@ninji15 as someone on Medicaid I cam tell you that while yes, I can go to whatever hospital I want, I cannot go to whatever doctor I want. There are different CCOs within Medicaid and places that take it only have to accept one CCO. So no, it's never a problem for me to go to the hospital, but it took me almost a month to find a primary care doctor that accepted my insurance and could see me EVER. When someone is really sick this can mean going to the emergency room. I had a dislocated finger and I had to wait over a week to be seen. There's a lot more at play than I think people realize here. Insurance reform needs to happen across the board and it sucks that you have crappy insurance through your job, but people who aren't offered insurance through a job don't deserve to be given worse coverage.
You are right in that I did not realize this and I apologize for my ignorance on that matter or if I offended you. Its just really frustrating in my personal experience at least to see how the healthcare works. Its caused me to form this opinion. I think it needs to be more evened out basically. Either no restrictions for anyone or restrictions for everyone. I also see where that is never going to happen and how unrealistic it is. I have at least 3,000 dollars in bills right now (so far) with all my appointments and such and my roommate had $0 because she gets paid 3 dollars less than I do. So any money I make more than her is kinda voided in a way. Our husbands make the same. She has a new car, I have a junker. She will have no debt with her baby, and has an amazing doctor. I am having no luck with doctors in my network. I get some people use it honestly, I do. Its just hard to watch when people don't. Again, sorry if I offended you.
@ninji15 I can totally see why you would feel that way. We really struggled with the decision on having another baby because we are already paying $700+ a month in premiums, will have tons of bills between now and birth, and then our hospital bills will exceed $13,000 for this baby. Meanwhile, I have several friends getting state help and they are popping kids out one after another (most of them on kid #4), when they couldn't afford the first kid to begin with, and pay around $25-$35 out of pocket for their entire pregnancy/labor/delivery. Yet they all have money to have nice clothing, go to concerts, go on vacations, etc. Its extremely frustrating, but there are A LOT of people that don't abuse the system like that, and try everything under the sun to better themselves (while on the system), just to get off of any type of state help. So on one hand I have those friends that infuriate me to no end when it comes to government assistance and taking advantage, I have other friends who need it, make good choices while on it, and try everything they can to better themselves to get off of it.
@ninji15 no offense taken! I think it's complicated and I think that maybe my UO is that single payer, medicaid for all Healthcare is truly what makes the most sense and is the most fair for everyone. My health shouldn't be compromised because of my financial situation, but yours shouldn't either. Getting adequate and equal Healthcare should be a right, not something that bankrupts some and leaves others with no viable options.
Again, no offense taken at all, I just think that people on any form of government assistance often get lumped together as taking advantage of the system, when really there's much more to it than that.
I never considered that height might be a "justification" of bump size. I like when people include their height, because I think it's interesting to see how height might affect the size of the bump. Do longer torsos give baby more room, so baby doesn't pop out until later? Are short women showing sooner? This interests me!
My UO? Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum ain't got NOTHIN' on Gary Oldman. I have a weird thing for middle aged British men.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow I've always had this unexplainable gravitational pull to John Malkovich. I can't explain it and my husband thinks I'm super weird for it. But, I heart Gary Oldman.
I think *most* women put to many expectations and time into planning the birth of their child. So you've read 6 books, done countless hours of research online all for one day of your life? 24 hours (realistically up to 48 for some) that you have all planned out, know every step? Cool, so how much planning have you done for taking care of a newborn? How can you tell if you have a good latch, if EBF? What are several different positions to BF? How do you tell between colic and food allergies? How do you know your LO is getting enough to eat? Most women can tell you exactly how they want every step of their birth to go, but hand them a newborn and they go "now what!?" Birth lasts such a short time, but that baby is, for the most part, going home with you.
I posted on HDBD yesterday for the first time. I probably won't again. It gave me tons of anxiety that my bump seemed smaller than others. Rationally I know that I'm an end of July EDD, so most people have a week+ growth on me, but it didn't matter. I dislike HDBD and I have bump jealousy.
