@alqizwik I grew up very far from my own grandparents to the point that I saw my maternal grandparents maybe three times total during my childhood and I saw my paternal grandmother once a year. It was different reasons than my own kids have for not seeing their grandparents, sure, but the distance wasn't something I found harmful as a kid. It actually seemed odd to me when people had really close relationships with their grandparents!
Im sorry you have to deal with a toxic influence too. Sometimes it's just better not to have them in your life, hard as it is when you mourn the relationship you wish you could have had but they were never healthy enough to offer.
There is no right way or wrong way to be a family. Just remember that.
Me:23 DH:32 Married 5/14/13 TTC #1 since 5/14 TTC #1 w/ treatments since 5/15 BFN 7/15 BFP 8/15-MMC 9/15 BFP 10/15- Diagnosed BO 12/15 BFP 2/16-EDD 11/18/2016
We're telling my parents in the morning. Eeek. Tomorrow's also mom's birthday. We didn't plan it like this, it just worked out. I'm kinda nervous that they won't be excited.
@ficbot - after another discussion with my husband he is going to have a talk with her. 100% right on the boundaries. She needs to know what's not okay. I'm putting money she warms up to the idea of grandma but continues to buck us on EVERYTHING along the way. This is going to be a challenge but hopefully worth it in the end. Surrounding myself with positive energy only!
We were going to try to wait for Mother's Day to tell both sets of parents. We just got married in Feb so I made wedding Shutterfly books. The very last page is a print out from the first ultrasound. The books came in Sat and I lost my patience so we drove 4 hours to give a book to his parents yesterday and did mine today. First grankid on both sides and got very happy reactions from all.
We don't live near our families so I think I'm going to order flowers for my parents and send them all pink and blue flowers with a card saying get ready for another grand baby!!!!
His is mom will be visiting in a few weeks so I'm going to get our DD a big sis shirt and see how long it takes for his mom to connect the dots! It's important that DD tells her nana because they really have a special bond since my DD is her first grand baby!
Im so sad to read so many parents not responding well... I truly thought that would be my mom but she's been so supportive every time and I think that's because she know how important this is to me and sets her fears aside. I hope you all find a way to ignore those negative reactions and enjoy the amazing blessing in you!
We were going to try to wait for Mother's Day to tell both sets of parents. We just got married in Feb so I made wedding Shutterfly books. The very last page is a print out from the first ultrasound. The books came in Sat and I lost my patience so we drove 4 hours to give a book to his parents yesterday and did mine today. First grankid on both sides and got very happy reactions from all.
That is seriously the cutest idea EVER!!!!!!!!! Good job!!!!
Hugs @alqizwik! We're lucky to have good relationships with both sets of grandparents, but my parents live 3K miles away and DH's family lives 600 miles away. We try to see each ~4x a year but can't rely on any kind of regular help from family. We pay for a regular babysitter and play the who has more important meetings game when one of us needs to stay home with a sick kid. You make it work and it does.
In some ways I prefer paying for help than having family help out -- you can tell a babysitter what to do or not to do and if it doesn't work out you can find a new one. The same thing doesn't apply to a family member. Free isn't always free in that case.
It actually did! I was shocked. She started to get weird with thinks like telling me that I'll be a good mom, unlike my mom (her gd daughter) who is horrible in her eyes. I just ignored it and said "yeah I'm so excited!"
After me and DF went to my first prenatal visit a week ago and heard the heartbeat he was way too excited and told his family. I still haven't told my dad or sister yet ( still want to wait) but my DFs mom was so so excited lol. She already decided what she wants to be called by baby and told us she couldn't sleep all night she was so excited haha.
We've kept things hush-hush and will continue to until we all get together for my birthday on May 1st. I'll be 13 weeks by then. Everyone else (including friends) will learn via Facebook announcement 3 days later. Is that mean? I don't know, I might tell my BFF who's not really my BFF anymore before the public announcement too but, we'll see.
Alright, I'm curious for y'all's input. I haven't yet let myself think too hard about breaking the news to anyone, since I definitely wanted to wait at least until the first ultrasound. Right now the only people who know are me, H, my OB, my dentist, and some random dude H met while fishing in Michigan a couple weeks ago. My ultrasound was this morning though, and things are looking good, so I'm ready to start making some plans.
