I'd take in more moments. I didn't know how sweet and precious the mundane would be. I didn't chronicle much about my pregnancy. I would S tart my weekly Bump pix as soon as possible, worry less, work harder to persuade DH continuing my running truly is okay.
I've lamented to Hubby we need to have another LO because there's much I would do differently post-partum as well. I didn't know breastfeeding "should" start soon after delivery; I didn't know what the breast crawl is. If I could do it again, then I'd BF during the first hour. And I'd ask the nurse to take a pic of our new family!
Breastfeeding is hard. No really pregnant me, listen: **takes my face in my hands** breastfeeding is HARD! You may think "oh I hear it can be hard and if it doesn't work out that's fine too", but what you don't know is you will suddenly become emotionally connected to breastfeeding, even when it's painful and horrible, and you will walk on coals to make it work so be prepared for that. And goddammit do at least a little research about breastfeeding... You read about every other damn thing!
Enjoy your sleep. I know everyone has told you that and you roll your eyes. But again, listen: ENJOY YOUR SLEEP. You will never sleep again.
The love you have for your daughter will be all encompassing and kind of scary, but it is so amazing that you won't even remember the failed IVF cycles or the bed rest or the 3 hours of pushing.
Sleep sleep sleep, eat lots of spicy food and cheese. Spend lots of time with husband and friends. Bask in freedom.
The birth really is just one day, focus more on learning about a newborn and what the first 8 weeks will be like.
Invest in an amazing swing it's about to save your life, or give you at least three hours sleep.
Enjoy going to the bathroom cause it turns out it took 8 weeks without suppositories to go on your own. Remember when you told the midwife no forceps, then you let the forceps happen, now look at you!
Your boobs will look terrible after BF even though you pretended they wouldn't.
most important, give your daughter a bottle one week into life as well as a soother. Your life would be very different.
If I could go back in time and talk to myself at any point in my pregnancy?
I guess I'd go back to the day i found out. I'd intercept myself on the way out of the OBGYN and say "Look. If you tell the man you're married to that there is a baby, that's it. He will have control over you and your life until the day one of you dies. Run. Now. Take that child and go home. Being a single mum to a newborn is probably really hard but it's nowhere near as hard as being a single mum to a newborn AND a grown-ass adult that behaves like a petulent 12 year old stepkid you don't even want to raise. Trust me, that little baby girl is going to be delightful, sweet natured, quiet and gentle. She is going to be the entire world to you. He won't have any power over you when you realize how much she means to you. So go. Now. Take the fetus and go."
Also? I'd say "Buckle up. You are going to be a PPA statistic. It's going to last at least 3 months. It's going to be really confusing and upsetting. It's going to be like the stories you hear about war shock. You're going to walk into every mall, every movie theater, every public arena you can think of and assume there is a shooter in there. You are going to assume every moment of every day your baby is dying. You are going to see homeless drug addicts on the street and remind yourself that this will be your child someday, because that's how terrible a parent you'll inevitably be. Every story of every suffering child will be your child. You are going to cry for your mother at 2 am, watching reruns of The SImpsons with one earbud in because it's the only thing capable of distracting you from sheer terror. It's going to last awhile. Ride it out because it can't last forever."
In every other way, it is less terrible, less scary, than i thought it would be. She is less exhausting, less frustrating and more wonderful than I had ever assumed a baby would be. Other than severe anxiety, which appears to be peaking now, and a terrible L&D, everything regarding pregnancy and baby has gone much better than i assumed it would.
Don't tell your sons nurse to fuck off when she tried to make you nurse him when he's an hour old with a blood sugar of 14. And doesn't tell you that's why he won't wake up to try to eat. Hit her with the IV pole instead.
I would sit my ignorant ass down and have a heart to heart about the first 3 weeks back. 1) When she cries, just put a boob in her mouth, she will be a lot happier.
2) no really, you aren't going to sleep much. Stop trying to clean and take a damn nap.
3) Breastfeeding will be the hardest thing ever. Your supply will be fine. You will have some semblance of freedom again and sooner than you think.
4) postpartum blues suck, but don't let it get in the way of bonding with baby.
5) Life is about to really change. You don't have to lose yourself and you won't, but you have a new part of yourself that you have to reconcile with.
I love all this! I don't have a ton but I believe my biggest two:
1) prepare yourself for the PP blues/hormones that will be going crazy that NO ONE warned you about! You will hysterically cry about burning toast and wonder if feeling like that will ever go away, but it does!
2) enjoy every breath she takes because every day when you wake up she looks different.
Ok. One more -
3) love the hell out of your body now because she's taking it with her when she goes..
1) As much as you love your husband, you two will argue and be at each other's throats more than you ever have been. Love & appreciate each other now - shit is gonna get tough when there's 3 of you.
2) Start a workout routine now so your PP self can get back to that same routine. Pounds don't just "fall off" like they did for your sister.
3) Appreciate your 34B boobs. They will get SMALLER after baby, if you can imagine that.
