This was brought up by reminiscing about high school friends whose parents wouldn't let them buy uncensored CDs (you know...back when CDs were a thing. lol)...But I think it's naive to shelter your kids from 'bad' language, especially by high school age. I don't particularly care if my kids cuss, as long as they understand the appropriate situations/context to use them in.
I hate push presents too, I feel like women steal the baby's thunder as if a baby is not reward enough. My SIL had a push present with her second but it was an adorable (and pricey!) plush giraffe that she saw on a display in L&D on her way in and she wanted it for baby. So she asked her DH for it as a push present and he got it, I don't think that's the same as asking for a diamond necklace.
I am guilty of asking DH for a push present though. We went to a restaurant some weeks ago and I'd been craving meat so bad that I ordered this yummy steak with gorgonzola sauce and sautéed potatoes. I ordered it well done, no pink but of course they brought it medium well and there was blood already dripping into the potatoes so I couldn't eat it without having to reorder again. So I told DH he has to get someone to get me that same order, medium, for dinner when I have the baby! That's my "push present"
@JLmama118- Being able to wipe your own bum once you hit the 36+ weeks point is pretty darn impressive.
Very true. Along with shaving and peeing in a cup.
@AnnaS930& @JLmama118Oh god. Ladies you're scaring me. I need a clean bum there is no alternative! And I know some friends go to their DH to do the grooming in the last weeks of pregnancy, but I am sorry I just cannot imagine having my DH take a razor to any part of my body. I guess I should start some serious yoga right now....
I never had DH do it. I could not let that happen. I just did it blind. Also never had trouble wiping my bum. Maybe getting off the toilet.
Married 6-1-13 Sebastian 3-11-14 Simon 5-2-15 Baby #3 Due 9-29-16
@AnnaS930 I'm jealous of winter babies for the Winter ONE-derland theme! It sounds adorable, even if it was snowless outside. We went with just a pink and gold theme with lots of "1s" and "ONEs". Leading up to it, it was like planning a wedding again. Haha. We had a cookout at our house since it was mid-September and warm.
I feel guilty, though, because LO #2 will be probably a week old for her birthday this year so it's going to be a small affair. Then since they will have birthdays so close, it'll probably be a combined 1st/3rd the following year. Our families live too far away to make sense to ask them to make two trips that close together for birthday parties. Hoping I can still make it special for both of them... even if they barely get what is going on.
I will say the downside to having a winter baby (daughter is January 20) is you have no choice but to do an indoor party. Which if you don't have a decent-sized house means renting a place. Which means dropping at the minimum $150-$200 on a venue. Blah!
I live in Florida and winter is pretty much the only time you can have outdoor parties! For instance today was almost 90 degrees! I went on a walk and got a slight sunburn. Even early September is going to be hard to have any outdoor parties (unless they are pool parties)
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
I understand the reasoning behind them (growing a baby is a lot of work and sacrifice), but I feel like your baby is your reward. It just feels like a self-serving gift grab to me.
I'll admit I love getting presents and if DH surprised me with a present after the twins come, I'd be grateful, but I'd never dream of asking for a gift (especially not something stupidly expensive) or viewing it as my reward for growing two human beings. My babies will be my payoff for the time, effort and discomforts involved.
@kosmo86 yeah, summer is a no-go for outdoor anything here in AZ. Dd1 is a June baby and this one is late aug/early Sept, so neither of my kids will get an outdoor pay unless it involves a pool.
@TheTamedShrew I thought of something to post the other day but thought it may be too morbid. But now I'll go ahead! I don't like the idea of open caskets at all. Almost everyone funeral I have been to was open casket, but I don't want people staring at me now, definitely not when I'm dead. And not looking like myself. And second, it's super sad to me when they close it for the final time. I'd rather do that in private if I was the close family member.
My UO is that I think it's silly to pack stuff in your labor bag for your husband or support person.
Sometimes I read "what to pack in your hospital bag" kind of posts because I like to see how other women did it. They all have a section on what to pack for Dad. I think that dad is perfectly capable of packing his own stuff. I'm not going to be worrying about having clean socks or something to amuse him while I'm in labor.
