How's it going under the sheets?

HeartLikeMine3 · March 2016

Because I'm nosy and polls are fun!

HeartLikeMine3 · March 2016

So DH and I have still been doing it about once a week not because I feel like it but because I feel guilty. I had a 4th degree tear with DS and sex didn't feel good PP for like 9 months no joke. I'm trying to keep this in mind and stay active because I'm sure it will be a long time after LO is here. Ahhh I just could care less about sex right now! Poor DH

VikingGirl12 · March 2016

Ew, no thanks.
He tries almost every night and I blow him off. To get to that once a month quota I have to reallllly put my mind to it. Poor guy.

DeePaddy24 · March 2016

Oh man. I do feel guilty, I really do...but it's just not been happening. I'm tired, so sore, feeling massive...nothing sexy about that.
Poor guy.

fishwife799 · March 2016

He asks EVERY day. I would rather not but give in occasionally. Between being pregnant and having 2 kids at home I just want to sleep or be left alone mot of the time.

mrsb8244 · March 2016

We probably do it about the same as pre-pregnancy but that's because my sex drive is always pretty low. I feel bad for H and if I've noticed it's been a while I'll try to initiate it. I'll get really in the mood sometimes and it's amazing and he loves it but then I could literally go weeks without even thinking about it until he says something. I'm a bad wife!

Lyette1206 · March 2016

I'm lucky that my husband is (a) totally exhausted from his stressful job and our toddler and (b) really seems to understand how uncomfortable sex is for me lately and doesn't want me to "have to" if I'm not in the mood. I put "don't touch me with that thing" because it's less than once a month, but really it's just a dry spell for both of us.

HeartLikeMine3 · March 2016

VikingGirl12 said:

Ew, no thanks.
He tries almost every night and I blow him off. To get to that once a month quota I have to reallllly put my mind to it. Poor guy.

Haha this makes me laugh it's exactly how I feel but I've been trying hard to make an effort. Last night DH tried to initiate and I started crying because I blew him off and then felt guilty. Oh hormones sometimes I feel like buying him a magazine and some lube!

huskypuppy14 · March 2016

I think "pregnancy makes you horny" is a lie. I never had the 2nd trimester high libido. Pre pregnancy I had a higher sex drive than my husband, and that is gone. I'm rarely in the mood anymore, but do it about once a week or a little less.

tjenkins528 · March 2016

HeartLikeMine3 said:

So DH and I have still been doing it about once a week not because I feel like it but because I feel guilty. I had a 4th degree tear with DS and sex didn't feel good PP for like 9 months no joke. I'm trying to keep this in mind and stay active because I'm sure it will be a long time after LO is here. Ahhh I just could care less about sex right now! Poor DH

This almost exactly. I had a 3rd degree tear and as he reminds me it took a long time after to not be in pain. So maybe 1-2x a week max because I feel bad.

starkeyclan · March 2016

MrsB8214 said:

We probably do it about the same as pre-pregnancy but that's because my sex drive is always pretty low. I feel bad for H and if I've noticed it's been a while I'll try to initiate it. I'll get really in the mood sometimes and it's amazing and he loves it but then I could literally go weeks without even thinking about it until he says something. I'm a bad wife!

Right there with you, like exactly. My poor H

cmac827 · March 2016

My poor DH, tons of sex for almost 2 years to get me KU, then cut off. I think we've had sex 4 times, because I feel bad. He keeps telling me it's ok, he's been so good at understanding.

HBamama2B · March 2016

huskypuppy14 said:

I think "pregnancy makes you horny" is a lie. I never had the 2nd trimester high libido. Pre pregnancy I had a higher sex drive than my husband, and that is gone. I'm rarely in the mood anymore, but do it about once a week or a little less.

I'm horny and would totally be up for it, if DH was. We have the reverse situation of most of the pp.

splsmama2016 · March 2016

Ugh. It feels like a chore right now... Lol. Plus the way she is sitting in there, my left side cramps up really fast lol. And the belly size is getting in the way.

ahernandez16 · March 2016

We get to it about once a week. Although we just had a near 3 week dry spell. Whoops. I told H that it wasn't that I'm not in the mood. I often am. It's just when I think about having to put in the effort instead of going to bed, I'd rather not. I also get so winded and uncomfortable during I feel like I'm not even an active participant anymore. The only thing even remotely comfortable is spooning and then I just feel lazy.

Also if I feel the baby move at any point during sex I'm done. It freaks me out and I can't keep doing it, lol. He hasn't complained though.

