Telling Your Parents

ficbot · March 2016

We decided to keep it pretty quiet until after the 12 weeks but we told my parents today. I think the risk is lower now that we have seen the heartbeat, and it was getting hard to keep it secret because both of our mothers suspected something was up and were prying. My mother also had difficult pregnancies and I think she would be supportive even if something happened.

My parents were over the moon thrilled. My mom wants to buy All the Baby Things. Also it will be due right around her birthday and I think she is fantasizing about the baby being her birthday present. And his parents...well, they mean well and I think they are happy for us. But they did have some negative comments too, his mom is a very pessimistic type and she said well, it will be expensive and it will stress husband out and affect his health. I think he was disappointed because he wanted to hear yay, congratulations and instead he got reminders to save all our receipts for medical so we can at least get the money back on our taxes :-) But that's just the way his parents are.

Anyone else tell parents yet?

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

My parents will probably find out when I'm back in my home province for a few weeks this summer as part of my training; it's a small place and people talk. Husband and I both have families that are challenging for different reasons and it is healthiest for us to just live our own lives and keep them out of it. My mother was glad our last pregnancy was lost and she made me miserable throughout my pregnancies with our kids and so we see absolutely no reason to involve her, or by extension my father, this time.

I do love hearing stories of how people told their parents and how excited grandparents do get. It's so lovely that so many families treat the news of a forthcoming addition so positively.

absolutely love that your mom is so excited. That's so sweet!

MrsDho11 · March 2016

I'm supposed to be visiting my parents on Monday, and was planning to tell them at some point on that trip. But I'm starting to have issues with nausea, and the visit was going to involve driving to my grandparents and then to my sister's... So it'd be 3 hours of flying and 12+ hours of driving in four days, and I suffer from motion sickness when not KU. If the nausea continues over the weekend, I decide to cancel... Then I'll probably wind up telling them over the phone, and might wait until after my doctors appointment in 4 weeks.

SRJR2013 · March 2016

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt said:

My parents will probably find out when I'm back in my home province for a few weeks this summer as part of my training; it's a small place and people talk. Husband and I both have families that are challenging for different reasons and it is healthiest for us to just live our own lives and keep them out of it. My mother was glad our last pregnancy was lost and she made me miserable throughout my pregnancies with our kids and so we see absolutely no reason to involve her, or by extension my father, this time.

I do love hearing stories of how people told their parents and how excited grandparents do get. It's so lovely that so many families treat the news of a forthcoming addition so positively. absolutely love that your mom is so excited. That's so sweet!

Your mom seems like a gem! I am sorry that they can't be excited or even respectful. I hope you guys have a good support system that can be all sorts of excited for you guys!

MissAmeliaPond · March 2016

*TW*
I already told my mom. I told her the day I got my BFP. She only lives 45 minutes away from us, and I wanted to tell her because I need her support. I had a CP over New Year's, and I had to tell her I was miscarrying before I even told her I was KTFU, and I didn't want that to happen again. I basically just called her and the conversation was:
Me: I need to tell you something.
Mom: Should I be sitting down?
Me: I guess so.
Mom: Okay, I'm sitting.
Me: You have to promise you won't get too excited, but I took a pregnancy test today, and it was positive.
Mom: Oh, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!

I think she's actually really REALLY excited, but she's tried not to show too much around me. PGAL makes everything not fun. She promised me today that she hasn't told my dad yet, but I kind of don't believe her.

In any case, we won't be telling DH's family until after 12ish weeks, I think. They live on the other side of the country, so we're planning on doing something about inviting them to visit us for Thanksgiving for a VERY good reason.

yosemite2018 · March 2016

I was pregnant in February and my mom was with me when I found out. Since she knew we had to tell my dad as well. I had a mc 3 days later. Now I'm 4w6d and I really want to tell my parents and sister but my partner is so freaked out about telling anyone since the mc. He wants to wait until after the first trimester but I don't think I can wait that long. I am sure my mom will ask before then and I don't want to lie to her.

