As for the original question - I think there are a lot of factors. Different pain thresholds/tolerances, different anatomy (us and baby), different circumstances surrounding the birth and positioning of the baby. I thought for sure I'd be able to handle birth without an epidural because my friend (who admits herself that she is a wimp with pain) did it. Well, turns out back labour is no freaking joke and I needed all the meds they'd give me.
I struggled a bit with it, wondering whether I was weaker than my friends/family members who found birth easier than I did, but I've accepted that it has nothing to do with being weak or strong. It was just my experience, and the fact that my friend, mom, SIL, etc. were able to give birth without epidural or other meds, or that they didn't feel like labour was all that bad, doesn't mean that they would have been able to handle MY birth without meds or that I was weak for needing some extra interventions.
@PugLoveBug I didn't realize that either, you know the old "child bearing hips" saying, I've totally got those. But I don't have a child bearing pelvic inlet, unfortunately, haha.
@Nerdchild I don't think it's naive at all to think that. Anyone can go med free with the right mindset (if they want to go that route). Of course if you are high risk or complications arise, there may be obstacles but if you want an unmedicated birth, you want to go into it with only positive thoughts.
I think each mom needs to do what makes her most comfortable and happy as long as it keeps everyone healthy. I did not want an epidural with my first and found labor to be manageable. I was induced with pitocin and had heard from several sources how much worse labor would be with it. However, I'm stubborn, have a high pain tolerance, and hate needles and internal medicine (especially thinking about something going into my spine!), so I knew that an epidural was something I wouldn't ask for. Pain itself doesn't cause long term damage (that I know of) and isn't something that scares me, so I prepared myself for the worst and for the most part was happy with how labor went. That being said, DD was born in 8.5 hours and only the last half hour was particularly difficult. (Went from 6 cm to baby out in half an hour with only 5 minutes of pushing). I am saying this to encourage women who want to do it naturally, not to brag or shame anyone. If pain is scary, intolerable, or not something you want to deal with, epidurals are a relatively safe option that make sense for plenty of women. I do agree with pp that if you aren't pretty hard set against an epidural, it's going to be difficult to turn one down because labor will get intense and they are so routine and readily available at most hospitals. At my hospital in an upper middle class suburb, several of the medical staff told me "everyone" gets an epidural. Some thought I was a hero, others nuts, but they all pretty much assumed I would want one.
@nerdChild My mom had back labor with both my sister and I; never had an epidural. I went into my son's birth not with a birth plan, but more of an outline? I really wanted to go epidural free. DH, nurses, the doctor were all on board. I ended with back labor and begged the epidural. Man, I had so much respect for my mom after that! I don't think you are naïve. I think it's just good to go into it with an open mind so you don't feel disappointed in your bad a$$ post birth self. I'm going to try again for the med-free birth this time.
Side note: They actually turned the epidural off an hour before my son was born, so I could feel where to push.
"The cleaning, the scrubbing will wait til tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
I bought the hypnobirthing book and read most of it. The doula we're considering using is a certified hypnobabies instructor, so we're seriously considering taking the full course with her. This is because I have two friends who did hypnobirthing and keep raving about it. And they had pretty impressive intense but low-pain natural births. @jenkeale What was it about the intro to the course seems cultish ? I haven't seen the course material yet.
ETA: The whole "hypnosis" thing honestly weirds me out. However it really seems more like relaxation and breathing techniques - and the fact that I can review the materials in full beforehand makes me feel better. But open to hear anyone's opinion on why they think it may be weird/cultish.
I bought the hypnobirthing book and read most of it. The doula we're considering using is a certified hypnobabies instructor, so we're seriously considering taking the full course with her. This is because I have two friends who did hypnobirthing and keep raving about it. And they had pretty impressive intense but low-pain natural births. @jenkeale What was it about the intro to the course seems cultish ? I haven't seen the course material yet.
ETA: The whole "hypnosis" thing honestly weirds me out. However it really seems more like relaxation and breathing techniques - and the fact that I can review the materials in full beforehand makes me feel better. But open to hear anyone's opinion on why they think it may be weird/cultish.
I haven't read it yet, but my take is that the techniques are something you have to "buy in" to. If meditation, relaxation, mindfulness, etc etc aren't things you believe can work and help then the book/techniques probably seem a little crazy and odd. I view it that same way that some people see the practice of yoga. If it works for you, most people become believers and sing the praises from the roof tops. If it doesn't work for you or isn't your style those people seem wacky. I enjoy yoga and meditation so am hopeful hypnobirth will be a good fit for me, but I'll report back!