I didn't have to many surprises this time around, but there were a couple things that would have been good to know...
First, when your family decides they are having Christmas 2 days after your due date at your brother's new house that's two hours away, don't stress. Baby wants to meet everybody and will arrive in plenty of time to go! (Also, this means he's coming early, so don't leave your nesting 'til the weekend before his due date!)
Second, make sure you know where the nipple cream is and keep it handy! This LO will make you work harder to be able to successfully breastfeed than any of the others did, and your nipples will be severely cracked if you don't start using that stuff ASAP!
1) nipple shields exist for a reason, don't feel pressured to wean baby from it immediately if you feel it's right for you (just know you also have to pump every time for the first few months to stimulate supply). Doing this is way better than stressing out or not BFing at all. 2)spend more time spoiling the dogs. Take them on more walks, and find a doggy daycare nearby so during those first few months they have somewhere to go and play. 3) force husband to take more baby prep classes or read more articles. So many arguments about proper newborn care and troubleshooting behavioral issues could have been avoided if he agreed with me/science.
1. Be prepared! and when you think you're prepared, check, double check, and triple check yourself. LO came 6 weeks early and the thought of him coming early, crossed my mind a couple of times, but not that early. Overall, things went pretty smooth, considering Christmas was right around the corner when he came.
2. DH and I should have gone out on more dates and took the time to really spend quality time together. I wish we went on a 3-4 day vacation or even had the opportunity to go somewhere for a week.
3. I wouldn't have really known because I am a FTM, but I wish I had taken a breastfeeding class or talked to more women who were on both sides of the breastfeeding issue. I wish I stuck with it, but at the same time I am glad I didn't. If we ever go for baby #2, I know that I will better prepare myself, if I am going to stick around with it longer than I did for this LO. It's more of disciplining myself to stick to a schedule, and to have patience with it.
3. I wouldn't have really known because I am a FTM, but I wish I had taken a breastfeeding class or talked to more women who were on both sides of the breastfeeding issue. I wish I stuck with it, but at the same time I am glad I didn't. If we ever go for baby #2, I know that I will better prepare myself, if I am going to stick around with it longer than I did for this LO. It's more of disciplining myself to stick to a schedule, and to have patience with it.
I took a breastfeeding class and it totally did not prepare me. This is the one thing I'm so pissed about as a FTM. NO ONE leveled with me about how hard breastfeeding is. And how time consuming. And how you won't feel like a person for a month or 2.
Go for a walk several times a week, that way you won't have as much baby weight to lose! Plus regular walking/exercising actually gives you more energy.
Kick that horrible LC out when she comes to visit!!! Don't let her intimidate you! And pump longer than they told you to. Massage your breasts while you pump... Even though you have giant ta-tas you will have supply issues so work that milk out!
Kick that horrible LC out when she comes to visit!!! Don't let her intimidate you! And pump longer than they told you to. Massage your breasts while you pump... Even though you have giant ta-tas you will have supply issues so work that milk out!
I hated my LC as well. Lol. She came and wasted my only hour with her. Talking about cavemen and breastfeeding.
I would tell myself to take some good nude pictures in the beginning.
Also to go ahead and sign up for the face to face statistics class.
I would tell myself my son's diagnosis of bilateral hydroureteronephrosis so they could take him out sooner and he could have the surgery sooner and his kidneys and bladder would be in better shape now.
I would tell myself to exercise at least some because 45 lbs is too much and breastfeeding is not going to make it go away
Also to pick a different doctor for sooo many reasons.
I find it so hard when women are with men that aren't treating them well... Especially since you just had a baby! Is there any way you can still get out?
I find it so hard when women are with men that aren't treating them well... Especially since you just had a baby! Is there any way you can still get out?
Oh we just got a divorce. He's just making it so much harder about custody that it really should be. If he didn't have a special connection with her (as in before she was born or even before he found out she was a girl) then it would have been so much easier. We were having problems then and he threatened divorce on me when we didn't even know he sex of the baby. That's when I wish I would have grown a pair and left.
Re: What wouls you tell your pregnant self?
Really just focus on yourself because once the baby comes you'll put her needs before yours and won't shower until noon.
Enjoy it.
Stop stressing.
Make 8,768,909 freezer meals lol.
Brace yourself for an overwhelming amount of love.
I've lamented to Hubby we need to have another LO because there's much I would do differently post-partum as well. I didn't know breastfeeding "should" start soon after delivery; I didn't know what the breast crawl is. If I could do it again, then I'd BF during the first hour. And I'd ask the nurse to take a pic of our new family!
Long story short: I'd pay more attention.
Don't feel badly about sending the baby to the nursery for a bit so you can rest. Use the nurses while you have them!
Take more bump pictures, even if you feel ugly. You don't have to show anyone but it would be nice to have.
Breastfeeding is way more terrible than you expect
Only buy things you need for the first couple of weeks and buy everything else as you go. Who cares about the registry completion discount!
