questions? nope

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? I tend to listen to the Alt Nation station on Pandora 99% of the time. However if I look through the music I have actually purchased the artist that pops up the most is Nora Jones. Go figure. I do absolutely love her music.

comealongponds · April 2016

Weeks: 11+3

Next milestone/appointment? - NT scan and official end of the first tri on the 29th (two for one)! Seeing the OB again on May 11.

Rant/Rave/Anything else: Had a minor freak out on Saturday when I had some scant brown CM that was kind of metallic-y smelling and PGAL brain went right into panic mode. It was still there Sunday, but has gone back to a more normal off-white today so I'm trying to dial back the crazy. I managed to get two lovely heartbeats again on my Doppler this morning which made me feel much better.

Questions? Nope!

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? - I'm not a huge music person, I like country music so that's usually what's on my radio. Favourite artist is probably Carrie Underwood (going to see her at the end of May!); don't know that I can pick a favourite song!

@chloe97 - thinking good thoughts for you at your appointment today! My DH *loves* the Foo Fighters, we've seen them in concert a few times

I wanted Everlomg or Walking After You for our first dance but he wasn't sold!

@missameliapond - my allergies are starting to bug me now too...I'm trying to hold off on drugs but I'm definitely going to take alll the Reactine (Zyrtec in the US) after my NT next week! Sorry you're still dealing with weird discharge and a little tricky bleed thingy. Maybe you just have a friable cervix that is easily agitated? I know some people have said that even excessive walking can cause some bleeding. I hope you get answers soon!

@mrsbinpa I'm sorry your DH is away, that really sucks! Good luck at your appointment on Friday

@mollysm I'm sorry your DH is away too! You can Bump for some adult interaction...not that it counts haha. Our wedding song was January Wedding by the Avett Brothers! We saw them open for Zac Brown

@lilwonder - your MFM appointment is on my birthday! I hope it brings you luck

I get what you mean about the loss threads. It resonates so deeply with me, having been in those shoes not so long ago and I'm not out of the woods yet with these babies that seeing it makes me more nervous. I do my best to skim and comment without getting too involved because it makes me too panicky. You're not alone!

@rspalding001 - my OB doesn't do ultrasounds either, I have to make separate appointments for all my ultrasounds and then the results are forwarded to her.

chloe97 · April 2016

Thanks @lilwonder and @comealongponds I feel the same way about the loss threads. I know they say trigger warning for a reason, but I open them any way and then they do actually trigger me- PTSD-style.

When I was 5+2, a member of this board who I was on TTCAL with posted a loss and I started crying hysterically and was convinced for days (including a HCG level scare that's another story) that I was miscarrying. I wonder if I would've stayed off that board and continued on with my life as if everything was ok, if I would've see a great heartbeat at my first appointment at 7+1 and been in a much better place than I am now.

All of this is to say that they are called trigger warnings for a reason and those of us who get triggered by them should feel ok passing them by. No one is going to fault you as insensitive for not being one of the 25+ to express your condolences. Take care of yourself first!!

doraleigh35 · April 2016

@chloe97 - Good luck today, I'll be thinking about you.
@MrsBinPA- FX for a successful appointment on Friday.
@MissAmeliaPond- I hope you can get answers soon.

Weeks: 11+6

Next milestone/appointment? We have the NT u/s tomorrow afternoon.

Rant/Rave/Anything else: I'll be happy once we get through the first trimester screening stuff. Things have been going really well so far this pregnancy. I'm nervous that it's too good to be true, I keep waiting for something to come up.

If everything goes well this week, then we plan to announce on social media.

Questions? None

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? I honestly like most music and I don't really have a favorite artist. I listen to everything from classic rock to country, pop and even metal. I think my all time favorite song is probably The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson.

Megz1902 · April 2016

Weeks: 10+3

Next milestone/appointment? Friday at 11 weeks for bloodtests and I'm not sure what else. I'm going to be a mess if they can't find the heartbeat on Doppler... I'm going on vacation across the country Saturday and need reassurance that baby is OK. I'm not above begging for an ultrasound. I think I'll feel better once first tri is over.

