Where do YOU sleep?

paytonpedro · March 2016

I apologize if this had been discussed, but where do YOU sleep? My husband goes back to work tomorrow and we haven't even really been sleeping in the same bed since bringing baby home. If we start out together, I end up on the couch before morning because baby is being fussy. I feel guilty when baby wakes my husband especially now that he's going to be going back to work, and I'm not. Should I just sleep on the couch? Anyone else feel this way? What does everyone else do? It's kind of really getting to me, and I'm pretty down knowing that I'll most likely be kicked to the couch.

Baby shares a room with us when I sleep in our room. When I move to the couch, baby comes with and sleeps in the RnP.

Latina211508 · March 2016

I sleep in my bed with my husband. The baby's crib is in our master loft but he is sleeping in his bassinet next to our bed. This is our fourth baby and we have always slept together. With our other children we did sleep on the couch downstairs together sometimes because it seemed easier. My baby only cries to eat and once I feed him he goes back to sleep. So he doesn't wake my husband or other children up. But I wouldn't feel bad if he did wake my husband up lol. I EBF and since day 1 I'm the only one who gets up with the baby (my choice) so he gets his sleep everynight. Is he telling you to go to the couch or are you chosing to? Babies cry and he should be understanding/supportive.

paytonpedro · March 2016

He's not directly telling me to sleep on the couch, but it's pretty obvious that he gets annoyed when the baby wakes up crying to eat (he only wakes up to eat too). His behavior, I guess, is what prompts me to ask this. He makes me feel like it's my fault the baby cries (to eat) and it's annoying to him. I knew I would be the only one waking up with the baby, and that's fine. I just want to sleep in my bed without feeling bad about it. @Latina211508 thanks for your response. The baby doesn't wake up your husband when he wakes to eat/ be changed?

VitaLuna · March 2016

I sleep in the bed or in the glider in the living room. Goal is the bed, but often I fall asleep nursing/burping LO in the glider.

The baby is both of yours, so I wouldn't inconvenience yourself trying to avoid waking H. If he's anything like mine, he'll start sleeping right through it, anyway! Since I'm BFing, I do all the night wakings and he sleeps, so he can deal with a little bit of fussing

mrsc12414 · March 2016

When my husband first went back to work I spent a few night on the couch too because I also felt this guilt . But now that we are getting into a routine and baby is sleeping longer stretches we sleep in the room. Baby is in her bassinet. Sometimes she wakes my husband but usually she sleeps through it and when he does he is not upset

CrazyHorseLady · March 2016

I sleep in our room with my husband. We have a cradle next to the bed where baby sleeps and its on my side of the bed. When she cries to eat my husband doesn't wake up. But when she needs her diaper changed he gladly will get up and change her. I had a c section and its hard for me to crawl out of bed with her in my arms since the cradle is on my side of the bed. Bless him for being so helpful even since he has been back to work.

Latina211508 · March 2016

paytonpedro you're welcome Hun. No, the baby doesn't wake him up. But at the same time he's really quiet and does cry softly. If that makes sense. But I know what you mean. It's not your fault, you both are the parents and he should be very understsnding. I personally would stay put. Don't leave unless it's fof the baby to sleep better etc.

dtaded13 · March 2016

In bed. Baby is FF and we take turns getting up. Yes DH has to go to work, but being home all day with a 5 yr old and newborn is work too! And I go back to work (nanny- my kids come with me) next week anyway. Thankfully hubby is willing to help out. We switch every other night. So like tonight, I'm putting baby to bed, DH gets up first, me second. Tomorrow night we switch. We both still usually wake up regardless, but then whoever turn it is to sleep gets to fall back asleep while the other gets up

Achae · March 2016

I also sleep in our bed. If husband has a problem he can get the couch! You're creating food and sustaining a life

my husband sleeps really good though so he never wakes when baby cries. Granted he still whines about being tired!

hnull · March 2016

I sleep in bed, with the baby in the bassinet next to me. Then when she wakes to feed we (she and I) go to the living room to change her diaper and feed, then back to bed and repeat. I ebf for now so husband sleeps all night. He hardly wakes anyway.

kirkie928 · March 2016

We all sleep in the same room, baby in her bassinet. I get up and get the bottle warming, put my pump parts together, and change her diaper. Then DH gets up and feeds her while I pump. Then I go back to bed while DH cleans up the bottle and pump parts. We do this because we are a team and DH wants to help while he is at home. Him helping also makes the whole routine shorter so we both get more sleep. I don't know what I would do if we weren't such a good team.

Monkeybutt80 · March 2016

I sleep in our bed. He probably wouldn't wake up but I wake him up to let him know it's time to feed the baby. I ebf, but he takes the baby, changes her diaper and hands her back to me to nurse.
i get that he has to go to work, but it's not like I'm home eating bon bons. And we all know 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is a load of crap. We view my maternity leave, as if I'm working full time as usual, so we share our night time duties also.

charliegoldengirl · March 2016

Hubby has been sleeping in our guest room. I'm getting no sleep but at least I'm in my own bed! Unfortunately my child is not one to wake up, eat, and go back to sleep. If your H is so annoyed at waking up - tell him to go to the couch!

