For the very first time LO slept from 8pm to 2:45am without screaming her head off. And it just took me less than 20minutes to get her back to sleep with just a little bit of crying. She normally starts fussing from 10pm-1am or 11pm- 3am with nothing calming her, except me carrying her and walking around the house. I feel so refreshed and since we co-sleep, I don't have to get up for her night feeds.Let me go back to sleep . I haven't had this much rest at night since for-freaking-ever!!!
I know cluster feeding is normal for ebf babies but has anyone who's bottle feeding had their LO cluster feed? My LO is ff and decided to drink 5oz around 6:30 and then another 2oz at 9 which is not typical for him.
@012016 - Yep! We feed LO bottles of breastmilk and formula and she definitely will cluster feed sometimes, especially with the breast milk, because it digests a bit quicker, but sometimes with formula as well if she's really hungry.
So I finally got in a decent 30 min circuit (Nike trainer app) while baby napped. I made a smoothie and put it with my coffee on the coffee table. I woke up the baby (it had been a 2+ hour nap), and took her in the other room to change her. My wonderful little lab pup decided to drink my smoothie until he knocked it off the table. I grabbed his neck to yell at him, and he pees on the floor. Awesome, I get no smoothie, and get to clean up both smoothie AND pee, and now the baby is screaming and hungry. Mom loses.
So I finally got in a decent 30 min circuit (Nike trainer app) while baby napped. I made a smoothie and put it with my coffee on the coffee table. I woke up the baby (it had been a 2+ hour nap), and took her in the other room to change her. My wonderful little lab pup decided to drink my smoothie until he knocked it off the table. I grabbed his neck to yell at him, and he pees on the floor. Awesome, I get no smoothie, and get to clean up both smoothie AND pee, and now the baby is screaming and hungry. Mom loses.
I'm sorry that totally sucks! But I've been sitting here in my work out clothes for an hour while my little one is napping trying to get the motivation to do something. I had forgot all about the Nike trainer app. It was my favorite. And now I'm putting my phone down and doing a workout from it! So thank you!
LO has a cold but has been sleeping decently at night except for getting up for an extra feeding. Woke up at 0345 for a feeding, he is literally so congested I can't lay him back down or he screams bc he can't breathe through his nose so he's propped up on my shoulder snoozing bc he's less congested upright... Mine and DH's alarms go off at 5 for work... It's gonna be an extra cup of coffee kind of work day
Am I stabbing my child in the eyes with red hot pokers or trying to get him to latch at the breast in the MOTN? one would have a very difficult time telling difference based on the screams he makes... how DH manages to sleep through it is beyond me (and makes me to want to actually stab HIM in the eyes with red hot pokers). LO latches beautifully and easily during the day but at night lately it is a bloody nightmare!
@kwentela have you tried the nose freida? It seems gross but it works like a charm. My LO had a cold and the ped told me to use the nose Frieda before every feeding so she can breathe while she's nursing.
My husband never gets up at night to help with LO. I asked him to do all the feedings tonight so I could maybe get some sleep (as I've had a migraine for 4 straight days now) since it's the weekend and he doesn't have work. She usually sleeps from 10-2/3 then every 2 hours. She is having sn off night and woke up at midnight. Guess who is feeding her right now...not my husband. Guess who is sleeping right now...not me. Ugh Men. And I know he'll talk about how tired he is tomorrow.
@ByeByeSpotts yeah my husband is always "exhausted" just walked out of the room with the baby to change him and my husband woke up and literally waved and said bye.... Oh he's extremely helpful if I ask him but is impossible to wake at night I bet he won't even remember he woke up at all haha
@ByeByeSpotts@kaym6 yes! My husband "hasn't felt rested since the baby was born." Blows my mind since he hasn't done a nighttime since he went back to work 6 weeks ago. It's more of a struggle to wake him up than it is for me to do it myself. That may change when I go back to work in 2 weeks.
My husband had the nerve to say to me "why she doesn't get up that much?" When I told him how tired I was today. I am EBF so he can't help me feed her at night but still have a little sympathy dude especially since you are going on a 3 night 4 day fishing trip starting tomorrow.
I EBF also. My husband is finally helping at night by waking up during the middle of the night feed to change his diaper, hand me him and making ice water. It's only 5 minutes but it allows me to go to the bathroom and prepare myself to feed him. I highly suggest seeing if your SO will do it even once a night. He appreciates what I do so much more now. He used to not get up at all and baby slept in a different room with me.