STBMrsMiller · March 2016

We face timed all the parents on beta day, since they knew when it was. StepMIL was with me for embryo transfer instead of DH since I traveled to their city for treatments and he was on a business trip. Such is life with IF, we had given up the surprise announcement when we told them about our first IVF and appreciated all of their support in the meantime.

comealongponds · March 2016

We are both pretty close with our parents, and despite wanting to keep things quiet our hand was forced early when I had my bleed. DH works for his dad so when he took the day off to take me to my Drs appointment and ultrasound, he just straight up why since they knew about our loss in December anyways. Since we told them, we felt like we hand to tell my parents and of course is brothers found out too. Everyone is cautiously optimistic, definitely keeping their excitement in check in front of us but these are the first grandbabies on both sides so I feel like in reality they're all probably bursting with excitement.

kibylou · March 2016

TW

We told our parents right away on FaceTime. They were both excited even though they each have about 10 grandkids already. I need to be able to talk to my mom about it. After DH, she is my biggest support through everything. After my 2nd loss, she came and stayed with us for a few days to take care of DD since DH had just started a new job and I was depressed. Today I had some bleeding and she immediately offered to come help. Luckily the bleeding has stopped for now, but I'm pretty nervous. We were planning to tell my siblings at Easter, but now everything is up in the air.

pinnerk · March 2016

I kind of hinted at my mom that I was feeling crappy and she said 'ohhhh imagine if you're pregnant' and I said 'would you be happy or upset?' And she said very happy.
My bf and I have been together over a year now and yes it seems super fast. However, we bought a house together after dating for only 3 months. So this is expected.
My dad will be happy I think.
BFs parents tho.... His dad will be happy.
His mom will be the type to inform us of how much of a financial impact this child will be and then she will hit up every garage sale and buy everything baby she can find.
That's what she did with the house and I just know that's what she will do for the baby.
I hope to tell them in may by getting them all t-shirts saying 'I'm going to be a Nana/papa'
I feel like a young teenager in trouble tho haha . I need to keep telling myself that we can do this. I have wanted a child for as long as I can remember and if we wanted to wait until we were more 'well off' it would be in 25 years when the mortgage is up.

mrsasolomon · March 2016

pinnerk said:

I kind of hinted at my mom that I was feeling crappy and she said 'ohhhh imagine if you're pregnant' and I said 'would you be happy or upset?' And she said very happy.
My bf and I have been together over a year now and yes it seems super fast. However, we bought a house together after dating for only 3 months. So this is expected.
My dad will be happy I think.
BFs parents tho.... His dad will be happy.
His mom will be the type to inform us of how much of a financial impact this child will be and then she will hit up every garage sale and buy everything baby she can find.
That's what she did with the house and I just know that's what she will do for the baby.
I hope to tell them in may by getting them all t-shirts saying 'I'm going to be a Nana/papa'
I feel like a young teenager in trouble tho haha . I need to keep telling myself that we can do this. I have wanted a child for as long as I can remember and if we wanted to wait until we were more 'well off' it would be in 25 years when the mortgage is up.

Yea if we all waited until we were more 'well off' then none of us would have kids. There is always something you could have or do. Always either a newer car, a bigger house, more traveling we could do or something. As long as you are in a good place you can do it.

We (well I) already told my parents, well my mom but she told my dad. I had a Drs appt with my regular family Dr (well NP) and it is at the office she works at. They did Bloodwork and urine, and all that so the NP knew, the nurse, the medical assistant, the lab, etc so I didn't want anyone to accidentally say Congrats or mention it or something so I told her at my appt. She was SO happy, this will be grand baby #15 for my parents.

We we have not yet told DHs parents. We may tell them when we tell my siblings and the kids on Easter. We have always told the family right away except with my Angel, we thought we would wait and waiting didn't make a difference so I decided we weren't waiting this time. I'll be 6w4d and have planned a cute thing into the Easter egg hunt we do every year.

m6agua · March 2016

We are having both our families over for dinner on Sunday. We all live in the same town. We plan on telling them at that time. I will be 6 weeks. For my loss my parents were awesome support. I was suprised at how supportive my dad was. He had a loss with his first wife so he could kind of relate. I think this is how we will be telling them.

chloe97 · March 2016

I called my mom (a nurse) last Saturday because I thought I had a bladder infection. Of course I had to tell her why I was so concerned about it. I made her promise to think of my pregnancy only as a medical condition at this time, but of course that's not happening. She's already talking about coming to visit to see the baby.

