GTKY: Never will I...

swflJD · April 2016

This article on TB (https://www.thebump.com/a/no-child-of-mine-will-ever) got me thinking. As a FTM, I know that my expectations about pregnancy were very different than the reality of it (as we have all discussed on that thread), so I thought it would be interesting for us to discuss our parenting expectations and then revisit this thread later to see how realistic our expectations actually were. I see kids out in public all the time behaving like little monsters and think to myself that I will never allow my child to behave that way. I also wonder whether their parents ever intended to allow that behavior or whether they just gave up at some point. What are the non-negotiable boundaries you intend to set with your child? What are the things you will insist upon your child doing or not doing, no matter how much more difficult it makes your life? STMs, how realistic were the boundaries you set or thought you would set? Did you end up being a stricter or more lax parent than you originally thought you would be?

saladflambe · April 2016

Honestly, I'm not going to say never... to anything, really.
I don't WANT to cosleep - but I want to sleep more than I want to not cosleep.
I HOPE breastfeeding works - but I want the baby fed more than I want to breastfeed.
I have plans for discipline/teaching measures, but I won't know what's going to work for my child until she's born and teaches me about who she is.

TheThornBird · April 2016

I love this question! I've studied/worked in behavior for 15 years, and I'm going to tweak your question just a bit

When addressing behavior, I like to focus on what I want to see, rather than what I don't want (if that makes sense!). So instead of "never will I...." or "never will my child...." I'm going to say:

I am going to always try to set my child up to be successful in whatever environment we are in- at home, in a restaurant, at the store, etc. If my child isn't successful, I will change what I can to make sure they are successful in the future. I will give out positive reinforcers at often as I can, and when I do use punishment, it will be well thought-out, deliberate, and not as a knee-jerk reaction or when I am feeling emotional.

mrstmoose · April 2016

I will never judge another parent because what works for them, works for them (unless it's abuse). I will never say I won't do something (aka no iPads) because I don't know what's going to happen in 3 years.

cortney626 · April 2016

You definitely have ideas of how you want to raise your kids and most of that goes out the window when you actually have kids. LOL As far as behavior, I knew I always had to be consistent and that my husband and I were always on the same page in front of our children. I've stuck to that and my daughter who is 8.5 years old is very well behaved. I've also been a single parent so I had to stand my ground. I see kids misbehaving out in public and I think there's no way I'd let them act like that. But I think a large part of my daughter behaving is her personality too. I have a feeling I'm going to eat my words with this LO though. I do remember saying my daughter wasn't going to know what soda was. Ha. We don't drink soda in our house but once in a blue moon she'll have a sprite at a restaurant. When she was a baby I remember thinking I can't keep rocking her to sleep. I'm rocking a one year old to sleep b/c it took 5 mins and I wanted to get stuff done around the house versus trying to sleep train her and prolong everything. Well it was easier to rock her and take 5-10 mins each night. I was doing something I swore I wouldn't do. But now looking back, I realize how short lived each little phase is. I have a different appreciation for it. With this one, I will cherish that time if I need to rock her for 5-10 mins each night. B/c she won't always be that little.

Spylon · April 2016

mrstmoose said:

I will never judge another parent because what works for them, works for them (unless it's abuse). I will never say I won't do something (aka no iPads) because I don't know what's going to happen in 3 years.

Ditto.

balamama · April 2016

Not a direct answer to your question because I also think how my husband and I parent will depend on the child, the situation, and evolve as time goes on, but what we've been saying is that it's really important to us that we raise our child(ren) in a calm environment. We want to try to avoid being frenetic, anxious parents so our baby can also feel calm and relaxed, which I think has a lot to do with behavior.

emilyj77 · April 2016

As a STM there are oh so many things that I do now that I thought I would never do. The biggest thing I've realized is that I don't know their story (when witnessing other parent/child interactions out in public). And sometimes I allow my child to act in a way that might garner disapproving looks or glances from others, but as long as she's not in danger and others aren't personally affected by it, oh well. Sometimes you just have to do everything you can to get through the day.
DH and I said that we'd never buy DD a portable DVD player/iPad to watch movies in the car since we didn't have one growing up and she wouldn't need one either. Well we have both now, and I can't even begin to tell you how glorious it will be when our next new vehicle has the built in screen and sound system. I'm happy to eat crow on that one. Never say never.

