As a FTM, I am glad to see all the opinions in this thread. DH and I don't plan to co-sleep with our LO (but I am very aware that can change drastically once the LO is actually with you) and plan to have them in their crib. I think in that case, a nursery while in the hospital is our best option. I know a few moms who co-sleep now and when i have mentioned that I absolutely do not want to co-sleep, they almost try to make me feel guilty for wanting them to be in their own bed.
With DD, I labored for 26 hours then have to have an urgent CS at 8:30am. After that, we were bombarded with people all day. So I was awake for almost 40 hours straight without even a little nap. I WISH my hospital had a nursery. I'm all for baby staying in the room, and I thought that's what I wanted. But after that, I just wanted a solid couple hours of sleep. I fell asleep breastfeeding and one of the nurses had the nerve to yell at me. They typically don't allow you to sleep with your babies in your bed (they aren't pro co-sleeping).
FTR, I think the baby friendly designation is a wonderful thing.
Me too! Baby has spent their entire life inside of you, right under your beating heart. I can't imagine how stressful being alone in a nursery bassinet must be for them.
Oh please. Every human being on the planet has had to transition from being inside the womb to outside it. As far as I know not one of them has been permanently psychologically traumatized by the experience yet. Yes, early bonding is important. But if mom is recovering from a long labor or major surgery (which a c-section is) and needs a couple of hours to rest and recover, baby will be just fine in the nursery and mom should feel precisely zero guilt about sending her baby to a supposedly "stressful" experience. PS - She'll likely be able to better bond with her baby when she's not extremely sleep deprived and in pain, too.
Hey, have whatever opinion you want. There are reasons that scientific data and research show that babies do better when in the room with mom, which is why some hospitals have made that transition. It results in better outcomes for their patients. What jerks for making policies that benefit the babies they deliver.
With my two children I wasn't given the option because they both ended up at the NICU. But I was really grateful for that time that I was able to rest. I knew they were both being well taken care of. If everything goes well and I am given an option, I would probably choose the nursery. I'll probably be asking this question at my next appointment.
FTR, I think the baby friendly designation is a wonderful thing.
Me too! Baby has spent their entire life inside of you, right under your beating heart. I can't imagine how stressful being alone in a nursery bassinet must be for them.
Oh please. Every human being on the planet has had to transition from being inside the womb to outside it. As far as I know not one of them has been permanently psychologically traumatized by the experience yet. Yes, early bonding is important. But if mom is recovering from a long labor or major surgery (which a c-section is) and needs a couple of hours to rest and recover, baby will be just fine in the nursery and mom should feel precisely zero guilt about sending her baby to a supposedly "stressful" experience. PS - She'll likely be able to better bond with her baby when she's not extremely sleep deprived and in pain, too.
Hey, have whatever opinion you want. There are reasons that scientific data and research show that babies do better when in the room with mom, which is why some hospitals have made that transition. It results in better outcomes for their patients. What jerks for making policies that benefit the babies they deliver.
Hi, can you elaborate on what "babies do better" means in the studies you've looked at? What are they doing better with? (as an FYI, no snark here... genuinely wondering what you've already read).
FTR, I think the baby friendly designation is a wonderful thing.
Me too! Baby has spent their entire life inside of you, right under your beating heart. I can't imagine how stressful being alone in a nursery bassinet must be for them.
Oh please. Every human being on the planet has had to transition from being inside the womb to outside it. As far as I know not one of them has been permanently psychologically traumatized by the experience yet. Yes, early bonding is important. But if mom is recovering from a long labor or major surgery (which a c-section is) and needs a couple of hours to rest and recover, baby will be just fine in the nursery and mom should feel precisely zero guilt about sending her baby to a supposedly "stressful" experience. PS - She'll likely be able to better bond with her baby when she's not extremely sleep deprived and in pain, too.
Hey, have whatever opinion you want. There are reasons that scientific data and research show that babies do better when in the room with mom, which is why some hospitals have made that transition. It results in better outcomes for their patients. What jerks for making policies that benefit the babies they deliver.
