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August 2016 Moms
bananers
member
Third-time (plus) moms: advice for STMs?
bananers
member
I know there are a lot of STMs here and we've given a lot of advice to the FTMs. But where are my 3TMs and beyond? Advice for juggling a newborn and a toddler? I'm honestly terrified. I remember the newborn phase being so all-consuming as a FTM and I had nothing to do BUT focus on my NB! How am I going to focus on my NB and chase/entertain a rambunctious toddler? Impart your wisdom! Tell us what tricks, toys, strategies you used to survive!
BFP #1 10/6/11 | EDD 6/15/12 | MMC 11/7/11 @ 8w3d | D&C 11/14/11
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
Re: Third-time (plus) moms: advice for STMs?
I thought I'd chime in here, since this was something I was really nervous about 3 years ago. My son was 2 years 9 months when my daughter was born. I was prepared for it to be a complete nightmare and to my surprise it went so much smoother than I could've ever imagined. Every kid is different, but DS adjusted to the new baby really well. I think that's a huge perk of having kids close together...they might not completely understand the change but I think there's beauty in that! Before baby came, we read books about becoming a big brother and we'd practice being nice and gentle with a baby doll. I made it a point to give him one on one attention when I could and we'd color, paint, play with toys. As for the times when I was stuck on the couch or tending to baby, he was pretty good about playing with his toys by himself and to be honest, lots of cartoons and movies. Those first few months are all about survival mode and I'm all for doing whatever it takes to keep everyone happy and alive. If that means more TV time, more snacks or more letting some shit go out the window for a few months then so be it! All around the transition for myself as well as DS was easier than what I thought it would be. I had myself pretty worked up before baby's arrival and even though I've been through it before, I'm sort of terrified to bring baby #3 into the mix.
ETA: DD was born in August so we did a lot of walks to the park and she'd just sleep in a stroller when DS played and burnt off his toddler energy. We'd also hang out in the backyard and do chalk, bubbles, and kiddie pools.
1. Go easy on your older kid. Looking back i wish i had been more understanding about bad behavior/acting out. Try to do one on one stuff even if it's a trip to the post office.They are going through a major life change too.
2. Relax your standards. Your older kid will watch more tv. Your house won't be as clean. It'll be ok.
3. Be prepared for it to take forever to do ANYTHING. Make a phone call, go to the store, meet for a play date. It'll take way longer to get out of the house.
The first year with two kids was hard. So far the second has been much easier. Hope that helps!
I would suggest LOTS of outdoor time and planned activities and babywearing. I found that the transition from 1 to 2 was way better for me. I am already used to standing up every 5 minutes to run and get something and a nap longer than 15 minutes is to be celebrated! With my first I remember just praying that he would nap for awhile so I could just breath. And don't get too down on yourself for spending time with your newborn. I felt really bad for the first couple of weeks and we found we could stretch ds1's bedtime and get an extra 30 minutes with him, which was perfect.
You got this mamma!
The biggest thing I noticed bringing my 2nd daughter home was how much LESS anxious I was. With my first, I read the books, and panicked and googled the crap out of everything. I tried to figure out how to get her to sleep, and was she making her milestones, etc. But, when I brought my 2nd home, I stressed less. She would cry and I would hold her, but she probably cried a smidge longer before I picked her up. I didnt tip toe around the house while she napped. I fed her when she was hungry instead of having a strict schedule. And honestly....she was my more easy going baby. I baby carried her a lot (like in a wrap) and she loved it. I loved it, and it allowed me to still do what I needed to with my oldest. Granted, there were three years apart which is a nice number, at least for us.
Good luck! I need advice on how to add a third with a brood of kids already and keep my sanity! LOL
Wear the baby. All the time. Even to do dishes. I don't know why but I distinctly really remember doing dishes while baby wearing. But hands free is everything. Get a Petunia or other backpack diaper bag for this same reason. Set realistic plans for yourself and don't be afraid to change them. Like, play dates to tire out your older one. Also, accept that this baby will not be in a regimented schedule (naps) like your first most likely was. You have places to be. Also, TV will NOT kill your toddler.
a baby and told me that her 18 month old cried nonstop because she refused to pick her up at all during the 6 week recovery period! I just don't think that is something that is realistic for us at all since we are such snugglers!
As a STM, I was WAY more relaxed, found way more time to do things like shower and get dressed and do dinner.
I may have just been lucky, but adjustin to having two wasn't the nightmare I had feared.
Edited to add
I have a 16 yr old a 19 mo old and am due with baby girl the week they turn 17 and 2. I'm not worried about the 17 yr old AT ALL but have been struggling with how I'm gonna juggle a toddler and a newborn and not make the 2 yr old feel forgotten \tossed aside etc (it's become this consuming thought I have every.single.day ) did I ruin his childhood having another so close, will he feel unloved etc. Gah makes me teary just typing this....
@bananers Yes, thanks for posting this. Speaking for myself, I think sometimes us STMs can get a little know-it-all-ish or cocky toward the FTMs (even unintentionally). But really, I have heard many 3TMs+ say that the transition from 1 to 2 is WAY harder. We are all in for a big wake-up call, I think. This thread has been really helpful for me.