Was the midwife out of line?

michellabanana · April 2016

So I had a drs. Appointment this morning, and I had it with a midwife I never met before ( I didn't mind because all the other nurses, doctors, and midwives are amazing!). Plus they like you to meet everyone cause when you go into labor they don't know who is going to be on call.

Well as soon as this midwife comes in she's going on and on about my insurance. (Isn't this something that the receptionists handle?). Well, I have amerihealth which is a program with obamacare. It is a wonderful program and is better than what both my hubby and my work have to offer. It's still pricey but not as pricey as works. Well she was saying "I didn't think we cover anybody with obamacare" "are you sure you're covered? ". Well I hope so cause I've been coming here for months and months and I found your practice on my plan! But I feel like she was being very condescending because of my insurance.

Then she seemed annoyed that I had answered to all her questions. " well did you do this yet, and this?" Like she expected me to be unprepared.

Well, plus my blood pressure always goes up in the office, so after her grilling my blood pressure was through the ceiling and I had to go to L & D but at the hospital my blood pressure was around 119 over 60 at the hospital. I also unloaded on the nurse about the midwife lol.

Did I just take it to personal or was she being condescending? Should i say anything or not? I mean I can just request not to see her, but I just felt she had this terrible perception of me from the start.

Maybe we just didn't click, and she is that way. She's just probably very analytical.

finnybooboo · April 2016

Sounds like it is just her personality. Some doctors/etc just don't have very good bedside manner and come off rude and condescending. I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, just try not to see her again. There was a doctor at my DD's pediatrician office that had horrible bedside manner and was just plain mean for being a doctor to children. Not too long after DD was born she left the practice, but I have a feeling so many people complained that they got rid of her.

Bluejay3030 · April 2016

There's always one doctor (or midwife as the case may be) in the bunch that you just don't mess with, it seems. That would have rubbed me the wrong way, too. I'd probably just try to avoid her for future appointments and leave it at that. I'm sorry you ended up in L&D because of the experience! That would have pissed me off more than anything.

gamommyx3 · April 2016

It also sounds like she equates obamacare with "low income" (and has a problem with low income) which is obviously inaccurate. I find a lot of people are under the assumption that obamacare is a low-income program only. When my SIL had my niece she was under a state health insurance that actually WAS only for low income families and she ran into similar problems with people being condescending and rude to her. I'd mention it to the office manager if I were in your position...just so they can "clarify" for her in case she needs it.

judithsr1983 · April 2016

It does sound like she overstepped some boundaries, and your response is totally understandable. If you feel like it'll help to say something, for piece of mind if nothing else, I'd say something. At minimum, definitely makes sense to request not seeing her again.

michellabanana · April 2016

Thank you guys! I feel like I just had to vent. But I hate to think she would make someone else feel kind of low. I don't want to cause her any trouble...I'll just try to not make any further appointments with hee

@bluejay3030, you're so right. There always seems to be one in the office to avoid!

mcb2016 · April 2016

That is very rude. It's not like it was your first visit and you were unsure about your medical coverage. There is one doctor in my practice who was very condescending and rude to my husband and I. I am just not seeing her again and hoping she isn't on call when I go in for delivery. I did mention her behavior at my next appt but let it go after that. She just has terrible bedside manners unfortunately.

khochanadel · April 2016

The first doctor I had at my practice was great to me when I was a GYN patient but turned out to be an awful OB so I switched after that pregnancy ended in an ectopic. My HSG was never high enough to register on their urine strips; when I went in for my first visit she treated me like I was lying about being pregnant to get attention and asked me "well do you feel pregnant?" I felt so insulted and swore I'd never see her again. Just avoid that one. And yeah, it's totally weird she would even ask about insurance.

saladflambe · April 2016

I don't click with all of my midwives either. I think it's just par for the course.

bkjade · April 2016

What a bummer when there is a personality conflict in such a good group! I wouldn't sweat it, but as pp said, I would make a point of not seeing her again if possible. There's a woman at the front desk of my group (where there is also great group of doctors!) who rubs me the wrong way, we actually got into it over healthcare too! She said they "Don't take Obamacare" and I informed her that yes, they do take some plans offered in the Affordable Health Care Act marketplace, gave her my HeathFirst card and told her to call them.