We told our parents at 8 weeks after the heartbeat with our loss and they were all excited, but then devastated when we called 2 weeks later. I have dinner with MIL on Wed night so we will be telling them the ILs this weekend. I agree with PP that pregnancy loss takes the fun out of all of this. We both need our parents support during this anxious time, which is why we're telling them. I trust them to keep the news to themselves until the right time.

doraleigh35 · March 2016

We told all 4 sets of parents (we both have divorced parents) right after we found out. They all knew about our history and we wanted them to be available for support if we needed it. They will all be first time grandparents so they are incredibly excited! My Mom and FIL have been the most vocal in asking for a grand baby since we got married 6 years ago!

DunkinDecaf · March 2016

We told all our parents the day I got my BFP. I had to/wanted to tell my mom because she's my best friend and she's always around. I would need her support through a potential loss. We couldn't ask her to keep it a secret from our family, because she's the worst at that. My MIL is one of her best friends. So we told all parents and siblings that day, stressed that it was crazy early and we may still have a loss, and asked them to say some prayers that we'll get to keep this little one. It was definitely the right choice for us. It's so much easier for me not to have to make excuses for my behavior (not drinking, etc) around my family.

The only one I was worried about was my SIL who was very "she's not a baby *yet*" when I was expecting my daughter (even 2 weeks before she was born) and also pretty horrible to us when I had my ectopic. She was confused about why we were so upset, and pretty insensitive ("it wasn't even a baby" etc). Anyway even she was very sweet and excited for us, and told me she'd say a prayer. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

SRose109 said:

We told all our parents the day I got my BFP. I had to/wanted to tell my mom because she's my best friend and she's always around. I would need her support through a potential loss. We couldn't ask her to keep it a secret from our family, because she's the worst at that. My MIL is one of her best friends. So we told all parents and siblings that day, stressed that it was crazy early and we may still have a loss, and asked them to say some prayers that we'll get to keep this little one. It was definitely the right choice for us. It's so much easier for me not to have to make excuses for my behavior (not drinking, etc) around my family.

The only one I was worried about was my SIL who was very "she's not a baby *yet*" when I was expecting my daughter (even 2 weeks before she was born) and also pretty horrible to us when I had my ectopic. She was confused about why we were so upset, and pretty insensitive ("it wasn't even a baby" etc). Anyway even she was very sweet and excited for us, and told me she'd say a prayer. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went.

This makes me feel such rage. I'm so sorry you have to be around such an insensitive twat.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

I told my Mom about 20 minutes after I found out. Husband first, of course. She was half asleep and WHOOPED really loud, then started rapid firing questions at me. So cute.

My MIL on the other hand. Sigh. I'm sure you guys will hear alllllll about her. She's a passive peach. We told them via Skype and within an hour she was texting me asking when she could tell everyone about our, "our baby!"
...........
When I SAY YOU CAN Psycho. About 3 months or after we announce. What the hell. She actually pouted via text, which is actually impressive and then started repinning my baby girl nursery ideas on Pinterest. I freaked and made my board private. She has a lot of followers and I know she did it so someone would ask her. Passive peach, remember? She gave me such anxiety with my first baby until I grew my Mom balls.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

SRose109 said:

We told all our parents the day I got my BFP. I had to/wanted to tell my mom because she's my best friend and she's always around. I would need her support through a potential loss. We couldn't ask her to keep it a secret from our family, because she's the worst at that. My MIL is one of her best friends. So we told all parents and siblings that day, stressed that it was crazy early and we may still have a loss, and asked them to say some prayers that we'll get to keep this little one. It was definitely the right choice for us. It's so much easier for me not to have to make excuses for my behavior (not drinking, etc) around my family.

