It bothers me that some women out there (IRL) do judge a mom that is not BFing. I don't think twice when I see a woman feeding her baby formula and it saddens me a little bit when we talk about it and the first thing she feels she needs to do is justify why she's FFing. I'm like, it's your choice and I'm not even a little curious of why you're doing what you're doing.
I did midwifery training when I was younger and I was surrounded by so many women who either BF, FF or both and I never knew that it was such a judgy issue until I got older.
My closest friend tried BFing her first two kids and she underwent a terrible depression when she couldn't BF her first. She used to say she just didn't have enough milk and, to this day, her MIL still judges her over not doing it right. She felt like a failure and would constantly cry over it. She gave it another shot with her second and the same thing happened. She switched OBs for her third and, after telling him what happened with 1 and 2, he did an ultrasound (rather than just dismissing her as not "knowing how to BF") and told her her ducts were deviated and, since it was a genetic thing, she would have the same issue unless she had surgery to correct it. So she FF'd her third right from the get-go.
Some women cannot physically BF, some women choose not to and some choose to do so. I hope to exclusively BF and I hope the nurses don't push formula on me but I will have formula at home in case it doesn't work. If someone next to me is FFing, the first thing that comes to mind is still 'aww, what a cutie!', not 'why?'.
@PSUBecky23if it makes you feel any better I still think you're a highly respected member of this community even though I didn't really agree with your opinions/judgement - you handled the flame like a pro
@PSUBecky23if it makes you feel any better I still think you're a highly respected member of this community even though I didn't really agree with your opinions/judgement - you handled the flame like a pro
Thank you. I recognize the flaming was deserved. Just didn't expect it after the fact.
I'm not sure I sit in any camp right now. I will be a FTM with this baby and I don't really know what I want and I'm definitely not sure about what I need when it comes to birth or... anything at all, really. The only thing I know, and this may or may not be an unpopular opinion, is that I only want trained medical professionals in the room with me. I am very uncomfortable with the idea of a midwife being the only person present. I guess mostly because I don't know much about midwives, but another reason is because I'm pretty paranoid something will go wrong and no one will be able to help me fast enough.
I'm terrified I will faint during labor, because I have a history of fainting under stress. I want a crash cart and a nurse in the room at all times just for that reason alone, haha.
This is probably my real UO: I do not think of childbirth as magical or even particularly wonderful. I think it is terrifying and that it will be one of the worst experiences of my life. I don't think I will come out the other side of it saying I'm glad I went through all that, or that it was worth it. Truthfully, I hope it's over as quickly as possible, because it scares the hell out of me. If there was a way to be knocked out for the whole thing, and wake up with a baby, I'd probably pick that option. I'm kind of a coward.
(As an aside, I hope none of this offends anybody. That is not my intention.)
@jln27 I don't think your opinion is offensive at all. I think a whole lot of FTMs feel this way. As a FTM myself, I'm afraid of childbirth too. I've been to many births and seen lots of them and it's still scary because I haven't been the one to experience them. Obviously information is your best friend and you might relax more if you go to childbirth classes but it's normal to feel this way when it's your first time.
ETA: When I think of the magical part of giving birth, I only think of the moment my baby is placed in my arms. I can understand the feeling of strength and power that a lot of women describe when pushing but, since I'm not there yet, I can only think of baby. Either way, I think the only reason women would subject themselves to the worst pain ever is because they get a baby, so don't worry about not seeing the magic of it all.
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom Those are some good points. Also, I am very interested in going to childbirth classes, but I'm not sure when I should start. I'll have to look into the ones offered in my area. The only issue is that my husband is in the military, and I'm not 100% sure where I will be giving birth or what my options will be if we do have to move in the middle or near the end of the pregnancy. All the more reason to gather as much information as I can now, I suppose.
Ironically, that was the way women delivered back in the day-knocked out with ether and the baby was pulled out of them. That thought scares the hell out of me! I'd much rather be fully aware of what's going on.
I understand your fears as a FTM, but please do yourself a favor and read up on some of the suggested books. I bought about 4 used birthing books and loved every one of them. I took what I wanted from each and felt way more informed and confident.