LadySamLady · April 2016

Yeah, I agree with PP. Sounds like she has terrible bedside manner and is judgmental, an odd combo for someone in a care taking field but definitely not an uncommon one. My OB has a PA that I do not like, she is also judgmental and we just don't gel. After the last time I saw her I very discretely asked the receptionist if it would be possible for me not to see the PA again. The receptionist now schedules me for times she is certain my OB will be there and then calls me to reschedule if something comes up. Luckily my OB is always there unless she's at hospital delivering a baby and the practice is so small that I feel like I know the receptionist and was comfortable confiding in her.

Jparke2 · April 2016

I've liked all of the doctors and midwives in my practice a lot, but one of the doctors did rub me the wrong way recently when I brought up how uncomfortable I am with the plan they have of inducing me. I have white coat syndrome and bad social anxiety, so my blood pressure spikes at the office but is generally really good at home, and I take it and record it everyday at home to be sure. Because of the spikes, they have to label me high risk hypertensive, and they want to induce me a week and a half early because of this. When I tried to discuss options with this one doctor and request that maybe we play it by ear instead of automatically deciding months in advance I'd be induced, she was nice about it but basically shut me down and said that they would be inducing me but "nice try." Really, lady? This isn't a joke. This wasn't me trying to pull one over on you. I'm genuinely concerned about the risks vs the benefits of being induced. Not to mention this particular doctor is pregnant and also due in May, which would make me think she MIGHT be a tad bit more understanding to how I'm feeling.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, but basically what I'm saying is I feel ya. Even though this doctor seemed really nice and qualified besides her "nice try" comment, it just left me feeling uneasy about her. I'm not going to complain or say anything, but I'm definitely trying to avoid her in the future, which isn't a problem since all of my appointments are already made for my remaining time.

khochanadel · April 2016

bkjade said:

What a bummer when there is a personality conflict in such a good group! I wouldn't sweat it, but as pp said, I would make a point of not seeing her again if possible. There's a woman at the front desk of my group (where there is also great group of doctors!) who rubs me the wrong way, we actually got into it over healthcare too! She said they "Don't take Obamacare" and I informed her that yes, they do take some plans offered in the Affordable Health Care Act marketplace, gave her my HeathFirst card and told her to call them.

I hope you actually called out her use of the "Obamacare" moniker by specifying the ACA. One of my biggest pet peeves! Agree with the plan or not, call it what it is.

amberraysofdawn · April 2016

I know you don't want to cause trouble, but if it's still bothering you by the next appointment, consider filling out one of the comment cards at the desk (most physician's offices have them, out here - some are also available online). It can be as anonymous as you want, and it's not rude to point out when a healthcare provider is being less than professional. She won't improve on her bedside manner if nobody calls her out on it.

bkjade · April 2016

khochanadel said:
I hope you actually called out her use of the "Obamacare" moniker by specifying the ACA. One of my biggest pet peeves! Agree with the plan or not, call it what it is.

I did!

michellabanana · April 2016

amberraysofdawn said:

I know you don't want to cause trouble, but if it's still bothering you by the next appointment, consider filling out one of the comment cards at the desk (most physician's offices have them, out here - some are also available online). It can be as anonymous as you want, and it's not rude to point out when a healthcare provider is being less than professional. She won't improve on her bedside manner if nobody calls her out on it.

You're so right, and I definitely plan on saying something at my next appointment. Nobody should be made feel bad because of what insurance they have. My insurance is not cheap, but it's not crazy expensive either. Plus it's the billing department's business, not hers.

I don't understand why some people are so against it. It's not cheap and it provides a nice alternative to work insurance.

michellabanana · April 2016

@Jparke2, I have white coat syndrome so bad too! ( lol I accidentally told the doctor at the hospital I had "white doctor syndrome

)

JoMunson · April 2016

khochanadel said:

bkjade said:

What a bummer when there is a personality conflict in such a good group! I wouldn't sweat it, but as pp said, I would make a point of not seeing her again if possible. There's a woman at the front desk of my group (where there is also great group of doctors!) who rubs me the wrong way, we actually got into it over healthcare too! She said they "Don't take Obamacare" and I informed her that yes, they do take some plans offered in the Affordable Health Care Act marketplace, gave her my HeathFirst card and told her to call them.