The only one I was worried about was my SIL who was very "she's not a baby *yet*" when I was expecting my daughter (even 2 weeks before she was born) and also pretty horrible to us when I had my ectopic. She was confused about why we were so upset, and pretty insensitive ("it wasn't even a baby" etc). Anyway even she was very sweet and excited for us, and told me she'd say a prayer. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went.

Geez. If you managed to avoid punching her, you've got a hell of a lot of restraint.

DunkinDecaf · March 2016

Yeah. She lives about 3,000 miles away, so that helps. I know she didn't mean to hurt me, so I guess that made it a little less horrible. She really just genuinely didn't understand.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

SRJR2013 said:

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt said:

My parents will probably find out when I'm back in my home province for a few weeks this summer as part of my training; it's a small place and people talk. Husband and I both have families that are challenging for different reasons and it is healthiest for us to just live our own lives and keep them out of it. My mother was glad our last pregnancy was lost and she made me miserable throughout my pregnancies with our kids and so we see absolutely no reason to involve her, or by extension my father, this time.

I do love hearing stories of how people told their parents and how excited grandparents do get. It's so lovely that so many families treat the news of a forthcoming addition so positively. absolutely love that your mom is so excited. That's so sweet!

Your mom seems like a gem! I am sorry that they can't be excited or even respectful. I hope you guys have a good support system that can be all sorts of excited for you guys!

We've got a whole lot of friends who are excited for us.

A friend may even be flying in to watch our kids when Kid 3 is born. We have a family we chose because our biological families suck.

talkthewholetime · March 2016

DD is showing up to dye Easter Eggs on Friday at my mom's house with my sister and her babies wearing a shirt that says "Happy Easter to me - I'm a BIG SISTER to be!"

I will probably have to call 9-1-1. They're not expecting it at all! And I can't believe I've kept the secret this long - last time I told her before the pee stick was dry.

mtvkv5 · March 2016

I'm going to see my mom in a week and a half and probably won't be able to keep my mouth shut!

AdmiralKitty · March 2016

Told all the families yesterday- nobody was expecting it so there was lots of shock and tears. I expected my parents (first grandchild) to be more excited than they were but I think they were in such shock they couldn't even wrap their heads around what was happening.

DunkinDecaf · March 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I'm glad your family of choice are there for you, at least ❤️

sugar9277 · March 2016

For our first, we didn't announce until 17 weeks and both sides of the family were thrilled.
This time, I don't feel like hiding it (fake cocktails, pouring out wine when no one looking, etc)

Chcaggie1 · March 2016

Last time we told my parents the day we found out. But we found out this week and my sister is getting married tomorrow. I don't want any attention to be diverted from her special day so I'm going to wait and tell them Easter wknd! It's hard not saying anything this wknd while we are with them. It almost feels like lying! Lol.

Marqued7 · March 2016

I told my closest friend/honorary aunt as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. When it comes to telling my parents I want to wait until after our first doctors appointment in a few weeks. I will be 10 weeks at that point and feel more comfortable with the news coming out. I am sure they will be excited to have a little bundle to cuddle. For my husbands parents, this will be their first grandbaby so I am sure it will be very exciting for them.

banfrog · March 2016

We aren't telling either side until we absolutely have to or are asked. The ILs I think would be thrilled this time (mil threw an epic tantrum with our first, took four for her to warm up to the idea of being a grandma) but get clingy/ super demanding once they know I'm pregnant. I don't need the constant calls mining for gossip fodder or passive aggression about baby names.
As for my family, my dad is indifferent. My mom on the other hand is well meaning but is so wrapped up in my sister and her kids and their drama that she just can't see beyond that. She was very uncharacteristically negative when I told her I thought I was pregnant with my last kiddo that I didn't tell her that I was indeed pregnant until about 20 weeks (only because she was pressing about when to book vacation days to visit). She projects my sister's drama on me and passively takes it out on me. It was never like this until my sister moved into the same town as her. It's sad. I'd love to tell her but I don't like what she's become.

talkthewholetime · March 2016

Chcaggie1 said:

Last time we told my parents the day we found out. But we found out this week and my sister is getting married tomorrow. I don't want any attention to be diverted from her special day so I'm going to wait and tell them Easter wknd! It's hard not saying anything this wknd while we are with them. It almost feels like lying! Lol.

