House guests at 36 weeks pregnant?

missrebecca421 · March 2016

Looking for some advice... Some of DH's family (his brother, SIL and their 3 years old) want to come visit us when I am going to be 36 weeks pregnant. They live on the other side of the country, but have considered moving to our area for some time. However, they want to come check out the area. Their work schedules limit when they can take vacation and this year it just so happens when they can visit is the last month of my pregnancy. They are asking to come stay with us for about a week when I am going to be 36 weeks pregnant. I am not very comfortable with that since I have read that you could have the baby anytime after 37 weeks and I don't want to be stressed out playing host to them while they visit. I also know they want to sight see. From everything I've heard I will be miserable and tired and not wanting to go to amusement parks and other such places. However, DH will feel obligated to go with them since they are visiting which means I will be left all alone at home.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to have guests at 36 weeks pregnant? This is our first baby and I don't know how I will be feeling but I would guess I will not be a pleasant person to be around.

Anyone have any advice or have had house guest experiences around this time of pregnancy?

Curls919 · March 2016

Well, considering that DS was born at 36w 3d, my answer would be a resounding no.

But each person is different. If you didn't have to "host" them, just provide a place for them to sleep and you'd be ok if they're there when the baby comes then I'd let them come. And FTR you could technically go into labor at any point, there's no magic 37 week switch that gets flipped.

Neesey · March 2016

I have said no to all house guests from July through November period--no family or friends. Granted my little guy was born at 34w4d but at the end, the last thing I wanted was to clean or be a hostess. We actually had houseguests the very first night that he came home from the NICU and it was way too stressful. I can't imagine going to a theme park in the heat at the end of my pregnancy either. To each their own but I would tell them I would gladly help them find a great hotel or rental on www.vrbo.com.

Sekerambo · March 2016

If you get along with them, I would have them over. If you have had an uncomplicated pregnancy then you are unlikely to go into labor early. You are actually more likely to go into labor (naturally) late or on average 41+1 weeks. As far as being miserable, the end is what you make of it. I wasn't miserable. Not saying I didn't have aches and pains but I was determined to enjoy the last few weeks.

kiwico14 · March 2016

Another vote no. I was put on bed rest at 30 weeks (total surprise) and delivered at 36 weeks. I wanted nothing to do with visitors that whole time. @Neesey had a great idea though!

Fremdschamen · March 2016

I would vote yes, unless you find their personalities especially grating. The majority of first time pregnancies last nearly (or more than) 40 weeks. I was still working full time, going to yoga, cooking meals, etc at 36 weeks. I'm a big believer in treating pregnant women like normal humans rather than sick people as much as possible (within medical constraints, obviously). If the time approaches and complications arise, you can always tell them to book a hotel or airbnb.

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

I would vote yes, with the caveat - they are family NOT guests, and your DH needs to make that clear to them ahead of time. You'll show them where dirty dishes go, and they can do the dishes ... not expect you to clean up after them.

If they aren't comfortable with that, (or you don't think they will follow through) then I would say no. I would absolutely not "play host" to them, but if they want to come out and help out a little while they are here I'd say it's fine.

You don't need the extra work, but no reason they should cause extra work for you...

JLyn821 · March 2016

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but don't assume you'll be miserable. I had my son at 41w6d and was never miserable or uncomfortable. I worked until I had my son and my co-workers thought I was silly to be at work. I thought it was dumb to sit at home and wait. I would have definitely been up for sight seeing or whatever at 36 weeks. The only thing I chose not to do was travel three hours away to help choose bridesmaid dresses for my cousin's wedding. I was 38 weeks and just wasn't comfortable being that far away from my hospital.

So yeah, don't assume you'll feel like "everyone else" because that's an exaggeration. Not everyone feels crappy at the end of their pregnancy. Not to mention, at 36 weeks, you could still be well over a month away from baby actually arriving. I get that your mind will be preoccupied by getting last minute things ready, but you may appreciate the distraction. That last month drags on.

kattyleigh · March 2016

Meh. I think it will be fine. They have a kid so they know you won't be the most gracious host and actually, they may help you. I say let them come.

WinnieLou82 · March 2016

Personally, I'd vote no - it's not just for an overnight or a weekend, a week is a long time to have guests in your home. Even if I feel great at 36 weeks, I'd have plenty to need to be doing around the house that didn't involve out of town guests.

jamiesc58 · March 2016

It might be a welcome distraction, not to mention, you may actually be ok with your dh going away with them so you get alone time to nap or do what you need to do. As long as he is within range in case you do start to go into labor or something. My first child was 3 days late, my second was 4 days late, and my third was only 9 days early. The probability of going into labor at 36 weeks is less than 1%. Even at 40 weeks (especially for a first time mom) it is still only 50%. I think you will be ok. 36 weeks I was still feeling pretty good. That is when the baby shower happened and when I finally got the nursery done and ready. Washed all the new baby clothes and put them away, got stuff ready for the hospital, all the last minute things that need to be done got done around this time.

ThisisNumber3 · March 2016

I would vote yes (more than likely you wont have the baby before 37 weeks). But I would let them know they are welcome to crash there but you aren't up to hosting and entertaining.