KidShrink · April 2016

That's an interesting one for me...as a child psychologist, I get paid to tell parents how to handle their kids' behaviours. And usually, it works out pretty well. But now, pressure is on (FTM here, and you have no idea how many times over the years I've been asked whether I had kids...this was particularly hard while going through 2 years of infertility)!
One thing that I repeat over and over again is that parents need to demonstrate self-regulation in order for kids to learn it (i.e. If you lose your sh!t in front of your child, expect that your child may do the same; if you yell when you're upset, well, you got the idea). I'm pretty great at keeping my cool with kiddos in my office. BUT, I'm seriously afraid that this may be different at home when I'm exhausted, and then I'd go and do exactly what I tell parents not to do. After self regulation, the most important thing is consistency. If you said no, you said no. I think I'm stubborn enough to hold my grounds on this one. We shall see...

gamommyx3 · April 2016

babyfmama said:

Not a direct answer to your question because I also think how my husband and I parent will depend on the child, the situation, and evolve as time goes on, but what we've been saying is that it's really important to us that we raise our child(ren) in a calm environment. We want to try to avoid being frenetic, anxious parents so our baby can also feel calm and relaxed, which I think has a lot to do with behavior.

This is an interesting point. My friend was telling me over the weekend (she has 3 kids) that she was super nervous and anxious with her first, and now her oldest is extremely cautious and nervous. Her middle child is somewhere in the middle, and her youngest is the most chill kid ever, because by the time she had him she had figured out how to relax and go with the flow.

diabeticmom · April 2016

Before I had my son I had a ton of rules - exclusive breastfeeding, no pacifier, my child was going to be perfect in restaurants cause I was, no co sleeping, strict sleep training using the cry it out method, etc.

most at of those were thrown out the window when my son spent 7 weeks in the NICU due to a heart defect and had to have surgery.

I have no no expectations or rules with this one. Whatever feels right is what's going to happen.

JessicaB0627 · April 2016

STM here...

DH and I swore we would never co-sleep. That got thrown out the window real quick when our DD refused to sleep without having physical contact with me or him. (Like, would scream for hours in her crib and never fall asleep)

I am an extremely stubborn person, but DD definitely gives me a run for my money. I told myself I would never give in, ever, but there have been days when I've picked my battles. I never give in to her throwing a fit, but if she's being really good I will sometimes change my answer from no to yes.

Parenting is hard, y'all.

saltedcaramel518 · April 2016

I'm sure I'll get some "never say nevers" for this, but we will not bed-share with LO. Hopefully never, but at least not while he is an infant. DH is an incredibly hard sleeper, and he does crazy things in his sleep. He's hit me several times and rolls over on me almost every other night. Even if it would help LO sleep, I think I would be up all night worrying.

balamama · April 2016

Aquinna82 said:

babyfmama said:

Not a direct answer to your question because I also think how my husband and I parent will depend on the child, the situation, and evolve as time goes on, but what we've been saying is that it's really important to us that we raise our child(ren) in a calm environment. We want to try to avoid being frenetic, anxious parents so our baby can also feel calm and relaxed, which I think has a lot to do with behavior.

This is an interesting point. My friend was telling me over the weekend (she has 3 kids) that she was super nervous and anxious with her first, and now her oldest is extremely cautious and nervous. Her middle child is somewhere in the middle, and her youngest is the most chill kid ever, because by the time she had him she had figured out how to relax and go with the flow.

