I grew up with this "I'm a strong, independent woman and my career will come first, yada, yada..." mind set. My mom was a SAHM and even though I valued having her around and knew how hard she worked, I think the societal stigma made me fear ending up being exactly like my Mom in that respect. I don't think I fully understood feminism either and thought it would be anti-feminist of me to be a SAHM. It wasn't until the movie Mona Lisa Smile (anyone remember that one?) that I actually kind of "got it". Now, as an adult with a baby on the way, I would give up my career in a heartbeat to stay at home. It's not really in the cards for us right now as I have the health insurance and we aren't financially ready to be a one income household but I'll confess that I'm envious of SAH parents. I know it's crazy hard work but it's going to kill me to leave this baby when it's time to go back to work. Not that it doesn't kill every parent when they have to return to work regardless of whether they're going back out of necessity or desire. All hard working mamas are rock stars whether that hard work is in an office or in the home.
It's funny because I am literally the opposite of you in this aspect, lol. I always grew up wanting to be a SAHM but once I got out of college and started my job I realized how much I loved it and would hate to ever give it up. Now, if I ever had to in order to give our child round the clock care, I wouldn't hesitate, but if I don't have to, I won't. It isn't in the cards to us to be a one income household since I get government benefits and DH is more on the private side where benefits are almost nonexistent at the moment.
I completely agree with PP, I find April Fool's Day to be completely immature. Not to mention two years ago today, my poor sister and brother in law had to convince everyone they weren't pranking when she went into labor.
Also my confession is I have been able to almost cut out smoking, but I can't kick my over indulgence in caffeine. My coffee and dr pepper keep me goin throughout the day. Also, apparently Peanut is very fond of Chocolate milk.
I grew up with this "I'm a strong, independent woman and my career will come first, yada, yada..." mind set. My mom was a SAHM and even though I valued having her around and knew how hard she worked, I think the societal stigma made me fear ending up being exactly like my Mom in that respect. I don't think I fully understood feminism either and thought it would be anti-feminist of me to be a SAHM. It wasn't until the movie Mona Lisa Smile (anyone remember that one?) that I actually kind of "got it". Now, as an adult with a baby on the way, I would give up my career in a heartbeat to stay at home. It's not really in the cards for us right now as I have the health insurance and we aren't financially ready to be a one income household but I'll confess that I'm envious of SAH parents. I know it's crazy hard work but it's going to kill me to leave this baby when it's time to go back to work. Not that it doesn't kill every parent when they have to return to work regardless of whether they're going back out of necessity or desire. All hard working mamas are rock stars whether that hard work is in an office or in the home.
It's funny because I am literally the opposite of you in this aspect, lol. I always grew up wanting to be a SAHM but once I got out of college and started my job I realized how much I loved it and would hate to ever give it up. Now, if I ever had to in order to give our child round the clock care, I wouldn't hesitate, but if I don't have to, I won't. It isn't in the cards to us to be a one income household since I get government benefits and DH is more on the private side where benefits are almost nonexistent at the moment.
I think if I loved my job, I would be right there with you. I don't hate what I do but it's not what I dreamed of when I was growing up. I'm here because it pays fairly well and the benefits are amazing! I actually came back to this company from a job I really loved because that job had sucky benefits.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@emmaaa I am a SAHM (other than attending school 2x weekly) with this LO, but was not wth DD and honestly it's pretty rough being a SAHM. I have a lot of respect for SAHMs because it is a LOT of work, physically, mentally, and emotionally! But I know it's not for everybody, and it's not the best for me either. I was used to working and enjoyed it, and plan to do so after school regardless of the age of my children when I can get into my preferred profession. I had been at a factory for 5 years, and although I was surprisingly gifted at working on hydraulic motors and made great money without a formal education, it just really wasn't a life-long career goal for me, so when we found out I was pregnant with LO I got out of it. Maintenance is a rough enough job even when you're NOT pregnant. I am only household bound until I am qualified for a different field that pays. Anything I could land right now doesn't pay enough to be worth the cost of child care and travel honestly. There is NOTHING wrong with valuing your career, and there are plenty happy, functional families with children that have two working parents. That someone you mentioned kind of sounds like an asshat if I may say so haha
I realized I told some friends finally today, then when I realized what today is, was horrified that they might think I was joking!
My FFFC is that I'm pretty freaked out about the idea of feeling a baby moving inside me. It kind of makes me queasy just thinking about it. I'm hoping my opinion will completely change once it happens because all I hear is how reassuring it is, and I could always use reassurance that things are going ok....but I feel pretty guilty thinking any part of this "beautiful" process is creepy!
