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September 2016 Moms
TheTamedShrew
member
Ask a BTDT mom
TheTamedShrew
member
Stole this from another board and thought it was a good idea for the experienced moms to help out the FTMs on our board. Ask anything about labor, birth, recovery, breastfeeding, newborns, toddlers, etc.
Re: Ask a BTDT mom
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Moms of 2 or more: how have you kept your toddlers occupied during baby's naps and breastfeeding sessions? Do they just learn to occupy themselves or do you have a few go-to routines/activities that helped?
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
Breastfeeding sessions was story time. I fed baby while I read to DS1. I let him pick the books or we just read the same book 10 times, whatever he wanted. We also took a lot of walks outside which helped everyone just crash at night/naptime.
This time around, I think/hope it'll be easier since the boys are a little older and can play together. I also plan to try baby wearing this time so I can stay mobile and can have my hands free. Just like everything else, we'll figure it out. And you will too!
With our third, our oldest was old enough to help, and play with DS and keep him occupied if I was nursing. I encouraged our third to use a soother and I wore her a lot so I didn't have to worry about not being able to do something when they needed it.
The best thing that you can do is have baby adapt to the toddler. Do normal activities while the baby is napping. If they get used to super quiet, it'll be a rough go.
I would try as hard as you can to make a decision before you go on maternity leave. If you just can't, try and wrap things up as much as humanly possible so if you DO decide not to go back mid-leave, you don't leave your coworkers high and dry. Also, I would give them at least 2 weeks notice before the end of your leave so they're not expecting you back on a certain day and then you're like "Sorry guys, I'm not coming back."
If you do decide mid-leave not to return, I'd also be open to maybe coming in a few days to help wrap things up and work some kind of notice out. I am not one for burning bridges, and I feel deciding not to come back mid-maternity leave could very easily burn a bridge if not done respectfully.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
@sbrown721 check your HR policies regarding maternity leave, if there are any. Make sure you didn't sign anything to the effect of "I will pay back any paid time off if I do not return from maternity leave." Since you are only getting eight weeks, I'm guessing you're not covered by FMLA.
Personally, I was not ready to go back to work after eight weeks but was very ready after 12. You're going to hear a range of responses to this because it's so personal.
2nd: Register for diapers and wipes. Lots of both. Diapers of all sizes. People will bombard you with newborn diapers, but if you ask for bigger sizes you may get lucky and not have to buy your own for a few months. I would highly recommend a Boppy or similar pillow, even if you don't breastfeed. Also some kind of carrier or wrap. You can never have too many sets of crib sheets and burp cloths. A stroller/car seat/travel system, and some onesies. A lot of people will ignore your registry and buy you crap they wanna buy you and that you don't really need, so make sure what's on your registry counts for those who pay attention.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
As for smaller things, I think safe bets for now are blankets/burp cloths, diapers (in different sizes), boppy with a cover or two, onesies and an infant "grooming" kit (with baby nail clippers, a soft bristle brush, a nasal aspirator...).
Also, I always get people a cool mist humidifier when I go to a baby shower, even if they don't register for one. It's something most people don't think about, but when you have a sick baby it's the one thing your pediatrician will tell you to try 9 times out of 10.
I'm sure there are more things, I just can't think of them right now.
Honestly though, I registered for everything so that I had a plan of what I was going to buy and was able to use the completion discount on it.
Also, some bottles. Even if you plan on nursing, things may not go as planned and it's good to have a backup.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Things we couldn't have lived without early on (beyond carseat/crib/etc): Swing, bouncy/vibrating seat, boppy pillow, tummy time/activity mat, a raised baby tub with sling seat for him (so I didn't have to bend over too much into the tub), towels, burp cloths, bottles/breast pump (pump through insurance not registry), baby monitor, grooming kit, SWADDLES, pacifiers (a couple different kinds, most babies have a preference if you're choosing to use) .. I'm sure there was more but others will chime in too
My DD was 8 days early. I'm due 9/1. Therefore, I've just naturally been thinking about/expecting a late August baby. Am a setting myself up for the possibility of weeks of torture with the potential of going overdue? (I did the opposite with DD. I was due 9/20. Everyone said the first comes late. So I was mentally preparing myself for that...and when she came 8 days early, I was in total denial and *almost* think it may have attributed to some of my PPD (because I wasn't "done" being pregnant yet)).
I know no one can say for sure and I'll just have to wait and see. But I'm dying for some stories - show me the statistics - so I can at least attempt to better mentally prepare myself this time!
