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May 2016 Moms
kp90
member
Let's talk about our breakdowns.
kp90
member
So, yesterday I had a pretty extreme emotional/mental break down (although not my first since pregnancy and I'm sure not the last either) but I thought maybe we could make each other feel better and possibly try to make light of these horrible moments we experience thanks to all things pregnancy.
Mine was due to a lot of things all coming out at once. I had a terrible day at work so that was the starting point. Then just the struggle I have every day coming home from work, climbing out of the truck, wobbling into the house, having to let out my 3 crazy, barking, hyper dogs, bending over to feed them, struggling with changing clothes, the pain when I bend over, kneel, squat or anything.. (mind you I have put on a TON of weight and this is not easy for me physically as well as mentally. My self esteem is at an all time low) not to mention I recently had a hair cut and feel so ugly every time I look in the mirror... so all these things going on in my head, right. Then I get the urge to pee.. so as I'm sitting on the toilet I literally lose it right then and there. Then my neighbor starts up his bike which was super loud and all my dogs start barking and growling extremely loud.. which only makes me sob harder. (yes, all while still sitting on the toilet!)
It was literally the most pathetic scene ever, I'm sure. After a good cry session, I put on comfy clothes and composed myself and watched some TV until my SO got home and made him hug me for awhile and we had a talk that ended up making me feel better. But seriously.. this trimester is not fun at all. I never dreamed pregnancy would effect me the way it has and cause all these crazy, unstable break downs. So ladies, I shared mine.. let's hear your breakdowns.
Re: Let's talk about our breakdowns.
My recent breakdown was on Monday when I picked my son up from daycare and the teacher said he had pushed/hit 4 times and mostly younger kids. I know I wrote about it on TTT, but it just destroyed me. I literally could not pull myself together and just kept having these intense crying jags all night long. Then, when I dropped my son off at daycare the next morning, I was a blubbering mess and the poor teacher was just completely unsure of how to react. I sobbed that I had no idea where those behaviors came from, that we have been working on gentle hands and counting to 5 if he gets upset, using his words, that I am afraid he is upset about the new baby coming and I feel so guilty about taking any attention away from him and basically just dumped everything on the poor woman. She just hugged me and said that everything is going to be fine and that my son is a really loving and kind kid who just needs to work on his impulse control, just like EVERY other 2 year old on the planet! She sent me pictures of him playing nice and even cradling a baby doll that he calls "Baby Luna...just like my sister!" Apparently, he will pretend to feed the doll and explain to his buddies how he is going to help Mama when the real baby comes. I feel so silly for melting down like I did, but it brought up fears and worries that I hadn't addressed before. It was great to have that come to the surface because now I have the opportunity to face it head on. I hadn't really been able to put into words my fears about how a new baby would affect my son and if he would be jealous or upset or resentful. But to hear his teacher reassure me that he is a good kid and he is excited about his baby sister felt really good. He will probably get mad and maybe even use rough hands with the baby if she grabs at his toys or whatever, but that doesn't mean that he hates her or is going to be a serial killer. It is amazing the weird and distorted thoughts our pregnant brains come up with!
Not breakdown per se, but when I was in the hospital on Tuesday night I had a moment where I couldn't negotiate my cell phone, which was plugged into a charger. It was wrapped around my wrist and I couldn't fix it because I could only use the hand that it was wrapped around (I couldn't move my other arm because I was hooked up to fluids and every time I moved the fluid pump would alarm). I had this sudden burst of just anger and frustration and I thought I was going to hurl my cell phone across the room because WHY does EVERYTHING have to be so HARD??? It took me a few minutes to calm myself down (with no damage to my cell phone). It was hard because anger and throwing things is not my typical MO
@laurenmdrn16 You shouldn't feel silly about your breakdown! I'm sure being pregnant with a 2nd brings up all kinds of anxieties and fears about having two kids, how they will interact and affect each other, etc. I'm not an expert but your son sounds like a typical 2 year old to me and him holding the baby is just the sweetest thing! He will be a wonderful big brother!
I also have huge, blubbering breakdowns over MH and I's relationship. Everything in totally fine- in fact, it's great- but the tiniest little thing (like he'll ask me to put a dish in the dishwasher) will have me sobbing that we aren't right for each other, or will end up divorced, or he'll end up having an affair. No reason at all for me to think any of that, just crazy pregnancy hormones, ha.