And I AM a fan of push presents... I've never gotten one, but it would be super nice this time. MH and I were on the rocks with the last birth and the following year, and I had a med-free labor/birth that was ALOT harder on me because he failed to be a good support person. He just wasn't very nice to me at the time, rushed me the day we were leaving the hospital, etc..now we are on much better terms and I just feel like I deserve something special from him for carrying and pushing out 3 kids of ours. Yes of course the baby is the "present" but..why not something to symbolize them, the birth, our relationship..or whatever we see fit. I mean all of that is hard work! Plus our anniversary is in Sept, so it'll prob just go along with that.
@TNgoldengirl that's why mother's day exists. Your husband can show his appreciation of you being the mother of his children and all that entails each year
I don't know, I guess that's my UO in support of it, for the reasons I said. The days my kids were born were the happiest days of my life. I would love a small trinket to symbolize that day, and for my husband to show his appreciation to me specifically for bringing his child into the world. Mother's Day, we celebrate being a mother in general for the other 364 days of the year, but mainly all of our mothers and grandmothers as well.
My UO is that I think it's silly to pack stuff in your labor bag for your husband or support person.
Sometimes I read "what to pack in your hospital bag" kind of posts because I like to see how other women did it. They all have a section on what to pack for Dad. I think that dad is perfectly capable of packing his own stuff. I'm not going to be worrying about having clean socks or something to amuse him while I'm in labor.
Not always. When my DD was born, DH had only packed one pair of underwear and no socks. I was suppose to be induced, so I had planned to make sure to double check the bag before we left (I wasn't about to worry about having separate bags for him and me). DD had plans to come on her own before the induction, and the bag never got checked. We ended up being at the hospital from a Saturday night until a Wednesday afternoon, and that was all he had on the sock and underwear front the whole time.
My UO is that I think it's silly to pack stuff in your labor bag for your husband or support person.
Sometimes I read "what to pack in your hospital bag" kind of posts because I like to see how other women did it. They all have a section on what to pack for Dad. I think that dad is perfectly capable of packing his own stuff. I'm not going to be worrying about having clean socks or something to amuse him while I'm in labor.
But it's not just a labor bag, it's your hospital bag for when you're there after birth, too. My husband didn't leave the hospital at all while I was there. Granted, neither of us had a bag because DS arrived early, unexpectedly at 34 weeks, but still, this time around I'll throw things in for him because he probably wouldn't think to do it ahead of time and I certainly don't want to have to wait for him once we've decided to go to the hospital.
And also, I'd think dad is capable of packing baby stuff too, yet it's always me. Always. They just don't remember everything that is needed...
@camichael84 I ended up being in the hospital for a week before my second was born, I had pre-eclampsia. I was induced at about 34 weeks. That whole time my husband brought nothing to the hospital for himself. He was going between the hospital, work, and home. He brought me stuff, but he never brought anything for himself. I was so annoyed because all he had so many opportunities to pack himself a change of clothes, but he didn't and complained about it. My point is that he is perfectly capable of getting his own stuff together. It's his own fault if he decides not to be prepared. I've got enough on my plate thinking about what I need during and after labor and what the baby needs.
UO: I don't like getting anything or going to brunch, or the like, for Mother's Day. I do like the verbal acknowledgement and a card though. That said, I really liked my push present, and I hope I get another for 2.0.
Another UO, incase I forget it for next week (pregnancy brain), if it was more socially acceptable, I would have separate bedrooms for DH and me. We'd share one main bedroom for our stuff, but I prefer to physically sleep in my own bed most of the time.
My UO is that I think it's silly to pack stuff in your labor bag for your husband or support person.
Sometimes I read "what to pack in your hospital bag" kind of posts because I like to see how other women did it. They all have a section on what to pack for Dad. I think that dad is perfectly capable of packing his own stuff. I'm not going to be worrying about having clean socks or something to amuse him while I'm in labor.
But it's not just a labor bag, it's your hospital bag for when you're there after birth, too. My husband didn't leave the hospital at all while I was there. Granted, neither of us had a bag because DS arrived early, unexpectedly at 34 weeks, but still, this time around I'll throw things in for him because he probably wouldn't think to do it ahead of time and I certainly don't want to have to wait for him once we've decided to go to the hospital.
And also, I'd think dad is capable of packing baby stuff too, yet it's always me. Always. They just don't remember everything that is needed...