It seems like an easy concept but I bet it's a lot harder in practice, especially as first time parents. My hope is that being cognizant of it will make it a priority.

gamommyx3 · April 2016

babyfmama said:

Aquinna82 said:

babyfmama said:

Not a direct answer to your question because I also think how my husband and I parent will depend on the child, the situation, and evolve as time goes on, but what we've been saying is that it's really important to us that we raise our child(ren) in a calm environment. We want to try to avoid being frenetic, anxious parents so our baby can also feel calm and relaxed, which I think has a lot to do with behavior.

This is an interesting point. My friend was telling me over the weekend (she has 3 kids) that she was super nervous and anxious with her first, and now her oldest is extremely cautious and nervous. Her middle child is somewhere in the middle, and her youngest is the most chill kid ever, because by the time she had him she had figured out how to relax and go with the flow.

It seems like an easy concept but I bet it's a lot harder in practice, especially as first time parents. My hope is that being cognizant of it will make it a priority.

Yeah I definitely agree with you. I'm going to consciously try and relax...but also...it's easier to be relaxed when you've done it 3 times.

js8812 · April 2016

I have a lot of opinions on what I think I will and will not do, however, I'm afraid that by verbalizing them I am setting myself up to eat my words!

DanandVan · April 2016

I think I didn't expect how very PATIENT you have to be to have kids. People have always told me I have the patience of a saint, but until I had kids it was never REALLY tested. And oh Lord, they learn how to test you! I learned it is best to be consistent and firm, but fun! I take away power struggles by making it funny! Ex: 3 yr old doesn't want to brush her teeth, so I have her brush mine while I do hers, or have her pretend to be a crocodile.
I think the only real area I've done what I said I'd never do is junk food! I don't typically buy it, but that doesn't matter. It is everywhere! So many bday parties, and cupcakes at school, and Grandma brings them donuts. I've given up! I try to keep the sugar at bay until the poor kid turns 1, but after that 1st bday cake its like a free for all.

vinerie · April 2016

Sure, I'll play.

Never will I use disposable diapers. I mean, except when I travel, am gone for the day and such. There, I said it. It's in writing. Let's see if I can stick to CDs because not one person I have told this to thinks I can, and I'm starting to doubt whether it is possible myself!

ETA: And I am putting this here knowing full-well that like what @js8812 said, I very well might eat my words!

ETANo. 2: Since I am putting down my parenting hopes here, I am going to add that I hope my child will not ever see an iPad or IPhone at the dinner table. Or in the bedroom. I hope we'll figure out everything in between, but I'm not sure on that yet.

Bluejay3030 · April 2016

This thread makes me nostalgic as a STM. I remember the days when I had a "never will I" list for my future children that was as long as the bible

.

So far I did manage to stick to one or two of them:
1. Never will my kid have "sweets/desserts" before the age of 1 (but let's be honest, that's pretty easy).
2. Never will I give in to a tantrum by giving my kid the thing that's causing he tantrum.

Everything else went out the window.

JennyS86 · April 2016

TheThornBird said:

I love this question! I've studied/worked in behavior for 15 years, and I'm going to tweak your question just a bit When addressing behavior, I like to focus on what I want to see, rather than what I don't want (if that makes sense!). So instead of "never will I...." or "never will my child...." I'm going to say:

I am going to always try to set my child up to be successful in whatever environment we are in- at home, in a restaurant, at the store, etc. If my child isn't successful, I will change what I can to make sure they are successful in the future. I will give out positive reinforcers at often as I can, and when I do use punishment, it will be well thought-out, deliberate, and not as a knee-jerk reaction or when I am feeling emotional.

This is really hard.

but a great goal.

dsmith211 · April 2016

vinerie said:

Sure, I'll play.

Never will I use disposable diapers. I mean, except when I travel, am gone for the day and such. There, I said it. It's in writing. Let's see if I can stick to CDs because not one person I have told this to thinks I can, and I'm starting to doubt whether it is possible myself!

ETA: And I am putting this here knowing full-well that like what @js8812 said, I very well might eat my words!

This. Everyone I know says I won't be able to stick to it bc I'll end up thinking its gross or something. I'll have to deal with the dirty diapers one way or another. I think I'll be fine.