@laurenmdrn16 Nope, not silly at all. If I were in your shoes I would've reacted the same way as pregnancy tends to make me emotional and more of a crier. Now if this was pre or post pregnancy it probably would've been anger because that's usually my go to. But like the teacher said, its normal for that age. My friends son hits her all the time and she has to correct him. Probably just a phase! Your son will lovvvve his baby sister. Hugs.
@aquinna82 Hope you're doing better since your hospital stay. I get like that too. It's like the smallest things can set us off in one direction or the other.. but knowing myself I probably WOULD have hurled my phone and then instantly regretted it.. which again would lead to sobbing, lol. But I am totally with you on our body not working the way it used to. It's incredibly frustrating. I WANT MY BODY BACK. Even though I am soooo grateful for my LO... its just... pregnancy can be plain hard.
So we talked about it and he said he was fine with me stopping the suppositories at 33 weeks. For several reasons, but also because I need ME back. I'm tired of being uncomfortable and useless.
Last night we we went to our final birthing class and he commented that he had to go to work early tomorrow (around 3AM). He goes to work early a ton and I know it's because he feels like he needs to make money but sometimes he's just plain ridiculous about it. I said "I wish you'd work the time your contracted to." Which is 5 days a week, 40 hours. Not 70 hours, 7 days a week. He got upset and basically said how to I expect to pay my student loans, pay for a wedding, and buy a house. He said I'm rushing the baby and I don't care about LO. He said I care more about a wedding than LO.
All I do is plan and think about LO, but a wedding also doesn't happen 3 months before the wedding date.
I actually kinda think I'm borderline depressed. Needless to say all I've been doing is obsessing and crying.
Well my husband is a saint, I got done blubbering and he ordered us a new mattress at 4am because it was all he could think of to fix the problem.
All things considered, I've had a relatively easy pregnancy. However, this week it seems like 3rd trimester has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm exhausted because I'm not getting much sleep but have some insomnia at night. The last 3 days my feet have started to swell. I'm hungry but not hungry with no idea what I want to eat. I haven't had a meltdown yet...but I can feel it coming.
my gramma passed away last May, and she was a huge part of my life. She was basically my other mom, we lived with her when I was growing up, and I helped with her hospice care. Her death was/is really hard. We weren't expecting to get pregnant so soon and if baby comes late by 8 he'll be born on my grammas death anniversary (and she died to the minute 45 years after her mom).
My mom and I were talking about how we feel like the baby is a gift from my gramma because she was so happy when I was first pregnant (I later miscarried) and then I just broke down thinking my baby will never get to know her or hear her great stories. I must have cried for 30 minutes.
and now I'm crying again...
@jomunson here is your creepy internet hug too...
He thanked her for her response and we figured that was the end of it. Today...she sends him this snide email about how since he's a lawyer, he needs to use his investigative skills to research the rise in Autism and the correlation between those diagnoses and increased vaccinations. And aborted fetal cells and mercury... Really? Really? All I can think is that this is how our week together is going to be, full of unsolicited and downright rude comments about how we should parent. I had finally made my peace with her coming down here after the birth, but now I'm just regretting it all over again. My husbands mother died when he was 3 and his father is not worth acknowledging with words, so this is literally the only parent he has left. Why does she have to be like this?!?!?!
@auntieembabes, your husband is the best! I was skimming this board while on the phone with my husband discussing his mother and just burst into tears while saying, "Her husband got her a new bed at 4 AM and you can't even control your damn mother!" Guess I'm a little upset by all of this...
