In regards to the sports issue, I would joke with MH that the only student athletes I never saw in the clinic for serious injuries were kids on the swim team so that was the only sport any future children of ours could participate in! Of course, since then I have loosened up a bit, especially after watching my son totally bite it falling off his bike, hop right back up, shake it off, and keep on going. While I definitely agree that certain sports are becoming increasingly dangerous, I think it is more to do with poor coaching and teaching about proper ways to play the sport. I would work closely with the football coach when I worked in the high school to make sure that he was teaching students the right way to tackle: don't lead with your head and shoulders, always use your trunk to support any reaching limbs, don't keep heels planted to reduce twisting ankles, protect your core, etc. We ended up seeing a significant reduction in certain injuries after educating the student athletes on appropriate tackling and fall techniques. I did the same with the soccer teams when I was noticing a lot of concussions due to headers gone wrong. When I was able to get in there and educate the students on the proper way to head the ball and the importance of being aware of other players, we did see a slight decrease in concussions. It is all about showing kids the right way to play and also working against the bloodthirsty culture of some of the parents. I would literally hear dads screaming from the sidelines "Kill that kid! Knock him out for the season! Ring his bell!" and all sorts of extremely violent directions. I organized a parent education night to address these kinds of behaviors and attitudes, but obviously the target parents didn't show up. The only time things started to change was when a tragedy struck and one dad actually killed another dad at a hockey game. It was beyond horrible.
So I guess my "Never will I..." in regards to my kids playing sports is never will I encourage them to sacrifice safety for the sake of the game. No goal or point is worth getting seriously hurt or hurting others. And if I see that the coaching is lacking in putting safety first, I will be that mom who goes in and totally embarrasses my kid to educate the coaching staff and athletes about safe play techniques.
The only blanket statement I am comfortable making about parenting is that I will never hit my child (unless to swat them away from danger as previously mentioned).
I have a lot of goals and ideals about the kind of parent I want to be but like @js8812 said, I'm scared to verbalize them and eat my words later.
I will not make/haven't made decisions on various things until I know my baby. I refuse to say I'll never do something because that's an uninformed decision on my part. I will, however, try different things to see what works for my family. I have ideas and expectations but I haven't verbalized to anyone other than DH because I reserve the right to change my mind once baby girl is here.
I will try to never forget that no matter how hard I try to do everything right, I'm probably screwing them up one way or another so I shouldn't worry about things too much. And I guess I'll get on board with planning to not hit my kids?
STM here but I don't knock the FTM's because I am very type A and had a list and stuck to that list. Adding a second is a whole new ballgame to me because the dynamics aren't just me and baby anymore. Case in point this entire pregnancy has revolved completely around taking 100% care of my toddler who doesn't nap (DH works until 10:00 pm).. so I have less time to think about these things & am more sleep deprived . But I would imagine things will go similar to the first time around, but the baby will have to be way more adaptable and flexible as I have two to attend to, with baby #1 it was just me and baby so baby got 100% of my time, focus, and energy.
I have said since high school that no child of mine would ever play football. I watched a classmate, a bright guy, start struggling with classes and anger issues. He couldn't remember the material long enough to pass the tests. It was so hard, not just for him, but for his friends, too. I couldn't allow my child to go through that, let alone cheer them on.
I also hope my child(ren) never sees me have a panic attack. I don't intend to hide my disorder because that brings up a whole other set of problems, but I know how much my husband has struggled with watching me panic, knowing that there's not much he can do to help. I don't want to put my child through that.
I have a lot that I know may change once she actually gets here but three I know I will stick with. I work with abused children everyday so these three I see too much and hear to many stories.
1. Never will I bed share. I'm sure there will be times when LO falls asleep with one of us but as long as either myself or DH is awake to make sure she's okay. 2. Never will I hit or spank her 3. Never will I not tell her the appropriate names of body parts and will make sure she knows it's her body and no one can make her do anything with her body she doesn't want to. This is a big one for me to try and work really hard to teach her body safety from a young age to try and give her the tools to prevent sexual abuse and if heaven forbid anything happens, giving her the tools to talk about what happened. We're also planning on not having secrets, rather surprises because people find out surprises at some point, because most sexual abuse starts out with the abuser having them keep secrets.
In regards to football- MH shattered/lost an organ and almost died playing football in high school and still wants any sons we have to play (and make it to the NFL, lol)!