MellBabyPeeps · March 2016

Good grief. Once since getting pregnant. Oh, I think about it a lot. But, my god, the effort. My goal is to try at least once a month starting in April. We shall see......lol

AOliveira11 · March 2016

I feel like my libido has spiked thru the roof but my hubby is just not feelin it lately. Idk if he thinks hes going to hurt me or the baby but if i dont get it soon im gonna start humping the walls

TNvols27 · March 2016

I'm just not into it! It makes me feel guilty and I feel bad for saying no but I would just rather not. Once a month, maybe.

goldie987 · March 2016

Hahahahaha, I haven't seen my sex drive in months. I feel awful because H seems to be turned on by this whole pregnancy thing but it's just not going to happen most of the time.

Mamabraun7911 · March 2016

I have no sex drive and H's is pretty low in comparison to usual. I think bc I get winded and cramp up its just not a turn on. Lol sometimes if I know he's in the mood I let DS sleep with us so he doesn't even try. I'm bad I know. When I was pregnant with DS he was not into and I was basically prancing on him the minute he pulled in the drive way.

NLewis1 · March 2016

huskypuppy14 said:

I think "pregnancy makes you horny" is a lie. I never had the 2nd trimester high libido. Pre pregnancy I had a higher sex drive than my husband, and that is gone. I'm rarely in the mood anymore, but do it about once a week or a little less.

I had an amazing sex drive when I was pregnant with my son. Like we had amazing sex all the time. H was really excited for that again this time..... Except I have no sex drive and sex literally hurts for me right now. So uncomfortable. Poor guy. I'm firmly in the don't touch me camp this pregnancy

MynaBird · March 2016

We had a bleeding scare during my first pregnancy that put my husband off pregnant sex for life. Fine with me! Even when I'm in the mood I don't feel up to it.

lm45678 · March 2016

Thankfully H is pretty busy getting a new career up and running so he hasn't been in the mood much either.

I try really hard to get in the mood once a week, but it's tough! I'm tired, and sore, and hungry

Tawny87 · March 2016

I didn't vote because it is actually happening more now than before. We were literally in the maybe once every month or two camp before lol.

HeartLikeMine3 · March 2016

Tawny87 said:

I didn't vote because it is actually happening more now than before. We were literally in the maybe once every month or two camp before lol.

Wow good for you it didn't even occur to me to add that as an option. Your a special snowflake haha

Tawny87 · March 2016

HeartLikeMine3 said:

Tawny87 said:

I didn't vote because it is actually happening more now than before. We were literally in the maybe once every month or two camp before lol.

Wow good for you it didn't even occur to me to add that as an option. Your a special snowflake haha

I told my hubby to soak it up lol because my last pregnancy it didn't happen after 16! weeks, super high risk, and didn't happen until the girls were 11 months old lol. My hormones are weird! Poor guy, 1 1/2 yr drought...

berky84 · March 2016

I've always had a high libido and it's about the same in pregnancy. We are having less sex than normal right now because we have house guests but we still average about 3 times a week.

bedinabelinda · March 2016

Much less than usual. Until lately I actually had a higher libido, but was mostly into "solo" sex. I felt weird about my body and I'm too tired to put forth extra effort. Also, he wasn't making any moves towards me, which at first was a relief and then made me worried that he was turned off by me or felt like he had to tip toe around me, which are both even more turn offs and made me feel even weirder.

We just did it recently after a few weeks dry spell, mostly because we were on our babymoon in Hawaii and I thought I would regret it if I didn't. It kinda didn't feel so great down there. He said "the angle has changed" LOL.

We've never had dry spells before--we were firmly in the "once a week and enjoy it very much" camp. Pretty healthy on both sides.

I know this is all due to pregnancy, but I know it's not going to get easier once the kiddo is here! And I constantly see so many articles about You Can Have Sex During Pregnancy, I'm like, that's nice, stop making me feel guilty for not wanting to.

lalavg · March 2016

I would like to have sex but
my dh doesn't want to

he says it feels weird to him when the baby is close this his penis and moving around in there.

cy&damonsmommy · March 2016

Wow... My H and I are in the every day sometimes twice camp... And its not just a pregnancy thing. This is like a all the time thing... TMI I know and I'm sorry. LOL

mar101483 · March 2016

HBamama2B said:

huskypuppy14 said:

I think "pregnancy makes you horny" is a lie. I never had the 2nd trimester high libido. Pre pregnancy I had a higher sex drive than my husband, and that is gone. I'm rarely in the mood anymore, but do it about once a week or a little less.

I'm horny and would totally be up for it, if DH was. We have the reverse situation of most of the pp.