Rant/Rave/Anything else: nausea seemed to be going away, but was back this AM until I ate something substantial. My work pants are getting too tight... Also, realized all my seats on our plane trips for vacation are window seats... I get to be the obnoxious lady who gets up 3-4 times on a 4 hour flight...

Questions?
I read that clots from flying are rare, but how rare are we talking? If I accidentally sleep the whole flight...how at risk for clots am I? I have Diclegis for the flights since my midwife wasn't ok with Dramamine. I'm not sure if it will make me sleepy, but if it does, I will for sure conk out the whole flight.

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song?

This is hard! I have such a wide range of musical tastes...

Fave artist right now is Kacey Musgraves. All time favorite song is "Drive" by Incubus.

monkey41 · April 2016

Weeks: 8+1? I'll get a better definition tomorrow.

Next milestone/appointment? tomorrow - second appt, this time either the OB will be ready to do initial bloodwork and hopefully put me on a normal pregnancy track, or tell me things aren't going so hot. Hopefully there will be no middle of the road answer tomorrow where the doc says it's still growing but not at the right rate.

Rant/Rave/Anything else: NBR: My PhD adviser finally agreed this morning to sign off on my dissertation (after almost 8 YEARS!). I cried tears of joy. Tonight we celebrate, sans alcohol. So no matter the news tomorrow, I've finally found the end of something I started the day I met my husband, so the month is happy one either way.

Questions? My old gyn preferred if you didn't BD for 48hr before a pap. Anyone heard if the same kind of rule is preferred before a TV ultrasound?

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? I'm no good at these questions. Too many favorites. I generally listen to local radio and Amazon Prime's Alternative and Top Pop stations.

chloe97 · April 2016

Update

Little heart is still beating away! 171 at 9+1. After losing the last one at 8+3, I'm breathing all kinds of relief! Next step is panorama and NT ultrasound.

lilwonder · April 2016

Yay, @chloe97!! Big sigh of relief and so much happiness for you!

comealongponds · April 2016

Yay @chloe97! So happy for you!

@monkey41 I think you're okay. They usually tell you to abstain pre-PAP because the "trauma" can cause false abnormal results, as could the presence of sperm in varying states of degredation. Neither is a concern for an ultrasound!

sunbeam1 · April 2016

Weeks: 9+1

Next milestone/Appointment: US next week on Tuesday. Sooooo nervous because I had some really bad cramping. But if I went in to check every time I have pain or bleeding, I'd just never leave the dr office.

Rant/Rave/Anything Else?: Today my boobs don't hurt. It's kinda freaking me out. Of course the same day my soft maternity bras finally arrive from Amazon to alleviate this crammed underwire hell...that isn't happening now. Oh well, I assume the boob agony will come back!

Questions: When will this gas stop? I could maybe button my pants (maybe...) if the gas would just go away.

GTKY: I almost like music too much to answer this. I guess in jr high I would've said GNR. In high school I would've said The Violent Femmes. In college I would have probably said anything that can be danced to. 20's- anything obscure, live, and halfway decent.
And now? Well, DH is a musician and I have a pretty solid bias to prefer music he writes and performs. Yeah, yeah, sappy as hell, whatever.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · April 2016

I haven't checked in yet, but I know you guys will understand why I'm freaking the hell out.

I started bleeding a bit ago. Red, first-day-of-period-y (I have really light periods so it's not really that much.) I've checked with my Doppler, baby is still okay. I've bled around this point with my other two pregnancies that made it this far so I know everything can be okay, but my brain is still going over the many ways that things might not be okay.

I know that if I were to go to emerg, they'd scan me and tell me baby is okay and that'd be it because that's all they can do. It's not like if there were signs of something wrong that they'd be able to do anything to help. As of right now, baby's heart is beating strong. S/he is right where s/he was last night. I know, logically, that I probably just pushed myself too hard and burst a capillary or something.

But all the logic in the world doesn't stop me from freaking out and convincing myself that I'm having yet another loss. This is where it would be nice to have a normal OB's office that I could just call and have someone else take the decision of whether to go to emerg or not out of my hands. But I don't have access to anyone who takes after hours calls, which is annoying. So I'm posting here, somewhat rambling, and trying to calm myself down.

lilwonder · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt - You know your body best. Do what you can to relax and not dwell on it (so much easier said than done). We're all here for you and fully understand the stress, worry and freak out.
*big creepy internet hugs*

chloe97 · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Sending hugs! So sorry you are going through this. Fx that the baby continues to have a strong heartbeat and the bleeding stops and is no big deal!