Second, there were negative reactions to your comment (and I suspect there will be negative reactions to your second comment as well) because it came across as incredibly judgmental, and judgmental comments are the stuff that mommy wars are made of. Judgmental comments also lead to a tremendous amount of mom guilt. The "hey, do whatever you want, it's just not what's best for your baby" guilt trip when it comes to rooming in, breastfeeding, and a host of other issues is a load of shit, especially when (1) the science supporting the "baby friendly" option is often spotty at best, (2) actual benefits to baby are mostly marginal and baby in all likelihood will be JUST FINE even if the "baby friendly" option isn't followed to the letter, and (3) the advice often ignores the fact that MOMS ARE PEOPLE TOO, and moms also have physical and emotional needs that need to be respected.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
FTR, I think the baby friendly designation is a wonderful thing.
Me too! Baby has spent their entire life inside of you, right under your beating heart. I can't imagine how stressful being alone in a nursery bassinet must be for them.
Oh please. Every human being on the planet has had to transition from being inside the womb to outside it. As far as I know not one of them has been permanently psychologically traumatized by the experience yet. Yes, early bonding is important. But if mom is recovering from a long labor or major surgery (which a c-section is) and needs a couple of hours to rest and recover, baby will be just fine in the nursery and mom should feel precisely zero guilt about sending her baby to a supposedly "stressful" experience. PS - She'll likely be able to better bond with her baby when she's not extremely sleep deprived and in pain, too.
Hey, have whatever opinion you want. There are reasons that scientific data and research show that babies do better when in the room with mom, which is why some hospitals have made that transition. It results in better outcomes for their patients. What jerks for making policies that benefit the babies they deliver.
Studies have also shown that the delivery itself is "stressful" on the baby and c-section babies (specifically planned ones) are less stressed and calmer babies. Does that mean everyone should have elective c-sections even if that is not what the mom wants (no judgement for c-sections, obviously it is a personal and medical choice for each mom)?
I stated something that I assumed was pretty generally accepted, that being away from mom is stressful for an infant. Then I stated how that informed my past decision and the decision I will likely make with this birth. No different than someone else stating that it will be their only night with help, so their decision was the opposite of mine.
I think a big part of mommy wars is people choosing to be offended and feeling judged when someone else states how and why they are doing something differently than you. I don't feel like the people saying that mom can't take of baby properly after a long, traumatic birth are judging me for having my LO in room with me after my birth. TETO. Life is too short to be offended at every little thing and motherhood will be exponentially more stressful than it already is if you're constantly worried about what someone else, especially on the internet, thinks of your parenting decisions.
^^ except your opinion was full of judgement. Don't make a judgy statement and then tell those who may be offended not to worry about it. It doesn't work that way.
I choose to Room-In because of breast feeding. I sent DS to the nursery once because I was worried I would drop him if I fell asleep. I also had one incident where I passed out going to the restroom (no one could ever figure out why) but I sent him to the nursery after that episode because I didn't want to hurt him if it happened again. I say do what works for you. Safety first and if you choose to allow baby to go the nursery then its fine. My sleep wasn't better, necessarily, but I wasn't worried about harm coming to my kid because I was just not physically able to stay awake at that time.
Its purely a choice that works for mom. I don't think it would be harmful to the infant by any means.
^^ except your opinion was full of judgement. Don't make a judgy statement and then tell those who may be offended not to worry about it. It doesn't work that way.
This.
I should note that I say these things as someone who fully intends to room in with her baby, although if I feel that I really need to send baby to the nursery for a bit (or have DH and/or my mom look after baby for a bit while I rest once we're at home), I will have zero qualms about that. I also fully intend to breastfeed, although if I can't, bring on the formula and thank God we have Enfamil so that I won't have to feed my baby sugar tea or pray that I can find and afford a wet nurse. Those are my choices, and I am all about empowering moms to make the choices that are best for them and their families.
I should also note that if we were really serious about supporting breastfeeding in this country, we would institute mandatory paid family leave so that moms could actually stay home and breastfeed their babies. The #1 reason breastfeeding is stopped is returning to work. But we're not serious enough to actually support extended breastfeeding efforts. We just browbeat moms with statistics and lactation consultants up the wazoo until they're convinced that formula might as well be poison.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
^^ except your opinion was full of judgement. Don't make a judgy statement and then tell those who may be offended not to worry about it. It doesn't work that way.