I currently work full-time, plus multiple part time jobs. I've cut back since having DD, but I'm extremely busy. As much as I love her and miss her when I'm not around, I don't think I could ever be a full time stay at home parent. This sounds awful (but its FFF, right?), but on days we are home all day, I'm seriously so exhausted by like 2pm. I'm like "How do some women DO it all day?!"
I would, however, be happy with a middle ground. Like, for example, if I could work 3 days a week or something that would be nice.
I realized I told some friends finally today, then when I realized what today is, was horrified that they might think I was joking!
My FFFC is that I'm pretty freaked out about the idea of feeling a baby moving inside me. It kind of makes me queasy just thinking about it. I'm hoping my opinion will completely change once it happens because all I hear is how reassuring it is, and I could always use reassurance that things are going ok....but I feel pretty guilty thinking any part of this "beautiful" process is creepy!
In my opinion, there is plenty about this beautiful process that can be seen as creepy, and sometimes down right gross without feeling guilty about it, that's just how it is and it doesn't make the pregnancy any less of an adventure, our babies any less amazing, and it doesn't make you a bad person for thinking so! There is plenty of weird in all of this beauty.
@JamieK1882 YES, this exactly. I know that being a SAHM is not the best choice for me but it would be SO nice to have a bit more time with my DD each week. Due to childcare issues a while back, I worked half days for a week and stayed with DD the other half of the day and it was great! A 60/40 split probably would have resulted in a little bit more work productivity, but it was really nice!
On another thread we've been discussing sking to skin and whether it's beneficial to do it directly out of the womb or if it's just as beneficial to let them take the baby away to clean up, measure, etc. and start skin to skin a few minutes later. I'm ashamed to confess that I kinda want them to clean the baby up first. I know I probably won't care after 9 months of waiting and hours of labor but they are pretty messy when they come out. I feel guilty feeling a little icky about holding and kissing on a baby covered in everything.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@mrscorker I'm right there with you on this one. My mom worked, but I was taught about being strong, independent, and having a good work ethic. Years ago I could never have imagined myself wanting to stay at home. But now with a LO otw (and the fact that a little piece of me dies every Monday morning when I realize I have to go to my work again lol)... there's a lot I'd give to be a SAHM. Maybe I'd feel different if I loved my job or we could afford to be a single income family. But.... Also, I'm not sure how I feel about kids not getting daycare time. A lot of people don't love it. But I love the fact that, at the daycare we chose, our child will learn sign language and know how to write/read some when they enter kindergarten. Plus the social skills they gain from daycare.
@peggyolsonftw - my BWI chapter isn't so crunchy (I joined a while back because I make water ring slings for summer) but I DO NOT understand the need for a gazillion carriers/wraps that are the exact same damn thing in a different color. lol. But, hey, to each his own I guess
We were never well off or even comfortable with our money situation growing up, so I've been working since I was 15. When I had DD, we were in an okay place so I jumped at the chance to become a SAHM and I don't regret it for a minute. That being said, I would never judge any mom that worked as my own mother worked two jobs growing up and my dad did the morning and evening routines with me. Being a mom is hard, period, whether you're working outside or inside the home.
@PeggyOlsonFTW I was asked to join an FB group by a grade school friend (ironically named Peggy) after she saw I had a baby. I was so out of place because they were super crunchy and I felt super judged! I have a boba and a Lillebaby and I got majorly Tula peer pressured. And I kept getting tagged in articles like anti-vaxxing and making my own breastmilk cheese so after a few weeks, I was out.
@PeggyOlsonFTW I was asked to join an FB group by a grade school friend (ironically named Peggy) after she saw I had a baby. I was so out of place because they were super crunchy and I felt super judged! I have a boba and a Lillebaby and I got majorly Tula peer pressured. And I kept getting tagged in articles like anti-vaxxing and making my own breastmilk cheese so after a few weeks, I was out.
WUT. This is a thing?
To each her own but...
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
I breastfeed my first two babies and I hated it. Absolutely hated it. I didn't produce enough milk and was nursing/pumping constantly and it made me have a less than ideal newborn experience. I am not doing it again. At my Drs appt they asked me if I was going to breast or bottle feed and was so excited to say bottle. I don't feel at all guilty about it and the first person who tries may get punched in the face.
@BoyMom44 ... I'm absolutely terrified of breastfeeding. I'm gonna do it, but I hear stories of "boobs turning into pancakes" and seeing my sister with her baby who uses her as a "paci" sometimes makes me soooooo scared!
@PeggyOlsonFTW I was asked to join an FB group by a grade school friend (ironically named Peggy) after she saw I had a baby. I was so out of place because they were super crunchy and I felt super judged! I have a boba and a Lillebaby and I got majorly Tula peer pressured. And I kept getting tagged in articles like anti-vaxxing and making my own breastmilk cheese so after a few weeks, I was out.