I'm not happy about our sleeping arrangements but I know at least one of us should be sleeping and I'm Ebf so I'll be up anyway... I'm really hoping this baby figures out sleeping soon and we can go back to all being in the same bed!

hjungk84 · March 2016

I have been bouncing back and forth between my bed and the couch...most recently the couch because SO has been very sick and I didn't want the baby in the same room all night. I want my bed back!!

Katty422 · March 2016

Ha! my baby has been up for 2 hours. I have changed 5 poopy diapers. It's 6 in the morning. I ebf and there is no way that I could get up feed baby and go back to sleep. She is just not like that. That being said I am in her nursery. She sleeps in there and we sleep in our own room. I have a video monitor on so I know when she is awake.

mrscammack · March 2016

Most nights hubby and I sleep together in our bed and DD is in her pack and play bassinet beside our bed, we plan to room share for the first 6 months. Hubby is such a sound sleeper we never wake him up when we get up to feed in the middle of the night. Some nights when DD is fussy or I really need a good nights sleep hubby will sleep in the guest room so I can bed share with LO. I have a bassinet that goes in the bed so she's still separate and safe and she sleeps much better and longer when I'm right beside her - I do as well. Since hubby is such a sound sleeper I don't feel comfortable bedsharing with LO when he's in bed so for those nights we just have to get used to sleeping apart which sucks but mama needs her rest!

Ju111310 · March 2016

In my bed & not moving! LO is sleeping in a cosleeper hooked to my side of the bed but after those first few nights at home, DH doesn't usually wake up. Granted, DS just wakes to eat once or twice a night (EBF) and goes directly back to sleep. But like other PP said, this is his baby too and if he doesn't like his sleep being momentarily disturbed then he can go to the living room. I'm the one that gets up with baby & its not like I'm lounging about all day, I'm caring for a 5 week old and 18 month old plus cleaning and cooking.

If you're feeling really guilty (and you shouldn't) Maybe just take the couch on nights when LO is being super fussy?

sarame500 · March 2016

I sleep in our bed. DH usually ends up falling asleep on the couch around 8:30-9:00 most weeknights. I totally am okay with that...we both teach middle school with early start times, so I used to fall asleep that early. Since I'm on leave, I EBF during the night. About two weeks before I go back to work, he is going to start giving a bottle for one of the nighttime feeds.
If DH wakes up in the middle of the night, he (and the dog, lol) come up to bed. LO sleeps in a pack and play bassinet in the nursery which is right next door to our room. I keep the video monitor at a loud volume. DH can sleep right through LO's occasional shrieking...maybe it's a guy thing? Anyway, sometimes, especially if I just fed LO, I'll wake up DH and have him go check LO's diaper. This arrangement works for now...

MaybeMab · March 2016

We sometimes co-sleep. So sometimes in bed sometimes on the couch.

jenniv82 · March 2016

I sleep in bed with my husband. He usually wakes up and asks if I need help when our son starts to cry. Since he is working I usually say no and he goes right back to sleep. But on Saturday nights he sleeps on the couch with our son in his rock and play so I get one full night of sleep. Once he sleeps longer this will probably change. Our sons nursery is across the hall from our room so it's easy for him to sleep the the diaper changes and feedings.

MississippiCatfish · March 2016

Well, I start out in bed with my husband. Baby is 2 weeks old and we put him straight in his crib in his room when he was born. He wakes at 1 and 5. At the 5:00 wakeup I sneak into the bed that's in baby's room, so that DH has to be the one to get up with our older son when he gets up at 6. Then I sleep until 8 with the baby. DH thinks I go in there because baby's being extra fussy...but I just want to sleep in...

ETA I agree with others that you might be surprised how quickly your husband gets used to baby's noises and sleeps right through them! If you're the one tending to the baby, I think it's okay for you to put yourself first and sleep wherever it works best!

paytonpedro · March 2016

Thanks everyone! I guess I should just stop worrying so much! I started in bed last night, but after LO's 2am feeding he was fussy so we ended up on the couch. I think I'll probably just end up doing that, with the ultimate goal of sleeping the whole night in bed. H is a super light sleeper, he's just going to have to get used to it I guess.

lilqt3929 · March 2016

We both sleep in our bed. LO started out in our room as well in a RnP but he was just too noisy for either of us to get any sleep so we moved him to his own room in the crib (its right next to ours). I ebf but DH gets up to grab LO and bring him to me while I get positioned in bed to nurse and he will also change his diaper (we change him every other wake up unless its a poopy diaper). I'm in the camp that we both chose to have this baby and I'm not sitting around doing nothing all day (I'm a SAHM with a toddler, clean, laundry and cook) so I think he should help out at night (which he does willingly). When LO wakes for the second time during the night, DH will grab LO for me and I'll handle the rest (feed, diaper if needed, back in bed) so he can go back to sleep. If LO were a terrible sleeper (knock on wood) I'm sure I'd think differently about our night time routine.