That's how you read it. I guess until tb comes up with a "judgemental" font, you just read whatever you want into it. I was responding to someone I agreed with, not commenting on anyone else's.
We roomed in with DS. However that first night, they took him to the nursery to give him a bath, and I believe a hearing test. I ended up having a c-section and was exhausted and drugged and groggy. I fell asleep, and they brought him back about 2 hours later to eat. I felt so confused and guilty for not realizing that he was gone for that long! But the rest of our stay, was completely in room. I plan to do the same this time, have baby in room the entire time. I'm hoping for a VBAC this time, so I'm hoping to able to do more myself the first day or 2! But I don't feel differently towards anybody who decides to use the nursery. Our hospital doesn't encourage using the nursery much. Every time I have went to visit anybody who had a baby, I never saw any babies in the nursery. My good friend however delivered at the same hospital and did use the nursery quite frequently, so I know it is an option.
Oh mommy wars. These are very personal choices. Everyone has the right to choose what is best for themselves and baby. I don't see issue with being passionate about your choices. Maybe I need to re-read some of these posts but after a first glance through it seems like it's the typical reactions. You have the one side arguing for rooming in and the physiological benefits of doing so. I didn't see anyone say , "you are a crap mother for needing to recover." The other side rightfully advocates for the mom (who will feel like she has been run over by a truck ) and feels that "baby friendly" methods are not putting the mothers needs in high enough priority. Some of you seem really upset and defensive about this. Someone stating their reasons for their personal choices does not imply that you are doing bad things for your baby if you don't do the same thing. It seems like you are feeling judged but I don't think that was the intention. IF someone doesn't like your choices, who cares? You do what is right for you and should feel no shame in that. I had a lot of ideas of what was right and once I got into it. ...a lot of things changed. Some that are so sure they wouldn't let their baby out of sight might end up needing the nurse to help them so they can sleep. My favorite mommy motto that I adapted after many arguments about these choices: if it's working for your situation more power to you! Being a parent is hard. No one should be made to feel bad by doing what was necessary to get by. Edited to remove incorrect tag
I sent my DD to the nursery the second night. The first night was pure craziness and I was exhausted and weeping most of the time because I couldn't figure out what to do with her. She latched just fine, seemed like she was eating, and then would start screaming when she finished.
The nurses said she just wanted to be held and they walked her back and forth for a few hours. I got some sleep and the next day and night were much better. I have absolutely no qualms about it whatsoever.
When I told my mother about the pregnancy, one of her first questions was: "Are you giving birth at a hospital that forces you to room the baby in? Because my advice is to let that baby sleep in the nursery while you're recovering. Trust me, you'll need it. I did this with you and your sister."
I think my sister and I turned out okay.
Personally, I will probably take whatever help I can get those first few days.... including nursery care for the baby if possible.
Different strokes for different folks. I'm 100% for rooming in, as I figured I won't have someone to take the baby away post-hospital so I may as well get used to it. Also, I was so in love with DS that I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing his precious cute little face whenever I opened my eyes. I had some early troubles breastfeeding (but were going 15m strong) so I want to make sure I do everything to make it work again the second time around too. But I'm also crazy. I'll just jump in and figure things out. Something that works for me may not work for you.
I can only imagine moms who had PPD or other issues may have benefited from the nursery. Sometimes you get a unicorn baby and that makes rooming in much easier. Sometimes your baby needs extra love and attention, and when you're recovering it could send you into a tizzy. No judgement, every mama has a different routine or parenting style. You just have to figure out what works for you and it's ok if you don't have it planned out. We weren't going to cosleep and I was going to only take part of my maternity leave. All that went out the window.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16) DS born 12.13.14 DD born 10.15.16 BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19
I think if you aren't sure which option is best for you, try to find a hospital that has a nursery but will allow your baby to room in if you decide that's what you want. That way you can see how you're feeling once you've given birth. I don't know how common that type of hospital is. I do know that if you choose a "baby friendly" hospital, you will Be expected to keep the baby in the room with you. That worked for me, but I know many friends who were just too tired and needed rest so they could be 100% for their baby when they got home. Shorter version: find out your hospital policy as soon as possible so you can switch if policy doesn't jibe with your needs.