The smaller the bump the faster it is to get your pre pregnancy body back
@megstervt TOTES agree with this! I think the beauty of HDBD is that we are all different sizes. I remember the first few weeks I would complain that I was so small and now I feel like I'm way too big. I think we all grow differently and we have to embrace our own personal bump journey. I envy your small bump! I feel like the Michelin man right about now.
I posted on HDBD yesterday for the first time. I probably won't again. It gave me tons of anxiety that my bump seemed smaller than others. Rationally I know that I'm an end of July EDD, so most people have a week+ growth on me, but it didn't matter. I dislike HDBD and I have bump jealousy.
The smaller the bump the faster it is to get your pre pregnancy body back
I am hoping to bedshare with LO during the first 6 months for EBF ease at night - because we don't have space for even a Pack & Play in our new room and don't have the $$ to spend on an approved cosleeper or bassinet. I'm learning all I can about how to do it safely, and I'm willing to admit that my plan might still have to change.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I am hoping to bedshare with LO during the first 6 months for EBF ease at night - because we don't have space for even a Pack & Play in our new room and don't have the $$ to spend on an approved cosleeper or bassinet. I'm learning all I can about how to do it safely, and I'm willing to admit that my plan might still have to change.
Bed sharing saved my sanity with DD. I'm planning on using a bassinet by the bed with this LO unless also lets me know that bed sharing will work better for us. Though, it also depends on if I get the job I applied for.
I think it's interesting the amount of shaming that my husband and I have gotten fromDD being in our bed.
I think *most* women put to many expectations and time into planning the birth of their child. So you've read 6 books, done countless hours of research online all for one day of your life? 24 hours (realistically up to 48 for some) that you have all planned out, know every step? Cool, so how much planning have you done for taking care of a newborn? How can you tell if you have a good latch, if EBF? What are several different positions to BF? How do you tell between colic and food allergies? How do you know your LO is getting enough to eat? Most women can tell you exactly how they want every step of their birth to go, but hand them a newborn and they go "now what!?" Birth lasts such a short time, but that baby is, for the most part, going home with you.
I am one of those women putting hours of research into birth and plan to spend daily time practicing hypnobirthing techniques. The way I look at it is - giving birth is like training for a marathon. A marathon is just one day - but I would hate to show up to a marathon unprepared and having not practiced. This is mainly because I would like to attempt a med-free birth, and I would't dream of doing so without having done my best through preparing my body and mind to the best of my ability. Of course, things can always go off track and beyond what I had hoped, but I still want to do my due diligence. I'm a naive FTM, so we'll so how this goes. P.S. I'm not saying anything bad about moms who do not choose to do this, but this is what I'd like for myself.
However - I COMPLETELY agree with you that it's irresponsible to focus on the one day of birth to the neglect of preparing for actually caring for you newborn. Now that I've gotten to the place where I've actually decided what I want to do for the birth, I'll have more free time to research BF/infant care and take some classes in those as well.
I think *most* women put to many expectations and time into planning the birth of their child. So you've read 6 books, done countless hours of research online all for one day of your life? 24 hours (realistically up to 48 for some) that you have all planned out, know every step? Cool, so how much planning have you done for taking care of a newborn? How can you tell if you have a good latch, if EBF? What are several different positions to BF? How do you tell between colic and food allergies? How do you know your LO is getting enough to eat? Most women can tell you exactly how they want every step of their birth to go, but hand them a newborn and they go "now what!?" Birth lasts such a short time, but that baby is, for the most part, going home with you.
This!!!! Thank you! I think it every time a friend is pregnant and talks only of the birth plan, non-medicated births, and so on. I get excited if they actually ask about BFing, pumping, PPD, sleep deprivation ... anything realistic and down & dirty about actually keeping a baby/child alive and how god damn hard it can be.
When I hear that other users are harassing my hench bitches, I want those messages in a screenshot so that they can be posted all over the board for all to see. Too bad that's against TOU. But, it seems like everything is these days in July.
@sparkysunshine ehhhhh, I'll bite on this one... I think certain aspects of child rearing/parenting and new born care is a learn as you go/cross that bridge when you come to it sort of thing...it's impossible to plan for every little issue that could come up with a baby.