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom Those are some good points. Also, I am very interested in going to childbirth classes, but I'm not sure when I should start. I'll have to look into the ones offered in my area. The only issue is that my husband is in the military, and I'm not 100% sure where I will be giving birth or what my options will be if we do have to move in the middle or near the end of the pregnancy. All the more reason to gather as much information as I can now, I suppose.
I can give you a little insight about the military part. We are military too and I had to PCS at 32 weeks with my daughter. I did most of my prenatal care at one location and ended up delivering at another.. While I was nervous about it and not sure what to expect, it wasn't a big deal at all. All my records were electronically sent from one military hospital to the other and I had no lapse in care. While I had never been seen by the doctor that was on shift when I delivered my baby, the chances of your doctor actually being there versus the 6-7 other OBs that work there is pretty slim. I hope you don't have to relocate, but if you do it doesn't have to be terrible
@jln27@AlwaysAuntNeverMom I was terrified of childbirth with my first. It was the unknown that made me so scared. Watching videos and reading birth stories eased some of my fear. Also, being 38+ weeks pregnant and ready to finally meet your your baby helps. I can say, when labor actually started, I didn't feel scared anymore. It was happening, and I just did what I had to.
And confession... her being placed on me the first time was not magical at all to me, like I had expected it to be. The pain and relief of getting her out left me mostly focused on that at first. After 5 or 10 seconds, I snapped out of it and was happy and excited to see her.
@mhilpisch10 & @PoodleDoodleOoo - You're making me sad over here! I'm wishing I could be deliver @ North Memorial again with the same OB that delivered DS & DD.
You used to be in MN and now are in TX right? MN does have some perks. Winter sucks but I've got a lot of pride for my state!
Yes ma'am. I definitely wasn't Minnesota born-and-raised but I lived there longer than anywhere else, met DH (who is a true blue Minnesotan) there and put down roots. I (crazy enough) miss MN winters and really everything about it. Unfortunately I've been more homesick than usual lately. I'm sure it has to do with the extra hormones too. Hopefully we'll be able to get back there to visit after these 2 are born though.
I'm sorry but I'm still terrified and I've been through having having babies. DH and I went through birthing classes the first time because there was still a slight possibility that I might not have to have a c-section if DS turned around. I distinctly remember looking at DH and saying, "Why the hell didn't I think this through?! They have to come out?? No, they can just stay in there!". (Irrational me was working waaaay overtime at 32 weeks.) I also remember something about wanting to ask the doctor to put a zipper in after the c-section.....and, about 2 months ago, realizing that I never actually asked for that zipper.
That being said, I'll go through getting that big, scary ass needle in my back, feeling my body go numb and probably vomiting through the entire c-section again just so I can hold those sweet babies again.
What do you think about starting a popular pet peeves thread too? I really just want to complain about stuff we all hate. Currently how fb is full of politics and most the posts are inaccurate but no one seems to notice or care they still hit share! Also a grrrrrr to bicycles on roads that do not obey traffic laws. This morning I had a green light and was almost a car length into the intersection when this bike blows his red light, I slam on the breaks (was only going like 10), and the bike looks over and doesn't even slow down.
I hate how bicyclists switch between being a pedestrian and being a vehicle. I watched one bike approach a stop light, he was in the road, clearly identifying himself as a vehicle. Instead of stopping at the red light, he just swerved over so he was on the crosswalk, like a pedestrian. It's so dangerous when you have no idea what they are going to do.
---stuck in the box---
To an extent I agree. Most 'real' cyclists follow traffic laws and get equally annoyed when other cyclists don't. However, there are so many drivers who don't understand that cyclists have the same right to the road as they do or just straight up don't care. My Dh is a hobby road cyclist and has so many stories of close calls that he's learned that in certain situations, switching to the sidewalk is the safest course of action. So in those situations, I couldn't care less if he's being annoying to drivers, as long as he gets home safe.