I think if you aren't sure which option is best for you, try to find a hospital that has a nursery but will allow your baby to room in if you decide that's what you want. That way you can see how you're feeling once you've given birth. I don't know how common that type of hospital is. I do know that if you choose a "baby friendly" hospital, you will Be expected to keep the baby in the room with you. That worked for me, but I know many friends who were just too tired and needed rest so they could be 100% for their baby when they got home. Shorter version: find out your hospital policy as soon as possible so you can switch if policy doesn't jibe with your needs.
The problem is even having a nursery option is becoming less and less common. I live near Boston, one of the great hospital hubs in the world. I don't know where I would deliver if I were dead-set on having a nursery available. Mass General is telling moms that nursery care is not an option. Boston Medical Center is too. Beth Israel and Brigham and Women's are both moving in that direction. I don't know if Tufts is officially designated as "baby friendly" but they mention keeping mom and baby together twice on their single-page delivery website, so I'm guessing they're not big on nursery care there either. That's pretty much all the big hospitals in Boston that do labor and delivery. The Boston Globe just had an article on it last month because it's becoming such a trend:
This is all leaving aside the fact that OBs are only privileged to deliver at certain hospitals, so if you decide that you want to switch the hospital you are delivering at because you don't like their nursery policy, you may very well have to switch OBs as well.
I'm all for keeping moms and babies together whenever possible. But if a mom feels that she needs to place her baby in the nursery for a couple of hours because she needs to get some recovery rest, she should have the option to do so, and she shouldn't be guilt-tripped about it.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
@simcal18 There's a great hospital north of Boston that is committed to keeping its nursery open, but also allows you to room-in if you want!
@PeggyOlsonFTW which is it? The only problem might be that we're south shore, so if it's north shore it may be a bit too far away. We're likely looking at Newton Wellesley for now -- my OB delivers there, the location is good for us, and it seems like they encourage rooming in but won't give you the evil eye if you want to have the nursery take your baby for a bit. Plus, they have birthing jacuzzi tubs, which as a total water baby I would like to try.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
Yep I'm just outside of Boston, too. I delivered west of the city last time and it was a great experience, and I'm PRAYING the nursery will still be an option this time. @simcal18@PeggyOlsonFTW
Yep I'm just outside of Boston, too. I delivered west of the city last time and it was a great experience, and I'm PRAYING the nursery will still be an option this time. @simcal18@PeggyOlsonFTW
Did you do Newton Wellesley? How was it? For the reasons mentioned above we'll likely wind up there. It looks like they just re-did their L & D facilities too, so that's a plus.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
Yep I'm just outside of Boston, too. I delivered west of the city last time and it was a great experience, and I'm PRAYING the nursery will still be an option this time. @simcal18@PeggyOlsonFTW
Did you do Newton Wellesley? How was it? For the reasons mentioned above we'll likely wind up there. It looks like they just re-did their L & D facilities too, so that's a plus.
@simcal18 no, we go to Emerson in Concord. The entire maternity ward is amazing and each room is ridiculously big and comfortable (full bed for DH!). I can't say enough about our experience there last time.
Just chiming in with my experience: DS was in the nursery 24/7 the first four days due to an oxygen issue, but even had we had the choice, I would have sent him to the nursery at night. It'll probably piss some people off, but I think the term "baby-friendly hospital" is complete BS. After the absolute exhaustion that comes from labor (and for some, a c-section) mom is going to need a break at some point. To force a mother to have the baby in the room at all times puts a lot of stress on that mother ESPECIALLY if she needs/wants time without baby -- it could make her feel like something is wrong with her if she wants a few hours of uninterrupted sleep while everyone is telling her that's "wrong."