I used the hypnobirthing book and the meditation CD and that alone helped me. I don't even think I read the entire book, I jumped around a bit since I wasn't that into it. The CD helped me get into my zone and taught me techniques to use in labor that actually helped a lot.
I would say after reading the book to not be totally turned off by the hypnosis part of it... like @megstervt It's more about meditation, mindfullness and relaxation techniques.
Interesting side story.... I went to a counseling session a few years ago with a therapist that wanted to try hypnosis. I thought it was bogus but she was very intent on trying it so I gave it a go... I laid on a couch and she had me focus on a point of a painting on the wall and then she started reading a script... no joke- when she said to close my eyes it was like boom! eyes closed. But I still had 100% control of my thoughts and I felt like I could get up if I wanted too... It turned out to be a helpful session and now it actually makes me think that I could buy into this technique.
Also, you may find that you actually are in a state of hypnosis and not make that distinction... have you ever been so wrapped up in a book or so deep in thought that you lose focus of everything around you? People may be talking but you have no idea what they're saying or may not even hear them? Someone calls your name but it just doesn't register... that's actually a form of self hypnosis.
IMHO, I didn't think that the book was cultish. I think you hear enough horror stories (which can be a good thing because I want to be prepared for anything) that it's nice to hear about the possibility of a positive birth experience.
I've been reading hypno birthing in conjunction with another book called Mindful Birthing. I figure anything to get me back into regular meditation practice is going to be good for birth and also in the long term. I haven't read much of hypno birthing yet but I am really enjoying the mindful birthing book so far.
@kellz14 What we thought was kind of cultish was the fact that they tell you to stop reading scary birthing stories or watching TV programs with birth in it because of the negative experience that's usually portrayed. I believe they called it a bubble to stay in. And they have their own vocabulary, to avoid words like pain and contractions. I understand the reasoning behind it, I guess the tone turned me off. They also say to stay strictly with their method and not to try to combine it with Bradley or anything else. My midwife contradicted this at my last appt saying that is good to have more options in the case that one doesn't work out for you.
I'm still really excited and I believe it could be a powerful tool. I have heard wonderful things. I don't have any issue or judgment as far as the hypnosis part, it's just something that will take practice. I'm big into yoga and meditation, so it's not too far of a leap. Maybe we could start a check in? It seems like a time consuming program, so we could keep each other motivated?
ETA: I listened to some hypnobirthing CDs last time, but I also took a Bradley method class, and yoga for childbirth class, and read a few different birth books.
I actually picked up the hypnobirthing package from a friend of mine yesterday. I'm going to give it a shot and see if I can get on board with it. I was trying to explain it to a different friend the other day who heard "hypno" and immediately thought it was very granola. I tried to explain it like "Do I think envisioning rainbows and unicorns and calm grassy fields is going to make it not hurt? Absolutely not. But there might be something to learning how to focus and breathe and push through a contraction." I'm still a bit of a skeptic but I didn't have to pay for it so I may as well try.
Any STMs who have done hypnobirthing? I want my husband to have as much involvement as possible during labour and I'm a little worried that hypnobirthing is such an internal process that he would really just be there and not be part of it. Is there a happy medium somewhere that I'm missing? I'm aiming for an unmedicated birth but with the mindset that however we end up with a healthy baby and healthy mom is a-ok.
@jenkeale I definitely don't think meditation/mindfulness/yoga are wacky, there's tons of scientific evidence of the linkage between what your mind thinks and how your body behaves. Which is why the concept of hypnobirthing makes a lot of sense to me (so far). The only thing with me is I get weirded out by the spiritual aspects of things like yoga (don't flame - hear me out! ). I don't think there's anything wrong with yoga per se as a great exercise and relaxation technique but the few times I've tried a yoga class at the gym, the instructor started throwing in spiritual lingo and it just made me uncomfortable. If I was able to mentally tune that part of it out I'd do yoga in a heartbeat, but it just gets me every time. I take no issue with anyone who does yoga whatsoever, that part just isn't for me - I wish I could get past it!
Anyway, I say all of that only to say that I THINK I'll be OK with the hypnosis part of hypnobirthing only because it seems pretty spiritually neutral - It seems more just like psychological techniques. I've seen some weird stuff on the internet with hypnosis having people levitate and have out of body experiences, etc... I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot poll. But so far from what I read the techniques in hypnobirthing don't seem that way at all. I welcome being corrected on this, though.
I think having a check-in on this is a great idea! @jennyleigh16 I had the same exact concern about DH not being able to be as involved with hypnobirthing as with other methods. So apparently the "hypnobirthing" book and the "hypnobabies" courses are similar but they are two different things. AFAIK with the hypnobabies course itself, it is supposed to foster more involvement from your birth partner, i.e. husband/boyfriend/whoever you choose. Apparently the creator of the course used to be a Bradley instructor and took cue from some of their concepts. This is why I'm leaning towards the hypnobabies class.. but I haven't seen the materials for this yet to say for sure.