If he wants to put his stuff into my hospital bag, that's totally okay. I just won't be packing it for him. This will be the fourth time we've done this, he knows what he needs to have there. If he forgets clean underwear and has to wear the same ones for 4 days, so be it. I might feel differently if I really wanted him to stay with me for every single second that I'm in the hospital. But I don't. As long as I'm not minutes away from giving birth, I don't care if he goes to get something to eat or to grab something from the house.
So my UO (or maybe popular opinion) is that I've never really understood packing for DH. I don't do it when we go away, why would I do it for going to the hospital? We discuss what we're packing as we're packing to make help each other remember what we need. We'll probably do that when packing for the hospital. However, we've always packed our own things and I don't see that ending anytime soon.
Me: 30 | DH: 32 Together since 2008 | Married 2012 TTC #1 October 2014 BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014 BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014 BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015 BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
So I've been reading all these since my lunch break and throughout the course of the day so I guess I will start from the top... I absolutely love Harry Potter, those books are the reason I go so into reading when I was in school. I don't quite remember epilogue, but I do feel the need to re-read the series.. Damn
I really don't care for Vera Bradley either, their prints are just too loud for me.
I don't really care for push presents and agree that the baby is your gift but I wouldn't mind a eating a nice juicy steak without the worry of heartburn afterward once the LO makes their arrival.
Pooping during pregnancy doesn't worry me but its the after part that I'm not looking forward to. Doing anything that requires the use of my abdominal muscles scares the bejesus out of me. But as I have in the past, I will survive and move on.
As for the hospital bag, DH can definitely pack his own crap. Looking at different lists and thinking about what I did and didn't bring the last two times makes me nervous enough to remember my own stuff let alone try to pack the right things for him. He won't be bedridden and can come back home if he needs to.
Now.. for my UO, I get really annoyed when people say that their lives stop when they have kids. I just think that although some babies are unplanned and sure you won't be able to do some of the things as you used to but that doesn't mean you stop living. I feel that having kids has allowed me to tap into the things I enjoyed as a kid again. I still go and do things that I used to before I had kids, just not as frequent. I'm to the point where I can't go on a vacation without the kids because all I think about are the things they would enjoy.
I wasn't trying to scare anyone about post-partum recovery.. as I said, I was terrified beforehand but it wasn't so bad. I'm sure we'll get more into birth stories as time goes on, but will give it in the briefest of forms. I pushed like mad for 15 minutes for baby to come out (7lbs 11oz), ended up needing 1 or 2 stitches. Had a lot of bleeding afterwards but never enough to need huge assistance - just a couple pills up my butt (by that point the nurses and I were BFFs and we laughed through the whole thing). By the time of discharge things were swollen but not terrible and the bleeding at home was never more than a pad. Took a couple weeks to be able to push to poop and wipe with full confidence. It was nothing traumatizing - and nothing that held me back from caring for/bonding with a newborn. Every story will be different, but you'll be able to handle it! Overnight pads that littlerally were so long the stuck out the front and back of my underwear were the bomb.
@JLmama118- Being able to wipe your own bum once you hit the 36+ weeks point is pretty darn impressive.
Very true. Along with shaving and peeing in a cup.
@AnnaS930& @JLmama118Oh god. Ladies you're scaring me. I need a clean bum there is no alternative! And I know some friends go to their DH to do the grooming in the last weeks of pregnancy, but I am sorry I just cannot imagine having my DH take a razor to any part of my body. I guess I should start some serious yoga right now....
I wouldn't say push presents are "stupid", but I don't think they should be expected or demanded. I think anything over $50-$100 is too much. I didn't get a push present with DD, but I sure as heck wouldn't be mad at DH if he handed me a bottle of wine or some little cubic zirconia trinket after it was all said and done. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your husband celebrate you if he chooses to. I think if the roles were reversed I would definitely get him a gift.
@Pepper6 I agree completely. We actually have made our house a safe zone for speech, so our daughter is allowed to say what she wants. She understands she's not to use curse words outside of our home and so far since we set that rule she hasn't broken it. I honestly would be more upset if she used hateful or discriminative words than dropped an F bomb.
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
Agree with @TheTamedShrew I don't think it's a big deal if DH comes and gives you a present. What I hate is the whole idea of mom demanding or expecting something outrageous like jewelry. A lot of women will drag their husbands to jewelry stores to pick out the push present and will get mad if they don't get it. For me, it's the whole sentiment behind the mom needing a reward for having a baby that's yucky.