I feel like the dirtiest liar. I talk to my mom and sister every day, and see them both at least 3x a week. I feel so grimy.

ETA I"ve know for over 3 weeks now. I'm having a moral crisis hahaha

lilwonder · March 2016

*TW*

We told our parents (and my one and only sister) the same morning I got my BFP. After the pPROM at 16 weeks, we need the support now and through this pregnancy (they were amazing with their support last time!). We have decided to hold off telling anyone else and they'll just find out when I have a big belly later in the summer, which is fine by me. The whole potential of having to explain another loss to multiple people is too much for me.

Side note: we have decided NOT to share the news with my husband's brother and his wife. They are currently 12 weeks pregnant and when we were all in Maui together recently, they were horrendous to me. It was the first time they had been around us since our loss over the holidays and they were anything but sensitive to me/us. While I'm thrilled they're going to have a baby, putting down others that have had losses is just not ok. Ever.

With this pregnancy, I feel like it's so sacred and no one really needs to know what's going on except those close to us.

It is the very best feeling to have people be excited for you though! All the talking, dreaming and planning is really fun with Moms, Sisters and friends!

Edited because: I can't spell today.

Chcaggie1 · March 2016

@talkthewholetime it's so hard!! But they will understand why we waited once we tell ☺️

grannysmith912 · March 2016

I've been wavering about this... This little bean will be my parents' first grandchild, so I now they'll both be insanely excited and supportive. That said, my mom is also a nurse—with lots of opinions about how things should be done—and she's never been terribly good at understanding boundaries. (She's the type to load you down with unsolicited advice, then get offended when you don't follow it.) For that reason, I've felt like it might be good to wait to tell her later on, once H and I have a more concrete plan (medical, financial, etc.).

However, I know I should tell my family before I tell anyone else, and there are other people I'd really like to tell (church family, colleagues, other friends—people who will be excited for me without then feeling the necessity to tell me how I should take care of my baby). It's been driving me crazy to keep this a secret, especially when I could really use some encouragement getting through the misery of morning sickness.

Therefore, as sort of a compromise, I think I'll end up breaking the news to my family (and then other close friends) after my first ultrasound at 9 weeks. That will give H and I a little more time to figure out what we're going to do, but will also give us earlier access to the support we need in these beginning stages. I don't think we'll publicize our pregnancy until after the first trimester, but I at least want to tell the people whose support I would certainly need if we experience another loss before then.

mandyell · March 2016

I told my mom as soon as I found out I was pregnant by sending her a pic of the test. She's keeping it under wraps until I hit 12 weeks. We told my husband's parents about a week ago, but same thing, basically gave them the disclaimer that it was still private information.

kns1988 · March 2016

banfrog said:

The ILs I think would be thrilled this time (mil threw an epic tantrum with our first, took four for her to warm up to the idea of being a grandma) but get clingy/ super demanding once they know I'm pregnant. I don't need the constant calls mining for gossip fodder or passive aggression about baby names.

The clinginess is what I'm worried about, too. I'd love to tell my family and my ILs, but my mom would then start calling me to ask when my appointments are and would be checking in with me all the time about symptoms. She kind of butted herself into my last pregnancy and did the same thing - we weren't ready to tell and things weren't going well with the ultrasounds (ended in loss), but she outright asked me and I couldn't lie to her. I love my mom, but I want the first trimester to be mine and my husband's. I don't want to give anyone updates or reassure anyone that things are going okay.

I do fantasize about being out of the first trimester and telling everyone, though. FX, I can't wait to give people good news and see their reactions!

kristah2 · March 2016

I told my mom the night we got the BFP. we live in her basement apartment right now so I see her basically everyday and I'm horrible at keeping secrets from her. So we shared the news with her and her husband.
DH called his mom that night as well. She was the only one who knew we were trying so she was super excited.
I waited a few days to tell my dad and his wife. It was her birthday so I printed out a picture of the digital and put it in the card with a "happy birthday nanny! Love baby H". She almost died.