WUT. This is a thing?
Gross...I didn't see this the first time I read through. Thanks for pointing it out ya jerk (the internet makes sarcasm so much tougher... note my sarcasm font )
@BoyMom44 ... I'm absolutely terrified of breastfeeding. I'm gonna do it, but I hear stories of "boobs turning into pancakes" and seeing my sister with her baby who uses her as a "paci" sometimes makes me soooooo scared!
this! I'm so scared about breastfeeding. My BFF told me all about the horrible things it did to her nipples. TERRIFIED
@kmalls That was my reaction! And they were legit serious about it. I mean, I'm still breastfeeding my 15 month old, but she eats, like, regular people food and cheese from cows.
Every mom is different, but I absolutely understand the anxiety 100%. With my DD, I was more afraid of breastfeeding than I was of giving birth! I prepared myself for the worst and always told myself, if it doesn't work, just formula feed. After all of that anxiety, I gotta say it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be (again, totally just speaking to my own experience). At this point, I do kinda wish I had my body to myself again before the new baby comes, but my DD doesn't seem to be ready to move on quite yet. Yes, your nips will be different after. And yes, if you do extended BFing, your LO will bite. But if you want to and choose to, it really is worth the pain. (Just wanted to add, my cousin FF her DS and they have just as an amazing bond as I do with my DD so however you feed your kid is what is right, no matter what anyone may say.)
If I were Blake Shelton, I would be so pissed. IMHO, that kind of "joke" is also incredibly disrespectful to both of the exes involved. Maybe I'm over sensitive because I co-parent with my ex-husband, but I think former spouses deserve respect too-which includes not pulling lame "pregnancy" pranks with another man before either person's divorce is final.
(I'm not actually sure if the divorces in this case are final, they may well be. Still strikes me as crazy tacky, in addition to the loss/IF reasons discussed.)
@bnsmith85 my nipples are in perfect shape and exactly the same as before. It was really my production issues that made it hellish and was something I was completely unprepared for. I tried everything including prescription medication with no luck. It always seems the things you don't fear are your issues in the end:)
Confession: I'm annoyed with the lack of regular posters on this board. Don't get me wrong, I really like those that do, but it annoys me to see how many people are all "it's a boy/girl!!" in the what's in my belly thread that I've never seen contribute anywhere else. It's hard to get excited for an announcement of the baby's sex when I'm all "WHO ARE YOU."
Confession: I'm annoyed with the lack of regular posters on this board. Don't get me wrong, I really like those that do, but it annoys me to see how many people are all "it's a boy/girl!!" in the what's in my belly thread that I've never seen contribute anywhere else. It's hard to get excited for an announcement of the baby's sex when I'm all "WHO ARE YOU."
So hey lurkers: come out and play!
YES! That and the announcement posts are littered with dirty lurkers.
I realized I told some friends finally today, then when I realized what today is, was horrified that they might think I was joking!
My FFFC is that I'm pretty freaked out about the idea of feeling a baby moving inside me. It kind of makes me queasy just thinking about it. I'm hoping my opinion will completely change once it happens because all I hear is how reassuring it is, and I could always use reassurance that things are going ok....but I feel pretty guilty thinking any part of this "beautiful" process is creepy!
Don't feel guilty. I have a video of a tiny elbow or knee moving across my belly from when I was pregnant with my son. It is a little creepy but also pretty cool.
(Also, I went into labor on April Fool's Day two years ago. My mom and sister both thought it was a prank until I sent them a photo of my baby the next morning.)
@kmalls I admit to being a lurker. Maybe I'm just not proficient at posting, and am only able to check the board once a day. I find threads that have multiple pages of comments in only a few hours overwhelming to join into. Any tips for this shy lurker?
@kmalls I admit to being a lurker. Maybe I'm just not proficient at posting, and am only able to check the board once a day. I find threads that have multiple pages of comments in only a few hours overwhelming to join into. Any tips for this shy lurker?
@kennelchick - jump in on the weekly randoms thread! It's generally not too fast-moving and its the perfect spot to just blurt something out or respond to something that's been said. It's a way easier place to get to know people than a giant thread like UO or FFFC.
I'll add to my FFFC that I think pregnancy brain fog is setting in based on the extra words in some of my posts lately....and that I typically only notice once it's too late to even make sense to edit
I have another one- We are currently potty training DD. After work, I set her up on her potty chair, in the living room (we have gates so she can't get out), handed her my phone and took a nap on the floor next to her. She will sit there forever if she can watch YouTube. And I desperately needed a nap.