I agree with everything that @runningisrad said for the registry, especially the Boppy pillow, I still use mine when rocking my 10 month old to sleep. Another thing that was a lifesaver for us were the SwaddleMe wraps, DS was great at getting out of the swaddle when we just used a blanket (it probably didn't help that I wasn't so good at swaddling to begin with). The SwaddleMe blanket was great because it velcroed so it didn't come undone and the next step up swaddle sack has a zipper on the bottom for easy diaper changes. We still use the sleep sack for DS even though he doesn't need to be swaddled because it stays on him no matter how much he rolls around, unlike a regular blanket.
BFP #1 5/5/13 MC confirmed 5/9/13
BFP #5 5/16/18 EDD 1/29/19
BFP #1 5/5/13 MC confirmed 5/9/13
BFP #5 5/16/18 EDD 1/29/19
1. Living in a 1 bedroom apt. We have a 1 bedroom plus den (9x9ft). We are trying to see if we can swing buying a two bedroom but that has like a 30% chance.
2. Living far away from family and having few friends in the area. After telling a few friends I have already felt half of them pull away, I'm not sure how many people we have to lean on. Also, for birth when to have the family fly out. I think I want my parents there but for how long and with me or a hotel I have no idea. I know I don't want his parents there the first week, which will work because his brother is due 2 days after us. When to ask them, this will have to be planned because of plane tickets.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
As for your friends, I'm sorry you've felt them pulling away. That's sad. I hope it's not the case and that they are just preoccupied in their own lives momentarily. People (especially those who haven't had children yet) sometimes just don't get how HUGE it is to be pregnant and have a baby!
For family - my Mom stayed with us the first couple days after DD was born. It was nice for some reasons and claustrophobic for others. I think the true answer lies with your relationship with your parents and how much you'll need/want them around after LO is born. Asking them to stay in a hotel is perfectly ok if it's what's best for you and baby!
@jhems776 - both DH and I are in the military and had both our boys while we were stationed in Italy and we had no family to help. The situation will be the same this go round since we are now in Alaska. We had some friends but not many. I found it to be quite nice because it gave DH and I got to bond and help one another rather than have an extra set of hands in the mix. We might have my SIL come out to watch the boys while we are in the hospital this time only because we don't have anyone else who is available. Have family come a couple days before your due date that way they have a good ch ace of being there or there close after.
1. You can make that work. A lot of people keep the baby in their room for a while anyway, even if they have separate rooms.
2. If you're concerned about friends, I feel you. Look into Meetup.com. There are a lot of new mom support groups, pregnancy groups, stroller walk groups, even breastfeeding groups that you can join. There are baby music classes and yoga classes and gym classes. Yes, it's silly to sign a 4 month old baby up for music class, but it's not really about the baby, it's about meeting the other parents. It takes some effort, but you can expand your social circle to find other people who are at a similar point in their life as you.
Re: Your parents flying out, it's really a personal decision. If they absolutely want to be there and can afford to the stick around, I would say they need to be around at least a week before your due date. If they're willing to be there by the time the baby comes home from the hospital, they can book their tickets when you go into labor and fly out immediately. (My parents are a 5 hour drive away. I told them in the morning when I was going to the hospital.)
I think my parents will drive out, they would make the drive in 10 hours. Would that be enough notice? I don't think I'd be heartbroken if they didn't make it for the birth but my mom would. They drove it once and have flown every time since. I do have a good relationship with them but have like a 1-2 week max time. For that reason I wouldn't want them there much before birth. I guess it is person dependent but unsure of how long for them to stay. If I let my mom she would stay for a month. H says 1 week max if with us and 2 weeks if hotel. H gets 1 week paternity leave and we plan on using 1 week vacation.
His parents cannot drive more than two hours so I'm thinking a month after due date to plan the trip, 2 weeks seems like in danger zone of actual birth time and my parents being there, one set is enough.
My mom is a different story... I'd rather not have her come at all but I have no idea how I'm going to tell her that. She's a difficult, passive-aggressive woman and all of us siblings have issues with her. I typically try to tolerate her for the few days when she comes but she knows things are not okay between us and chooses to be in complete denial about it. She will want to stay with me for months and is already talking about moving here (she lives across the country). I know if I tell her we need time to bond with baby as a family or that there already will be too many people here (with my dad staying with us) she will really not get it and guilt-trip us or will just ignore us and come anyways and just stay in a hotel without notice, as she's already done when we've asked her not to come. With all the postpartum hormonal changes, I just know things will get out of hand between her and me and I don't want to deal with that when I should be enjoying my brand new baby.
Any advice for dealing with a difficult parent with a new baby?
With my second, she came exactly on her due date. My water broke at my 40w appt as I was on the way to the bathroom to give a urine sample.
My friend who just had her third was late with all of them. I think she was nearly 10 days late with the first, 7 days with her second and 1 or 2 with the last.