Regretting getting pregnant

Leslie&Steve · March 2016

Don't think bad of me please. My emotions are a roller coaster right now but more than others (anything good) I regret getting pregnant and wish I could go back in time. I thought it was something I wanted but now second guessing myself. My life is about to change and not sure I want it to, I like it. People say that will go away once I have the baby but I don't know if I can deal with all these emotions for 9 months. Please help me.

bbiutmcph · March 2016

Leslie&Steve said:

Don't think bad of me please. My emotions are a roller coaster right now but more than others (anything good) I regret getting pregnant and wish I could go back in time. I thought it was something I wanted but now second guessing myself. My life is about to change and not sure I want it to, I like it. People say that will go away once I have the baby but I don't know if I can deal with all these emotions for 9 months. Please help me.

Feelings of fear, the unknown, and being overwhelmed are normal. Even planned pregnancies can be scary once real. A huge life change is scary. That said I advice you to speak to someone whether it's a therapist, your OB, or pastor. A third party that can give you solid advice and work your feelings out. Help determine if it's something normal or something that might need further insight. Good luck!

MRSCORKER · March 2016

What previous poster said. It's normal to fear the unknown. Take a deep breath, cut yourself some slack, and try to find someone to talk to. Sometimes an unbiased opinion can help put things in perspective. Understand that your hormones are going crazy right now. I'm normally prone to anxiety so with all of these hormones raging through my body I've found myself on the verge of a panic attack over the tiniest things. Our emotions are amplified right now. Be kind to yourself, it's going to work out.

Smashbox29 · March 2016

Giving you creepy internet hugs right now!!! It's okay to feel this way but its not healthy for you or the baby. I agree with the others on trying to find someone you trust who will not judge and help you through your fears and anxiety. Even those free helplines over the phone are a great start to having someone to talk too!

lalala2004 · March 2016

I think everyone at minimum has a few moments of "What have I done?!?!" After getting pregnant. It's a lot to take in! Don't feel like you can't talk about it with someone, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Glow360 · March 2016

I've been so sick, I've questioned."what did I do" totally normal. Hormones cause depression and can make us feel bad. So sorry your feeling down right now

megstervt · March 2016

I felt that way, especially in the first tri when I was miserably sick and could barely function. I thought I would be a horrible mom because I didn't feel "connected" to my baby. It all changed instantly at 17 weeks when I had an emergency ultrasound and we found out the baby is a boy. Suddenly he became a tiny person and a real thing, I felt like I could picture my life with this boy rather than just this unknown change. Keep your thoughts in check and make sure you seek support if it's starts to become interfering.

PhoebeJune1984 · March 2016

I have felt somewhat that way with my first pregnancy, and now my second. With my first, I had always wanted to be a mom and was so excited for the day to finally come. Then I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test, and freaked out. It was sick a lot (both pregnancies), and kept thinking about how my life was going to drastically change, and wondering if we had made the right decision, or if we should have stayed childless (by choice). Even the first couple of months of DD's life, I was still in a "what the F did we do?" phase...until she started getting a little personality. And as she got older, our lives started going back to normal (traveling, dinners out, time with friends, etc). In fact, it went so much back to normal, that we REALLY had a hard time deciding if we wanted another baby. We loved (and still love) life with DD (who is now 4 years old), and it was easy having one kid to two adults. In the end, we decided that we did want to have another member of the family. And in all honesty, seeing a positive pregnancy test (again) sent me into kind of a shock of "everything is going to change! What have we done?! I am going to have another c-section...and that sucked! Babies cry! Diapers! OMG....did we just make a huge mistake?!" I hate being pregnant, I am not a fan (AT ALL) of the newborn stage, but as this baby gets older....I know that it will be okay, we will survive, and our family will be better because of the fact that we decided to have another.

I will say that almost everyone I know, has gone through that panic state in the beginning, and they have all loved being a parent (and gone on to have more children). I even have a friend that both her and her husband didn't want kids at all, she ended up pregnant, they were both devastated....but her baby was born several months ago, and she is loving being a mom (and her husband is loving being a dad). I asked her if she could go back and change it and be childless, would she...and she said no (although they have both decided they are one and done).

Take a breather, and try to focus on the positive changes that will happen. They might not happen right away, but they do eventually happen!

veetveet · March 2016

I don't regret getting pregnant... But there are moments I think about how crazy life is going to be and if this was a good idea! We have a 5 year old - life is good. She sleeps well, she is healthy, financially we are alright.

My last pregnancy - I didn't want to be pregnant. It was an oops while on the pill. Once I embraced it and got excited about it - I lost my baby late in my pregnancy. I can't even tell you the guilt I felt.