I don't mind as much if a cyclist is on the sidewalk, and I have certainly done that myself on some streets, but there is a bit of an issue when a cyclist decides they don't want to wait for the light, so hop into the pedestrian crosswalk that has the current right-of-way. This is very confusing for drivers trying to make turns at intersections. If you choose to ride on the road, stay there. If you feel unsafe there, hop to the sidewalk, but be prepared to stop and look with the same care you would as a pedestrian. I'd never cross a street, even with the walk sign up, without checking first that the cars around me are paying attention. Right-of-way means very little to you if the car hits you hard enough...
This will be my third and it still scares me when I think about going through labor. I've done one with the epi and one without. By the end of your pregnancy all you want is to be holding baby. You will be so excited to meet your little one. Labor is a number of hours from 1 day...it's such a tiny part of the entire pregnancy. Plus, when it starts you don't really have time to be scared. It just kind of happens and you do it.
Bikers in my town are a bit of a mixed bag. Some are respectful and obey the rules of the road. It's the ones who decide to stay in traffic, but can't keep up and insist on being part of the flow. Drives me nuts. Also drives me crazy when I see parents riding without helmets with their kids riding their bikes with helmets. You get in a car, you put on your seatbelt. You get on a bike, you put on a damn helmet. It's not hard. I was involved in an accident involving a biker. I stopped at a stop sign, BEFORE the stop line, and this guy deeked out in front of my car and crashed into the side. No helmet. And then he tried to bring a claim against me. Luckily I had passengers who could attest that I made a full stop, and he wasn't wearing a helmet.
Watch birthing videos on YouTube. Very helpful to see that L&D as a whole can be joyful and not scary at all.
Fun side note - I went into labor while watching "One born every minute" which is essentially just birthing videos. Then again, chances were pretty high since that seemed to be all I did near the end of my pregnancy.
Possible TW******* To the FTMs - please watch these videos. I'm not saying this to scare you, but many babies come out looking blue/ may not breath right away etc. My DS ended up being one. When I heard them say he was limp and rushing to get him to breathe I was able to stay fairly calm because I had watched similar scenarios over and over. He was fine and breathing like a champ pretty quick. I'm sure I would have been a mess had I not watched those videos. It'll also help you visualize what's going on while pushing if you don't have a mirror.
****** I think the med/ med free debate has been pretty well covered at this point, and I don't have much to add. The only thing that bothers me (here to an extent but mostly IRL) is that while women that opt for a med free delivery are expected to support and understand the choice for pain meds (often being pushed in that direction by medical staff), it doesn't seem to work the other way around. I was laughed at by multiple people when I expressed my desire to go med free (CO workers saying it was "cute" because "I had no idea", a practitioner at my OB complaining because it would take so much longer and be harder on her if she ended up delivering etc). I don't expect praise, but I do expect a choice and for other people to at least try to understand my reasoning, just like I do theirs.
For the record I had a med free birth, it took less than two hours and the stupid OB above DID end up delivering. I was smug about it too but only because of her comment and because she was insensitive in general. I would NEVER pressure anyone into a med free birth because holy pain. I will attempt to do it again though.
Now that we pretty thoroughly covered BF and labor, I would like to say that I spent the last fifteen years hating Oreos. Now they are literally all I can think about. Thanks, pregnancy
Ironically, that was the way women delivered back in the day-knocked out with ether and the baby was pulled out of them. That thought scares the hell out of me! I'd much rather be fully aware of what's going on.
I understand your fears as a FTM, but please do yourself a favor and read up on some of the suggested books. I bought about 4 used birthing books and loved every one of them. I took what I wanted from each and felt way more informed and confident.
Yeah, my grandmother said that's how all of her babies were delivered. She was knocked out as soon as she got to the hospital and when she woke up they told her if it was a boy or a girl, let her see the baby and then took baby back to the nursery. The baby wasn't "hers" until they left the hospital. I'm not sure if they'd bring the baby to her for feedings or what happened then. I have to agree, that thought scares me. This was a time when the dad was not present at the birth so it'd be just you, the doctor and the nurse.