@jennyleigh16 I can only speak for hypnobabies, but @kellz14 is correct. Your partner doesn't have to be involved in your everyday practice, but they have their own guide and are encouraged to listen to every cd at least once. They are taught the vocabulary to use to be supportive during birth and are encouraged to help keep you in your "bubble of positivity", basically shutting down any negativity surrounding your birth. We've only gotten through the intro so far, but this is the week I'm diving in.
@jenkeale I'd be really into a hypobaby/hypnobirth check-in thread. It seems like there are a bunch of us in different places and mindsets so it would be great in my opinion!
@kellz14@jenkeale Hmmmm. It sounds like maybe I should be looking into hypnobabies instead. I researched the Bradley method a bit but there aren't any classes near us.
Lurking from June 2016, but I wanted to add that while some of it is out there, and as a FTM idk how effective it will be for me, but a lot of it is slightly based in biology. When you are calm, your body does what it needs to do, you have the right hormones flowing (oxytocin mostly) versus when you stressed and scared, your body goes into fight or flight mode, which triggers testosterone and cortisol which effectively shut down labor until your body thinks it's safe to start again.
Some of the episodes are way too crunchy and out there for me, but I largely enjoyed the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, and this is a repeating story that her guests share for the "science" behind techniques like this.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@Nerdchild As a giant-headed baby mama (DD is in the 97th percentile head size, but her height and weight are way lower - can't remember exact numbers but one of them is in the lowest percentile, and one of them is right in the middle) I hope you don't have that experience! Although, DD is super smart so maybe she just needed a bigger head to protect her giant brain
@meggyme I listened to some of the Fear Free Childbirth podcasts too and while I can appreciate the biology of it, she totally lost me when she started saying if you get an epidural your child won't sleep through the night, and will be prone to allergies and autism and will be an unhappy child, etc.
I'll concede she has a point about the media really only portraying childbirth in a negative way, and about your body not being able to do what's natural if its flooded with fight or flight hormones, but I think all the preachy-ness about epidurals is just another type of fear-mongering. I find her podcasts repetitive and she references her other business every 5 mins. Not my thing.
I've been listening to The Birth Hour podcasts instead and I really like them. Every episode is a different mother and birth story, ranging from home water births to c-sections. Just stories, no opinions. I find it comforting to hear all the different ways mothers have ended up with healthy babies.
@jennyleigh16 I agree, I doubt that the manner in which I was born has that much lasting impact on how I approach life now (seriously that was an episode) but if you slog through the crazy episodes, a lot of her guests doulas and midwives come back to the same biological basis, which I can understand and get behind and makes things like hypnobirthing make more sense and seem more believable to me than it would be otherwise. And sometimes she does some fear mongering of her own regarding hospital practices and medical interventions, but she's also interviewed women with positive experiences having epidurals and c sections. I'll have to check out the Birth Hour.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
I did the Bradley Method course and am the kind of person that prefers to do things on my own and more internally, but I am not one to meditate or buy into hypnosis. I think it can work for people, but I am too hard headed for it. DH was involved in knowing our birth plan and speaking to the medical staff for me. He snuck me snacks when I wanted, took my socks on and off, and watched how soon my next contraction was and when it would calm down on the monitor. I did not want anyone touching me and pretty much no talking. Bradley Method taught me about the birth process, breathing, positions to try, but mostly my stubbornness got me through it.
I am totally (1 million %) convinced that different women experience different labors. With my first, I prepared a great deal for labor through Bradley classes. I went into it planning for an unmediated labor/delivery. However, that plan went out the window when I was still in heavy labor, waiting for transition, for hours not progressing and puking and shaking from the intense pain! I ended up getting an epidural and it relaxed my body enough to progress to fully dilated in just a couple hours! Made a huge difference. When I see those videos of moms relaxing in a bathtub I just think about my puking shaking body and think NO way can this be the same experience!! (Mostly because I was trained and prepared for an unmediated labor and delivery!)
@carolynpetite I completely agree. DH's stepmom thought I was crazy for not wanting an epi and told me how she was vomiting between contractions when she wasn't able to get one in time. I called my mom half panicked and asked if she was nauseous during labor. My mom had no clue (like me) that was a possibility. Thankfully I wasn't sick like that. I think that would be very difficult to handle. Every woman and experience is definitely different. I hear women say how much they're starving during labor. I can eat a lot and don't miss meals, but I didn't really want to eat even after baby was born for a while.