JennyS86 · April 2016

While consistency is always a goal of mine, I also think to myself, is this battle worth fighting? Especially with bedtime...but maybe I just got lucky with the twins being decent sleepers.

My friend who has a 3 yr old and I recently had a similar conversation because she feels like she judged other moms before she became a mom. I totally agreed with her. Really just on stupid stuff. For example, I always thought moms who gave their kids those pouches for baby food were lazy because they didn't make their own food. While I did make some baby food for the twins, I have used those pouches too! (more than I would have thought). and guess what? I still carry them in my diaper bag because they come in handy in OB offices, etc.

This thread is really very inspiring! Take a deep breath and hug those babies every day!

eta: My goal going into babies #1and 2 were to always try my best. It's funny because that is how my parents raised me: "I'm going to try my best to breastfeed", etc.

Also, some of my mom's advice, when you have something that might be a disaster, like an eight hr road trip or a 3 hr cardiology appt, make it fun! The children will take your lead, and just like me, learn to love roadtrips!

vinerie · April 2016

dsmith211 said:

vinerie said:

Sure, I'll play.

Never will I use disposable diapers. I mean, except when I travel, am gone for the day and such. There, I said it. It's in writing. Let's see if I can stick to CDs because not one person I have told this to thinks I can, and I'm starting to doubt whether it is possible myself!

ETA: And I am putting this here knowing full-well that like what @js8812 said, I very well might eat my words!

This. Everyone I know says I won't be able to stick to it bc I'll end up thinking its gross or something. I'll have to deal with the dirty diapers one way or another. I think I'll be fine.

I think it's the laundry that is tough to keep up with. We're cheating and doing a service. They clean your diapers and deliver you fresh ones each week.

kbrands7 · April 2016

JessicaB0627 said:

STM here...

DH and I swore we would never co-sleep. That got thrown out the window real quick when our DD refused to sleep without having physical contact with me or him. (Like, would scream for hours in her crib and never fall asleep)

I am an extremely stubborn person, but DD definitely gives me a run for my money. I told myself I would never give in, ever, but there have been days when I've picked my battles. I never give in to her throwing a fit, but if she's being really good I will sometimes change my answer from no to yes.

Parenting is hard, y'all.

This. This. This. I swore I wouldn't cosleep, then I ended up with a separation anxiety prone baby who nursed (sometimes for nourishment, sometimes for comfort) every 45min for months on end. He would scream and cry until he vomited if I wasn't touching him or in touching distance. (Scared cry too...not the "I want" cry, which as your babies get older, they'll begin to differentiate wants and needs...at first it's ALL needs.) Yeah, he and I set up a safe co-sleep situation...and we still co-sleep sometimes in his bed like last night and the night before when he was sick a needed extra comfort.

He also can be incredibly stubborn and some things just don't make sense to take a hard line with, so now that he's getting older, we sometimes make "Daddy deals" or "Mama deals" that he shakes on and we hold him to if he wants something that we can be flexible towards-- for instance, he wants to watch an episode of Daniel Tiger and asks for it, but we want him to get some run-around time so the deal becomes that we'll watch 1 part of an episode of Daniel Tiger (there's 2 episodes in each one on Prime) if he'll play outside with us first. Like @Jessicab0627 said, this never happens if he's tantruming or if it's something that he clearly shouldn't have or do, but if he's displaying reasonable behavior and a compromise makes sense rather than an arbitrary no, we're more apt to compromise than we had originally intended. We also use the deals format to reinforce that he'll get something fun after doing something that's not necessarily fun-- like, once you brush your teeth, we'll read a bedtime book...we were going to do both anyway, but he tends to respond better to commands if he knows what's happening after he finishes the task and feels like he got to agree to it.