Also, not everyone breastfeeds. A huge part of the "baby-friendly hospital" movement is to encourage breastfeeding. I personally did not and will not BF (due to a host of reasons) but exclusively pump. I don't think it's up to the hospital to tell a mother what's best and then try to force them to go that route by requiring the baby to stay in the room.
At some point a hospital needs to put the mom first. A happy, rested mother is a good mother. A mother stressed out from the get-go because she hasn't been allowed to get the rest and recovery she needs is, to me, cruel. I realize my opinion is probably an unpopular one, but it's just as valid as those who wholeheartedly believe that the baby should be in-room at all times.
Good lawd, I could not agree with you more! Why does having a "baby-friendly" designation mean no nursery?! What a load of crap. I hardly had any sleep the night before I had dd because the labor pains and discomfort kept me up. On top of that, the energy is sucked right out of you giving birth. Can we give new moms a minute to get their bearings and not start judging them from the get-go? I used the nursery my first night out of sheer exhaustion, and they brought baby to me for feedings. I would have been a delirious mess the next day without a few hours of sleep. Even getting to the bathroom is like a 12 step process after giving birth, it was nice to have a minute to worry about my own recovery. It's so obnoxious to me that moms already feel judged for asking for help right after going through child birth. Your baby will presumably be in their crib alone in their room at some point, and I doubt they'll feel any more scared and abandoned at that point than they would for a few hours in a hospital nursery. Give me a break.
I labored for 26 hours before being brought in for a c section. I gave birth after midnight, so I had ended up being awake for like nearly 48 hours. There was zero sleep that first night because breast feeding wasn't going smoothly and my daughter was freaking out. The nurse kept asking if she could take my daughter to the nursery so I could get some sleep, but that mommy guilt kicked in (from all the stuff I had heard about it being "bad" to send her to the nursery) and I opted to keep her with me. Instead I spent that first day in tears because of my exhaustion and frustration. In hindsight I WISH I had taken advantage of the nursery those first couple of nights. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and recovering from major surgery. If it comes down to it this time around I will take advantage of it. 3 hours in the nursery, so that you can get a little rest, isn't going to harm the baby.
I labored for 26 hours before being brought in for a c section. I gave birth after midnight, so I had ended up being awake for like nearly 48 hours. There was zero sleep that first night because breast feeding wasn't going smoothly and my daughter was freaking out. The nurse kept asking if she could take my daughter to the nursery so I could get some sleep, but that mommy guilt kicked in (from all the stuff I had heard about it being "bad" to send her to the nursery) and I opted to keep her with me. Instead I spent that first day in tears because of my exhaustion and frustration. In hindsight I WISH I had taken advantage of the nursery those first couple of nights. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and recovering from major surgery. If it comes down to it this time around I will take advantage of it. 3 hours in the nursery, so that you can get a little rest, isn't going to harm the baby.
Oh man. That is rough. Hindsight is 20/20. Sounds like you are in a better place with that and will take the help if you need it. I had a hard long labor too. The second time went much better for me. I'm sure things will go smoother this time around as your body has been through it before.
I also despise the term "baby friendly." It smacks of condescension and judgement. I don't feel any guilt for leaning on my resources the first night, and I was a better, healthier mom because of it.
I also hate hate the way it must make NICU parents feel. Let's not throw guilt on top of an already horribly stressful situation.
For the sake of avoiding lengthy and complicated quote trees, my support of the baby-friendly initiative isn't related to the nursery/no nursery debate going on here. There are 10 points for achieving the designation, rooming in is just one of them. (For anyone curious https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/about-us/baby-friendly-hospital-initiative/the-ten-steps ).
Lurking from Dec 2015 @TurtleMomma You win for best and most relevant comment on this while thread.
I was dead set on rooming in through my whole pregnancy. I delivered at a baby friendly hospital with a nursery, and after 16 hours of intense active labor, a tear that required more than ten stitches and three doses of morphine, and my iron levels plummeting after delivery, my mom and SO forced me to send her to the nursery that first night. I was DEVASTATED, but I quickly realized I would have done her more harm than good. I couldn't even keep my eyes open while the nurses were settling me in. There was no way I would have been able to take care of her. However, I cried myself to sleep because I missed her. (I had her late in the afternoon and she was taken away within three hours of birth.) I understand moms wanting to room in, which I did the second night, but I also understand the need for the nursery. It's not always black and white. Can everyone please just quit judging?