What do you think about starting a popular pet peeves thread too? I really just want to complain about stuff we all hate. Currently how fb is full of politics and most the posts are inaccurate but no one seems to notice or care they still hit share! Also a grrrrrr to bicycles on roads that do not obey traffic laws. This morning I had a green light and was almost a car length into the intersection when this bike blows his red light, I slam on the breaks (was only going like 10), and the bike looks over and doesn't even slow down.
I hate how bicyclists switch between being a pedestrian and being a vehicle. I watched one bike approach a stop light, he was in the road, clearly identifying himself as a vehicle. Instead of stopping at the red light, he just swerved over so he was on the crosswalk, like a pedestrian. It's so dangerous when you have no idea what they are going to do.
---stuck in the box---
To an extent I agree. Most 'real' cyclists follow traffic laws and get equally annoyed when other cyclists don't. However, there are so many drivers who don't understand that cyclists have the same right to the road as they do or just straight up don't care. My Dh is a hobby road cyclist and has so many stories of close calls that he's learned that in certain situations, switching to the sidewalk is the safest course of action. So in those situations, I couldn't care less if he's being annoying to drivers, as long as he gets home safe.
I totally understand that. This bicyclist I mentioned was not in any danger. He actually put himself in danger by switching to the crosswalk without stopping at all. I try to be mindful of bikes, because I know that if there's a collision I'm going to "win" simply because a car is so much bigger and going so much faster than a bike. And no matter who has the right of way, I don't want to hurt anybody.
Med vs nonmed... I tried with me 1st fir nonmed... lasted 35 hours and could not take it anymore. No shame and proud I lasted so long. In the end so long as you the mom are happy with the experience is all that really matters. I plan to try again for non med this time, but if I have another 39 hour labor, I'll probably go the same route. It took a lot to go so long without and by the end I could not even keep my head up I was so tired. But my son came out just fine.
So maybe this is an UO here, I love all the silly kitschy things. I think its fun to do all the tacky American drinking versions of holidays. I liked doing irish car bombs and drinking green beer. On Cinco de Mayo bring on the margaritas.
Me too!!! It helps that DH and I met on St Patrick's Day- so we always get into it. And we're both of Irish descent. But I love getting into all the holidays too- the ridiculous glittery antennas and silly decorations, funny costumes and shirts, themes food and drinks. LOVE. IT.
UO: I hate sports. Don't care about football in the Fall (which is basically blasphemy here in Tennessee). Don't care about basketball in the Spring. Don't care about whateverball in the whatever.
I will, however, eat all the wings and drink all the beer. And if I'm at a football-related party I'll root for whichever team has the prettiest uniform colors.
I'm a FTM but I have witnessed/helped in 3 births. The last one was 18 months ago for my bff and at that point I had decided that I was going to attempt a med-free birth (whenever it was my turn). Her contractions started at 7pm on a Friday and by 11am the next morning they were 2-3 minutes apart. Off we rush to the hospital only to find out she's only barely at 1cm and 90% effaced. They sent us home. She continued having super intense super close contractions until 6pm when she finally reached 2.5 cm and the nurse called it 3 so they would admit her. After that she had to wait over an hour to get a bag of fluids in her before they would do the epidural. By the time she had the epidural, she had been in active labor for over 10 hours. I have a much lower pain tolerance than her and it was watching her be in so much pain that scared me from doing it med free. I'm terrified of pain and while I know I will feel my share of contractions, it terrifies me that my experience will be like hers
Re: Unpopular Opinions (3-17)
I did midwifery training when I was younger and I was surrounded by so many women who either BF, FF or both and I never knew that it was such a judgy issue until I got older.
My closest friend tried BFing her first two kids and she underwent a terrible depression when she couldn't BF her first. She used to say she just didn't have enough milk and, to this day, her MIL still judges her over not doing it right. She felt like a failure and would constantly cry over it. She gave it another shot with her second and the same thing happened. She switched OBs for her third and, after telling him what happened with 1 and 2, he did an ultrasound (rather than just dismissing her as not "knowing how to BF") and told her her ducts were deviated and, since it was a genetic thing, she would have the same issue unless she had surgery to correct it. So she FF'd her third right from the get-go.