engaged to my now husband. We were very active and I was constantly doing something. One day I was at work and my arms and legs gave out and I felt like I had been hit by a semi truck. I couldn't formulate sentences, couldn't perform my job, and had no idea wtf was going on with my body. I had aches and pains all over my body and migraines that wouldn't go away. My supervisor sent me home and told me to not come back until we figured out what was going on with my health. Went to Drs, no answers. After 3 months of these symptoms nonstop, had to quit my job, had to quit all of my daily activities, had to deal with the effects of all this on my relationship and had to accept the fact that I had felt like this for awhile and this may very well be my "new normal". The next few months were bad for me, really bad. I cried all the time. I had to kiss life as I knew it goodbye and had to accept this new huge financial burden on my then fiance, who worked long and hard hours and then had to come home and care for his worthless SO. I literally mourned the loss of what had been and my expectations and had to go through a grieving process just as though I had literally "lost" myself. I've gotten diagnoses and I know for a fact that this is my new life and I am in a much much better place mentally and knowing that even though my expectations for my life have changed, I'm still blessed and my life
is still wonderful. Anyways, mine is a forever thing, but I wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal and they are completely OKAY. You're so close to this pregnancy being over and to meeting your baby and being able to return to your life as you knew it, you CAN make it through these next few weeks and you ARENT worthless because you can't do what you're used to doing at work or around the house or in life in general; you're growing a human and you're doing what's best for you and your baby. It's normal and healthy to feel what you're feeling given the circumstances, just make sure you stop to realize why youre
going through this and to realize that it is worth it and it will be even more worth it once you meet your baby! Hang in there.
@kp90 and @MrsMooseTL I'm going to look into my options on all those fronts. Thanks!
That at is normal grief stuff though. On a more pregnancy related note, I also recently spent two hours of a Friday night hard-crying because my husband honked the horn of the car as I was driving because the car in front of me was taking too long to turn. It was annoying, but maybe didn't warrant quite that many tears!
How is long is she staying? Can you spend large chunks of the time feeding the baby in another room? (For BF privacy or a quiet place so baby can focus on a bottle?) My MIL says some really idiotic things and my response is usually to just walk out of the room.
Add to that my dad passed away around this time a few years ago, who would have been the first person I would have gone to for advice, and I was a bit of a mess. In the parking lot of the hospital before a birthing class, no less!
First Pregnancy
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
Baby Born04/15/2016
PGAL
I did wear the boots though.
@kdennis202 You poor thing. I feel your pain... but I also feel for your DH because I know mine has also said some things meaning to be in a caring, worried about you type way but it almost comes off as an insult. Lol. Totally get your frustration. I just want my body back, I want to be able to wear cute clothes again, I want to be back in normal shoes.. and most of all be able to put my boots on by my damn self again! I feel so helpless sometimes.
I also got the stomach flu this week and starting growing up in Walgreens. I had just had it, I've been sick so much this pregnancy and feeling weepy lately that I just had a meltdown crying and puking in public. Not my most glamorous moment.
She's convinced being here is a gift because she wants to help cook and clean. But honestly, I have a once a week housekeeper whom I love and all I freaking want to eat is sushi (which my OB outright banned). My MIL has racially insensitive jokes about sushi which I'm not going to repeat, so I may be sitting in the bathroom eating my seaweed salad and tuna roll. I only hope she won't have run my housekeeper off by the end of the week...
We were driving back from the movie and discussing where to go to dinner when DH made a comment relating to our earlier fight which set me off. We were near his parents' house, where I drove to and demanded he get out of the car. He refused, so I grabbed the baseball cap off his head and threw it into the driveway, but he didn't get out to get it because obviously I was going to drive home the secone he did. THEN I threatened to run over his hat if he didn't get out. Again, he didn't. So I ran over his hat. Still didn't get out, so I turned off the car, grabbed my keys, and started walking.
Got about half a block away when I got out my phone to call someone to pick me up when DH caught up with me. He grabbed my phone and threatened to break it and started walking back to my car, threatening divorce and that he was going to get full custody of the baby. He even went so far as to look up a divorce lawyer's number and pretended to call it because he knew that would drive it home to hurt me.
We ended up having a long talk in my car sitting in his parents driveway, and there were lots of apologies and crying hysterically (me, because I was feeling guilty and crazy) on both sides.
DH's hat is fine, by the way. A little wet due to snow, but nothing a wash wouldn't fix. DH also said, "you have never done something as crazy and illogical as you did today. When you ran over my hat I wasn't even mad, just incredulous. I cannot wait until your pregnancy hormones are done with."
(Edited to fix spelling mistake that I can't find any more. ...)
Normally I'd start looking too to see if I could get something that pays better to help offset, but obviously not an option when this far along and in need of maintaining family benefits & FMLA qualification.
Thankfully we do have family who can help support. DH just sees this option as a mark of failure, so I'll have to figure out how to make him more amenable to it.