ThisisNumber3 · March 2016

jamiesc58 said:

It might be a welcome distraction, not to mention, you may actually be ok with your dh going away with them so you get alone time to nap or do what you need to do. As long as he is within range in case you do start to go into labor or something. My first child was 3 days late, my second was 4 days late, and my third was only 9 days early. The probability of going into labor at 36 weeks is less than 1%. Even at 40 weeks (especially for a first time mom) it is still only 50%. I think you will be ok. 36 weeks I was still feeling pretty good. That is when the baby shower happened and when I finally got the nursery done and ready. Washed all the new baby clothes and put them away, got stuff ready for the hospital, all the last minute things that need to be done got done around this time.

Yes! I agree its a slim chance for labor that early and I think at 36 weeks it could be a very nice distraction. AKA by that point I hope to have most of my to-do list completed and its really just a LONG boring waiting game.

Ceventa · March 2016

I think it really depends on how comfortable you are with them. You will be 36 weeks pregnant at the time, so I would hope that if there are times that you need to retire to your room to take a nap or decide to hang back from an outing because you need to rest, that they would understand. Also that they would be willing to help around the house a bit, like not expect you to always cook for them or that they can keep areas clean that would help.

In regards to how you will feel at the time, don't go based on what other people have told you. I felt just fine at 36 weeks and was still bouncing all over the house with a lot of energy. I didn't have DS until I hit 41 weeks, and I will say it wasn't until I hit the 39 week mark that I really started to feel it. So for all you know, you might feel great at 36 weeks! Keep an eye on how your pregnancy progresses. If by the time 36 weeks comes along and you are uncomfortable and showing signs of the baby coming, then plan to let them go out a lot by themselves and you take it easy.

missrebecca421 · March 2016

Thank you all for the advice! I'm hoping our little one stays put until 40 weeks so we don't even have to worry about going into labor during the visit if they still decide to visit during this time Also thank you guys for the positive thinking too. I've just assumed I will be miserable but you're right. It is what you make it.

bearsandbeets7 · March 2016

I'd say yes as long as you're not high risk. Most FTMs go past their due date, note I said MOST. I don't remember being too uncomfortable at 36 weeks. The only thing that was annoying at that point for me was not being able to sleep too well because of getting up to pee and my hips hurting. It would probably be nice to have them come and distract you some. Those last few weeks can drag by so having them there might be nice. Plus if they have a kid then chances are they remember what it was like being that pregnant so at least the mom, may empathize with you.

pelorunningmama · March 2016

You've got lots of good advice here. I just wanted to throw one more into the "sure, why not" bucket. Let them know you won't be cooking any grand dinners or entertaining, but the distraction will be nice.

karlimonster · March 2016

My first thought is NOOOOOO, but then I wonder are they the kind of people who can respect your boundaries? If they're at your house do they expect a tour guide 24/7? If they aren't in your home it would be easier to have down time.

1faceinacrowd · March 2016

Lots of great advice/feedback here!
I would add that, in the very likely event that you go all the way to 40 weeks, those last 4 weeks really drag. You may or may not be uncomfortable but either way, you'll be so ready to have that baby. By then, you're at a point where time just feels like it's dragging, and honestly it might be nice to have something to look forward to at 36 weeks (IF spending time with this particular family is something to look forward to, which depends on your relationship with them). Once they arrive, you can choose to go with them on their site-seeing ventures, or you can choose not to, depending on how you feel. Believe me, you won't regret taking an afternoon or two at home (or at the spa/hair stylist/nail salon?!) by yourself anyway if you do elect not to go with them.

lucypod · March 2016

I agree with the yes votes but also agree with the caveat that you or your husband need to emphasize that you might need some extra help. This can be a good thing for some people. My MIL lives 10 minutes away but if she was across the country I'd probably look forward to her visiting me at 36 weeks because she'd probably cook and clean half the time she was at my house. So it depends if your relatives are inclined to be more or less helpful.

As far as the activities, you have no idea what you might be up for. Walking around an amusement park could seem tiring, but doing other things to get out of the house may be refreshing. I already have July 4th plans at the beach and am attending a wedding 2.5 weeks before my EDD, among other activities planned for my last month. Granted I am fully aware all of those plans could be cancelled in a heartbeat, but I don't want to limit myself too much because I'm afraid I'll get a major case of cabin fever if I plan to stay at home all day just in case I go into labor.

If you think they will be helpful and accommodating (read: FLEXIBLE), then I say go for it!

kwilliams3402 · March 2016

I'd say go for it, as long as they know that if you have complications by then or have delivered, then they're not going to be staying for a fun time, and instead will be put to work.

I spent the first nearly 3 months feeling so crappy that I basically have taken the approach that I'm pregnant, I feel crappy, and if you want to stay at my house, the guest room is always open, but don't expect a show or me to be the most fun person ever. I'll be as hospitable as I can, but I'm also not going to hide feeling like crap in my own house!

Disneygeek77 · March 2016

I personally believe being 36 pregnant is irrelevant. If you don't want houseguests, you don't want houseguests. " I don't feel like it " is the only excuse you need and just because someone asks to stay at your home, that doesn't mean you have to let them.

I mean there really is no way of knowing how you will feel at that point. You could feel great or you could be miserable. I would err on the side of caution and just tell them " No, but here is a list of some affordable hotels in our area."

bananers · March 2016

People already gave some good input. I will just add that I felt amazing until I was 3 days overdue, and then I hit my wall (and then DS came the next day).

Also, the final month of pregnancy lasts approximately 44256785447 years. You may end up grateful for the distraction.

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