Update, my husband didn't know about the midnight feeding until I told him. Says he doesn't remember me waking him up. But then was proud and said he did the rest of the night, aka the 4am feeding. Which as you all know I still had to get up to pump lol
Late night confession time: I am feeling terrible today, just critical of myself as a mom and I feel like I'm not doing that great of a job. I just feel like in an endless Groundhog Day where I'm just feeding LO, pumping, prepping bottles, and repeat - all day, all night, on repeat. I'm jealous of my husband for getting to go to work, for having time alone, for interacting with other people and having leisurely lunch breaks, even though I know he works really hard and he's been helping out a ton. I'm also feeling resentful of all of the work I've been putting into pumping and building my supply for no payoff (still only getting 8oz a day, despite thyroid medication adjustment, pumping constantly, fenugreek, coconut water, oatmeal, good hydration, etc. It's so frustrating!) And finally I'm still so far from feeling normal physically it's hard for me to deal with - my stamina is shot, I walk like I'm still in the 3rd trimester, I haven't lost more than 10lbs, and I have bleeding still if I push things too far (like walking more than a mile.)
But really the worst part of all is that I feel like there's no positive feedback from my baby, for all of the love I feel for her and how hard I'm working, how exhausted I am, I get nothing from her, no sense that she's really bonded with me or loves me, other than the fact that she likes to sleep on me. I logically know it's just because she's so little (not even 5 weeks yet) but logic doesn't seem to help with these feelings of inadequacy and being overwhelmed. I can't wait until she's older and can actually smile and enjoy things, like me reading to her or going outside, but right now there's just no indication she's even happy. I have stupid fears like she doesn't love me or won't love me, or that she isn't bonding with me correctly since we only breastfeed once a day. And I seriously feel like a weirdo (and/or a bad mom) because I'm not in love with the newborn phase and I'm just looking forward to the future when she's more aware and interactive. I see so many other moms who say they're dreading going back to work and that they just want to be with their baby 24/7 forever, and I do not feel that way. I adore her! But I am looking forward to the future when I get a break to work (I really love my job) and to have some alone time again.
I can relate on a lot of what you said. I had a hard time walking and was still bleeding from pushing myself but in the last week when LO hit 5 weeks, things started to get much better. And thankfully even bowl movements finally weren't tearing me a part.
This past week was really rough. She was eating every hour for 30 minutes and would cry and I felt like nothing I did was right. I could barely take care of myself, not eating or drinking enough, because I didn't have the time to step away from her. I was in tears almost every day. We found out she was in her 25th percentile for height and weight and that she wasn't getting enough food from me. We started mixing in formula to her breastmilk and it was a life changer. I had serious guilt and cried because I didn't understand how my enormous boobs didn't have enough milk and i felt so guilty giving her a bottle and not breastfeeding her. I'm still trying to figure out the pumping schedule and finding a feed I can do myself and making sure she gets enough (after 40 mins she's still hungry).
totally understand the work thing. I lost my job in August and then got an offer to work with a huge brand when LO was 2 weeks old for a project in April. It killed me to turn it down but there was no way I could make it work.
have you visited a momma group yet or do you have a momma friend you can text? I've found if so helpful to vent to a friend who is 4 days behind me and to talk to my mom mentor arranged through our hospital. If you don't have anyone to text I'm happy to message you my number.
i hope you feel better soon. A book I read said week 5 is hell week because everything catches up with you at that time, but that by week 6 things finally start to click and we start to feel human again.
@maureenmce Do not feel bad! I've had so many similar feelings. This phase is really hard. I've had such a difficult recovery as well which makes it next to impossible to enjoy my baby. I have many days where I'm just stuck on the couch feeding her all day and not capable of anything but taking care of her with my limited mobility. It sucks. Just try to take it one day at a time. Work will be here before you know it and she'll sleep more and smile more and it will all fall into place.
Couple things to remember - LO only knows you as her mom and she thinks you're doing a great job. She is absolutely bonded to you and feels safe with you. She will be smiling and giving more positive feedback soon but I know it's hard until then. Breastfeeding is not the only way babies bond and giving a bottle is a way to bond as well anyway. Babies bond with SOs as well even though they aren't breastfeeding. She sleeps on you because she knows you're a source of warmth and comfort.
I would recommend you give yourself permission to quit breastfeeding if it's too hard or just not working. If you want to do it, of course you should, but don't let the breast is best bs force you to kill yourself over it. Formula is also a great way to feed a baby.
Hang in there!
