Someone save me from myself. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry for absolutely no reason. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones or my depression that's beating the crap out of me today.
Hug? Either way that's a crappy feeling. I recommend chocolate. Or strawberry shortcake if you're one of those weirdos who doesn't like chocolate.
Sweet have been making me nauseous... Well, food in general has been making me nauseated. I'm a stress/depression shopper instead of a stress/depression eater. Unfortunately, I've been having to hold back because DH now only gets paid once a month instead of bi-weekly, and he doesn't get his first full month's pay from his new job until the 5th of April... And we need to save our money in case I go into labor earlier than planned... I did spend $20 yesterday and "upgraded" the center stone in my ring. The round yellow sapphire was too light of a color for me, so I'm swapping it out for an oval green sapphire.
It it may just also be depression related, since I likely have bipolar disorder (but refuse to go in and get diagnosed because my family doesn't react well to bipolar meds). Bipolar disorder runs on my dad's side of the family, and there's always one family member per generation it seems who has it... Which makes me concerned for my kids... I think that's the major reason why I don't want to get diagnosed with it--I don't want to "doom" my children with a mental disorder. DH doesn't want me on meds, since he's heard the stories about my parents almost getting divorced while my dad was on bipolar meds... Or how my grandmother HATED her mother when her mother was on her meds...
So I obviously don't know you and your situation IRL, but please be sure to keep a doctor/therapist in the loop with your mental health, especially with the potential for PPD/PPA looming. No one can force you onto meds, but they can help you recognize a slow decent better than we can see in ourselves. As I'm sure you know, there is a huge range of need for meds to maintain health and safety with bipolar. One of our best friends does great with no meds and some semi-regular therapy. My ex-aunt, on the other hand, is in prison indefinitely as an accomplice to murder (knowledge, not participation, but still horrible) during an unmedicated manic episode. It was scary for my cousins to realize that they could also be affected; but knowing that even in their mom's extreme case, she can thrive in a situation where she was first strictly medicated and has since weaned to being off meds has actually been hopeful for them. Genetics don't care if you're officially diagnosed or not, but seeing their mom thrive despite and through mental health struggles may be just what your kids need when they're old enough to worry about it potentially affecting them. Either way, take care of yourself and I hope you can get in some rest, relaxation and retail therapy soon
I actually don't understand the whole "midnight snack" concept. I love food. Like, LOVE food. Probably why I've struggled with weight and how to control it my whole life. But I have never once in my life gotten up in the middle of the night to get food. Not pregnant, not after some drinking the previous night, not in college, not even when I was up for MOTN feedings with DD1. I might have a late snack, which could potentially be around midnight when (I was younger and) I hadn't yet gone to bed, but I have never ever ever gotten out of bed after going to bed to get something to eat.
When I was working out a lot - doing a ton of heavy lifting and cardio for hours - I would keep snacks next to my bed because I was ravenous every couple of hours. If I didn't eat something I couldn't get back to sleep and my stomach would hurt for the next day or two. I just couldn't eat enough at a time to hold me over. Drunk, though...when I lay down, I stay down!
@emgee27@mrstrax I'm terrible and I've been avoiding going to therapy since I was 11, when it was really apparent that something wasn't quite right.
I actually got off of birth control last year in February because the hormones were making my episodes worse. That's actually how I ended up with this surprise baby! I plan on keeping my doctor in the loop about any depression issues.
The bipolar thing is part of the reason why I ended up getting a degree in psychology.
@fbanke42 I personally don't think medication is right for everyone, and I stopped taking meds a couple of years ago because of it. I didn't feel like myself, just felt diluted. Therapy has helped so much more than anything though, and stabilizing my home life. (I know with everything going on this pregnancy that I've shared it sounds hectic and insane, but compared to my upbringing and young adult life, this is stressful, but SOOO much easier to deal with.)
Like someone mentioned above being diagnosed doesn't mean anything when it comes to genetics. I wear my depression as a badge of honor in some ways because I never want anyone in my family to be afraid of seeking treatment. I am also scared for my LO to develop some form of mental illness, but at least I know from personal experience what to look out for, and how to help him thrive in spite of any chemical shortcomings. Let's be fair, that's all it is. It can feel all consuming and yeah it really sucks that so many people land in the "I just want to process emotions like a normal person" camp, but at the end of the day you've got this. If you honestly felt like you couldn't handle it you would get help.
fbanke42 said:
Knottie9983816 said:
fbanke42 said:
Someone save me from myself. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry for absolutely no reason. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones or my depression that's beating the crap out of me today.