There are some things that worked out better than expected eventually too-- like going into it, my breastfeeding goal was 6 months or until he got his first teeth then I figured I'd reassess. I fought like hell to make it to month 1 with all of the latch trouble we had, so by the time he got his first teeth in around 4 months, neither he nor I were ready to wean. Then 6 months passed, then a year, etc. We eventually night weaned down to once or twice per night so that DH and I could ttc and we weaned entirely in the first few weeks of the second trimester due to DS's waning interest and my waning milk supply since I wasn't feeding enough/eating enough to sustain it through a pregnancy.

laurenmdrn16 · April 2016

Image: https://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln93fzpqNU1qjlsvuo1_500.gif

Ok, seriously, I think it is so hard to make a blanket statement about what you will definitely never do as a parent. However, I do think having a strong idea of what you want to accomplish as a parent and what your ultimate goal is is a great place to start so you can feel rooted in something when you do need to lay down the law. For example, my main goal is to raise empathetic and kind children. Therefore, when my son needs to apologize, he has to follow ALL the steps and it is not negotiable. Even if we need to work around a tantrum, he WILL complete all the steps for an appropriate, respectful, and meaningful apology. I am not so strict about other things, like following certain directions in exactly the right order because I don't want to stifle his own process and way of working through problems (for example, if I say "We need to get ready to go, so put on your boots, jacket, and get your bookbag" and he puts his bookbag by the door, puts on his jacket, and then gets his boots, that's fine). But apologies are my #1 priority, right now at least.

And as for his diet, I was sure I would NEVER feed him certain foods like chicken nuggets, sweets, hot dogs etc. Well, that went right out the window! However, we still hold firm that there really is no such thing as "dessert". When I prepare his plate, he gets veggies, protein, carbs, and a fruit. He gets to choose the order and usually eats the fruit first which is fine by me, but I never say "Eat all your vegetables or you won't get fruit/dessert!". As someone who lived with an eating disorder, I find that really damaging and reinforces that vegetables are an obligation while desserts should be desired and earned. If it is just him and me for dinner, I will sometimes have us eat different meals, but in general he eats what everyone else is eating. You get what you get and you don't get upset.

Other than that, most things I said I was going to do or not do fell apart pretty quickly when reality set in. I am sad to say I wasn't cut out for cloth diapering full-time and of course I wasn't able to BF like I had wanted to or planned. Depending on the day, my son could go to bed by 7pm or 9pm and I will typically snuggle with him until he falls asleep and then sneak out or he sleeps in bed with me. He watches TV, knows how to use a smartphone/tablet, and has "played" video games with his cousins. I have bribed him and made "deals" with him in the heat of the moment and even raised my voice a few times out of frustration and anger (but I ALWAYS apologize after using the steps I expect him to use). MH and I have been on different pages where one allows something while the other doesn't (ex: MH asked "Why are you eating that chocolate?" and my son replied "Oh, Mama gave it to me". Yup, I gave him a square of dark chocolate because he saw me eating some and I was curious if he would like it. MH is completely against him having any candy whatsoever. Ooops.)

What really matters is what you do next after the "parenting fail". You are going to slip up, make mistakes, go against what you said before, find yourself saying things you never dreamed you would say, disagreeing with your SO/parenting partner, all of that. But, what next? Parenting is a journey and you never really know what your personal boundaries and limits will be. As you learn and as your child grows and tests various limits, the nitty-gritty isn't so important. What I believe is important is being strong and secure in your core values so no matter what, you always have a "mission statement" that you and your child can refer back to when things get sticky. My mom did this and I knew that no matter what, the driving force behind every single thing she said and did was that she wanted us to have every single opportunity to express ourselves and be individuals. She taught that being disrespectful makes people not want to listen to you and if your voice isn't being heard, you can't be true to yourself and make a difference in the world. So I learned the importance of respect from that lens. While I appreciate those lessons, I take a slightly different approach with my son. I want him to be respectful because he feels compassion and love for all and understands the hurt it can cause others if you do not show respect. I don't think one way is right or wrong, but I just know that having that as a basis for most of my parenting decisions has made it a little easier to hold my ground and be confident in our family rules.

kp90 · April 2016

Never will I ever hit my child in the face or mouth.