Re: childbirth
I struggled a bit with it, wondering whether I was weaker than my friends/family members who found birth easier than I did, but I've accepted that it has nothing to do with being weak or strong. It was just my experience, and the fact that my friend, mom, SIL, etc. were able to give birth without epidural or other meds, or that they didn't feel like labour was all that bad, doesn't mean that they would have been able to handle MY birth without meds or that I was weak for needing some extra interventions.
Side note: They actually turned the epidural off an hour before my son was born, so I could feel where to push.
ETA: The whole "hypnosis" thing honestly weirds me out. However it really seems more like relaxation and breathing techniques - and the fact that I can review the materials in full beforehand makes me feel better. But open to hear anyone's opinion on why they think it may be weird/cultish.
I haven't read it yet, but my take is that the techniques are something you have to "buy in" to. If meditation, relaxation, mindfulness, etc etc aren't things you believe can work and help then the book/techniques probably seem a little crazy and odd. I view it that same way that some people see the practice of yoga. If it works for you, most people become believers and sing the praises from the roof tops. If it doesn't work for you or isn't your style those people seem wacky. I enjoy yoga and meditation so am hopeful hypnobirth will be a good fit for me, but I'll report back!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
Interesting side story.... I went to a counseling session a few years ago with a therapist that wanted to try hypnosis. I thought it was bogus but she was very intent on trying it so I gave it a go... I laid on a couch and she had me focus on a point of a painting on the wall and then she started reading a script... no joke- when she said to close my eyes it was like boom! eyes closed. But I still had 100% control of my thoughts and I felt like I could get up if I wanted too... It turned out to be a helpful session and now it actually makes me think that I could buy into this technique.
Also, you may find that you actually are in a state of hypnosis and not make that distinction... have you ever been so wrapped up in a book or so deep in thought that you lose focus of everything around you? People may be talking but you have no idea what they're saying or may not even hear them? Someone calls your name but it just doesn't register... that's actually a form of self hypnosis.
IMHO, I didn't think that the book was cultish. I think you hear enough horror stories (which can be a good thing because I want to be prepared for anything) that it's nice to hear about the possibility of a positive birth experience.
I'm still really excited and I believe it could be a powerful tool. I have heard wonderful things. I don't have any issue or judgment as far as the hypnosis part, it's just something that will take practice. I'm big into yoga and meditation, so it's not too far of a leap. Maybe we could start a check in? It seems like a time consuming program, so we could keep each other motivated?
ETA: I listened to some hypnobirthing CDs last time, but I also took a Bradley method class, and yoga for childbirth class, and read a few different birth books.
Any STMs who have done hypnobirthing? I want my husband to have as much involvement as possible during labour and I'm a little worried that hypnobirthing is such an internal process that he would really just be there and not be part of it. Is there a happy medium somewhere that I'm missing? I'm aiming for an unmedicated birth but with the mindset that however we end up with a healthy baby and healthy mom is a-ok.
Anyway, I say all of that only to say that I THINK I'll be OK with the hypnosis part of hypnobirthing only because it seems pretty spiritually neutral - It seems more just like psychological techniques. I've seen some weird stuff on the internet with hypnosis having people levitate and have out of body experiences, etc... I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot poll. But so far from what I read the techniques in hypnobirthing don't seem that way at all. I welcome being corrected on this, though.
I think having a check-in on this is a great idea!
@jennyleigh16 I had the same exact concern about DH not being able to be as involved with hypnobirthing as with other methods. So apparently the "hypnobirthing" book and the "hypnobabies" courses are similar but they are two different things. AFAIK with the hypnobabies course itself, it is supposed to foster more involvement from your birth partner, i.e. husband/boyfriend/whoever you choose. Apparently the creator of the course used to be a Bradley instructor and took cue from some of their concepts. This is why I'm leaning towards the hypnobabies class.. but I haven't seen the materials for this yet to say for sure.
@jenkeale I'd be really into a hypobaby/hypnobirth check-in thread. It seems like there are a bunch of us in different places and mindsets so it would be great in my opinion!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
Some of the episodes are way too crunchy and out there for me, but I largely enjoyed the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, and this is a repeating story that her guests share for the "science" behind techniques like this.
I'll concede she has a point about the media really only portraying childbirth in a negative way, and about your body not being able to do what's natural if its flooded with fight or flight hormones, but I think all the preachy-ness about epidurals is just another type of fear-mongering. I find her podcasts repetitive and she references her other business every 5 mins. Not my thing.
I've been listening to The Birth Hour podcasts instead and I really like them. Every episode is a different mother and birth story, ranging from home water births to c-sections. Just stories, no opinions. I find it comforting to hear all the different ways mothers have ended up with healthy babies.
through it.