I hope you actually called out her use of the "Obamacare" moniker by specifying the ACA. One of my biggest pet peeves! Agree with the plan or not, call it what it is.

Obama said we could call it ObamaCare if we wanted

khochanadel · April 2016

JoMunson said:

khochanadel said:

bkjade said:

What a bummer when there is a personality conflict in such a good group! I wouldn't sweat it, but as pp said, I would make a point of not seeing her again if possible. There's a woman at the front desk of my group (where there is also great group of doctors!) who rubs me the wrong way, we actually got into it over healthcare too! She said they "Don't take Obamacare" and I informed her that yes, they do take some plans offered in the Affordable Health Care Act marketplace, gave her my HeathFirst card and told her to call them.

I hope you actually called out her use of the "Obamacare" moniker by specifying the ACA. One of my biggest pet peeves! Agree with the plan or not, call it what it is.

Obama said we could call it ObamaCare if we wanted

Haha true.

dshannah · April 2016

Just want to echo what some other PP have said: you need to say something! Her misinformation, antagonism, and classist attitudes literally sent you to the hospital!

imho she should be fired. But reprimanded might be fine...

laurenmdrn16 · April 2016

Aquinna82 said:

It also sounds like she equates obamacare with "low income" (and has a problem with low income) which is obviously inaccurate. I find a lot of people are under the assumption that obamacare is a low-income program only. When my SIL had my niece she was under a state health insurance that actually WAS only for low income families and she ran into similar problems with people being condescending and rude to her. I'd mention it to the office manager if I were in your position...just so they can "clarify" for her in case she needs it.

We have run into this since the plans at both my work and MH's are way too pricey and we do qualify for state health insurance for my son. There is one receptionist at our (fantastic!) pediatrician's office who is always a little snarky about us using state health insurance, but I called her out on it one day and asked if it was really a problem because we have been using this office for 2 years and no one else has ever said anything. She was flustered, but admitted that they do take the plan. I have also had issues with people assuming I have knowledge deficits based on presumed low socio-economic status and it is really hurtful sometimes. So sorry you had this happen to you, OP, and I would definitely mention it to the office manager or another OB/MW at the practice.

Bltbear82 · April 2016

I would definitely say something, because if there's even a chance she might be on call when you delivery and would make you feel uncomfortable , you'll feel better addressing it now and not feeling awkward then.

Not exactly the same, but I had a pretty terrible experience with bedside manner this pregnancy. Earlier in the second tri I contracted CMV for the first time unbeknownst to me. Apparently it's only an issue if you get it for the first time during pregnancy as it crosses the placenta, so my regular practice sent me to a high risk specialist who is running clinical trials in the exact scenario. My regular OB was on maternity leave so at 27 weeks the doctor I had been seeing actually asked me that if (key word being if) there were serious issues with my baby would I consider terminating the pregnancy. And when I told her it was way too late to be considering that she actually suggested there were states I could travel to if I was interested. I was so stunned all I could say was I'd never considered it because I didn't expect to be in this position in the 3rd trimester. Horrific bedside manner and such a lack of emotional intelligence. I got home and was obviously hysterical, and my husband was furious. So I had an amnio done out of sheer paranoia, my baby is 100% healthy. I couldn't believe she speculated on the health of my child with zero knowledge of what was actually happening. My husband said he didn't trust her to keep me and our child safe and that sealed the deal for me. So despite loving my practice (I've been going there for 12 years), I switched doctors and hospitals at 28 weeks just to avoid her potentially delivering my baby. Because eff her.

Spylon · April 2016

So sorry you had to go through that. She sounds pretty awful. Sometimes you wonder why the hell some people chose the career they chose, when they are so obviously ill-suited for it.

Like @Bltbear82 said, you may want to say something to someone just in case she is on call when you go into labour. It would suck to have someone you definitely don't click with attending the birth.

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