I'm surprised to hear so many people saying they will never put their child on a "leash". I get that it seems kind of degrading (like you are treating child like a puppy?). But as an experienced mom going on 4 kids, I can tell you sometimes the most loving thing to do for your child is to put your toddler in one of those cute monkey or doggy backpack/leash things. I only had to use it with 1 out of 3 kids, but it LITERALLY saved her life several times. She was a stubborn and fearless 2/3 yr old, and would run headlong into traffic or run away from me in a crowd. She actually liked wearing the cute "backpack", so it wasn't a problem. I remember getting a few dirty looks from strangers when we were out and about, but mostly I got the knowing looks and head nods of approval from other moms with toddlers, lol
I'm surprised to hear so many people saying they will never put their child on a "leash". I get that it seems kind of degrading (like you are treating child like a puppy?). But as an experienced mom going on 4 kids, I can tell you sometimes the most loving thing to do for your child is to put your toddler in one of those cute monkey or doggy backpack/leash things. I only had to use it with 1 out of 3 kids, but it LITERALLY saved her life several times. She was a stubborn and fearless 2/3 yr old, and would run headlong into traffic or run away from me in a crowd. She actually liked wearing the cute "backpack", so it wasn't a problem. I remember getting a few dirty looks from strangers when we were out and about, but mostly I got the knowing looks and head nods of approval from other moms with toddlers, lol
I kind of agree with you, although like many of the ladies on here I was also anti-leash before having kids. My DD hasn't needed one, but one of the boys in our playgroup is friendly and fearless and loves to run off. He loves his monkey backpack, and he actually has more freedom that way because otherwise his mom would be holding him constantly to keep him from bolting.
I'm surprised to hear so many people saying they will never put their child on a "leash". I get that it seems kind of degrading (like you are treating child like a puppy?). But as an experienced mom going on 4 kids, I can tell you sometimes the most loving thing to do for your child is to put your toddler in one of those cute monkey or doggy backpack/leash things. I only had to use it with 1 out of 3 kids, but it LITERALLY saved her life several times. She was a stubborn and fearless 2/3 yr old, and would run headlong into traffic or run away from me in a crowd. She actually liked wearing the cute "backpack", so it wasn't a problem. I remember getting a few dirty looks from strangers when we were out and about, but mostly I got the knowing looks and head nods of approval from other moms with toddlers, lol
I kind of agree with you, although like many of the ladies on here I was also anti-leash before having kids. My DD hasn't needed one, but one of the boys in our playgroup is friendly and fearless and loves to run off. He loves his monkey backpack, and he actually has more freedom that way because otherwise his mom would be holding him constantly to keep him from bolting.
I was the same way too before DD1 decided she was a big girl around 2.5 years old and didn't need to hold hands anymore and would through a tantrum every time we tried to carry her. We tried for a day with her walking by herself with staying close but it didn't last long before she started wandering off and sprinting away. We got a bear backpack and DD1 loved it. It gave her the independence she wanted but kept her close and safe. I felt bad/embarrassed about it for the first week but it made things so much easier. DD2 is just now getting to the same way and we have a monkey backpack on standby and I won't hesitate to use it if needed
@danvan5 I had not thought of an adventurous toddler who runs off; I can see how that would be a very different situation from the one I was thinking of! I will always agree safety first and can see how a harness etc might make sense For some kids, thanks, your comments helped me see a side I didn't know was there!!!! (FTM)
We will spank our child(ren). We grew up that way and turned out fine. To each their own. Also I will not be making separate meals. The child will eat what I have fixed or she will not eat at all. That is how DH and I were raised. There will be something there for her to eat that she likes and probably some stuff she doesn't. But I'm NOT fixing two different suppers. If she comes back later and says she is hungry, the same thing will be put in front of her. I know of someone that will fix all their kids something different for supper and I cannot fathom that. This is for when the kid is older obviously. My child will NOT have a smartphone until she is 18 and then she will have to pay for it. We will happily for for a tracfone or a Jitterbug though.
Never will I use disposable diapers. I mean, except when I travel, am gone for the day and such. There, I said it. It's in writing. Let's see if I can stick to CDs because not one person I have told this to thinks I can, and I'm starting to doubt whether it is possible myself!
ETA: And I am putting this here knowing full-well that like what @js8812 said, I very well might eat my words!
ETANo. 2: Since I am putting down my parenting hopes here, I am going to add that I hope my child will not ever see an iPad or IPhone at the dinner table. Or in the bedroom. I hope we'll figure out everything in between, but I'm not sure on that yet.