Hug? Either way that's a crappy feeling. I recommend chocolate. Or strawberry shortcake if you're one of those weirdos who doesn't like chocolate.
Sweet have been making me nauseous... Well, food in general has been making me nauseated. I'm a stress/depression shopper instead of a stress/depression eater. Unfortunately, I've been having to hold back because DH now only gets paid once a month instead of bi-weekly, and he doesn't get his first full month's pay from his new job until the 5th of April... And we need to save our money in case I go into labor earlier than planned... I did spend $20 yesterday and "upgraded" the center stone in my ring. The round yellow sapphire was too light of a color for me, so I'm swapping it out for an oval green sapphire.
It it may just also be depression related, since I likely have bipolar disorder (but refuse to go in and get diagnosed because my family doesn't react well to bipolar meds). Bipolar disorder runs on my dad's side of the family, and there's always one family member per generation it seems who has it... Which makes me concerned for my kids... I think that's the major reason why I don't want to get diagnosed with it--I don't want to "doom" my children with a mental disorder. DH doesn't want me on meds, since he's heard the stories about my parents almost getting divorced while my dad was on bipolar meds... Or how my grandmother HATED her mother when her mother was on her meds...
-----QBF------
Just kind of wanted to respond to this one sentence. My family has a pretty decent history with mental illness, which I didn't really know about until I experienced my own very first nervous breakdown. Now that I do know, I don't feel doomed... I feel empowered. My childhood makes sense. Family dynamics that I'd struggled to understand are suddenly crystal clear. And yeah, it sucks to know that I'm at risk, and that my daughter will also be at risk, but finally knowing makes me feel empowered, because I know to watch myself, and I know not to ignore early warning signs that I'm slipping, and that gives me the ability to seek treatment so much sooner so that I never again have to feel the way I felt when the wheels fell off... and eventually, to help my daughter so that her wheels can stay firmly attached all the time.
Long story short, if you do get diagnosed, you're not dooming your children to anything. You may be helping them understand their lives and themselves down the road. And just because you get diagnosed doesn't mean you have to end up repeating the same ineffective or harmful treatment options your other family members have been subjected to, either; the right diagnosis can help the right therapist (who you trust, and who knows you and knows your family history) find the right treatment (chemical or otherwise) that actually works for you.
@fbanke42 the only thing I can add is my support. Mental illness is hard, but sometimes fear of the unknown is harder. Mike didn't believe PTSD was real until he was diagnosed, but once he sat down with a counselor it suddenly made sense that he has night terrors, can't sleep without light and noise, and is constantly on guard, amongst other more minor symptoms. He also refuses medication, as the last time he took them he nearly killed himself. Instead of helping, they made him numb. For him, the diagnosis is something that took a long time to accept but has actually improved his life. When he starts having trouble remembering things and slurring his speech, or I notice that he's started mumbling and acting restless in his sleep, we know he's on the verge of a break. We're getting better at talking through everything that's going on in his life when these things start happening to see where the extra stress and triggers might be coming from. Having an actual diagnosis makes it easier for me to cope, as well. I have an easier time being understanding because I can define what's going on. For example, when I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it or half-asses it, creating more work for me when I'm already exhausted, it's easy for me to fall into negative thoughts. I work full time and am absolutely exhausted from the time I wake up until I go back to bed, but there are times when I'm still doing 95% of the housework. He works 20 hours a week and takes online classes...most of which I have a heavy hand in. It's easy for me to feel like he's being lazy because he doesn't care that I'm tired or that he doesn't appreciate everything I do for us, but knowing his diagnosis and his tendency toward depression helps me to move past those resentful feelings and gets me thinking about his other "tells," which can be as subtle as him rubbing with his fingers together or shaking his leg when he sits. His actual diagnosis and the research we've both done has saved our relationship time after time.
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
Ooohhh I loved those! This is a real cherry pie. My grocery store sells half pies which is awesome.
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
Oh those are so good. I started college in a design program (biological pre-medical illustration) and they were my go to for a MOTN vending machine snack while pulling all nighters in the design building.
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
Oh those are so good. I started college in a design program (biological pre-medical illustration) and they were my go to for a MOTN vending machine snack while pulling all nighters in the design building.