I feel your pain. I ask, he says no. Twilight Zone

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

About the same, maybe a little less. I know I'll reach a point where I just can't stand to think of it, so I'm trying to just do it now while it's not so hard. I'd be ok with skipping it all together most of the time, but dh would struggle

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

Sgoldberg247 said:

Hahahahaha, I haven't seen my sex drive in months. I feel awful because H seems to be turned on by this whole pregnancy thing but it's just not going to happen most of the time.

My husband is too!

kaitielynnrichardson · March 2016

We have had sex maybe four times since pregnancy, but only bc DH is mortified he will hurt the baby. I try, and he shuts me down.

lm45678 · March 2016

cy&damonsmommy said:

Wow... My H and I are in the every day sometimes twice camp... And its not just a pregnancy thing. This is like a all the time thing... TMI I know and I'm sorry. LOL

Wow, good for you. We haven't been like that since about 6 months after we started dating!

SMLmom · March 2016

You guys are making me feel a lot better. I was aiming for once a week but have let that slide. My husband is pretty chill about it thank goodness. Lately when I go to bed the baby is kicking a ton, I'm nauseated or exhausted- just so not sexy. And other times of the day, our 2-year-old is awake. I remember very little sex in the third tri last time around. As others have said, we were doing it every other DAY for awhile while trying to get preggo so maybe it all balances out.

HBamama2B · March 2016

kaitielynnrichardson said:

We have had sex maybe four times since pregnancy, but only bc DH is mortified he will hurt the baby. I try, and he shuts me down.

So glad I'm not the only one! I try to be sensitive to the fact that my DH is going through stuff too and has lots of anxieties.

BakerBird525 · March 2016

We were getting it in about 3 times a week up until about a month ago. Now it's about once...maaaaybe twice a week but it's so much work and just uncomfortable. He used to try every night but he knows how tired and uncomfortable I am so now he asks maybe every 3rd night and claims "it's been forever!!". Oh cry me a river! haha. I think last weekend he did get turned off by it because he commented that it definitely felt different and not in a good way. Not like I can reach down there and feel for myself...so I'll take his word for it. Last night I compromised and, ahem, serviced him and even that was a little uncomfortable, but he was really happy. That may be our happy medium.

Has anyone found any semi comfortable positions? So far, me on top has been it for the last few months and that's a lot of work, lol.

edeibel89 · March 2016

@hbamama2b You described my life.

It's been getting to me really badly. He always seems to have a reason why we shouldn't do it. We actually had sex Saturday night for the first time since New years, but I'm so self conscious now because I'm convinced he doesn't want me anymore that I didn't enjoy it. Not to mention that since it's so rare now, when it does happen it doesn't last very long. I've kind of stopped even mentioning it because when I do and I'm turned down, it just tears apart my self esteem. It sucks, but I don't really know what to do about it.

Rosehip15 · March 2016

@BakerBird525 - spooning is comfy, and not much work, but also kinda boring.

HBamama2B · March 2016

edeibel89 said:

@hbamama2b You described my life.
It's been getting to me really badly. He always seems to have a reason why we shouldn't do it. We actually had sex Saturday night for the first time since New years, but I'm so self conscious now because I'm convinced he doesn't want me anymore that I didn't enjoy it. Not to mention that since it's so rare now, when it does happen it doesn't last very long. I've kind of stopped even mentioning it because when I do and I'm turned down, it just tears apart my self esteem. It sucks, but I don't really know what to do about it.

I'm so sorry you're still struggling with this! I think the perception of rejection really is the hardest part. It's hard not to question everything and try to own the problem by blaming yourself for the partner backing away. And the reverse is also true for them.

I will say that DH and I had a very calm and frank discussion about it that helped with the emotional impacts of a disparate drives (this might actually work for couples regardless of who is feeling high/low drive).

When I make comments on his looks or approach for sexual contact, he thinks I want the full deal and won't be happy with less which makes him tense thinking about the effort and how he's not sure he's up for it and his concerns and discomfort (sex is uncomfortable for him Bc he's so worried about squishing my belly). The reverse is also true in that he's hesitant to approach me with sexual contact or compliments Bc he's afraid I'll interpret that as an invitation and he'll be 'on the hook' for follow through.

For me- it was really important that he understand that the sexual contact and intimacy is what I needed, not necessarily the sex itself. Wanting sex without fulfillment I can manage, wanting to feel wanted without fulfillment hurts. In order to feel validated and connected, I need the touches, looks, and comments. By separating the issues- sex v. sexual communication, it became less of a blame game and more about meeting needs without creating anxiety.*

*note- this did not increase the frequency, but did alleviate the guilt and concern both sides were feeling about it and gave us positive actions we could each take that increased our comfort levels.

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How's it going under the sheets?

How's it going under the sheets? 223 votes

Re: How's it going under the sheets?

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

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