H's half-sister is getting married the Thursday before Mother's Day down in South Carolina, and my family is in Atlanta, so we'll make sure to see both sides of the family then. H wants to wait until then to tell everyone, so that we can tell them in person. I love the idea of telling them in person (and maybe even not telling my mom that we're coming down, then showing up to surprise her on Mother's Day weekend), and H's family is notoriously, uh, *dramatic*, so part of me is nervous that if we told them anytime before then, we'd see our own news posted on Facebook before we could share it ourselves.
On the other hand, there are a lot of people I'd like to go ahead and tell (friends from church who see me a couple times a week and might have noticed I've been "sick" a lot lately; my supervisor at work; etc.), and I definitely don't feel right telling any of them before our families. Especially since we'll probably be moving in two or three months, I'd like to go ahead and give them a heads up that this is why we're moving. Also, H and his half-sister aren't even a little bit close, but I still worry it might be rude to share our big news during her wedding weekend.
I can see pros of cons of both waiting and telling everyone now. It's killing me to keep this a secret, and thought of waiting another month sounds impossible (we'd be ~14 weeks by then), but it's also somewhat pleasant for H and I to be able to enjoy the moments together without everyone else's questions and opinions. If we do decide to tell family in the next couple weeks, I'll think of some sort of creative way to do it, but probably nothing will compare to surprising everyone with the news in person (on Mother's Day weekend, for crying out loud).
So what do y'all think: spill the beans now, or wait another month to do it in person?
Alright, I'm curious for y'all's input. I haven't yet let myself think too hard about breaking the news to anyone, since I definitely wanted to wait at least until the first ultrasound. Right now the only people who know are me, H, my OB, my dentist, and some random dude H met while fishing in Michigan a couple weeks ago. My ultrasound was this morning though, and things are looking good, so I'm ready to start making some plans.
H's half-sister is getting married the Thursday before Mother's Day down in South Carolina, and my family is in Atlanta, so we'll make sure to see both sides of the family then. H wants to wait until then to tell everyone, so that we can tell them in person. I love the idea of telling them in person (and maybe even not telling my mom that we're coming down, then showing up to surprise her on Mother's Day weekend), and H's family is notoriously, uh, *dramatic*, so part of me is nervous that if we told them anytime before then, we'd see our own news posted on Facebook before we could share it ourselves.
On the other hand, there are a lot of people I'd like to go ahead and tell (friends from church who see me a couple times a week and might have noticed I've been "sick" a lot lately; my supervisor at work; etc.), and I definitely don't feel right telling any of them before our families. Especially since we'll probably be moving in two or three months, I'd like to go ahead and give them a heads up that this is why we're moving. Also, H and his half-sister aren't even a little bit close, but I still worry it might be rude to share our big news during her wedding weekend.
I can see pros of cons of both waiting and telling everyone now. It's killing me to keep this a secret, and thought of waiting another month sounds impossible (we'd be ~14 weeks by then), but it's also somewhat pleasant for H and I to be able to enjoy the moments together without everyone else's questions and opinions. If we do decide to tell family in the next couple weeks, I'll think of some sort of creative way to do it, but probably nothing will compare to surprising everyone with the news in person (on Mother's Day weekend, for crying out loud).
So what do y'all think: spill the beans now, or wait another month to do it in person?
Yeahhhh I'd wait. You don't want to deal with the almost certain fallout of stealing your half SIL's thunder. I'd be super annoyed if someone did that to me on my special snowflake day.
@HomeyDontPlayThat The concern is that if we do wait then we will be stealing her thunder (waiting until Mother's Day = waiting until our trip down South = waiting until the wedding weekend). Sorry if the way I described it was convoluted! But I'm with you that stealing her thunder may be a bigger deal than H is realizing--especially since, like I mentioned, his family is quite dramatic. I'd be pissed too!
I would tell now/soon to avoid stealing her thunder. That weekend should be about her, not you guys, so have your moment far enough in advance to not overshadow hers in any way. You don't want future family drama.
Thanks y'all! This is kinda the response I was hoping for, as I'm feeling really ready to tell people.
BTW, I feel like I should clarify: H is so not close to his half sister that we probably won't even see or talk to her that weekend, beyond just saying a quick congrats at the wedding. The only people we'd be sharing our news with would be H's mom and maybe his brother--but it still seems rude to me to distract the two of them from the half-sister's big day, and I could see H's mom making a fuss about it.