I hear ya on the cloth diaper front! Literally everyone seems to be waiting for us to fail on that one. Little do they know that I'm as stubborn as they come and will fight to prove them wrong until I want to rip my hair out! Haha
as for anything else I have ideas of what I would like to do and not do with my LO, but I'm fully planing to remain open minded to almost anything. After all, as much as I think I know everything, I have never done this parenting thing before!
I'm surprised to hear so many people saying they will never put their child on a "leash". I get that it seems kind of degrading (like you are treating child like a puppy?). But as an experienced mom going on 4 kids, I can tell you sometimes the most loving thing to do for your child is to put your toddler in one of those cute monkey or doggy backpack/leash things. I only had to use it with 1 out of 3 kids, but it LITERALLY saved her life several times. She was a stubborn and fearless 2/3 yr old, and would run headlong into traffic or run away from me in a crowd. She actually liked wearing the cute "backpack", so it wasn't a problem. I remember getting a few dirty looks from strangers when we were out and about, but mostly I got the knowing looks and head nods of approval from other moms with toddlers, lol
I'm also going on 4 kids and I've never used the leash thing (I also never wanted to). I understand why parents use it though. And who knows... maybe this little one will end up being my leashed child lol.
I now know that I have to treat each of my kids differently which is something I never thought I would do. Some of them are sensitive to some things more than others. I believe you have to adapt to each child to achieve the best outcome.
Re: GTKY: Never will I...
So I guess my "Never will I..." in regards to my kids playing sports is never will I encourage them to sacrifice safety for the sake of the game. No goal or point is worth getting seriously hurt or hurting others. And if I see that the coaching is lacking in putting safety first, I will be that mom who goes in and totally embarrasses my kid to educate the coaching staff and athletes about safe play techniques.
I have a lot of goals and ideals about the kind of parent I want to be but like @js8812 said, I'm scared to verbalize them and eat my words later.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Adding a second is a whole new ballgame to me because the dynamics aren't just me and baby anymore. Case in point this entire pregnancy has revolved completely around taking 100% care of my toddler who doesn't nap (DH works until 10:00 pm).. so I have less time to think about these things & am more sleep deprived
But I would imagine things will go similar to the first time around, but the baby will have to be way more adaptable and flexible as I have two to attend to, with baby #1 it was just me and baby so baby got 100% of my time, focus, and energy.
I also hope my child(ren) never sees me have a panic attack. I don't intend to hide my disorder because that brings up a whole other set of problems, but I know how much my husband has struggled with watching me panic, knowing that there's not much he can do to help. I don't want to put my child through that.
1. Never will I bed share. I'm sure there will be times when LO falls asleep with one of us but as long as either myself or DH is awake to make sure she's okay.
2. Never will I hit or spank her
3. Never will I not tell her the appropriate names of body parts and will make sure she knows it's her body and no one can make her do anything with her body she doesn't want to. This is a big one for me to try and work really hard to teach her body safety from a young age to try and give her the tools to prevent sexual abuse and if heaven forbid anything happens, giving her the tools to talk about what happened. We're also planning on not having secrets, rather surprises because people find out surprises at some point, because most sexual abuse starts out with the abuser having them keep secrets.
I only had to use it with 1 out of 3 kids, but it LITERALLY saved her life several times. She was a stubborn and fearless 2/3 yr old, and would run headlong into traffic or run away from me in a crowd. She actually liked wearing the cute "backpack", so it wasn't a problem. I remember getting a few dirty looks from strangers when we were out and about, but mostly I got the knowing looks and head nods of approval from other moms with toddlers, lol
Also I will not be making separate meals. The child will eat what I have fixed or she will not eat at all. That is how DH and I were raised. There will be something there for her to eat that she likes and probably some stuff she doesn't. But I'm NOT fixing two different suppers. If she comes back later and says she is hungry, the same thing will be put in front of her. I know of someone that will fix all their kids something different for supper and I cannot fathom that. This is for when the kid is older obviously.
My child will NOT have a smartphone until she is 18 and then she will have to pay for it. We will happily for for a tracfone or a Jitterbug though.
First Pregnancy
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
Baby Born04/15/2016
PGAL
as for anything else I have ideas of what I would like to do and not do with my LO, but I'm fully planing to remain open minded to almost anything. After all, as much as I think I know everything, I have never done this parenting thing before!
I now know that I have to treat each of my kids differently which is something I never thought I would do. Some of them are sensitive to some things more than others. I believe you have to adapt to each child to achieve the best outcome.