I have a friend who did this to her son a few times in front of me and the look on his face was complete horror. I never want to do that to my child. I believe in forms of punishment.. but not hitting them in the face. Period.

laurenmdrn16 · April 2016

kp90 said:

Never will I ever hit my child in the face or mouth.
I have a friend who did this to her son a few times in front of me and the look on his face was complete horror. I never want to do that to my child. I believe in forms of punishment.. but not hitting them in the face. Period.

Oh my! That is a good one. I will never lay a hand on my child in anger. If he is running into the street or reaching for a hot stove, I will grab him or slap his hand away, but always explaining that I am trying to keep him safe. I can't imagine a single situation where slapping a child across the face is acceptable!

kbrands7 · April 2016

laurenmdrn16 said:

kp90 said:

Never will I ever hit my child in the face or mouth.
I have a friend who did this to her son a few times in front of me and the look on his face was complete horror. I never want to do that to my child. I believe in forms of punishment.. but not hitting them in the face. Period.

Oh my! That is a good one. I will never lay a hand on my child in anger. If he is running into the street or reaching for a hot stove, I will grab him or slap his hand away, but always explaining that I am trying to keep him safe. I can't imagine a single situation where slapping a child across the face is acceptable!

This is a complete non-negotiable in our house. DH grew up in a physically abusive situation so even the idea of hitting tends to make him very emotional, and I am squarely a talk-it-out/get-to-the-root-of-the-problem pacifist in my own approach so there is no hitting. DH does look to me for discipline strategies though, because he knows that what he grew up with is not what he wants to do, and occasionally he's just at a loss. The one time I had to swat DS's hand away from a piping hot dish from the oven, I felt so awful, but I knew in the moment that it was the quickest way to keep him safe and it didn't hurt him. It did scare him, he cried and backed away from me. I explained why I did it, asked if he was hurt (he wasn't), and explained why what he was about to do was so dangerous. He understood well enough and then everything was okay. Even with the quick, light, preventative hand swat, I'll never forget the look on his face. It destroyed me. (Usually these sorts of situations can just be prevented altogether, but sometimes, the kiddo just has to be in the kitchen with you to be supervised...)

kp90 · April 2016

@kbrands7 @laurenmdrn16 (TB is not letting me quote for some reason)... but I agree. I can understand swatting their hand way from something quickly to prevent injury or quickly grabbing them by the arm to pull them to safety, etc. That's acceptable. But you're right.. the look on my friends son broke my heart, I can't imagine what the look on my own child's face would do to me. When I was young I remember my mom smacking me on my rear a few times but it was rare.. and I'm not even sure I'll smack on the butt. I guess it's hard to say exactly how we will punish but I like the idea of talking it out, time outs, taking away toys or rewards, anything other than physical punishment. It's wrong and I believe it sticks with a child well into adulthood which can cause problems later in life. Just not worth it to me. There's other ways to get your point across.

Kurrant · April 2016

I read the title while still in bed and thought it was another "Never have I ever" game, which I was looking forward to playing! Now that I have had my oats and coffee I will play this too.

I have two lists . . . 'Nevers' and 'Plans' because I cant really say never to everything . . .

Nevers

I will never hit her (unless, like PPs said, swatting away from danger). I will never give into any tantrums by rewarding her to get her to stop.

Plans

I plan to breastfeed exclusively unless it is impossible and it doesn't take. I plan to cloth diaper after the first few weeks. We are starting with disposables while we adjust. We don't plan to do any co-sleeping (especially while she is tiny) because MH sleeps like a rock and I tend to be a pushy roller and I fear we will squish her.

yogahh · April 2016

Never will I... force my child into a sport/activity/hobby that THEY are not interested in. These activities help to shape who you are, and doing something you hate, only because your parents insist, only makes it worse.

vinerie · April 2016

Yeah, never hitting my kid goes without saying. Got real serious in here all of a sudden...

rlworzalla · April 2016

@yogahh - To add to yours, never will I make my child feel guilty for trying a sport/activity/hobby and deciding they don't like it. As an adult I do it all the time. Why shouldn't my child be able to do the same??