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can only offer you creepy internet hugs, and hope that everything will be okay for you.

CherryPicked · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Thinking of you and sending hugs!

comealongponds · April 2016

I'm sorry the going through this @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt...I'm glad baby seems to be doing well so far, and I hope things clear up quickly and you get some answers. *hugs*

sunbeam1 · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Why is it always after hours when this kind of thing happens... Don't know if this helps or not, but I asked my nurse when to go to emergency and when to tough it out until morning, and I was told if filling a full pad an hour or more, or if accompanied with lots of pain go to ER, otherwise lay on my left side, call in the morning for an US.
So sorry you're dealing with the scary red bleeding! It's soooo unnerving!!! FX that it turns out to be nothing!

MrsBinPA · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I'm sorry this is happening. FX it's a non-issue. Definitely relax & get off your feet.

BLyn627 · April 2016

*intro and tw* After my recent loss, I've been hesitant to join this board, but just decided to go for it. DH and I have a daughter who just turned three. This is pregnancy #3 for us. I got pregnant in November and was due July 2016. We found out at our NT scan that baby no longer had a heartbeat. We had had three ultrasounds prior at 6w5d, 7w5d, and 8w5d that showed baby and heartbeat measuring well. Baby had stopped growing sometime right after that last ultrasound, but we didn't find out until four weeks later. I went ahead with a D&C since I hadn't miscarried on my own yet. Looking back, there were several things that didn't look right from the beginning of that pregnancy - very slow rising numbers with one time it not even meeting the desired 60% increase in 48 hours and something else was always in the ultrasound near baby that seemed to be growing the two times it was measured - I'm guessing SCH, but they never gave it a name, and I just had a bad feeling in general about that pregnancy. I was hesitant and nervous to tell anyone, never joined the July board b/c it just didn't feel right, and freaked out when ILs went out and bought a bunch of stuff the day after we told them around 7weeks b/c for some reason I wasn't positive this pregnancy would last. (sorry so long. it's the first time I got that all out in one story)

This pregnancy seems to be going so much better so far. My numbers looked great and even better than with my first pregnancy with my daughter. It's the first time my progesterone levels are high enough I don't have to be on suppositories. Most importantly, I just feel better about this pregnancy. I had one ultrasound at 6w2d that showed baby on track and a HB of 120. RE released me to OB and my first OB appointment is April 29th. I purposely made it after my loss milestone.

Weeks: 8w2d

Next milestone/appointment? loss milestone is sometime around end of this week/early next week. OB appointment on April 29th

Rant/Rave/Anything else: just tired of being tired

Questions? none

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? I really don't have a favorite. It changes all the time with my different moods.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · April 2016

@lilwonder @chloe97 @missameliapond @cherrypicked @comealongponds @sunbeam1 @mrsbinpa

Thanks, guys. I appreciate the support. I've checked in a few times and baby's moving around, heart beating away. I keep having to look in different spots to find him/her. Sneaky wee one almost gave me a heart attack the first time s/he wasn't in the usual place and I couldn't find the heartbeat right away like I have been able to.

Still doesn't completely do away with the anxiety, but it helps that baby is okay for now.

MollySm · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt - I'm sorry. Bleeding is so stressful! I am so glad you can find the heartbeat on the dopplar, for at least some reassurance.