g0lightly8706 · March 2016

I'm starting to notice my DH isnt getting it thru his head that sleep deprivation comes with this whole parenting thing. We try sleeping in the same bed but lately he's going to the couch. He constantly complains as if he's the only one dealing with only a few hours sleep when in reality he gets more than I do cause I'm such a light sleeper that I hear her all night long. He's actually getting kind of mean too when I say its his turn (I pump so he can bottle feed her) and am noticing we're just fighting a lot in those early morning hours cause of all this.

I'm scared that he's not going to wrap his head around the fact that this is how it is right now and just continue to be rude to me during the nights..

mrsc12414 · March 2016

@g0lightly8706 I'm sorry your going through thus . It's frustrating. My husband was doing so good until last night he was a total ass and like you I wonder when he will just realize this is life for now. Hope it gets better soon

mamacastro · March 2016

I've been sleeping on the couch too and baby is in the bassinet in the living room with me. H snores really bad so even before baby was here i'd be on the couch most nights. I'm only BF DD right now so its just easier for us to be in the living room during the hourly feedings. When she starts to sleep during the night we'll move back into the bedroom

g0lightly8706 · March 2016

mrsc12414 said:

@g0lightly8706 I'm sorry your going through thus . It's frustrating. My husband was doing so good until last night he was a total ass and like you I wonder when he will just realize this is life for now. Hope it gets better soon

Thank you, yes it's very frustrating! I mean, I know it's a complete 180 from how life used to be, but he knew this was how it was going to be with a newborn, at least i thought he knew.. hopefully our DH's realize it soon cause it's getting old to constantly to be getting attitude from him when i'm already tired as hell.

lilqt3929 · March 2016

@g0lightly8706 I'm sorry you are having to deal with that right now. Its hard enough to have interrupted/minimal sleep and be taking care of an infant and then to be dealing with rudeness on top of that is rough. Before baby is actually born it is hard to really understand the magnitude of the late nights, night feedings, etc. that comes along with a newborn and after the first few weeks it can really start to wear on you, sounds like what your H is experiencing. Can you try to have a conversation about whats happening at night with your H (sometime during the day, when baby is sleeping so you can focus on each other)? I read something once that whatever is said during those late nights/early mornings to not hold it against the other person (I'm definitely not condoning his behavior but you did mention you're both arguing more) as this is a very trying time in a relationship and sometimes things are said that we dont really mean (I try to live by this and DH does as well). Luckily, this is something that you won't be dealing with forever. I hope things get a little better for you.

g0lightly8706 · March 2016

@lilqt3929 Thank you.. Yeah we talk about it in the morning and he says all is okay but then the next night will get his panties in a bunch again. I think it's getting to him since he's one of those people who needs like 15-20 mins to just wake up, whereas with me once I hear her cry i'm up and at it cause i can wake up faster. i just start feeling like when he complains about it all, he feels like she is more of a burden than a blessing so that's when i start in on trying to get him to realize this is how life is now.. which starts the arguments. i guess it all is stemming from me not feeling like he's really bonding with her, i mean, he's great with her during the day but it's completely different at night so that's worrying me too. sigh, i guess we'll see how this goes..

dtaded13 · March 2016

g0lightly8706 said:

@lilqt3929 Thank you.. Yeah we talk about it in the morning and he says all is okay but then the next night will get his panties in a bunch again. I think it's getting to him since he's one of those people who needs like 15-20 mins to just wake up, whereas with me once I hear her cry i'm up and at it cause i can wake up faster. i just start feeling like when he complains about it all, he feels like she is more of a burden than a blessing so that's when i start in on trying to get him to realize this is how life is now.. which starts the arguments. i guess it all is stemming from me not feeling like he's really bonding with her, i mean, he's great with her during the day but it's completely different at night so that's worrying me too. sigh, i guess we'll see how this goes..

The first time around I felt the same thing regarding bonding. I was mad that my husband wasn't "bonding" with our daughter, at least not how I was. But she's now 5 and their bond is incredible. He literally calls her his best friend. It took 5 years for me to realize he's always bonded with her but he had a hard time with it until she was able to talk and play/interact with him. I can sit and talk to our newborn but DH feels weird doing it. He's also a heavy sleeper and gets cranky when I wake him. However, he assures me everyday once he fully wakes up (usually mid feed) he is happy to be up with baby. I've just had to realize we are very different when it comes to babies and that he is doing things the way he knows how. Since I've cut him slack this go around we argue much less than we did when our daughter was a newborn.
It does get better and easier. Good luck to you!

Where do YOU sleep?

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