After hearing so many opinions I told DH how I felt about push presents and he actually said that he was planning on getting me something and had been thinking about it for some time. I was very clear with him that I will not be expecting anything as I don't need a reward for what will be the best (and yes, most painful) day of ny life and that I don't want him to get anything expensive. He still wants to get something so I made it clear to only get something if it was up to him. There's no harm in DH deciding to get you something special because he wants to celebrate you on the day you become a mom. It's not about picking out a diamond necklace months before and demanding DH to go buy it and "surprise" you on baby's birthday.
Late to the game, but the peeing in a cup stories made me think of a tip from my last BMB that revolutionized things for me in that area!
Hold the cup right up against your skin. So much easier!
Maybe everyone is already doing that--but I sure wasn't! Once I started, I had so much less trouble and mess giving samples and even when my belly was big, I could feel my way.
Re: UO Thursday 3/10
I am guilty of asking DH for a push present though. We went to a restaurant some weeks ago and I'd been craving meat so bad that I ordered this yummy steak with gorgonzola sauce and sautéed potatoes. I ordered it well done, no pink but of course they brought it medium well and there was blood already dripping into the potatoes so I couldn't eat it without having to reorder again. So I told DH he has to get someone to get me that same order, medium, for dinner when I have the baby! That's my "push present"
Sebastian 3-11-14
Simon 5-2-15
Baby #3 Due 9-29-16
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
I understand the reasoning behind them (growing a baby is a lot of work and sacrifice), but I feel like your baby is your reward. It just feels like a self-serving gift grab to me.
I'll admit I love getting presents and if DH surprised me with a present after the twins come, I'd be grateful, but I'd never dream of asking for a gift (especially not something stupidly expensive) or viewing it as my reward for growing two human beings. My babies will be my payoff for the time, effort and discomforts involved.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
Sometimes I read "what to pack in your hospital bag" kind of posts because I like to see how other women did it. They all have a section on what to pack for Dad. I think that dad is perfectly capable of packing his own stuff. I'm not going to be worrying about having clean socks or something to amuse him while I'm in labor.
And also, I'd think dad is capable of packing baby stuff too, yet it's always me. Always. They just don't remember everything that is needed...
Another UO, incase I forget it for next week (pregnancy brain), if it was more socially acceptable, I would have separate bedrooms for DH and me. We'd share one main bedroom for our stuff, but I prefer to physically sleep in my own bed most of the time.
Me: 30 | DH: 32
Together since 2008 | Married 2012
TTC #1 October 2014
BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014
BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014
BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015
BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
I really don't care for Vera Bradley either, their prints are just too loud for me.
I don't really care for push presents and agree that the baby is your gift but I wouldn't mind a eating a nice juicy steak without the worry of heartburn afterward once the LO makes their arrival.
Pooping during pregnancy doesn't worry me but its the after part that I'm not looking forward to. Doing anything that requires the use of my abdominal muscles scares the bejesus out of me. But as I have in the past, I will survive and move on.
As for the hospital bag, DH can definitely pack his own crap. Looking at different lists and thinking about what I did and didn't bring the last two times makes me nervous enough to remember my own stuff let alone try to pack the right things for him. He won't be bedridden and can come back home if he needs to.
Now.. for my UO, I get really annoyed when people say that their lives stop when they have kids. I just think that although some babies are unplanned and sure you won't be able to do some of the things as you used to but that doesn't mean you stop living. I feel that having kids has allowed me to tap into the things I enjoyed as a kid again. I still go and do things that I used to before I had kids, just not as frequent. I'm to the point where I can't go on a vacation without the kids because all I think about are the things they would enjoy.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
After hearing so many opinions I told DH how I felt about push presents and he actually said that he was planning on getting me something and had been thinking about it for some time. I was very clear with him that I will not be expecting anything as I don't need a reward for what will be the best (and yes, most painful) day of ny life and that I don't want him to get anything expensive. He still wants to get something so I made it clear to only get something if it was up to him. There's no harm in DH deciding to get you something special because he wants to celebrate you on the day you become a mom. It's not about picking out a diamond necklace months before and demanding DH to go buy it and "surprise" you on baby's birthday.
Hold the cup right up against your skin. So much easier!
Maybe everyone is already doing that--but I sure wasn't! Once I started, I had so much less trouble and mess giving samples and even when my belly was big, I could feel my way.