Married DW 08.2013; AI 2x; IUI 6x; IUI #7 05.2015; DD born 2.2016 ; Reciprocal IVF FET #1 on 11.18.2020
@maureenmce hang in there! Sorry you're feeling bad. I know what you mean about recovery being tough. I really underestimated the difficulty of these weeks, physically. I'm sure not getting a proper nights sleep for the duration doesn't help a bit. The fatigue is definitely catching up with me.
Please don't feel bad for not loving this phase. Between the sleep deprivation, the physical challenges, and the lack of positive reinforcement, taking care of a newborn has a lot in common with actual, military torture. I went to story time at the library last week, even though my kiddo either slept or cried through the whole thing, and was so amazed by the babies just a few months older who were smiling, laughing, clapping, and playing. It's a whole new world.
As for bonding with the baby, there is nothing you can do, short of dropping her off at the fire station today, that will keep you from being the central figure in her life. I've been really impressed with all you've done to build milk supply and continue breastfeeding, and if you want to continue then best of luck. But if you want to pat yourself on the back for providing five weeks worth of immune system boosting and other benefits, sleep twelve hours in a row while your partner takes a night shift, and then go forward with formula only, I'm positive your little one will thrive.
@maureenmceWeeks 3-5.5 were the worst for me so far. LO is 7 weeks now and he smiles at me and "talks" to me. It's more than just eat, sleep, poop, repeat. He stays awake a little more each day, we can go for walks, his play gym actually interests him, he does tummy time with the dog- all of this to say, babies become more and more interactive each day and it's amazing when you think about how far they have come in the last few weeks. It really does get better!
I love my baby, however the newborn phase were the hardest weeks I've ever lived. I too enjoy interaction and even the slightest feedback. He is almost 9 weeks now and I cannot believe how much more I enjoy motherhood! It's hard to imagine having a 6 month old or 1 year old. Also, I go back to work tomorrow. While I love baby snuggles, I need the mental challenge my job provides and all the energy I'm around at work. I'll miss my baby oh so much, but knowing I'm going to look forward to come home and see him will strengthen our bond even more.
@maureenmce, I hated week 5. I think it's when the excitement wears off but all the frustrations, challenges and exhaustion still linger. My SO was also having a tough time during week 5 for the same reasons.
Can you call in any reinforcements? My sister stayed with us a few days and it helped me survive the week just to have someone to share the days with. She was really helpful but it was the moral support and a couple baby-free date nights that did my mental health wonders!
I'm on week 6 now and things are still tough, but it all feels much more manageable.
@maureenmce I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you! Please know that what you are feeling is fairly normal for this stage but that it DOES get so much better. Soon LO's personality will show more, they won't need you every second of every day, and you'll start to feel like your sane self again. The newborn phase can be really tough emotionally, physically, and socially. With my first I felt very isolated and resented my husband for being able to come and go as he pleased (even if it was just to work) and breastfeeding so often left me feeling trapped. It's been easier this time around because I know how truly fleeting this time is so I'm able to enjoy it a bit more. Though I must admit, with two it's so hectic that half the time I forget that LO is a real person, as weird as it sounds. I get so used to being on autopilot and surviving the day that I have to actively remind myself that she's more than just a blob who loves to eat and poop. Hang in there!
Thank you guys SO much for the responses. It's been a crazy period of cluster feeding lately, so I haven't had much time to get online, but everything you all said meant so much to me, I can't tell you. I just really needed to hear: feeling this way is normal, you're not doing a terrible job, and it will get better. And that seems to be the case. It's still tough this week, especially with her cluster feeding (growth spurt, I think), but I'm feeling much stronger mentally, thanks in no small part to reading what you guys wrote.
I talked a bit with my husband about how I'm feeling and I've reached out to my friend who lives nearby to help out a bit and have some adult human interaction. I am also totally prepared to cut out the pumping and go all formula if it becomes too much of a burden for me, but I'm wanting to stick it out (if I can) until 12 weeks and reevaluate the pros and cons at that point. I'll take it day by day.
Again, thank you guys. I don't know what I'd do without this board. I love my baby so much and am so grateful for her, but this has been so much tougher than I thought it would be! Hearing from other moms in the same phase, roughly, or just ahead, has been amazingly helpful.
So when you guys swaddle with arms out don't their hands get cold? My son breaks out of his sometimes and when I go to get him his hands are always freezing!
Re: Late night RTT?
I feel so refreshed and since we co-sleep, I don't have to get up for her night feeds.Let me go back to sleep . I haven't had this much rest at night since for-freaking-ever!!!
#teamnonap
Will see how things turn out. Thanks for asking.