@jarethinafrock Charleston is one of my favorite cities!! H is actually applying to a couple jobs there, and I have my FX one of them works out. It's such a lovely place, and I could for real use some beach after six years in Illinois.
Won't be going on this trip though. His mom (as well as the wedding) is in Piedmont, a dinky little town southwest of Greenville. His dad is in Columbia, so we'll probably swing by there as well!
@jarethinafrock Charleston is one of my favorite cities!! H is actually applying to a couple jobs there, and I have my FX one of them works out. It's such a lovely place, and I could for real use some beach after six years in Illinois.
Won't be going on this trip though. His mom (as well as the wedding) is in Piedmont, a dinky little town southwest of Greenville. His dad is in Columbia, so we'll probably swing by there as well!
@grannysmith912 ooh awesome! My parents live in Greenville so we are there pretty often. I hope a job pans out! I'd love a fellow SC bumpie in town!
Re: Telling Your Parents
Married 5/14/13
TTC #1 since 5/14
TTC #1 w/ treatments since 5/15
BFN 7/15
BFP 8/15-MMC 9/15
BFP 10/15- Diagnosed BO 12/15
BFP 2/16-EDD 11/18/2016
Tomorrow's also mom's birthday. We didn't plan it like this, it just worked out.
I'm kinda nervous that they won't be excited.
His is mom will be visiting in a few weeks so I'm going to get our DD a big sis shirt and see how long it takes for his mom to connect the dots! It's important that DD tells her nana because they really have a special bond since my DD is her first grand baby!
Im so sad to read so many parents not responding well... I truly thought that would be my mom but she's been so supportive every time and I think that's because she know how important this is to me and sets her fears aside. I hope you all find a way to ignore those negative reactions and enjoy the amazing blessing in you!
That is seriously the cutest idea EVER!!!!!!!!! Good job!!!!
In some ways I prefer paying for help than having family help out -- you can tell a babysitter what to do or not to do and if it doesn't work out you can find a new one. The same thing doesn't apply to a family member. Free isn't always free in that case.
We've kept things hush-hush and will continue to until we all get together for my birthday on May 1st. I'll be 13 weeks by then. Everyone else (including friends) will learn via Facebook announcement 3 days later. Is that mean? I don't know, I might tell my BFF who's not really my BFF anymore before the public announcement too but, we'll see.
H's half-sister is getting married the Thursday before Mother's Day down in South Carolina, and my family is in Atlanta, so we'll make sure to see both sides of the family then. H wants to wait until then to tell everyone, so that we can tell them in person. I love the idea of telling them in person (and maybe even not telling my mom that we're coming down, then showing up to surprise her on Mother's Day weekend), and H's family is notoriously, uh, *dramatic*, so part of me is nervous that if we told them anytime before then, we'd see our own news posted on Facebook before we could share it ourselves.
On the other hand, there are a lot of people I'd like to go ahead and tell (friends from church who see me a couple times a week and might have noticed I've been "sick" a lot lately; my supervisor at work; etc.), and I definitely don't feel right telling any of them before our families. Especially since we'll probably be moving in two or three months, I'd like to go ahead and give them a heads up that this is why we're moving. Also, H and his half-sister aren't even a little bit close, but I still worry it might be rude to share our big news during her wedding weekend.
I can see pros of cons of both waiting and telling everyone now. It's killing me to keep this a secret, and thought of waiting another month sounds impossible (we'd be ~14 weeks by then), but it's also somewhat pleasant for H and I to be able to enjoy the moments together without everyone else's questions and opinions. If we do decide to tell family in the next couple weeks, I'll think of some sort of creative way to do it, but probably nothing will compare to surprising everyone with the news in person (on Mother's Day weekend, for crying out loud).
So what do y'all think: spill the beans now, or wait another month to do it in person?
BTW, I feel like I should clarify: H is so not close to his half sister that we probably won't even see or talk to her that weekend, beyond just saying a quick congrats at the wedding. The only people we'd be sharing our news with would be H's mom and maybe his brother--but it still seems rude to me to distract the two of them from the half-sister's big day, and I could see H's mom making a fuss about it.
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24
Won't be going on this trip though. His mom (as well as the wedding) is in Piedmont, a dinky little town southwest of Greenville. His dad is in Columbia, so we'll probably swing by there as well!
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24