Video record how YOU feel when baby moves (I only recorded the belly and now I feel like I can't remember what it felt like)
(FTM, TMI on this) Look at your lady bits one last time because they will never look the same again
Enjoy your sleep. I know everyone has told you that and you roll your eyes. But again, listen: ENJOY YOUR SLEEP. You will never sleep again.
The love you have for your daughter will be all encompassing and kind of scary, but it is so amazing that you won't even remember the failed IVF cycles or the bed rest or the 3 hours of pushing.
Don't be afraid of his tiny body, you won't hurt him.
Stay in the L&D room as long as possible
Stand up to your recovery nurse
Buy plastic utensils/cups/plates to cut down on dishes
Sleep anytime you can
Breastfeeding will hurt. You will cry and call people asking if it's supposed to hurt so much but it WILL GET BETTER
The birth really is just one day, focus more on learning about a newborn and what the first 8 weeks will be like.
Invest in an amazing swing it's about to save your life, or give you at least three hours sleep.
Enjoy going to the bathroom cause it turns out it took 8 weeks without suppositories to go on your own.
Remember when you told the midwife no forceps, then you let the forceps happen, now look at you!
Your boobs will look terrible after BF even though you pretended they wouldn't.
most important, give your daughter a bottle one week into life as well as a soother. Your life would be very different.
I guess I'd go back to the day i found out. I'd intercept myself on the way out of the OBGYN and say "Look. If you tell the man you're married to that there is a baby, that's it. He will have control over you and your life until the day one of you dies. Run. Now. Take that child and go home. Being a single mum to a newborn is probably really hard but it's nowhere near as hard as being a single mum to a newborn AND a grown-ass adult that behaves like a petulent 12 year old stepkid you don't even want to raise. Trust me, that little baby girl is going to be delightful, sweet natured, quiet and gentle. She is going to be the entire world to you. He won't have any power over you when you realize how much she means to you. So go. Now. Take the fetus and go."
1) When she cries, just put a boob in her mouth, she will be a lot happier.
2) no really, you aren't going to sleep much. Stop trying to clean and take a damn nap.
3) Breastfeeding will be the hardest thing ever. Your supply will be fine. You will have some semblance of freedom again and sooner than you think.
4) postpartum blues suck, but don't let it get in the way of bonding with baby.
5) Life is about to really change. You don't have to lose yourself and you won't, but you have a new part of yourself that you have to reconcile with.
1) prepare yourself for the PP blues/hormones that will be going crazy that NO ONE warned you about! You will hysterically cry about burning toast and wonder if feeling like that will ever go away, but it does!
2) enjoy every breath she takes because every day when you wake up she looks different.
Ok. One more -
3) love the hell out of your body now because she's taking it with her when she goes..
2) Start a workout routine now so your PP self can get back to that same routine. Pounds don't just "fall off" like they did for your sister.
3) Appreciate your 34B boobs. They will get SMALLER after baby, if you can imagine that.
Stop stressing about the close monitoring and calling the OB. Going with your gut is important.
Don't worry so much about family accommodations and feelings. I wish I'd had more time with just me, DH and DD in the beginning.
Get better at accepting help, honey. You will need it.
First, when your family decides they are having Christmas 2 days after your due date at your brother's new house that's two hours away, don't stress. Baby wants to meet everybody and will arrive in plenty of time to go! (Also, this means he's coming early, so don't leave your nesting 'til the weekend before his due date!)
Second, make sure you know where the nipple cream is and keep it handy! This LO will make you work harder to be able to successfully breastfeed than any of the others did, and your nipples will be severely cracked if you don't start using that stuff ASAP!
2)spend more time spoiling the dogs. Take them on more walks, and find a doggy daycare nearby so during those first few months they have somewhere to go and play.
3) force husband to take more baby prep classes or read more articles. So many arguments about proper newborn care and troubleshooting behavioral issues could have been avoided if he agreed with me/science.
1. Be prepared! and when you think you're prepared, check, double check, and triple check yourself. LO came 6 weeks early and the thought of him coming early, crossed my mind a couple of times, but not that early. Overall, things went pretty smooth, considering Christmas was right around the corner when he came.
2. DH and I should have gone out on more dates and took the time to really spend quality time together. I wish we went on a 3-4 day vacation or even had the opportunity to go somewhere for a week.
3. I wouldn't have really known because I am a FTM, but I wish I had taken a breastfeeding class or talked to more women who were on both sides of the breastfeeding issue. I wish I stuck with it, but at the same time I am glad I didn't. If we ever go for baby #2, I know that I will better prepare myself, if I am going to stick around with it longer than I did for this LO. It's more of disciplining myself to stick to a schedule, and to have patience with it.
stop doing everything by yourself
go to Boston with your husband!! Your older will be fine with grandma overnight!
shits about to get real.
Go for a walk several times a week, that way you won't have as much baby weight to lose! Plus regular walking/exercising actually gives you more energy.
get out now
2. Eat healthier even if you think you want everything in sight.
3. Do your kegels!!!!!!!