Never will I put my child in one of those animal leash things. Nope.

js8812 · April 2016

yogahh said:

Never will I... force my child into a sport/activity/hobby that THEY are not interested in. These activities help to shape who you are, and doing something you hate, only because your parents insist, only makes it worse.

Agreed. However, I won't let my kid quit something if it was their idea to join the activity in the first place.

Merciel · April 2016

+1 to the "no hitting," that's definitely part of our plan too.

Other than that the only one I can think of is never feeding the kid fast food (I mean actual fast food, not homemade fried chicken or whatever) without making it an active, purposeful lesson in tasting what all that chemical processing does to the underlying food. I don't think that should be particularly difficult (our lifestyle doesn't really involve any exposure to fast food, so there's no marketing/convenience factor in play), and since a healthy, mindful appreciation of whole foods is very important to me, that's something I'm willing to direct a lot of effort into.

Kurrant · April 2016

Ugh! The sport thing!! MH is adamant that he wants his kids to play sports. I mentioned that kid martial arts, dance and gymnastics are all physical but he prefers sport...we have had a lot of debates about this. I don't want to push this girl into soccer because it's common. I plan to encourage her to pick some sort of class or activity be it physical, musical or artistic. I have a few years to get MH off this "must play sport" thing... If she wants to then fine, but I don't want to be a pusher.

lalala2004 · April 2016

I don't say "never" about much, but I can safely say I will never let my son play football. Any other sport I'm ok with, but football is just too dangerous. Yes, injuries can happen in any sport, but when you're intentionally butting heads? Head injuries are so serious, why ask for it?

kbrands7 · April 2016

lalala2004 said:

I don't say "never" about much, but I can safely say I will never let my son play football. Any other sport I'm ok with, but football is just too dangerous. Yes, injuries can happen in any sport, but when you're intentionally butting heads? Head injuries are so serious, why ask for it?

I agree! This is one parenting thing that DH doesn't agree with though, so we'll see...so far our son is tall and loves basketball, but I know a lot could change between toddler-age and school-age. I'm prepared to put my mama-foot down if necessary.

doozer1345 · April 2016

I think our expectations were pretty right on only bc we knew we would need to adapt to her personality and not to the rule. However, toddlerhood is a whole other animal and that animal has emerged overnight. I am an only child but thankfully DH has 2 sisters so I am going into uncharted territory with a guide. I've learned to not have too many expectations (if any) and just go with the flow. I think if you have the basics down of what you will not tolerate and are open minded to creative learning you will be fine. Of course, my kid could be perceived as the biggest asshole to others right now. However, we've never gotten complaints from others. In fact, I just got stopped by the director of DD's school and her teacher who said she is the most well behaved, well mannered, kind child they have at the school.... I love my child and think she is wonderful in every way but I would like to know what she gave them to have them tell me these things... 3 years old is hard!

saraleigh2 · April 2016

I'll play too... Never will I ever:
-allow my children to ride in a car w/o buckling up
-sanction regular consumption of soda & junk food (if my kids have cake on their b-days and dessert on holidays that's fine, I won't be keeping soda in the house or buying it at a restaurant)
-use a child leash
-allow my children to be the "dirty" or "smelly" kid at school
-make the kids something different for dinner than what everyone else is eating (don't worry I'm not going to force liver and onions or brussel sprouts down their throats lol)
-allow my children to ask the same question to each parent and hope to get a different answer (unified front)
-give my children unflattering nick names (kids at school are mean enough I don't need to be)
-make up story book answers to real questions (this is purely personal preference I do not judge others who tell their kids the stork dropped them off vs the birds and bees convo)

and yes FTM here

JessicaB0627 · April 2016

@doozer1345 That is exactly DD! I really do love that she's so well-behaved for everyone else, but seriously... couldn't she just bring a little bit of that home?!

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