@bnsmith85 my nipples are in perfect shape and exactly the same as before. It was really my production issues that made it hellish and was something I was completely unprepared for. I tried everything including prescription medication with no luck. It always seems the things you don't fear are your issues in the end:)
It's not the look I'm worried about. It's the pain. Having your nipples go from 0-60 overnight.... It's rough on the skin. And then continuing to do what inflicts the pain is scary. I'll still BF... But I'll be honest, it makes me nervous
Lol. @bnsmith85 that does not sound like a typical breastfeeding experience at all. It's different for everyone but...the things you are concerned about are not normal, especially long term. Many women who breastfeed legitimately enjoy the experience (totally cool if you don't, though) and anyone who is experiencing pain should seek help. Breastfeeding should not hurt and if it does, there are usually things that can be done about it.
Can't tag everyone since its been several comments discussing BF but my friend and I recently had this same conversation. She's terrified to BF for pain, her boobs becoming saggy/pancakey, etc. I BF my DD for 18 months and my DS for 19 months and I'm now 38 and my boobs are fabulous! Lol Nothing crazy happened to my nipples and the only "pain" I had was when I ended up with mastitis twice of if I let my boobs become really enforced and that was on me. I think once you do it you will realize it's not painful and if it is then see a specialist because the baby may be having a problem latching properly,
Yeah on the breastfeeding topic (sorry not a confession)... lol My MIL told me I needed to start roughing up my nipples to get them used to the pain lol. THAT was an interesting conversation. Then my friend who JUST had a baby and went through all the classes looked at me like I had three heads when I asked her about this. When she told me "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong" I was so relieved. I don't wanna have to rough up my nips!
Re: FFFC (4/1)
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Also my confession is I have been able to almost cut out smoking, but I can't kick my over indulgence in caffeine. My coffee and dr pepper keep me goin throughout the day. Also, apparently Peanut is very fond of Chocolate milk.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
My FFFC is that I'm pretty freaked out about the idea of feeling a baby moving inside me. It kind of makes me queasy just thinking about it. I'm hoping my opinion will completely change once it happens because all I hear is how reassuring it is, and I could always use reassurance that things are going ok....but I feel pretty guilty thinking any part of this "beautiful" process is creepy!
On the topic of working vs SAHM...
I currently work full-time, plus multiple part time jobs. I've cut back since having DD, but I'm extremely busy. As much as I love her and miss her when I'm not around, I don't think I could ever be a full time stay at home parent. This sounds awful (but its FFF, right?), but on days we are home all day, I'm seriously so exhausted by like 2pm. I'm like "How do some women DO it all day?!"
I would, however, be happy with a middle ground. Like, for example, if I could work 3 days a week or something that would be nice.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Also, I'm not sure how I feel about kids not getting daycare time. A lot of people don't love it. But I love the fact that, at the daycare we chose, our child will learn sign language and know how to write/read some when they enter kindergarten. Plus the social skills they gain from daycare.
@peggyolsonftw - my BWI chapter isn't so crunchy (I joined a while back because I make water ring slings for summer) but I DO NOT understand the need for a gazillion carriers/wraps that are the exact same damn thing in a different color. lol. But, hey, to each his own I guess
https://toofab.com/2016/04/01/gwen-stefani-april-fools-joke-pregnancy/
Edited for grammar
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Every mom is different, but I absolutely understand the anxiety 100%. With my DD, I was more afraid of breastfeeding than I was of giving birth! I prepared myself for the worst and always told myself, if it doesn't work, just formula feed. After all of that anxiety, I gotta say it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be (again, totally just speaking to my own experience). At this point, I do kinda wish I had my body to myself again before the new baby comes, but my DD doesn't seem to be ready to move on quite yet. Yes, your nips will be different after. And yes, if you do extended BFing, your LO will bite. But if you want to and choose to, it really is worth the pain. (Just wanted to add, my cousin FF her DS and they have just as an amazing bond as I do with my DD so however you feed your kid is what is right, no matter what anyone may say.)
(I'm not actually sure if the divorces in this case are final, they may well be. Still strikes me as crazy tacky, in addition to the loss/IF reasons discussed.)
So hey lurkers: come out and play!
(Also, I went into labor on April Fool's Day two years ago. My mom and sister both thought it was a prank until I sent them a photo of my baby the next morning.)
We are currently potty training DD. After work, I set her up on her potty chair, in the living room (we have gates so she can't get out), handed her my phone and took a nap on the floor next to her.
She will sit there forever if she can watch YouTube. And I desperately needed a nap.
Fell in love: Dec 2005 // Married: Feb 9, 2013
Little Miss Rosalie Harper--Born Jan 9th, 2014
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18