I'm not going to spend time now stressing and researching about every single remedy for a colicky baby because there's a chance she may not be.. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. If baby doesn't latch right, I'll work with a LC at the hospital or afterwards... I'll learn to swaddle this kid when I've got her in front of me.
The thing I can learn and research about right now is the birth. I know it's just one day... but that one day can have some serious ramifications going forward. I'm also hopefully planning on going med-free and making that decision means I want to be 100% prepared for whatever may happen. That's my personal decision.
We talked about this last week too, but without women making certain demands, being their own advocates and speaking with their care provider about their expectations, women would still be in the dark ages of giving birth under full anesthesia, waking up hours later...men wouldn't be allowed in delivery rooms, there'd never be skin to skin contact, babies would be given formula instead of allowing for immediate breast feeding, and women options to birth standing up, squatting, with a birthing ball, access to a birthing tub, or with a birthing bar wouldn't even be an option, etc etc etc.
There is nothing wrong with planning your birth, shit may go completely haywire and not as you planned, but you'll never convince me it's not worth it being fully educated, prepared and ready to advocate for yourself and your baby.
@PinkLady05 I'm not saying don't be educated or prepared at all, I just think a lot of women put more effort into being prepared for birth as compared to being prepared for a newborn. A lot of parenting is learn as you go, in my experience, but there is a lot that can be learned and prepared for ahead of time. Your body knows what to do, yes it's important to get your mind ready too, but no amount of reading prepared me for the actual experience of giving birth.
UO- I basically dislike every hair stylist I've ever had. I bring a picture, they ignore the picture. I tell them about my hair, they ignore my input and seem to think they know better... I always go home from the stylist with maybe 3 variations of the same haircut and it's annoying. How come when I cut my own hair I can somehow magically make it look like the picture? Why can't the stylist just do what I ask and copy the picture?! I don't understand! Are they ignoring me on purpose? Is it "boring" to copy the picture? I know it's possible because I freakin do it at home. The only thing stylists are good for in my world is pixie cuts. All other color and length looks better when I DIY
@noelietrex yup, I've never had a hair stylist that I truly like... my hair is super fine so I get that it won't necessarily behave in the way pictured in a magazine... but I dread getting my hair cut...
UO- I basically dislike every hair stylist I've ever had. I bring a picture, they ignore the picture. I tell them about my hair, they ignore my input and seem to think they know better... I always go home from the stylist with maybe 3 variations of the same haircut and it's annoying. How come when I cut my own hair I can somehow magically make it look like the picture? Why can't the stylist just do what I ask and copy the picture?! I don't understand! Are they ignoring me on purpose? Is it "boring" to copy the picture? I know it's possible because I freakin do it at home. The only thing stylists are good for in my world is pixie cuts. All other color and length looks better when I DIY
@noelietrexYou're in Colorado if I'm not mistaken, correct?If so, I know a great girl. She does mine and I have crazy textured Italian girl hair. If you're interested pm me and I can give you her info.
@noelietrexI am with you. I have super super thick coarse hair and I have been cutting it myself for a super long time because they never listen to me or even manage to cut it straight. I don't do a great job, but I'm free!
No, I don't want a bob or a bunch of "long layers" to "frame my face" because it my world layers = doesn't all go into a ponytail plus with my frizzy summer hair framing my face is like asking to just have it all stick out more in my eyes/nose/mouth. F-that! I cut it at home in about 5 minutes and it's not awesome, but it's super effective!
@randishane011804 I might have to check that out! Of course, DH will probably be all like $40 could go into savings...
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@randishane011804 I might have to check that out! Of course, DH will probably be all like $40 could go into savings...
This may be too thrift store ick, but have you looked around for any garage sale/swap type FB groups or even on CL? I got a bouncer and a boppy for $20 (total!) off one near me, both are basically like new. I know you're on a tight budget, I'm also trying to prioritize what baby gear we really NEED and what is just "nice to have" but unnecessary expense.