Everyone of them are under strict instructions not to tell a soul until we give the okay. For a few reasons. We're not ready for people to know yet. And when we are ready we want to tell the important people in our life before our parents do (like my grand parents and siblings etc).

Once WE decide were ready to tell close friends and family I'll let them run their mouths to everyone! Still keeping it off social media until about 18-20 weeks when I tell people at work.

LilyWater09 · March 2016

After the miserable experience of a MC 2 days before Christmas last year, I am doubting telling my family until my body cannot hide the fact. Most family was supportive. Because my one niece is a spoiled brat pregnant with her 2nd and was going to do a gender reveal on Christmas, my situation was pretty much swept under the rug in that household. Only months later did my sister come around to her real caring self. Sad. But with my niece's due date around the end of my 1st trimester, I am aiming for silence. Heaven forbid I have any thunder in my life, good or bad. Can you tell I am still bitter?

Shawnee11507 · March 2016

It took 3yrs for this pregnancy & I'm nervous & wanted to wait to tell immediate family until after at least seeing the heartbeat, but my DH couldn't keep his mouth shut. After getting a Congrats text from my MIL/FIL and then a Congrats when I saw one of his best friends this past Wed, I called and told my mom and my sister on Thursday. I don't plan on telling my dad until after the u/s, as we're not super close.

MrsDho11 · March 2016

Told my parents today over the phone so I could guilt-free cancel my trip. H isn't ready to tell his folks yet, and I'm okay with that for the time being. My parents already have three grandkids, but my ILs don't and H is an only, so they'll be over the moon (followed shortly by over the top) when they find out. Assuming everything goes well at the first appointment (where I'm hoping we get our first scan), I'll probably try to encourage him to spill the beans. Otherwise I'll feel guilty about not telling them...

hollowway · March 2016

I haven't told anyone yet. It's kind of nice to just have it between us. Everyone knows I was suppose to have surgery in June to fix my septate uterus... obviously those plans have changed now... So I'm really not looking forward to the "what if you miscarry again" comments I know we'll get. I honestly don't even want to tell anyone until we absolutely have to... Maybe not til we know the sex. Being high risk sucks enough without all the Debby downers constantly making comments about how careful I have to be.

Ash9614 · March 2016

MrsDho11 said:

Told my parents today over the phone so I could guilt-free cancel my trip. H isn't ready to tell his folks yet, and I'm okay with that for the time being. My parents already have three grandkids, but my ILs don't and H is an only, so they'll be over the moon (followed shortly by over the top) when they find out. Assuming everything goes well at the first appointment (where I'm hoping we get our first scan), I'll probably try to encourage him to spill the beans. Otherwise I'll feel guilty about not telling them...

You and I are in the same boat having the first grandchild with an only child. This will be my parents' first, too but I have a brother. With DH's family it can definitely seem like the sun rises and sets on all that he/we do. Your "over the moon/top" is accurate for sure! Overwhelms me just thinking about it...

MrsDho11 · March 2016

Ash9614 said:

MrsDho11 said:

Told my parents today over the phone so I could guilt-free cancel my trip. H isn't ready to tell his folks yet, and I'm okay with that for the time being. My parents already have three grandkids, but my ILs don't and H is an only, so they'll be over the moon (followed shortly by over the top) when they find out. Assuming everything goes well at the first appointment (where I'm hoping we get our first scan), I'll probably try to encourage him to spill the beans. Otherwise I'll feel guilty about not telling them...

You and I are in the same boat having the first grandchild with an only child. This will be my parents' first, too but I have a brother. With DH's family it can definitely seem like the sun rises and sets on all that he/we do. Your "over the moon/top" is accurate for sure! Overwhelms me just thinking about it...

They currently live on the other side of the country, and if say I'm 80% certain they'll move once they find out. Hopefully not too close!

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