Around here all the hospitals are "baby friendly" so the baby staying in the nursery isn't an option because there isn't one. They have to nurse so often I don't get how it would work anyway.
I can tell you that after my 40 hour back labor, two nights of no sleep, some trauma to the lady bits involving a surgeon, and not medicated until 9cm..., I still couldn't even consider the idea of letting my daughter out of my sight.
Newborns go into a deep sleep about an 1-2hrs after birth. My goal those first two days was to get her to latch nicely, get my milk going, do skin to skin, offer the breast any time she was even remotely awake, and get this breastfeeding journey off to the best start. Dad took shifts with me so I had naps, he also held her while she slept, did diaper changes, etc. visitors came LAST, I was annoyed to even have any.
I swear I didn't sleep a "full" nights rest for another two days but my milk came in really quickly, she gained more weight then her birth weight before leaving the hospital, and we had a fantastic breastfeeding nursing relationship there after. It was exhausting. But She started sleeping 3 hour then 6 hour chunks immediately after my milk came, and since she was healthy we didn't have to wake for feedings. Breastfeeding takes Sooo much effort, work, time, and that first day and first hour of life is so crucial to me. Just my two cents
Around here all the hospitals are "baby friendly" so the baby staying in the nursery isn't an option because there isn't one. They have to nurse so often I don't get how it would work anyway.
A nurse brings them in when the need to nurse. It's not complicated.
Many hospitals are getting rid of their nurseries and opting instead to have babies always stay with moms. So you'll want to look into that. Some studies have been published showing that moms actually get more rest when their babies remain in their rooms, and others showing they get more rest when baby is sharing their bed. I know that second part is controversial, so do your research before pursuing that. My first was taken to the nicu immediately following birth, and I didn't get to see her until she was almost 24 hours old. I will be keeping my next babe with me as long as we're both healthy.
Baby friendly is an international movement. What works well and leads to good outcomes for women in rural Uganda might not be necessary in the United States. Women in countries is poor healthcare and sanitation DO need to be encouraged to breastfeed. They are better able to watch the newborn than harried nurses. But these concerns don't necessarily translate to our situations.
personally I'd like to room in with a nursery option in case I need it. Mom's sanity needs to be prioritized, especially if you want to encourage breastfeeding.
I can tell you that after my 40 hour back labor, two nights of no sleep, some trauma to the lady bits involving a surgeon, and not medicated until 9cm..., I still couldn't even consider the idea of letting my daughter out of my sight.
Newborns go into a deep sleep about an 1-2hrs after birth. My goal those first two days was to get her to latch nicely, get my milk going, do skin to skin, offer the breast any time she was even remotely awake, and get this breastfeeding journey off to the best start. Dad took shifts with me so I had naps, he also held her while she slept, did diaper changes, etc. visitors came LAST, I was annoyed to even have any.
I swear I didn't sleep a "full" nights rest for another two days but my milk came in really quickly, she gained more weight then her birth weight before leaving the hospital, and we had a fantastic breastfeeding nursing relationship there after. It was exhausting. But She started sleeping 3 hour then 6 hour chunks immediately after my milk came, and since she was healthy we didn't have to wake for feedings. Breastfeeding takes Sooo much effort, work, time, and that first day and first hour of life is so crucial to me. Just my two cents
I had a similar experience with my second but I don't think it's a typical one. Keeping baby in room doesn't guarantee that bf will be established well. my first was in room and I was hyper focused on getting a great start on bf. I was so exhausted and inexperienced. I had blisters within a day and we really struggled with that latch for a while. I had a great bf education with the local lactation guru while I was still pregnant. Every time the nurse came in I was asking for help. I pulled the hospitals lactation consultants in to help on my last day before leaving. Wish I would have called them immediately. My hubs was dead tired too from supporting me through my long labor so he helped as much as he could. Emotional experiences are especially draining on him. I agree that it's important to get a good start and feeding on demand worked well for both of my girls. I think it was especially important with my first because her latch was terrible and she wasn't getting as much as she should have (I know because she was nursing constantly trying to get milk). I hope that new mom's don't read through this thread and feel guilty if they need to rest. You also need to rest to have a good supply. If you are beyond tired you might also have trouble figuring out bf. I would like to reiterate, sleeping and taking care of yourself will help you be a better mom. Your bf experience will not automatically be ruined if you send baby off to the nursery.