Those might be next on my craving list... The best part is my 3 year gets just as excited about my cravings as I do. I had exactly 0 cravings during my first pregnancy, so this is new and kind of awesome.
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
I prefer the fake chocolate pies...
Whatever you do, don't ever get a frozen pumpkin pie. I was sick for a 3-hour flight after DH bought one a couple years ago
@Knottie9983816 adding to your food purchase last night, I just made a very pregnant purchase: mentos, andouille, chips and guacamole, cherry pie and... Tums haha
Was it real cherry pie? I've been craving one of those terrible-for-you Hostess cherry pies they sell at 7-11s. I don't even know why, I haven't had one since I was a kid!
I prefer the fake chocolate pies...
Whatever you do, don't ever get a frozen pumpkin pie. I was sick for a 3-hour flight after DH bought one a couple years ago
Who knew everyone loved those pies! Now I have to get one!
I hope it's not one of those things you remember fondly from childhood that then disappoints you as an adult. I remember that happening with an Entemann's (sp?) danish thing I remember my mom getting when I was a kid and it was so good. I got one some time last year for the nostalgia and it tasted like plastic.
My mom just got done staying with us for two weeks because my husband wasn't here and no one wanted me alone. She did a million house projects that I'd been wanting to get done, cooked, cleaned, all sorts of stuff. I'm looking for suggestions on what to get her as a thank you. I'm guessing a price range of $200-$500.
Heres some ideas I've had:
freah cut flowers subscription for 12 months a couple massages or spa gift certificate
What are some other ideas??
3 miscarriages - 1 DS (6) - 1 DD (3) - #3 due March 30!
DH thinks LO is going to show up early based on my symptoms and LO violently using my organs as a punching bag last night. I'm convinced he'll show up in April while DH thinks I'll barely make it to 37 weeks. I would rather assume April than wonder why I'm still pregnant once March ends.
DH thinks LO is going to show up early based on my symptoms and LO violently using my organs as a punching bag last night. I'm convinced he'll show up in April while DH thinks I'll barely make it to 37 weeks. I would rather assume April than wonder why I'm still pregnant once March ends.
I am fighting this so hard right now. I'm due 4/2 and am trying to not expect a March baby so I'm not disappointed when April hits... But I'm failing. DH's birthday is 4/9 so I say I'm hoping for before that, but really ill be struggling by April at this point.
Well, I got out of bed this morning to the tune of a tiny bit of leaking and had to lay back down and spend 30 min on Dr. Google refreshing my memory about VD vs AF vs pee. How were your mornings??
@CCLow87 what does your mom like to do? Does she have any hobbies?
She likes doing little craft projects. And drinking wine. lol
Do you have a place locally that does the wine and guided painting nights? They're super trendy here right now.
YES! Although you won't be spending that much for one person... All the paintings I've done that I've shamelessly flaunted on here were done at those classes (except the black murial with the white tree across it) Painting With a Twist is the largest chain for it. You could start there
Great ideas everyone!!!! I had gotten her tickets to one of those painting places awhile back but it went out of business. She was excited about it so I'll look into that again!
3 miscarriages - 1 DS (6) - 1 DD (3) - #3 due March 30!
DH thinks LO is going to show up early based on my symptoms and LO violently using my organs as a punching bag last night. I'm convinced he'll show up in April while DH thinks I'll barely make it to 37 weeks. I would rather assume April than wonder why I'm still pregnant once March ends.
I am fighting this so hard right now. I'm due 4/2 and am trying to not expect a March baby so I'm not disappointed when April hits... But I'm failing. DH's birthday is 4/9 so I say I'm hoping for before that, but really ill be struggling by April at this point.
My ILs keep saying LO will be born the 9th, since that's DH's cousin's birthday (he'll be 1 year old next month).
So today was supposed to be my last day before maternity leave, since spring break is next week and the timing just made sense. Due to a sudden change in who will be taking over my job until August, I decided it made the most sense for me to come back for the 4 day week after break, instead of my students having a substitute, since my temporary hire teacher isn't able to start until the 28th. It also puts an extra $600 in our pocket so win. The entire staff, except front office and admin, was under the impression I was done today (because until first thing this morning I was). They all keep coming up to me saying "YAY YOU'RE DONE!!! ENJOY!" and just being genuinely happy for me to get some rest...which means it kinda sucks for me a little inside when I tell them I'll be back for a few days. They're happy about it, but keep saying "but what about getting some rest? Why in the world would you come back?" Yeah...I know...but another $600 is really best for my family. But it still makes me a little sad that I still have to come back and keep going...le sigh.
