Had my HSG, today

themuffinman16 · March 2016

Today, has been such a hard day. I wasn't expecting much from this test... I wasn't even nervous. As usual, when the doctor is inserting the speculum, and opening my cervix, it hurts, but I can breathe through it. Then I heard this strange sound and realized it was me screaming, and I couldn't stop. It was so painful, but it was, thankfully, over rather quickly. I don't know if it's my adenomyosis that made it so painful, but I took 800 mg of Advil 2 hours before the procedure. I felt so humiliated, having that reaction, and having to just jump through hoops to try and get pregnant, when it is so easy for so many. Then I had to get through a sea of happy couples bringing their babies home from the hospital... it just made me cry. I went home without talking to DH at all on the way home. I just had to calm down before I could even talk about, today. I am just so embarrassed, resentful, and just not being a good sport, today. I don't know how anyone can deal with this with any level of grace, but I know that I am handling this all wrong. My doctor said my tubes were open, and it just upset me, because if ,my tubes were blocked, I would have had an answer, and probably a solution.

LittleSap92014 · March 2016

@themuffinman16 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Please know you're not alone. If you think you're handling everything all wrong, I'm right there with you. It's so hard for me to see pregnant women, families with kids, pregnancy announcements .. you name it -- it kills me. I catch myself being jealous and resentful sometimes too. It's hard to fake the smile. It does get SO frustrating to jump through hoops, like you said .. as others have it happen so easily and sometimes even while not trying. I get it. Most of us here probably get it. Keep your chin up, you're one step closer to finding the issue and working on the solution.

mtpbadger · March 2016

I am so sorry you are feeling like this but please know you are not alone, we have all been there at some point. I have found myself hoping for something abnormal to come back on tests, mri's, ultrasounds, etc because then there would at least be an explaination and most likely a treatment and a definite way to move forward. Please do not feel humiliated or embarrassed with your reaction, you are human and what you are feeling IS normal. The ladies on this board know what you are feeling and we are all going through this f-ed up journey together. Lean on us, vent, scream, cry, type violently on your keyboard.....we got you. We all need days where we are not good sports to let it all out. and remember, tomorrow is a new day.

BingALing23 · March 2016

@themuffinman16 I'm so sorry that you had such a trying day. I truly believe there is no "right" way to handle all of this. You do the best you can in the moment. I've laughed, cried, been angry all within a matter of 5 minutes. There is so much that goes on in our minds and then add to that all of the poking, prodding and medications.

Just remember that whatever you're feeling, we've all been there...and we're here for you to vent.

vssbrm · March 2016

Right there with you lady. It's a bumpy road, one that is impossible to navigate with out falling on our faces many times and grace is often lacking. But we are only human... Thinking of you.

CCBrownEyedGirl · March 2016

I feel you, lady. Each test makes the struggle all the more real. Sometimes I think an answer, albeit a sucky one, would be better than no answer at all. I'm in the "unexplained infertility" zone too. Sometimes I don't even know why I react the way I do. It comes out of nowhere and blindsides me. I guess you can only put on a brave face and suppress for so long. Being bright and cheery gets exhausting. I haven't even responded to my neighbor's baby shower invite...it's next week. I just can't do it. I avoid her every time I see her. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. She gives me these pitiful looks and sighs. We started trying at the same time and she's 12 years older than me... We all go through it. Take care of yourself. <Hugs>

oxinfree · March 2016

I think we all have those kinds of days @themuffinman16 ! Being unexplained for years I definitely felt all that frustration many times over. Test after test I would be disappointed for not finding anything wrong. What should be a relief just felt like another lost solution. I'm sorry the test was so painful for you. I too yelled. They now put me under for any procedure that they have to go through my cervix. All I can say is don't judge yourself too harshly for having a bad day. You are entirely entitled to feel frustrated and upset. No one expects you to handle this with grace. It's a struggle, and all you can do is face it as best as you can, and know that you're doing what you can. That is enough. Big hugs to you my dear.

msirni0 · March 2016

Unexplained infertility is a BITCH. It is so frustrating and I know exactly how you're feeling. I remember after my HSG I was like ok, so why the f am I not pregnant yet if everything looks "great". I have those days all the time where I feel resentful. What you have to remind yourself is that you are handling it. Maybe you feel like you're not handling it with grace, but you are handling it. All of us infertiles are an incredibly strong, resilient group of people. So don't be hard on yourself for feeling down, you have every right to. Just try to keep moving

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Had my HSG, today

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