Also, If you have any pain after baby has latched break it immediately and try again. Don't wait to get help from the hospital lactation consultant.
@dillybean2 my nurse kept objecting to our second sleeping in the hospital bed with me. I had experience doing it with my previous child (not in a hospital bed) and knew how I handled cosleeping. If baby stirs I'm immediately aware of what's going on.
For the sake of avoiding lengthy and complicated quote trees, my support of the baby-friendly initiative isn't related to the nursery/no nursery debate going on here. There are 10 points for achieving the designation, rooming in is just one of them. (For anyone curious https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/about-us/baby-friendly-hospital-initiative/the-ten-steps ).
The problem with this is that they're operating under the assumption that all mothers who give birth at their hospital will breastfeed/have the desire to breastfeed. It's awesome that they provide so much support to new moms who are trying to navigate breastfeeding, but what about other moms? Removing nurseries, denying access to formula and pacifiers, etc is ignoring a segment of the population who do not plan to nurse. I think hospitals should be supportive to all mothers, regardless of how they plan to feed their baby. Giving birth is hard enough without feeling the judgement from hospital staff. And honestly, at a hospital with these policies as someone who doesn't plan to breastfeed, I would absolutely feel judgement.
Re: Baby staying in hospital room vs nursery
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Fell in love: Dec 2005 // Married: Feb 9, 2013
Little Miss Rosalie Harper--Born Jan 9th, 2014
With my two children I wasn't given the option because they both ended up at the NICU. But I was really grateful for that time that I was able to rest. I knew they were both being well taken care of. If everything goes well and I am given an option, I would probably choose the nursery. I'll probably be asking this question at my next appointment.
can you elaborate on what "babies do better" means in the studies you've looked at? What are they doing better with? (as an FYI, no snark here... genuinely wondering what you've already read).
Second, there were negative reactions to your comment (and I suspect there will be negative reactions to your second comment as well) because it came across as incredibly judgmental, and judgmental comments are the stuff that mommy wars are made of. Judgmental comments also lead to a tremendous amount of mom guilt. The "hey, do whatever you want, it's just not what's best for your baby" guilt trip when it comes to rooming in, breastfeeding, and a host of other issues is a load of shit, especially when (1) the science supporting the "baby friendly" option is often spotty at best, (2) actual benefits to baby are mostly marginal and baby in all likelihood will be JUST FINE even if the "baby friendly" option isn't followed to the letter, and (3) the advice often ignores the fact that MOMS ARE PEOPLE TOO, and moms also have physical and emotional needs that need to be respected.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
I think a big part of mommy wars is people choosing to be offended and feeling judged when someone else states how and why they are doing something differently than you. I don't feel like the people saying that mom can't take of baby properly after a long, traumatic birth are judging me for having my LO in room with me after my birth. TETO. Life is too short to be offended at every little thing and motherhood will be exponentially more stressful than it already is if you're constantly worried about what someone else, especially on the internet, thinks of your parenting decisions.
Its purely a choice that works for mom. I don't think it would be harmful to the infant by any means.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I should note that I say these things as someone who fully intends to room in with her baby, although if I feel that I really need to send baby to the nursery for a bit (or have DH and/or my mom look after baby for a bit while I rest once we're at home), I will have zero qualms about that. I also fully intend to breastfeed, although if I can't, bring on the formula and thank God we have Enfamil so that I won't have to feed my baby sugar tea or pray that I can find and afford a wet nurse. Those are my choices, and I am all about empowering moms to make the choices that are best for them and their families.