Some women cannot physically BF, some women choose not to and some choose to do so. I hope to exclusively BF and I hope the nurses don't push formula on me but I will have formula at home in case it doesn't work. If someone next to me is FFing, the first thing that comes to mind is still 'aww, what a cutie!', not 'why?'.
I'm terrified I will faint during labor, because I have a history of fainting under stress. I want a crash cart and a nurse in the room at all times just for that reason alone, haha.
This is probably my real UO: I do not think of childbirth as magical or even particularly wonderful. I think it is terrifying and that it will be one of the worst experiences of my life. I don't think I will come out the other side of it saying I'm glad I went through all that, or that it was worth it. Truthfully, I hope it's over as quickly as possible, because it scares the hell out of me. If there was a way to be knocked out for the whole thing, and wake up with a baby, I'd probably pick that option. I'm kind of a coward.
(As an aside, I hope none of this offends anybody. That is not my intention.)
ETA: When I think of the magical part of giving birth, I only think of the moment my baby is placed in my arms. I can understand the feeling of strength and power that a lot of women describe when pushing but, since I'm not there yet, I can only think of baby. Either way, I think the only reason women would subject themselves to the worst pain ever is because they get a baby, so don't worry about not seeing the magic of it all.
I understand your fears as a FTM, but please do yourself a favor and read up on some of the suggested books. I bought about 4 used birthing books and loved every one of them. I took what I wanted from each and felt way more informed and confident.
And confession... her being placed on me the first time was not magical at all to me, like I had expected it to be. The pain and relief of getting her out left me mostly focused on that at first. After 5 or 10 seconds, I snapped out of it and was happy and excited to see her.
you rang????????????????????????
No worries, the flame-free, diplomatic (albeit bland) responses on your post have us all
carry on....
That being said, I'll go through getting that big, scary ass needle in my back, feeling my body go numb and probably vomiting through the entire c-section again just so I can hold those sweet babies again.
Also, I am grateful for @PinkLady2015 who randomly pops in from time to time. I think her comments/GIFs are hilarious.
First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
Possible TW*******
To the FTMs - please watch these videos. I'm not saying this to scare you, but many babies come out looking blue/ may not breath right away etc. My DS ended up being one. When I heard them say he was limp and rushing to get him to breathe I was able to stay fairly calm because I had watched similar scenarios over and over. He was fine and breathing like a champ pretty quick. I'm sure I would have been a mess had I not watched those videos. It'll also help you visualize what's going on while pushing if you don't have a mirror.
******
I think the med/ med free debate has been pretty well covered at this point, and I don't have much to add. The only thing that bothers me (here to an extent but mostly IRL) is that while women that opt for a med free delivery are expected to support and understand the choice for pain meds (often being pushed in that direction by medical staff), it doesn't seem to work the other way around. I was laughed at by multiple people when I expressed my desire to go med free (CO workers saying it was "cute" because "I had no idea", a practitioner at my OB complaining because it would take so much longer and be harder on her if she ended up delivering etc). I don't expect praise, but I do expect a choice and for other people to at least try to understand my reasoning, just like I do theirs.
For the record I had a med free birth, it took less than two hours and the stupid OB above DID end up delivering. I was smug about it too but only because of her comment and because she was insensitive in general. I would NEVER pressure anyone into a med free birth because holy pain. I will attempt to do it again though.
Yeah, my grandmother said that's how all of her babies were delivered. She was knocked out as soon as she got to the hospital and when she woke up they told her if it was a boy or a girl, let her see the baby and then took baby back to the nursery. The baby wasn't "hers" until they left the hospital. I'm not sure if they'd bring the baby to her for feedings or what happened then.
I have to agree, that thought scares me. This was a time when the dad was not present at the birth so it'd be just you, the doctor and the nurse.
I totally understand that. This bicyclist I mentioned was not in any danger. He actually put himself in danger by switching to the crosswalk without stopping at all. I try to be mindful of bikes, because I know that if there's a collision I'm going to "win" simply because a car is so much bigger and going so much faster than a bike. And no matter who has the right of way, I don't want to hurt anybody.
ME TOO!!!