I guess that's my UO for the day, I really dislike all the hype and fear-mongering about how we HAVE TO HAVE all this frivolous expensive crap for baby, or else you'll be bad parents/baby won't feel loved/comfortable/you will be inconvenienced/whatever. We are going for minimal stuff, quality over quantity, and I'm planning to re-purpose items we already have that are suitable. Baby will be well cared for, but the list of stuff we truly NEED is actually quite small. I'm willing to do a little extra work in lieu of "convenience" items in the interest of saving money and space.
I'm gonna assume the ones that are reading the 6 books about childbirth are also the ones reading the 6 books about newborns...
That's a big assumption, and not always the case
I read zero books on pregnancy/childbirth with my first, took zero classes, have read absolutely no parenting books whatsoever, and don't plan on starting with my second kid. After 12+ years of being a nanny, dealing with everything under the sun, realizing that most things (with each individual kid) have to be figured out through trial and error instead of what a book thinks will work perfectly for every child......I have enjoyed my time of screwing up other people's children before becoming a parent, so that way my children are damn near perfect.
We did a birth class that made me feel really solid about the birth and also breastfeeding/newborn care. All the books I've read have been about babies. Because newborns terrify me.
I was just fully planning on turning my iPad into a necklace so I could Youtube at 3 am "why will this child NOT STOP CRYING???" once I get home from giving birth by a waterfall in a field of daisies while David the Gnome delivers her and faeries sing Enya in the background. I see nothing wrong with this plan.
Do people legitimately have to read books to learn how to do basic baby things, like change a diaper?
I just ordered Ina May's Guide to BF on Amazon so that I could get free shipping on the other book I ordered. I'm about halfway through her book about childbirth and have found it enjoyable so far, but I fully expect to utilize the lactation consultants available once baby is actually in my hands and on the boob.
My UO: I hate all of the rainbow colored, obnoxious sounding, plastic baby/kid toys even though as a primary teacher I know how important they are for sensory development. I just hate the thought of all these toys junking up my clean, usually clutter-free, neutral house!
And, I may or may not have registered for a foam play mat that looks like wood flooring lol...no abc shit here! Haha
@jlmartinez517 I'm with you. I studied psychology so I know and understand the importance as well, but man no matter how hard I try it seems those noisy things are always spread all over the living room. One of the less important reasons I'm hoping to get the job I applied for -- DDs will be at a daycare/sitter and my living room will be more manageable.
UO: I would really like to be able to take a Babymoon sometime in June. We looked into the Salish Lodge because they have an amazing babymoon package. I just don't think the price is worth it.
My UO: I hate all of the rainbow colored, obnoxious sounding, plastic baby/kid toys even though as a primary teacher I know how important they are for sensory development. I just hate the thought of all these toys junking up my clean, usually clutter-free, neutral house!
And, I may or may not have registered for a foam play mat that looks like wood flooring lol...no abc shit here! Haha
You should research the Montessori approach to parenting and toys. Seems like it would be right up your alley! We aren't adhering to it 100% but we absolutely love their approach and "rules" for toys.
@erin7264 none of the books I've read (3) have mentioned diapers. They've all been about the physical needs and developmental changes in the first year. And one was about Montessori from infant hood.
@jlmartinez517 eh, I'm also hoping its avoidable. I'm going with Montessori and Waldorf infant materials for now. There are plenty of ways to developmentally stimulate without your house looking like a daycare.
I only knew Montessori to be some special schooling - never knew it had methods for infant development too. Now I want to go read. Thanks for the info ladies!
I know I won't be able to avoid it all, but I definitely need to look into Montessori ideas for infants then @elenabrent@LDSJM123 as my education is in public schools and I've never thought to read about Montessori methods. I observed once in undergrad, but that was a third or fourth grade room. Thanks!
Re: UO 4/14
Again, no offense taken at all, I just think that people on any form of government assistance often get lumped together as taking advantage of the system, when really there's much more to it than that.
My UO? Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum ain't got NOTHIN' on Gary Oldman. I have a weird thing for middle aged British men.
July BMB May Signature Challenge
Cool, so how much planning have you done for taking care of a newborn? How can you tell if you have a good latch, if EBF? What are several different positions to BF? How do you tell between colic and food allergies? How do you know your LO is getting enough to eat? Most women can tell you exactly how they want every step of their birth to go, but hand them a newborn and they go "now what!?" Birth lasts such a short time, but that baby is, for the most part, going home with you.