I had a ton of bright red bleeding at a few different points with my second daughter. I was convinced I was miscarrying, but there she was, heart beating away. They thought maybe an SCH that they had missed, but then at my NT scan they saw that I had a low lying placenta(previa), and decided the bleeding came from that. By the a/s my uterus had grown enough that the placenta was high, and I had no more bleeds. Just to give you another thing to add to your list of non-scary possibilities for the bleeding.

yosemite2018 · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I hope everything is ok! I am glad s/he is moving around and has a good heartbeat.

m6agua · April 2016

Weeks: 9 weeks

Next milestone/appointment? Sunday is a milestone of sorts. Last time spotting started on a Sunday at 9+5. I will be 9+5 this Sunday so FX for no spotting. My first prenatal appointment is 4/27

Rant/Rave/Anything else: I was starting to feel better and have lessing symptoms which was worrisome, but I know the placenta is starting to take over so it makes sense. Well today I have some symptoms again.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: Who is your favorite music artist and what is your all time favorite song? My favorite song is American Pie by Don McLean. My favorite artist, I feel like that is always changing and I have favorites for each genre. I guess I will go with Queen for now.

m6agua · April 2016

@chloe97 I'm glad your appointment went well.

@missameliapond I hope you feel better soon, I have no ideas on what it could be.

@mrsBinPA I hope Friday comes fast for you and you have a good appointment.

@lilwonder Don't feel bad, loss can be traumatizing. What you are feeling is within the realm of normal, at least to me it is.

@cherrypicked FX for a good appointment and results!

@blyn627 Welcome! Sorry for your loss. I have just had a better feeling about this pregnancy as well. I feel like we need to trust our instincts.

@killgravemademedoit Hang in there. FX everything is fine.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · April 2016

Bleeding seems to have finally stopped and kidlet's heart is still going strong. Definitely moving around a lot, though, and does not seem to enjoy being poked by the Doppler!

monkey41 · April 2016

Great appointment here today. 2 weeks ago, we were measuring behind at 6w2d with a relatively slow heartbeat. Today, we were measuring 8w6d-9w0d with a strong heartbeat, which is a little ahead of where we should be. The OB decided to set my due date based on LMP, not the US's, which puts me at 8w5d, still one day ahead of my expected progress based on temping. Glad to finally have a due date (Thanksgiving day) and be just a couple days away from my loss milestone. Back in 3 weeks for an NT scan and Harmony test.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · April 2016

I haven't been able to find the heartbeat since yesterday. I know, I know it's just positioning but I've been able to find it with barely any looking for the last week, with just the one time where I had to look around for a few minutes. I haven't been able to find it in the last 3 sessions (10 minutes each.) But I'm feeling less pregnant today and my bloat has gone down and my boobs don't hurt and I realize it's probably all psychosomatic but 'loss brain' is taking over. 36h of bleeding and now I can't find the heartbeat is not a good recipe for dealing with anxiety.

I have a doctor's appointment for some refills of my meds later today so I'm just going to ask for a req for an ultrasound because of the bleeding since I'm still spotting a bit. Hopefully he'll agree it'd be good to check.

comealongponds · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I'm so sorry you're going through this! My DH asked me to get rid of my Doppler because it increases his anxiety so I'm selling it today...I used it one last time and had a hell of a time finding Baby B! So of course cue minor heart attack. I hope your LO has just found a lovely, comfy hiding spot and is freaking out momma. Thinking of you!

edit because words are hard

doraleigh35 · April 2016

I'm sorry you are dealing with this @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt. I hope you can get in for a u/s as soon as possible. Keep us updated. Thinking of you.

monkey41 · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt thinking of you! hopefully its all just loss brain!

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · April 2016

It totally was loss brain. Ugh. I hate that I can't just relax and enjoy things and that I so easily get chucked into a panic.

I had a meeting and then came home and managed to find the baby right away. Little thing was hiding on me. Found him/her in a completely different spot than usual (which I had already checked multiple times, naturally!)

This child is going to give me headaches before s/he's even born.

comealongponds · April 2016

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt said:

It totally was loss brain. Ugh. I hate that I can't just relax and enjoy things and that I so easily get chucked into a panic.

I had a meeting and then came home and managed to find the baby right away. Little thing was hiding on me. Found him/her in a completely different spot than usual (which I had already checked multiple times, naturally!)

This child is going to give me headaches before s/he's even born.

Little bugger! I'm so glad you found him/her!

sunbeam1 · April 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt YAY!!!!

Yeah, loss brain is such a drag! Hopefully they'll give you the US to see where the blood came from.

EmmieAnn22 · April 2016

Glad you found the little one @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt ! It's so hard once you know bad things can happen you always assume bad things will happen.

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