On the plus side, my students all gave cheers each class I told them and are super excited I'll be back for a little bit. They were so sweet, I have a student bring me diapers, another get me this amazing smelling candle. This one sweet precious girl had her parents take her out to get 3 dozen donuts at Dunkin to bring in to celebrate me with the class. I mean, how SWEET that a 12 year old girl thought that way? It touched my heart for sure That class has been super close since day 1, and it was just so thoughtful of them to want to do something special for me and the baby.
...it almost makes me feel guilty that I haven't told my classes I'm having a girl (they all desperately want to know) but I want it to be a surprise. I'd totally be Team Green if I wasn't a planner, so not telling my students means I still have that bit of surprise for them
@CCLow87 I agree on the wine of the month club. Crafters are hard because it's impossible to know what they want/need and a gift card just doesn't have the appeal of a real gift.
On a related note, I may start looking into wine of the month subscriptions. I need to broaden my horizons.
@CCLow87 I agree on the wine of the month club. Crafters are hard because it's impossible to know what they want/need and a gift card just doesn't have the appeal of a real gift.
On a related note, I may start looking into wine of the month subscriptions. I need to broaden my horizons.
I severely wanted a beer of the month club subscription, but my fiancé only drinks Budweiser. Sometimes we are so opposit it's crazy!
@CCLow87 I agree on the wine of the month club. Crafters are hard because it's impossible to know what they want/need and a gift card just doesn't have the appeal of a real gift.
On a related note, I may start looking into wine of the month subscriptions. I need to broaden my horizons.
I severely wanted a beer of the month club subscription, but my fiancé only drinks Budweiser. Sometimes we are so opposit it's crazy!
I've looked at whiskey-of-the-month for me and hubs but it's so expensive! I'd love some sort of boozy-of-the-month thing...
I would love a whiskey or beer-of-the-month deal, but they're so expensive. I may just have to make one up with local places for DHs birthday or Christmas.
We had a local craft brewery/restaurant open 4 blocks from our house... within weeks of my BFP. Everyone keeps raving about it and I CANNOT wait to finally get to go sometime next month.
I'm feeling guilty about the FFFC I just posted because it makes me feel like an ungrateful, stuck-up a-hole. I wish I could tell my aunt and uncle to just give me a $5 gift card and call it a day. They are constantly giving us gifts that are full of crap items. I know they are on a budget and are super sweet for getting a gift at all for the events. But it is always quantity over quality and I wish I could just tell them, no more gifts please. (I seriously have never kept a single thing they've gifted me except for one designer impostor perfume that smelled really good.)
Re: **The Everything Random Thread for April Mamas**
As I'm sure you know, there is a huge range of need for meds to maintain health and safety with bipolar. One of our best friends does great with no meds and some semi-regular therapy. My ex-aunt, on the other hand, is in prison indefinitely as an accomplice to murder (knowledge, not participation, but still horrible) during an unmedicated manic episode. It was scary for my cousins to realize that they could also be affected; but knowing that even in their mom's extreme case, she can thrive in a situation where she was first strictly medicated and has since weaned to being off meds has actually been hopeful for them. Genetics don't care if you're officially diagnosed or not, but seeing their mom thrive despite and through mental health struggles may be just what your kids need when they're old enough to worry about it potentially affecting them.
Either way, take care of yourself and I hope you can get in some rest, relaxation and retail therapy soon
Drunk, though...when I lay down, I stay down!
I actually got off of birth control last year in February because the hormones were making my episodes worse. That's actually how I ended up with this surprise baby! I plan on keeping my doctor in the loop about any depression issues.
The bipolar thing is part of the reason why I ended up getting a degree in psychology.
Like someone mentioned above being diagnosed doesn't mean anything when it comes to genetics. I wear my depression as a badge of honor in some ways because I never want anyone in my family to be afraid of seeking treatment. I am also scared for my LO to develop some form of mental illness, but at least I know from personal experience what to look out for, and how to help him thrive in spite of any chemical shortcomings. Let's be fair, that's all it is. It can feel all consuming and yeah it really sucks that so many people land in the "I just want to process emotions like a normal person" camp, but at the end of the day you've got this. If you honestly felt like you couldn't handle it you would get help.