MNturnsVA · March 2016

I can totally relate to this. My DH and I have been together for almost 9 yd or ears total between dating, living together, engagement and now marriage. That is a long time to just be "us" and nobody else. We've done so many things and been through a lot. We've had a lot of fun and I've been worried about how the dynamics of our relationship may change. So I totally get it- even though I was so upset with each month that passed while we were TTC that we didn't get a BFP. Because I do really want to be a mom too. But I wish sometimes that we had one more night out on the town or one more concert we could have gone too or one more vacation but at the same time- none of those things really matter that much.....and they are still things we can do.....So....I can relate....I think that once things get to be more "real" my feelings will definitely change. I hope you find some peace and comfort on your journey.

2winterbabies · March 2016

I have been in your shoes before. My first pregnancy was unplanned. I was 24 when I gave birth. People thought it was a good age, but I had just graduated college and wanted to try to establish my career first before I thought of a baby. I knew my life was going to change and IT WILL. It will be hard to accept at first. The life you once had of going out every night with your DH can only happen if someone watches baby. The first few months you will be up all wee hours of the morning and intimacy at that point is hard with your SO. Yes, it will change. Don't be afraid of change. It will change for the BETTER! I recently had a second baby. I was scared to find out I was pregnant again with #2 even though she was planned, but now that I had my son already he completed changed my mind about motherhood. If I could, I would have 4+ babies, but it's in my interest not to.

Your body is going through lots of changes right now. You have tons of hormones running through you. Try to relax and really enjoy this pregnancy even though it might not seem that fun right now.

ammnam14 · March 2016

I have been in your shoes. Often during my pregnancy I would think to myself, "I'm so young! Am I capable? How will this affect my marriage?!" But you know what? My sweet little girl is my life. I couldn't imagine life without her. Being a mom is the most challenging, amazing, fulfilling experience ever. Talk to someone about your feelings, they are totally normal.

babymamamegs · March 2016

I'm terrified to not only become a mother but to give birth! I've thought to myself, as I've been getting so sick the past week, if I really wanted it to happen that bad.. and the answer is yes! Although I feel miserable right now, I'm already in love with this baby, and I think in time, you will grow to love yours as well. It's hard to at first because of all the pain you are going through, but you're going through a beautiful thing! Sending love your way.

Ilianexy · March 2016

I'm going through the same exact thing. I'm trying to feel enthusiastic about it but fear overcomes. Is the fear of change, of having a little one totally dependent on you and to be limited to do so many things, specially work as I used to (freelancing) and the major reason for my fear, I was pregnant 2 years ago and had to abort at almost 5 months due to deformities that were caught too late and that has me feeling very scared with this one. I haven't seen my baby yet, my ultrasound is Tuesday (9 weeks) I have a feeling that when I see my baby things will change specially if everything is fine .

Jennys9 · April 2016

Lots of women feel nervous, the same as getting cold feet before a wedding. This is a huge life change- be gentle on yourself.
And know that at any time, you are not alone. There are resources out there before the baby is born and after. And if you decide this is not for you, adoption is a loving option at any point- even months after your baby is born.
You don't have to stay or be a mom if you decide it is not for you.
Reach out for emotional help if you need it. Don't be afraid or ashamed of your emotions.

tripledaggerWed95976 · April 2016

eryncameron · June 2016

I went through the same feelings my first pregnancy. It was unplanned and I was young. I gave it a go, had the nursery all set up and had all the clothes and could have had the baby right then and would have been set, but at 7 months, the feelings weren't changing and I realized I had no business having a child. So I called an adoption agency who put me in contact with dozens of hopeful adoptive couples, and I found a wonderful couple who had been trying for years to have a baby. They were so happy to have a chance to raise a family, and I havent regretted my decision once in the 8 years after.
I am currently pregnant again with a *planned* pregnancy. Even though my husband and I planned it, we got pregnant in 2 weeks when we were expecting to have to try for upwards of 6 months to a year. Almost daily, I still have feelings of "I have a tiny human forming inside me. We are making life.....what the *$&% were we thinking?!".
If you are having feelings of the latter, those will pass. But please know that having to have a baby you feel like you aren't ready or emotionally prepared to deal with, is not your only option.

ecwk · June 2016

karabearrr · June 2016

I'm 12 weeks, and as soon as I started seeing signs of my stomach growing, I think that's when it hit me the most. I'm actually excited for the baby and to be a mom, but I think I'm more freaking out about actually DELIVERING a baby.

Definitely talk to someone, and think about all the positive!

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