But really the worst part of all is that I feel like there's no positive feedback from my baby, for all of the love I feel for her and how hard I'm working, how exhausted I am, I get nothing from her, no sense that she's really bonded with me or loves me, other than the fact that she likes to sleep on me. I logically know it's just because she's so little (not even 5 weeks yet) but logic doesn't seem to help with these feelings of inadequacy and being overwhelmed. I can't wait until she's older and can actually smile and enjoy things, like me reading to her or going outside, but right now there's just no indication she's even happy. I have stupid fears like she doesn't love me or won't love me, or that she isn't bonding with me correctly since we only breastfeed once a day. And I seriously feel like a weirdo (and/or a bad mom) because I'm not in love with the newborn phase and I'm just looking forward to the future when she's more aware and interactive. I see so many other moms who say they're dreading going back to work and that they just want to be with their baby 24/7 forever, and I do not feel that way. I adore her! But I am looking forward to the future when I get a break to work (I really love my job) and to have some alone time again.
Sorry for the novel, just had to get that out.
I can relate on a lot of what you said. I had a hard time walking and was still bleeding from pushing myself but in the last week when LO hit 5 weeks, things started to get much better. And thankfully even bowl movements finally weren't tearing me a part.
This past week was really rough. She was eating every hour for 30 minutes and would cry and I felt like nothing I did was right. I could barely take care of myself, not eating or drinking enough, because I didn't have the time to step away from her. I was in tears almost every day. We found out she was in her 25th percentile for height and weight and that she wasn't getting enough food from me. We started mixing in formula to her breastmilk and it was a life changer. I had serious guilt and cried because I didn't understand how my enormous boobs didn't have enough milk and i felt so guilty giving her a bottle and not breastfeeding her. I'm still trying to figure out the pumping schedule and finding a feed I can do myself and making sure she gets enough (after 40 mins she's still hungry).
totally understand the work thing. I lost my job in August and then got an offer to work with a huge brand when LO was 2 weeks old for a project in April. It killed me to turn it down but there was no way I could make it work.
have you visited a momma group yet or do you have a momma friend you can text? I've found if so helpful to vent to a friend who is 4 days behind me and to talk to my mom mentor arranged through our hospital. If you don't have anyone to text I'm happy to message you my number.
i hope you feel better soon. A book I read said week 5 is hell week because everything catches up with you at that time, but that by week 6 things finally start to click and we start to feel human again.
things will get better. Hang in there!
Couple things to remember - LO only knows you as her mom and she thinks you're doing a great job. She is absolutely bonded to you and feels safe with you. She will be smiling and giving more positive feedback soon but I know it's hard until then. Breastfeeding is not the only way babies bond and giving a bottle is a way to bond as well anyway. Babies bond with SOs as well even though they aren't breastfeeding. She sleeps on you because she knows you're a source of warmth and comfort.
I would recommend you give yourself permission to quit breastfeeding if it's too hard or just not working. If you want to do it, of course you should, but don't let the breast is best bs force you to kill yourself over it. Formula is also a great way to feed a baby.
Hang in there!
Please don't feel bad for not loving this phase. Between the sleep deprivation, the physical challenges, and the lack of positive reinforcement, taking care of a newborn has a lot in common with actual, military torture. I went to story time at the library last week, even though my kiddo either slept or cried through the whole thing, and was so amazed by the babies just a few months older who were smiling, laughing, clapping, and playing. It's a whole new world.
As for bonding with the baby, there is nothing you can do, short of dropping her off at the fire station today, that will keep you from being the central figure in her life. I've been really impressed with all you've done to build milk supply and continue breastfeeding, and if you want to continue then best of luck. But if you want to pat yourself on the back for providing five weeks worth of immune system boosting and other benefits, sleep twelve hours in a row while your partner takes a night shift, and then go forward with formula only, I'm positive your little one will thrive.
Can you call in any reinforcements? My sister stayed with us a few days and it helped me survive the week just to have someone to share the days with. She was really helpful but it was the moral support and a couple baby-free date nights that did my mental health wonders!
I'm on week 6 now and things are still tough, but it all feels much more manageable.
I talked a bit with my husband about how I'm feeling and I've reached out to my friend who lives nearby to help out a bit and have some adult human interaction. I am also totally prepared to cut out the pumping and go all formula if it becomes too much of a burden for me, but I'm wanting to stick it out (if I can) until 12 weeks and reevaluate the pros and cons at that point. I'll take it day by day.
Again, thank you guys. I don't know what I'd do without this board. I love my baby so much and am so grateful for her, but this has been so much tougher than I thought it would be! Hearing from other moms in the same phase, roughly, or just ahead, has been amazingly helpful.