It it may just also be depression related, since I likely have bipolar disorder (but refuse to go in and get diagnosed because my family doesn't react well to bipolar meds). Bipolar disorder runs on my dad's side of the family, and there's always one family member per generation it seems who has it... Which makes me concerned for my kids... I think that's the major reason why I don't want to get diagnosed with it--I don't want to "doom" my children with a mental disorder. DH doesn't want me on meds, since he's heard the stories about my parents almost getting divorced while my dad was on bipolar meds... Or how my grandmother HATED her mother when her mother was on her meds...
-----QBF------
Just kind of wanted to respond to this one sentence. My family has a pretty decent history with mental illness, which I didn't really know about until I experienced my own very first nervous breakdown. Now that I do know, I don't feel doomed... I feel empowered. My childhood makes sense. Family dynamics that I'd struggled to understand are suddenly crystal clear. And yeah, it sucks to know that I'm at risk, and that my daughter will also be at risk, but finally knowing makes me feel empowered, because I know to watch myself, and I know not to ignore early warning signs that I'm slipping, and that gives me the ability to seek treatment so much sooner so that I never again have to feel the way I felt when the wheels fell off... and eventually, to help my daughter so that her wheels can stay firmly attached all the time.
Long story short, if you do get diagnosed, you're not dooming your children to anything. You may be helping them understand their lives and themselves down the road. And just because you get diagnosed doesn't mean you have to end up repeating the same ineffective or harmful treatment options your other family members have been subjected to, either; the right diagnosis can help the right therapist (who you trust, and who knows you and knows your family history) find the right treatment (chemical or otherwise) that actually works for you.
Mike didn't believe PTSD was real until he was diagnosed, but once he sat down with a counselor it suddenly made sense that he has night terrors, can't sleep without light and noise, and is constantly on guard, amongst other more minor symptoms. He also refuses medication, as the last time he took them he nearly killed himself. Instead of helping, they made him numb. For him, the diagnosis is something that took a long time to accept but has actually improved his life. When he starts having trouble remembering things and slurring his speech, or I notice that he's started mumbling and acting restless in his sleep, we know he's on the verge of a break. We're getting better at talking through everything that's going on in his life when these things start happening to see where the extra stress and triggers might be coming from.
Having an actual diagnosis makes it easier for me to cope, as well. I have an easier time being understanding because I can define what's going on. For example, when I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it or half-asses it, creating more work for me when I'm already exhausted, it's easy for me to fall into negative thoughts. I work full time and am absolutely exhausted from the time I wake up until I go back to bed, but there are times when I'm still doing 95% of the housework. He works 20 hours a week and takes online classes...most of which I have a heavy hand in. It's easy for me to feel like he's being lazy because he doesn't care that I'm tired or that he doesn't appreciate everything I do for us, but knowing his diagnosis and his tendency toward depression helps me to move past those resentful feelings and gets me thinking about his other "tells," which can be as subtle as him rubbing with his fingers together or shaking his leg when he sits. His actual diagnosis and the research we've both done has saved our relationship time after time.
DH just came home from getting wings with the guys and brought me soft pretzels. Now that's love
I hope it's not one of those things you remember fondly from childhood that then disappoints you as an adult. I remember that happening with an Entemann's (sp?) danish thing I remember my mom getting when I was a kid and it was so good. I got one some time last year for the nostalgia and it tasted like plastic.
Heres some ideas I've had:
freah cut flowers subscription for 12 months
a couple massages or spa gift certificate
What are some other ideas??
(pretty sure it was just VD
On the plus side, my students all gave cheers each class I told them and are super excited I'll be back for a little bit. They were so sweet, I have a student bring me diapers, another get me this amazing smelling candle. This one sweet precious girl had her parents take her out to get 3 dozen donuts at Dunkin to bring in to celebrate me with the class. I mean, how SWEET that a 12 year old girl thought that way? It touched my heart for sure
...it almost makes me feel guilty that I haven't told my classes I'm having a girl (they all desperately want to know) but I want it to be a surprise. I'd totally be Team Green if I wasn't a planner, so not telling my students means I still have that bit of surprise for them
On a related note, I may start looking into wine of the month subscriptions. I need to broaden my horizons.
We had a local craft brewery/restaurant open 4 blocks from our house... within weeks of my BFP. Everyone keeps raving about it and I CANNOT wait to finally get to go sometime next month.