I should also note that if we were really serious about supporting breastfeeding in this country, we would institute mandatory paid family leave so that moms could actually stay home and breastfeed their babies. The #1 reason breastfeeding is stopped is returning to work. But we're not serious enough to actually support extended breastfeeding efforts. We just browbeat moms with statistics and lactation consultants up the wazoo until they're convinced that formula might as well be poison.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
Edited to remove incorrect tag
O16 April Siggy
The nurses said she just wanted to be held and they walked her back and forth for a few hours. I got some sleep and the next day and night were much better. I have absolutely no qualms about it whatsoever.
I think my sister and I turned out okay.
Personally, I will probably take whatever help I can get those first few days.... including nursery care for the baby if possible.
I can only imagine moms who had PPD or other issues may have benefited from the nursery. Sometimes you get a unicorn baby and that makes rooming in much easier. Sometimes your baby needs extra love and attention, and when you're recovering it could send you into a tizzy. No judgement, every mama has a different routine or parenting style. You just have to figure out what works for you and it's ok if you don't have it planned out. We weren't going to cosleep and I was going to only take part of my maternity leave. All that went out the window.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
DS born 12.13.14
DD born 10.15.16
BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/2016/02/06/nurseries/Ur4Xi846SPStbUx5PhxQtJ/story.html
This is all leaving aside the fact that OBs are only privileged to deliver at certain hospitals, so if you decide that you want to switch the hospital you are delivering at because you don't like their nursery policy, you may very well have to switch OBs as well.
I'm all for keeping moms and babies together whenever possible. But if a mom feels that she needs to place her baby in the nursery for a couple of hours because she needs to get some recovery rest, she should have the option to do so, and she shouldn't be guilt-tripped about it.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs
BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs
BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016
O16 April Siggy
I also hate hate the way it must make NICU parents feel. Let's not throw guilt on top of an already horribly stressful situation.
@TurtleMomma You win for best and most relevant comment on this while thread.
I was dead set on rooming in through my whole pregnancy. I delivered at a baby friendly hospital with a nursery, and after 16 hours of intense active labor, a tear that required more than ten stitches and three doses of morphine, and my iron levels plummeting after delivery, my mom and SO forced me to send her to the nursery that first night. I was DEVASTATED, but I quickly realized I would have done her more harm than good. I couldn't even keep my eyes open while the nurses were settling me in. There was no way I would have been able to take care of her. However, I cried myself to sleep because I missed her. (I had her late in the afternoon and she was taken away within three hours of birth.)
I understand moms wanting to room in, which I did the second night, but I also understand the need for the nursery. It's not always black and white. Can everyone please just quit judging?
Newborns go into a deep sleep about an 1-2hrs after birth. My goal those first two days was to get her to latch nicely, get my milk going, do skin to skin, offer the breast any time she was even remotely awake, and get this breastfeeding journey off to the best start. Dad took shifts with me so I had naps, he also held her while she slept, did diaper changes, etc. visitors came LAST, I was annoyed to even have any.
I swear I didn't sleep a "full" nights rest for another two days but my milk came in really quickly, she gained more weight then her birth weight before leaving the hospital, and we had a fantastic breastfeeding nursing relationship there after. It was exhausting. But She started sleeping 3 hour then 6 hour chunks immediately after my milk came, and since she was healthy we didn't have to wake for feedings. Breastfeeding takes Sooo much effort, work, time, and that first day and first hour of life is so crucial to me. Just my two cents
LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs
BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016
Some studies have been published showing that moms actually get more rest when their babies remain in their rooms, and others showing they get more rest when baby is sharing their bed. I know that second part is controversial, so do your research before pursuing that. My first was taken to the nicu immediately following birth, and I didn't get to see her until she was almost 24 hours old. I will be keeping my next babe with me as long as we're both healthy.
personally I'd like to room in with a nursery option in case I need it. Mom's sanity needs to be prioritized, especially if you want to encourage breastfeeding.
Also, If you have any pain after baby has latched break it immediately and try again. Don't wait to get help from the hospital lactation consultant.
@dillybean2 my nurse kept objecting to our second sleeping in the hospital bed with me. I had experience doing it with my previous child (not in a hospital bed) and knew how I handled cosleeping. If baby stirs I'm immediately aware of what's going on.
O16 April Siggy