Noooo! Mario can go though for sure.
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
July16 JULY siggy challenge
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I think it's interesting the amount of shaming that my husband and I have gotten fromDD being in our bed.
However - I COMPLETELY agree with you that it's irresponsible to focus on the one day of birth to the neglect of preparing for actually caring for you newborn. Now that I've gotten to the place where I've actually decided what I want to do for the birth, I'll have more free time to research BF/infant care and take some classes in those as well.
edit: spelling
& dirty about actually keeping a baby/child alive and how god damn hard it can be.
July BMB May Signature Challenge
I agree 100% with @kellz14
@sparkysunshine ehhhhh, I'll bite on this one... I think certain aspects of child rearing/parenting and new born care is a learn as you go/cross that bridge when you come to it sort of thing...it's impossible to plan for every little issue that could come up with a baby.
I'm not going to spend time now stressing and researching about every single remedy for a colicky baby because there's a chance she may not be.. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. If baby doesn't latch right, I'll work with a LC at the hospital or afterwards... I'll learn to swaddle this kid when I've got her in front of me.
The thing I can learn and research about right now is the birth. I know it's just one day... but that one day can have some serious ramifications going forward. I'm also hopefully planning on going med-free and making that decision means I want to be 100% prepared for whatever may happen. That's my personal decision.
We talked about this last week too, but without women making certain demands, being their own advocates and speaking with their care provider about their expectations, women would still be in the dark ages of giving birth under full anesthesia, waking up hours later...men wouldn't be allowed in delivery rooms, there'd never be skin to skin contact, babies would be given formula instead of allowing for immediate breast feeding, and women options to birth standing up, squatting, with a birthing ball, access to a birthing tub, or with a birthing bar wouldn't even be an option, etc etc etc.
There is nothing wrong with planning your birth, shit may go completely haywire and not as you planned, but you'll never convince me it's not worth it being fully educated, prepared and ready to advocate for yourself and your baby.
A lot of parenting is learn as you go, in my experience, but there is a lot that can be learned and prepared for ahead of time.
Your body knows what to do, yes it's important to get your mind ready too, but no amount of reading prepared me for the actual experience of giving birth.
I'm gonna assume the ones that are reading the 6 books about childbirth are also the ones reading the 6 books about newborns...
Edit to add tag
No, I don't want a bob or a bunch of "long layers" to "frame my face" because it my world layers = doesn't all go into a ponytail plus with my frizzy summer hair framing my face is like asking to just have it all stick out more in my eyes/nose/mouth. F-that! I cut it at home in about 5 minutes and it's not awesome, but it's super effective!
@randishane011804 I might have to check that out! Of course, DH will probably be all like $40 could go into savings...
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I guess that's my UO for the day, I really dislike all the hype and fear-mongering about how we HAVE TO HAVE all this frivolous expensive crap for baby, or else you'll be bad parents/baby won't feel loved/comfortable/you will be inconvenienced/whatever. We are going for minimal stuff, quality over quantity, and I'm planning to re-purpose items we already have that are suitable. Baby will be well cared for, but the list of stuff we truly NEED is actually quite small. I'm willing to do a little extra work in lieu of "convenience" items in the interest of saving money and space.
July16 JULY siggy challenge
I was just fully planning on turning my iPad into a necklace so I could Youtube at 3 am "why will this child NOT STOP CRYING???" once I get home from giving birth by a waterfall in a field of daisies while David the Gnome delivers her and faeries sing Enya in the background. I see nothing wrong with this plan.
And, I may or may not have registered for a foam play mat that looks like wood flooring lol...no abc shit here! Haha
One of the less important reasons I'm hoping to get the job I applied for -- DDs will be at a daycare/sitter and my living room will be more manageable.
You should research the Montessori approach to parenting and toys. Seems like it would be right up your alley! We aren't adhering to it 100% but we absolutely love their approach and "rules" for toys.
@jlmartinez517 eh, I'm also hoping its avoidable. I'm going with Montessori and Waldorf infant materials for now. There are plenty of ways to developmentally stimulate without your house looking like a daycare.